Worst Person In The World

 

Fuck You, Unmasked Man 

April 29, 2020

During the previously-worst-presidency-in-American-history of George WTF Bush, when Keith Olbermann was busy being the lone cable voice for liberals and progressives – before Rachel Maddow, who Keith brought in to sub for him from time to time – Olbermann had a recurring feature he called “The Worst Persons in The World.”  As we know, there were and are plenty of bad actors to choose from on a daily basis.  Although, these days it is almost impossible to unseat the Orange Gas Cloud, who is the tiny-hands-down winner on almost every given day.  However, we finally, if only briefly have another winner at being a loser.

Yesterday, Chrump’s translucent marshmallow Mike Pence paid a visit to the Mayo Clinic.  Now some of you might be aware that the order of the day is public masking for everyone, just about everywhere in this country.  Everyone that is, except President Death who made it clear that he is simply too vain, and too above-the-law to be bothered with such plebian measures.  After all, he does have total authority.  Prior to his intrusion on the Mayo Clinic, Pence was advised – though as head of Chrump’s COVID Task Farce Pence should need no reminder, and should be setting an example for the American people – that it was clinic policy for everyone to wear a mask at all times.

Though Pence managed to pull his lips away from Chrump’s ass long enough to darken (metaphorically of course, since Pence is so white you could find your keys in an unlit room with him by your side) the wards of the famed Mayo Clinic, he could not bring himself to follow the law of the land or the strict protocols of the hospital.  This, despite the fact that the clinic had provided masks for Pence and his staff.  Well, Mr. Vice President of Death, fuck you very much for being today’s Worst Person in The World.

What’s wrong with this picture…and what the fuck is wrong with Mike Pence

This has been Paying Attention's Worst Person In The World.

There's Something Stupid In Denmark...I Mean DC

Very Good Brain, Best Words, Stable, Genius – Not This Fucking Guy

April 26, 2020

Paying Attention has unearthed the missing part of Chrump’s blockbuster coronavirus task farce barfing:

Chrump achieves peak fuckwit, musing about
injecting poisons to kill the virus and/or people

Chrump: I hear that heat and light and disinfectant will kill this thing – you can call it a germ, or a bacterial, or a sickness or a flu; some people call it a virus or a thing.  Certain things can kill it very strongly and very quickly. Maybe we could find a way to use these things on people.  If you can use disinfectant to clean other things I bet you can clean out the body just as easily.  I’m sure I can figure something out with my very, very large uh-brain.  I know more about these things probably than anybody.  Dr. Fauci can tell you that.  What if we made a disinfectant gas and could just tell people they were going to get a shower and we could spray the gas or the liquid or we could put the liquid in the gas and spray it on them like that.  Once we figure out, and I’m very willing to help with this even though I’m very busy doing many important things.  Once we have the exact mixture of disinfectants we could call it something like the MAGA Mixture or maybe the Final Solution, or something very great like that.  I’m also very good at branding, maybe the best ever.  Anyway, I’m pretty sure that kind of thing has worked in the past.  And maybe for heat we would put people in big ovens until they…I mean the virus is dead.

Later, President Death was taken to task for suggesting such insane and horrifying treatments.  He did not take it well and naturally, as he does whenever he is cornered, or opening his mouth for any reason, Chrump tried to lie his way out of it…

Pence pretending he’s not there, Fauci wishing he wasn’t

Reporter: Mr. – I hate to say this, but – President, what the fuck were you talking about with disinfecting people from the inside, not to mention the showers/gas chambers and ovens?

Chrump: First of all, I never said any of that.  Maybe my mouth said something like that, but it wasn’t me.  I would never say that, but if I did, it was obviously sarcasm.

Reporter: Sarcasm? Are you serious?  You looked pretty serious, and you are, as everyone knows, a blithering idiot.  You couldn’t even make money running a casino.  You played a billionaire on TV, but you’re afraid to show your tax returns because you’re a fraud.  But sarcasm?

Chrump: Not sarcasm.  I never said that.  Obviously what I meant was sarcophagus.  Obviously.  Listen, you are such fake news it’s not even funny.  You should be thanking me for letting you be on television, but no, all you ever do is report the things I say, even though you know it’s all lies and you know that I’m going to say the exact opposite very soon anyway.  You should be asking me how I’m doing such a perfect job.  And I am doing this so perfectly.  Just ask anyone who wants to keep working for me.  Very perfect, so perfect it makes you hate Chrump.  So unfair.  Besides, I said this thing was all a hoax and it would be over two weeks ago so this is not my fault.  So thanks to you, I’m not going to waste my very beautiful time talking to you fakers every day anymore.  I have better fish to fry.  I’m a very important person.  Definitely not fake like you.

We’ll see how long Chrumpy the Clown can stay away from the cameras.  Maybe he’ll start holding rallies again so all his MAGA’ts can breathe all over each other.

I. Mangrey injecting a little (doctor-recommended) humor.  It’s what I do.

He's Not A Comedian, But He's Totally Killing

The Shitshow Must Go On

April 24, 2020

President Death continues his daily stream-of-unconsciousness task farce barfings.  He simply cannot stay away from cameras.  Many people are saying that having COVID-19 itself would be preferable to having to put up with continuing to be subjected to these daily psychotic episodes.  When Chrump isn’t lying or spouting insane bullshit that is directly responsible for more death (like hydroxychloroquine, which has killed people, and now, injecting disinfectant and ultraviolet light into peoples’ bodies), he is busy trying to either contradict medical experts standing right next to him or trying to convince those same experts that they are wrong and he is right.  A very stable douchebag.

Not only does Chrump not listen to anyone else, he clearly does not listen to himself.  He constantly denies saying things he said, sometimes only moments earlier.  Maybe he does hear himself or perhaps he just knows better than to take anything he says seriously.

It took long enough, but it appears that the Chrump crime family has finally decided to take the COVID pandemic seriously.  I say appears because, as everyone knows, you can’t trust these tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms as far as you can throw the 239-pound patriarch, who weighs 280 pounds.  So far, they have made it clear that the rules we all are expected to follow do not apply to them.  Plus, the truth-averse head of this family of fraudulent freaks personally catapulted this pandemic into uncharted depths and has buckets of blood on his tiny hands and undermined the advice of all health experts.  Yes, he told us we need to wear masks in public, but in the same breath he insisted he would not be wearing one, and then he aided and abetted those of his minions who protested in favor of spreading the virus.

What are we to make of this sudden change of, for lack of a better word, heart?  Is this just another pathetic photo op or are they sincere about being ready to dig in and do their part to mitigate this ongoing crisis?  Or is this simply desperation resulting from well-deserved plummeting poll numbers just six months away from the next election on the heels of Chrump’s disastrous mismanagement of the corona pandemic crisis, much of which is Chrump’s fault and Chrump’s fault alone?  As surprising as it is to see any Chrumps involved in physical activity not involving golf clubs, shooting endangered species, or shoveling ungodly amounts of fast food into their faces, this is President Death and the Chrump crime family’s new ad campaign.

“Don’t say the Chrumps never did anything for you.”

Also found on the internets:

Not sure if these are real, but it's just a matter of time 

And of course, Jared is doing his (and everyone else’s part):

We are living in Drunk History times:

Your Drunk Neighbor: Donald Chrump

I. Mangrey reaching critical mess.

Bob Dylan – Everything Is Broken

50th Anniversary Earth Day Extravaganza

Hominids Gone Wild

April 22, 2020



Today is the 50^th anniversary of Earth Day.  I am proud to say I’ve celebrated at least 48 of them, possibly all 50.  In 1970 Galyord Nelson – Wisconsin senator and environmentalist – put the Earth on the map by founding Earth Day.

Tom Lehrer – Pollution

The irrepressible, relentless climate activist Greta Thunberg

Another radical environmentalist has spoken out.  This celebrity recently used his bully pulpit to tell an interviewer, “There is an expression in Spanish: ‘God always forgives, we forgive sometimes, but nature never forgives.’”  This unrepentant tree-hugger was none other than Pope Francis.

The Pope added, “We did not respond to the partial catastrophes. Who now speaks of the fires in Australia, or remembers that 18 months ago a boat could cross the North Pole because the glaciers had all melted? Who speaks now of the floods? I don't know if these are the revenge of nature, but they are certainly nature's responses.  This is the time to take the decisive step, to move from using and misusing nature to contemplating it.”  The Pope might be off a bit on his assessment; this virus might be the Earth’s revenge for Chrump.

The anti-Pope, perhaps the anti-Christ – Donald Chrump – has demonstrated his unwavering hatred for the environment every chance he gets, not to mention the almost endless emission of toxic fumes from his face sphincter (and one assumes from the bottom end of his feeding tube).

A man with a plan

The current virus pandemic has not interfered with Chrump’s mission to destroy the planet.  Since the 24/7 news has been blindly obsessed with the coronavirus, Chrump has been able to get away with more murder on the environmental front, as a side-hustle to his flagrant murder-by-virus gig.  Of course, it’s not just Chrump, it is the entire Republican’t death machine, which has been fighting against the Earth for decades.

One group of researchers, who published a commentary in the journal Nature, warn that there is increasing evidence that irreversible changes to the Earth's environmental systems are already in motion, and that we are at this very moment in a “state of planetary emergency.”

A while back we discussed the Doomsday Clock, which measures our proximity to total annihilation due to global thermonuclear war and/or climate disaster, being closer to midnight – i.e., The End – than it has ever been since it was created in 1947.  Now there's another doomsday thing going on that just might nudge the Doomsday Clock in the wrong direction.

This clock isn't the only doomsday thing nipping at our heels

Now listen my children and you shall hear of the Doomsday Glacier, the end is near.  The Thwaits Glacier has been nicknamed the “doomsday glacier” by scientists because of the threat to planetary status quo its accelerating melting poses. 

Thwaits “Doomsday” Glacier

It is not melting as rapidly as the Wicked Witch of the West…yet

The world is presently ignoring an incredible lesson while suffering through the COVID pandemic.  In a mere few weeks, the air pollution in many major cities has been drastically reduced.  Los Angeles has the cleanest air it has seen in probably a century – at least.  The drastic reduction in fossil fuel usage has had an immediate impact.  Almost no one is talking about this.  And it is unlikely the subject will make and serious headlines any time soon, and probably even less likely to get the exposure it deserves once things settle down.  The global climate crisis, if not already, will surely be responsible for far more deaths than any virus ever will.

The Air



There might be some other good news if we choose to make it important.  For one, a massive tree-planting movement could offset much of the dangerous carbon dioxide we are creating.  Some contend that even better than trees, massive swaths of hemp could absorb substantial quantities of CO₂, while at the same time replacing trees, cotton and non-renewable sources of energy, which would further improve the Earth’s health.

Plastic recovered from the stomach of a dead sea turtle

The Netherlands-based nonprofit The Ocean Cleanup says its latest prototype was able to capture and hold debris ranging in size from huge, abandoned fishing gear, known as "ghost nets," to tiny microplastics as small as 1 millimeter. 

Elsewhere in the world, the absence of hairless apes from Thailand's beaches has had positive effects on sea turtles there.

Coronavirus lockdown measures are helping marine life regenerate in Thailand 

If the Earth could talk, it would probably tell us that humans are nothing but ungrateful parasites, or maybe a virus.  We have latched on to an unsuspecting hostess, replicated with reckless abandon and appropriated every bit of available sustenance with no regard whatsoever to the health, or even the very survival of our hostess.  Most viruses learn not to kill their host because without a host, bye, bye virus.  Humans as a species seem sadistically disinterested in preserving the planet that has provided everything anyone could ever have asked for – food, shelter and endless beauty.  Nice planet we've got here, it’d be a shame if something happened to it, but we appear bound and determined to see to it that it does.  And that, as Dick Smothers used to say to his brother Tom, is not a compliment.

The good news for American politics is the "doomsday glacier" is melting much faster than imagined, which means the red states are about to get much bluer when all the coasters are forced to flee inland to escape the 10-foot rise in sea level.  The concept of a mortgage being under water will take on a whole new meaning.

In other potentially helpful news for our planet:

Worse than Tucker Carlson? Wow.

 

I. Mangrey, Earthling, reporting.  I rest my case.

 

The Police – When The World Is Running Down,
You Make The Best Of What's Still Around

Viled In The Streets

America Worst

April 19, 2020

Who (doesn’t wish they) could forget the Tea Party movement that oozed into the House of Representatives during the Obama years?  Those clever devils who wanted Obama’s birth certificate and wanted the government’s hands off their Medicare.  Such dimly lit bulbs like Louie Gohmert, Steve King and Joe “You Lie” Wilson still remain in Congress though most of the original muttonheads have receded into the general populace.  Current Senate sympathizers include Moscow Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and ex-senator/ex-attorney general and now-senate-wannabe Jefferson Beauregard Sessions.

Stable geniuses before it was popular

The Tea Party has since been seamlessly blended into what is now the Chrumpublican Party.  The same mental deficiency coupled with the same covert funding behind the Tea Party has spawned a new movement – the Pandemicans, a Pro-COVID pandemic movement.  It appears these pro-virus protesters are angry that Democratic governors – particularly in Michigan, Minnesota and Virginia (states Chrump desperately needs to win) – are preventing people from contracting a deadly virus.  Naturally, these gatherings of goons include firearms, MAGA hats and Confederate flags because, why the hell wouldn’t they.  These are many of the same people who graced Charlottesville with their make-America-white-again-Jews-will-not-replace-us shitshow in 2018.  The current group tantrum is mostly funded and orchestrated by the DeVos crime family.  Once again, there are very fine people on one side.

Naturally, Republican’t governors – like Ron DeSantis (FL) – do it better,
except he forgot to run the other loop around his ball sack

Give Me Liberty And Give Me Death

These cringeworthy, churlish Chrumpers are out there standing shoulder-to-shoulder, rubbing noses, tongues and whatever to protest the most proven weapon against the novel coronavirus – extreme social distancing.  We are being asked to stay home and to maintain a safe physical distance when needing to be among our fellow potential virus victims.

This is the opposite of social distancing as well as intelligence,
don’t know if they eat brains, but they sure don’t have any

Some of these super geniuses are simultaneously obeying
and protesting against the prescribed protective measures. 

Long-time professional idiot and current advisor to President Death Stephen Moore told the Washington Post, “I call these people the modern-day Rosa Parks – they are protesting against injustice and a loss of liberties.”  Other than the fact that some of these Rosa Parkses were waving Confederate flags and wearing the signature hats of a racist autocrat who they adore unconditionally, someone should tell these freedumb fighters that this is not meant to be a permanent state of affairs, and that this is a desperate attempt to keep them from getting sick and possibly dying.  This is not an attempt to keep them off the streets permanently, though that might not be such a bad idea given their level of social intelligence.

Chrump, rather than showing support for governors bravely doing what experts insist is necessary – governors who he left twisting in the wind by abdicating any responsibility to oversee the pandemic response – is instead siding with these new freedumb fighters, or as we say in the business – inciting them. 

Really?  LIBERATE?  I do not think this word means what these rubes think it means.  And really?  “Save your great 2^nd Amendment”?  Exactly what the fuck has that got to do with anything you sick fuck?  The only things under siege right now are sanity, reality and a government of, by and for the people.  Clearly President Death is not yet satisfied with his body count and is looking for ways to generate more corpses.  They are after all not people to him, just numbers that he thinks can make him look either bad or good. 

Many Chrumpers must be upset that mass shootings seem to be on hold during this pandemic.  Don’t worry Chrump children, murder and mayhem will return before you know it – as soon as this virus miraculously just goes away by Easter.  For now, just keep rubbing up against each other and coughing in unison.  Just stay the fuck away from the rest of us.

In order to maximize the damage he is doing, President Death has taken to delaying the start of his daily press barfings in order to bleed over into prime time and lie to as large an audience as possible.  Because he cares so much about the people, I mean the ratings.  To all the major news networks out there, please stop broadcasting Putin’s Poodle’s preposterous press.  Just as soap kills the virus on our hands, lack of air time will help quash the infection that is Donald Chrump.

I. Mangrey reporting.  We live in interesting times.

Thought For The Day

 

Is It Just Me, Or Does This Pandemic Kinda Suck?

April 17, 2020

I know that I have a penchant for being a glass-half-severing-an-artery kind of guy at times.  This means that I am not always particularly equipped to gauge situations objectively.  Maybe I’m overreacting, but this Chrump pandemic is beginning to wear on my fragile constitution. 

These are a few of my least favorite things about pandemic (besides Chrump):

          Very hard to eat with mask on.  I feel like fucking Cookie Monster.

          I hope I can remember where I put the invisible fence that stops me from leaving my property.

          I’ve gotten to the point where I’m so paranoid I have to wash the soap before using it to wash my hands.

          I keep having nightmares where I have to be six feet away from myself.

      I keep having daymares where I see an orange-colored mutant on my television for what seems like hours every damn day screaming at reporters.

        Every time I cough or sneeze, which happens almost constantly, I think, “Oh shit, this is finally it, I’ve got the COVIDs.”

          More than 80 percent of the benefits of the coronavirus relief package – totaling some $90 billion – passed by Congress last month will go to those who earn more than $1 million annually, according to a report by a nonpartisan congressional body.  There is no event or non-event that does not compel Republican’ts to steal money out of our pockets to hand over to their sugar-daddies for no fucking reason whatsoever. 

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

Thought For The Day

President Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce Que C'est

April 15, 2020

He’s Talking All The Time, He’s Not Saying Anything

Donald Chrump continues his nightly psychotic episodes wherein he alternately verbally fondles himself and verbally assaults reporters who refuse him similar treatment.  I refuse to watch more than a minute or two – not consecutively mind you – just to remind myself that I still cannot believe this rotting bag of meat is pissing all over the White House.

Chrump, hardly at work as usual

America’s Cartoon-in-chief gave a lesson on the Constitutional powers of the presidency when questioned about how states will handle re-opening for business.  In case you’re wondering, according the world inside Chrump’s Crayola cranium, “The president of the United States has the authority to do what the president has the authority to do, which is very powerful…When somebody’s the president of the United States, the authority is total.  And that’s the way it’s gotta be.”

Monday’s task farce briefing devolved into a series of verbal brawls between Chrump and reporters, but not before Chrump played a lengthy campaign propaganda video featuring out-of-context quotes and clips purported to show how all the governors love him, what a great job he is doing and how horrible the media is.  I thought it was illegal to campaign from the White House, but what do I know?  I still think the Constitution means something.  Must be the corona.

A Chrump’s-eye view of Chrump

In between his daily tantrums, hours of insane tweeting and even more hours of watching and/or calling in to Fux News, Il Douche found a few minutes to cut funding to the World Health Organization because (AMAZINGLY IRONIC PROJECTION ALERT) they were derelict in their response to the coronavirus pandemic.  Chrump continues to claim with a great deal of confidence and an even greater deal of psychosis that he has done a perfect job managing this crisis.  Your umbrage may vary.

The good news is, President Death has decided, finally, to share some of his stockpile of ventilators with people dying of COVID-19.  I guess I know who I’m voting for come November. 

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

SPECIAL BONUS THOUGHT:

It seems Chrump wants to delay relief payments to Americans by having his name appear on each check.  Isn’t America great enough already?

A Terribly Busy Boy

Pay Attention

April 14, 2020

While you are busy trying not to die from COVID-19, President Death is busy further dismantling democracy, among other things.  Not satisfied with being responsible for thousands of dead Americans, and angry at not being able to bilk taxpayers by playing golf every weekend, Chrump has lots of free time to perpetrate even more damage to everything not bearing his fake name.

Shittiest president in history

Chrump rejected the United States Postal Service’s plea for a bailout as part of the coronavirus rescue package.  Republican’ts hate anything the federal government does that helps real people (like keeping them from dying from a pandemic) – as opposed to corporation “people” – have decent lives.  Republican’ts have longed to kill the Post Office for decades, preferring to hand our daily delivery – like every other fucking thing, including schools, prisons and the military – over to the private, i.e., greedy profiteering sector. 

The USPS is mandated by a little thing I like to call the Constitution of the United States, specifically Article I, Section 8, Clause 7, known as the Postal Clause or the Postal Power, which empowers Congress “To establish Post Offices and Post Roads.”  I happen to be a big fan of the Postal Service.  One way they could increase revenues would be to charge triple for unsolicited bulk mailings.  I imagine the price of sending a simple piece of mail will increase dramatically once the greed-heads get their hands on the system.

The Orwellian-named Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act of 2006 was passed by a Republican-led Congress and signed into law by previous worst-president-ever George W. Bush.  The law required the USPS to create a $72 billion fund to pay for the cost of its post-retirement health care costs, 75 years into the future.  No other federal agency or private corporation is required to follow such absurd and financially debilitating requirements.

Der Furor has also been busy firing inspectors general – non-partisan watchdogs charged with protecting the American citizenry from fraud and abuse by government officials and entities – because, as we are well aware, Chrump, a plaintiff in 3,500 lawsuits, is nothing but a criminal in asshole’s clothing.  Chrump fired the IG who did his job by reporting what he deemed questionable behavior regarding Chrump’s “perfect phone call” with the Ukrainian president, which led to Chrump’s long-overdue impeachment, which was ultimately swallowed whole by Moscow Mitch McConnell.

Chrump has fired several other IGs, including the one who was supposed to oversee the $2Trillion-plus rescue package that Chrumpublicans are bound and determined to keep out of the hands of struggling American citizens as much as possible.  Moving oversight into hands that are also cradling Chrump’s balls should make it much easier to get that money to those who don’t need it as opposed to those who do, and for Chrump to get away with more, and likely bigger crimes.

In continuing efforts to protect Chrump from democracy, justice and fair elections, the five fascist justices on the Supreme Court cleared the way for Wisconsin Republican’ts to force people to gather in large groups during the critical social distancing period.  Not only did these anti-democracy maggots override the state’s Democratic governor’s suspension of the election, they also slashed the number of voting locations from 182 down to 5, causing people to wait in the cold and rain for hours.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, some of these people who waited in line for hours were still not permitted to vote. 

Republican’ts have never been shy about their disdain for voting because they know full well, and Chrump even said as much recently (as reported here), that Republican’ts can never win a fair election where “too many” people vote.  And, let’s be clear, too many people better fucking vote on November 3, 2020.  We have to be prepared to overwhelm the most dishonest, racist, anti-democracy forces this nation has seen in a long time, and that is an extremely high bar.  Speaking of racists, apparently, having monuments to Civil War traitors is not good enough, there is a nuclear-powered supercarrier in the United States Navy, named for Senator John C. Stennis of Mississippi.  I wonder if black sailors are forced to serve on such a ship.

Of course, what dive into the refuse pile that is Donald Chrump would be complete without mentioning his now ramped-up assault on environmental regulations, removing the few restrains left by Chrump’s literal slash-and-burn campaign against the Earth.  Our reporting has it that Chrump privately insists that the Earth is a hoax.

And all of this may be just the tip of the asshole.

In the meantime, Chrump was asked, “Can you say, sir, what metrics you will use to make that decision?” (I really wish they would stop calling him sir.  “You blithering idiot” would be much more appropriate.)  As usual, the Idiot-in-chief pointed to his badly damaged, very, very small uh-brain:

“The metrics right here. That’s my metrics. That’s all I can do…”
(actual picture, actual quote)

Seriously, have you ever seen anyone point
to their head as much as this cretin? 
What the fuck is up with that?

I. Mangrey sheltering place.  Possibly I. Mangreyer than usual. 

Be sure to wear a mask if you go out in public

Rent-a-Coma

An Imaginary Product For Surreal Times

April 12, 2020

Never has there been a better time for one of our favorite products.  We thought Rent-A-Coma was an important option ever since the very poorly attended “American Carnage” inauguration of the demented Orange Gas Cloud more than three years ago.  This remains true, but now with the added stress of the coronavirus pandemic, RENT-A-COMA could be one of the most important ways of coping with the combination the potentially physically debilitating, if not fatal, virus and the relentlessly emotionally enervating (if not fatal), mind-numbing pseudo-president. 

Stay home, there's something very bad in the air

 

One could not be credibly accused of wallowing in hyperbole by imagining that Donald Chrump regrets not testing his theory that he could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and wouldn’t lose any voters, ok?”  As part of his lifelong mission to appear grander than he really is (an irrefutably low bar), Chrump purposefully ignored repeated warnings in order to watch people die from this coronavirus and its COVID-19 infection (I believe COVID stands for Chrump Observably Victimizing Innocent Dwellers).   

His experiment seemed to be working, as many Americans managed to forget President Death’s willful mishandling of the nascent crisis.  People are understandably desperate for hope and leadership and many are falling victim – if not to the virus itself – to the reality-TV-con-job that passes for Chrump’s daily bipolar briefings.  Chrump is, though not with his tiny bare hands, killing thousands of Americans with his idiotic ramblings – pushing unproven drugs, contradicting the advice of medical experts, and flagrantly and constantly lying through his dentures.  America’s Serial-killer-in-chief continues to add to his personal death toll in broad daylight every single minute of every single day and his supporters do not waver.  And Chrump does not give a half-whit what happens to any of them.  They deserve each other, but the rest of us do not deserve any of them.

When the weather gets warmer and this thing magically disappears, we can finally get back to normal life and focus on Lyme ticks and virus-baring mosquitoes – ah, the good old days.  But for now, why not consider Rent-A-Coma?  It’s not like you’re doing anything important.  I’m sure you could pay some other poor unemployed fellow citizen to come in and wash your hands every few minutes. 

 It’s His Party And You Can Cry if You Want To

      Is your brain bruised?

From the really terrific people who brought you Votegra for Electile Dysfunction…

It’s not a drug, it’s not Covfefe, it’s a way of life. Sure there’s a pill to get you in the mood, but why call it a drug? What? Are you obsessed with facts and reality? That is so pre-Chrump. We have just what the doctor (before he was outlawed, except for the very rich) ordered.

     Are your emotions frazzled?

Would you like to simply check out for a few years and wake up fresh as a daisy in 2021 or 2025?

Would you like to do it safely without risking damage to your vital organs and precious bodily fluids? Does this even matter anymore?

                              Is your psyche sucking wind?

Finally there is a way to protect your mind – if nothing else – from President Death 

What you need is
Rent-A-Coma

Doesn’t this sound appealing?

Doesn’t this look peaceful?

It isn’t suicide. It isn’t moving to Canada. It’s just a time-out. The massive hospital expenses will be partially offset by the great savings you’ll realize on food, travel, shelter, Christmas and birthday gifts and all the other things you waste money on every day, trying to distract yourself from the neo-fascist destruction of Amerika by the Russian agent known as Chrumputin. Plus, most if not none of it will be covered by whatever the fuck Republican’ts are pretending will replace Obamacare.

Don’t get stuck in alt-reality without a viable exit strategy.

 

Our state-of-the-art resting facilities are in full compliance with all current regulations. Our promise to you is that when these regulations, as all regulations, are rescinded as Chrump and the Republican’ts slash everything not aimed at helping the wealthiest Americans, we will maintain the highest standards required by law…when there was law.

CAUTION: The desire to remain comatose may be habit forming

Here’s what people are saying about Rent-A-Coma:

       BHO from Hawai’i: “                                   ”

       SJG from Pennsylvania: “                                                 !”

       RFG from Maryland: “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
      
      NP from San Francisco: “I tried. I really tried, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed a break from surreality. Rent-a-Coma…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

When we introduced Rent-A-Coma we were not prepared for the pure idiocy and galactic mayhem that was about to unfold. We simply wanted to help people still tethered to reality to avoid the ravages, indignities and insidious fascism of the impending Chrump Regime. We had no idea how absolutely unprecedented and disastrous Der Furor would be. No one could have anticipated how high the demand would be, and we sold out in minutes. Add to all of Chrump’s epoxy-“haired” lunacy Senate majority zombie Mitch McConnell’s super-secret assault on health care in America, and no matter how much Rent-A-Coma we produce, the demand will surely outpace the supply. So act now, or forever wake up screaming in the middle of the night, either living through the Chrump Era, or reliving the horrifying memories of same. There will be no Death Panel, only death. We guarantee that the new batch is even better. You won’t even know what hit you. And you won’t want to.

Ask your doctor or Magic 8 Ball if Rent-A-Coma is right for you, or just go get some. It’s all good. If you have a pulse and an IQ, your probably need Rent-A-Coma. And no prescription is necessary, just a credit card, or maybe a few rolls of toilet paper…or some masks.

Buy yours today or tomorrow, but don’t wait too long. What have you got to lose? It’s better than hydroxychloroquine according to no one in particular. If you are forced to endure the next four years without Rent-A-Coma you are likely to be conscious and very, very sorry. At best. Act now – supplies are limited. Don’t be the last one left standing.

Call right now: 800-NOT-HERE
Operators are standing by…but not many because most of them have already taken advantage of their perks – free samples of Rent-A-Coma – and the rest of them are sure to follow.
I know I am.