Goodbye Dummy!

Wax Turmp Gets And Wacked

March 20, 2021

A wax dummy of America’s 45^th president/dummy housed at Louis Tussaud's Waxworks in San Antonio, Texas had to be removed from public view because people kept punching and clawing at it, eventually damaging the likeness of the terribly damaged subject. And really, who could blame them. It was all but impossible and extremely illegal to punch the real thing when it truly mattered, and likely still remains so.

Fake Dummy

The most unfortunate part of having to stow #45 in wax where the Sun don’t shine is that it looked so much more natural than the original and is certainly less of a threat to democracy, mental health and physical survival than the creature it is meant to immortalize. The real dummy is probably quarantined down in Mor-on-Lago, where the dining room is closed and guests beach club services are suspended, after “several” staff tested positive for the Turmp Virus. Poor Donnie, he’ll have to take a break from personally beating the help.

According to our reporters, safely distanced from Turmp’s current super-spreader location, The disgraced twice-impeached, one-term White House usurper “hopes to have the opportunity to at least personally, if not physically abuse his under-paid workers before he ends up in prison.”

GOODBYE DUMMY!

Unfortunately, the wrong dummy is now stuffed in a closet, out of public view.

I. Mangrey rejoicing.