Who’s On Worst?

Creepy, Crawly Cretins

March 13, 2021

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but there is a way in which life was easier when Donald Turmp was assaulting our sense and our senses 24/7. Please don’t hate me, but stay with me for a moment. At least when Turmp was unavoidable, it was easy to focus on the problem. Now that the Lord of the Flies is mired in his sand trap, all of the filthy little maggots he had nurtured for five years are crawling all over everything trying to pick apart the body politic. It’s not like they weren’t before, but the tar-and-crow-feather-black shadow cast by the Orange Horror was obscuring much of their anti-altruistic activity. Now that Turmp has been cancelled by the culture, not only are these parasitic putzes all more easily visible, and increasingly psychotic, vitriolic and despotic, each and every one of these diseased weasels (sorry to mix vermin metaphors, but it sounded too good in my head to resist) is now vying to be the one standing atop the bloated corpse of their dear, departing lord-and-savior and the GQP.

You know what

Whether it is Lindsey Graham mewling about children crossing the border from Mexico: “They're children today but they could easily be terrorists tomorrow,” or Mike “Son-of-Ted-Cruz” Lee freaking out about H.R. 1 – the For The People Act of 2021 – a bill designed to enhance the ability of ALL Americans to vote: “Everything about this bill is rotten to the core. This is a bill as if written in hell by the devil himself,” or all the Red states fashioning laws – like the one making it illegal to provide food or water to people forced to wait in line for five hours to vote (thanks to previous voter suppression laws that created these disgracefully long lines), or Lauren Boebert pretending that the reason we have razor-wire fence surrounding the Capitol is Democrats and not her and the tragic traitors she aided and abetted in terrorizing Congress and vandalizing the Capitol, or Marjorie Taylor Goofball’s pathetic war on the LGBTQ community, or every single fucking Ratpublican pitching a fit over Democrats wanting to spend the exact same $1.9T to beat back the pandemic and help economically desperate American families to recover that Ratpublicans recently spent on completely gratuitous tax cuts to the already wealthiest Americans, or trying to make a planet out of the Muppet/Dr. Seuss/Potato Head molehill. 

And do not even get me started on the fact that not one of these Turmp-addled Ratpublican assholes in the House or Senate voted for the most sweeping thank-you to American families who are struggling and dying as a result of the pandemic Ratpublicans helped fester for an entire fucking year. As you are well aware, I could go on, and on, and on, but I’ll leave it here before someone undeserving gets hurt.

I’m just saying that it was easier to focus on a big fat orange slug than on a massive mélange of maggots.

I. Mangrey restraining.