Every
Day Is Still January 6th
January 31, 2022
“I don't know if we'll ever see eye to eye on
that day. But I will always be proud of what we accomplished.”
How can someone be a total dick and completely
dickless at the same time?
Kevin McCarthy desperately begs the same
question.
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For The Day.
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for the day?
Spit On $potify
January 28, 2022
Spotify
is a Swedish audio streaming and media services provider founded in 2006.
This has been a
Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled cowgirl in the sand.
January 27, 2022
"What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening."
Donald J. Turmp
Between testifying
before the House Jan 6 Select Committee and testifying in the case being
brought by New York State Attorney General Letitia James, various Turmp assholes
associates have invoked the Fifth Amendment, apparently worried about
self-incrimination more than one thousand times thus far. And that is only the
ones who dared even show up either when invited or subpoenaed. Several of these
traitors are still fighting subpoenas before being forced to appear and
presumably also hiding their sorry asses behind the fabulous, furry Fifth
Amendment, which I believe provides the constitutional guarantee to keep and
bear lies, high crimes and misdemeanors.
Those with good
memories and/or poor life choices may recall that Turmp himself has expressed
some very strong and powerful opinions on the Amendment that is three down from
the sacred Second. The disgraced, twice-impeached,
two-time-popular-vote-losing, coup-plotting ex-president and failed blogger who
is banned from Twitter once said, “You see the mob takes the Fifth. If you’re
innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” The (allegedly…not really)
most guilty many in America also said, “When you have your staff taking the
Fifth Amendment, taking the Fifth, so they’re not prosecuted…I think it’s
disgraceful.”
Take Two Fifths And
Call Me In The Morning
The NY AG’s office
submitted a 160-page filing in court stating that investigators found
“significant evidence” that The Trump Organization used “fraudulent or
misleading” asset value numbers to get bigger loans or reduce taxes. Turmp money-man
Allen Weisselberg expressed his undying affection for the Fifth Amendment 500
times in response to questions in the New York investigation. Eric Turmp also spent
six hours pleading the Fifth 500 times in the same case. Both of these criminals
know where the bodies are buried, but does Eric know where his brain is buried?
Right-wing conspiracy
theorist, sociopath and seditious radio loudmouth Alex Jones desperately tried
to not incriminate himself nearly 100 times during his interview with the Jan 6
Select Committee. John Eastman, one of Turmp’s very fine lawyers, who offered
up a well-thought-out (so to speak) coup plan in writing to Dear Leader, serenaded
the committee with 146 Fifth Amendment pleas during his dis-appearance.
Long-time Turmp confidante
and proud sleazebag Roger Stone did not provide the number of times he took the
Fifth, and claims that he – apparently for the first time in his life – did nothing
wrong, but that he asserted the Fifth because he believes Democrats will
conspire against him. Good one, Rog.
We are still waiting
to hear nothing from Mike Flynn, Rudy Giuliani, Sydney Powell, Steve Bannon, Ivanka, and
Donald Drunk, Jr. So much bullshit, so little time. I shudder at the very thought that I might agree with Don, Sr., but I do have to wonder how many innocent people have invoked the Fifth Amendment throughout the course of American history.
When will Eric’s dad have a chance to, pardon the word – exercise – his Fifth A rights? Can you avoid incriminating yourself when everyone who doesn’t watch Fux News already heard the recording of your crime? How exactly does that work? And why the fuck do we have to wait so long for him to be forced to listen to and struggle to explain away another of his patented, impeachment-worthy “perfect phone calls” where he once again tried to play the “I would like you to do us a favor, though” card, in a desperate, demented and astoundingly illegal attempt to strong-arm the Georgia secretary of state to “find 11,780 votes” in order to overturn the repeatedly certified vote in that state? Many people – Donald Turmp, for example – are unaware that votes are not something you “find.” They are something you count once they have been cast. By people commonly known as voters.
For the rest of us,
ingesting the fifth might be the best option for the time being:
Meanwhile, Fucker
Carlson cheerleads for Putin invading Ukraine, and disgraced former House Speaker
Newt Gingrich suggested that “when you have a Republican Congress,” members of
the Jan 6 Select Commission “face a real risk of jail” for exposing the truth
of his party’s complicity in trying to overthrow the duly elected government
they pretend to be part of. Or as Gingrich put it, “for the kind of laws they’re
breaking.” Fascist much, Newt?
I. Mangrey testifying.
I know what I saw and heard.
Whew! Hopefully
Bye, Bye, Breyer
January 26, 2022
No doubt that most if not all Ratpublicans will
insist that a black woman will be unable to impartially rule on cases, since
they are not white men, who as we all know, are always unbiased and apolitical
and never rule on anything but the merits. They never pretend that they, and
they alone, know the intent of the founders. Even when they go hunting with
Dick Cheney while they were about to hear a case in which plaintiffs were trying
to get Cheney to reveal who was on his energy anti-environmental task force – which
by the way, excluded any members that were not fossil fuel fanatics. Thank goodness
we have white men to tell us what is right and wrong.
Anyway, thank you Justice Breyer for putting America’s future ahead of your past. With any luck, your decision will at some point come back to haunt the six white nationalist, religious fanatics who are currently holding two stolen seats on the Court hostage.
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Electoral Evisceration
January 23, 2022
States' Wrongs
A Ratpublican candidate for the Florida House
of Representatives lost his election bid by 60%. He has refused to concede and
is claiming he has My-Pillow-Guy-like evidence that proves he did not lose. The
Pillow Guy, as you may recall, continues to insist he has tremendous evidence
proving that Donald Turmp defeated Joe Biden in 2020. He has yet to show a
single shred of any such evidence, or any shred of intelligence for that
matter. Once a deranged crack-head, always a deranged crack-head I guess.
Also in the COVID-loving state, Gov. Ron DuhSantis
(R-COVID) has taken it upon himself to redraw Florida’s redistricting map to
ensure that no Democrats can win any districts. Is that really so wrong? One expert
described DuhSantis’ twisted treasure map as “the most brutal gerrymander
proposed by a Florida Republican yet.”
While we're on the subject of the grating state of Florida,
DuhSantis wants to create a 52-white-manned “Office of Election Crimes and
Security” to hunt down the millions thousands hundreds dozens
two cases per year of voter fraud out of the millions of Florida votes
cast (not counting state-sanctioned, illegal voter-roll purges, elimination of
polling places in Democratic/black districts and racially-biased gerrymandering,
all at the hands of Ratpublicans), which are probably committed by Ratpublican
voters. Apparently this idiocy is contagious. Georgia gubernatorial candidate
David Perdue decided to add this to his platform of racist lies.
In Texas, the secretary of state claimed that supply
chain issues are making it harder and more expensive to get paper, causing them
to send out fewer voter registration forms to groups ahead of elections this
year. Yeah, right.
There is a reason why
states like Florida, Texas, et al were required to check in with their
probation officer before implementing new voting laws. That is, until Extreme
Court Chief Justice John Roberts declared racism in America over and oversaw
the gutting of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 back in 2013 with the Shelby v.
Holder decision. The day after that incredibly racist decision, many of the
states that could not be trusted with free and fair elections, provided incontrovertible
proof why there had been a voting rights act in the first place. A number of
southern states immediately hired Jim Crow to oversee their elections. Roberts,
as it turned out, had been gunning for the Voting Rights Act since he was a
young fuck…I mean, buck. Actually, I meant fuck.
The Big Cheese-Curd
For his Hannibal Lecter-esque part, Mitch McConnell
explained everything you need to know about Ratpublicans’ stance on voting
rights. After his fellow racists Manchin and Sinema put the final nail in the
voting rights coffin by standing up for the filibuster über alles, McConnell
told reporters, “if you look at the statistics, African-American voters are
voting in just as high a percentage as Americans.” So, McConnell is in favor of
those he considers to be Americans voting (Any guess who they might be?), but
not so much for African “Americans.” Get it? Got it! Good.
By the time McConnell and company are finished, the
only votes that will count will be those of white, male landowners. Hmmm, now
where have I heard that one before? They need to be stopped before it’s too
white.
In case you very reasonably thought and/or hoped I
made this up
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Stupid Service
January
21, 2022
“This is Donald Trump's
party, and I am a Donald Trump Republican.”
Matt Gaetz, December 20,
2020
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhh.”
Q moron shaman,
January 6, 2021
It
seems an impeached President is still entitled to Secret Service protection
once he is out of office. Even a disgraced, twice-impeached,
two-time-popular-vote-loser, one-term, seditious, multiply-subpoenaed, fascist
one. Apparently, even one who incited a violent insurrection and riot at the
Capitol, intended to stop the certification of the free and fair election of
his opponent, who crushed him like a cockroach in the popular vote. No other
incumbent president has had so many people vote to Lock Him Out! Lock Him Out!
It
has yet to be determined whether this remains true if the ex-prez and failed
blogger ends up in prison for some reason, but hopefully we will have a chance
to settle this soon. It seems to me that it would be very awkward to cram all
those Secret Service agents into a small prison cell. I think it would be fun
to watch, like the famous stateroom scene in the Marx Brothers’ A Night At
The Opera.
Either
way, I suggest Biden expand the Extreme Court quickly, before this issue comes
before the current complement of radical religious, right-wing, pro-fascist
(in)justices. If Turmp does continue to live off the largess of the government
he and his Ratpublican minions tried to destroy, he should be given the best
agents available...just like he brought us the best people to run his
administration. Might I suggest:
According
to the King of Delusion, what everyone saw on video of the historic, hysterical
attack he fomented on January 6th was not what actually happened. We
learned from audio recorded during Turmp’s interviews with Carol Loennig and
Philip Rucker that Turmp believes, “There was a lot of love, I’ve heard that
from everybody. Many, many people have told me, ‘That was a loving crowd.’”
With any luck, Turmp can continue to be surrounded with the kind of love we all
saw his very fine people express toward officers of the law, the Capitol building
itself and the word and spirit of the Constitution last January 6th.
In
any event, I’m sure the very fine people shown above can be quickly trained to
be the kind of quality protectors of a disgraced, twice-impeached,
two-time-popular-vote-loser, one-term, seditious, multiply-subpoenaed
ex-president and failed blogger. All it would take, given the true nature of
the protectee (code-name “Catastrophic Cantaloupe”) in question, would be one pair
of government-issue aviator sunglasses. What else is needed to train for a job
like this?
Having
protected Turmp from the Constitution and the American people throughout his
historically horrendous single-term despite two impeachments and one attempted
coup, these .45 caliber automatic whackos can now do it full-time. They can put
their bodies on the line instead of just using them to prop up the vacant bony
cavities atop their necks.
And
Gaetz and Jordan may be looking for work (or prison terms) very soon.
I. Mangrey reporting.
Oops
January 19, 2022
I just learned that people were
not always saying, “It’s a freak country.”
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Moscow
Mitch Will Not Allow America To Not Become Russia
January 13, 2022
McConnell’s rant in response to what he
characterized as Joe Biden’s rant had him feigning umbrage at Biden comparing
those who would destroy voting rights and the entire electoral process (i.e.
the Ratpublican Party and its good friends Joe Mansion and Kyrsten Sinema) to
good old boys like George Wallace and Bull Connor and yes, Jefferson Davis. Let us ignore for the moment that McConnell's Golden Burnt-Orange Goose said much worse shit on a daily basis (and then outdid all but Jefferson Davis by mounting a coup attempt) without Mitch batting a reptilian eye. Rather than rant myself,
allow me to circumvent a thousand words with:
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January 10, 2022
Wow! Fux News finally got something right:
Many people are saying that the BLM protesters were responding to real events whereas the January 6 terrorists were responding to a psychotic episode of a reality-averse, thin-skinned, egomaniacal narcissist unable to accept the humiliating loss of an election, and afraid of losing an looming barrage of court appearances.
UPDATE:
Oops. In our overzealousness to bring you some good news for a change, it seems we have once again, for the second day in a row, provided erroneous information. We are embarrassed to have even considered the possibility that Fux News would ever do anything to add substance to the political discourse. For that, we again humbly apologize. It turns out those rascals at the Daily Show substituted footage from the Fux-sponsored January 6, 2021 terrorist attack (Ted Cruz’s words, not ours) (okay, ours too) to go with various propagandists on Fux reporting on BLM protests. We should have known that Fux would never show anything vaguely resembling truth or important news that their viewers might need in order to make informed decisions. And we apologize for implying in any way that Fux viewers have any desire to make informed decisions.
Again, we will endeavor to be more vigilant
in the future, at least more vigilant than Fux News.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
serendipity.
January 9, 2022
Our top team of
diligent reporters has solved one of the crucial mysteries of Turmp’s Keystone-Kop-Coup.
Exactly what was America’s first inciter-in-chief doing after unleashing his
horrendous horde on Mike Pence and the Congress, with the hope of overthrowing
the newly elected Biden government? The AWOL Asshole disappeared for three hours during which time
countless people begged him to call off his dystopian dogs. This will go down
in the annals of journalism as the biggest exposé since the missing 18 minutes in
Nixon’s Watergate Tapes.
This shocking video shows unquestionably that the disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-loser-of-the-popular-vote, seditious, badly-dyed, deranged ex-president and failed blogger’s tragic dereliction of duty, disdainfully ignoring the hellish nightmare he perpetrated. We see the cowardly leader, who said he would go to the Capitol alongside his manic MAGA minions instead taking a joy ride around one of his failing resorts while the Capitol churned with the murder and mayhem he set in motion à la Charles Manson.
UPDATE:
This blog apologizes
for an inexcusable error. Apparently the driver in the video above was in fact an
orangutan named Rambo. While we strongly believe that you will agree this mistake
is completely understandable, we take full responsibility. And we would like to
extend our sincere apologies to you the reader, and to Rambo and orangutans
everywhere. Rambo clearly shows great intelligence and excellent eye/hand
coordination, in stark contrast to the goon we thought we were showing.
We will endeavor to
be more vigilant in the future.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
series of cocktails.
America’s Immune System Is Shot
January 7, 2022
The disgraceful, disquieting events of January 6, 2021 did not materialize out of thin air, or even one badly dyed man’s fat little fingers. Yes, Turmp, et al did plan this ahead of time, but this tragic, domestic terrorist assault had deeper roots. The Ratpublican Party has been long at work dismantling democracy. It is just that before they elevated a racist, authoritarian conman to their party’s pinnacle and ultimately to the presidency of the United States, they managed to carry out their slow-motion-insurrection with more panache, gradually, like a hemlock-laced morphine drip. Rapacious gerrymandering. Broad-based, relentless voter suppression. Hey, at least they stopped burning crosses.
A Pre-existing Sedition
The Republican Party is a long-festering pre-existing
condition in American society. Just as pre-existing conditions led to tens of thousands of COVID deaths because getting infected by the virus was the last
straw for many a weakened immune system. So America was already struggling to breathe,
suffering with brain fog, and a debilitating fever due to the insidious Ratpublican
infection, long before the bizarre Orange Virus almost wiped out the national immune system of
America’s body-politic – the one that is meant to protect the nation from
rampant racism, fascism and terminal stupidity. Usually, once an infectious
agent is detected and identified as a dangerous vehicle of disease, appropriate
action is taken to avoid serious illness and/or death.
This time was different. Instead of seeking proper medical help, America became like conjoined twins, with one of the twins being resolutely suicidal. Preferring to drink disinfectant and dine on rat poison to stop the infection. Finally, mostly by virtue of time, the acute infection has been subdued, but the underlying, pre-existing condition remains dangerous. Democracy in the U.S. is on life-support. And America’s immune system is more compromised than ever, at least in my lifetime.
Cue The Crickets
Ratpublicans were eerily silent on the first anniversary of
one of the darkest days in American history. Guilty conscience? Fear of
angering their Artificially Orange Deity? Busy planning their Coup, Part II? They
even gave their white whitewashing propaganda machine the day off. Several sedition
celebrations were cancelled at the eleventh hour for some reason, including the
one planned by the guy who put the hit out on America one year ago. Getting their
hair done? Cowardice?
Not one single pathetic boot-licking, ass-kissing,
ego-stroking Ratpublican senator showed up to show support for reality, democracy and
the rule of law. Apparently, 30 of them were attending a colleague’s funeral;
20 of them were just absent without reason. Why do they hate America?
A Momentary Lapse Of Treason?
Even Dick “I Shot A Man In The Face Just To Make Him Apologize” Cheney (himself no stranger to committing treason) managed to get up out of the fake wheel chair he used as a prop to avoid standing up for the inauguration of America’s first black president to accompany his daughter – the lone currently-serving Ratpublican to show up to her workplace to honor this somber day. The younger Cheney’s only other fellow House 1/6 Committee Ratpublican Adam Kinzinger could not be there at the Capitol commemorating this day because his wife was about to give birth. I hope that baby, and so many others recently arrived or about to do so, are able to experience at least the amount of democracy that we have lived under so far. Such as it has been – imperfect, indeed greatly flawed in many ways, sometimes moreso than others – but still, at least in principle, of, by and for the people. In principle. Which is now in great peril of being something considerably less so.
Even uber-partisan, shameless dirty trickster Karl “Turd
Blossom” Rove chimed in on the right side of history in an op-ed, “To move
beyond January 6, 2021, we must put country ahead of party.” Yeah, right. Naturally
Rove immediately went on to scold/blame Democrats, adding, “For Democrats, that
means resisting their leadership’s petty habit of aggravating partisan fault
lines by indiscriminately condemning all who came to Washington that day.” That,
of course is, 1) not happening at all, and 2) the corroded pot calling the
kettle black. I guess old, disgusting habits die hard.
Ted Talks (Out Of Both Sides Of His Mouth)
Lyin’ Ted “Cancun” Cruz, helped incite the
sedition last January 6th and was seen as on the side of the traitors.
On January 5th Cruz said, “We
are approaching a solemn anniversary this week, and it is an anniversary of a
violent terrorist attack on the Capitol.” I guess the Texas Twit thought his
comments would not be noticed by the world at large because last night he was
called out by Fucker Carlson on his nightly racist revival. Naturally, Ted’s Silly
Putty spine sagged and he begged Carlson’s forgiveness, saying “The way I phrased
things yesterday was sloppy, and frankly dumb.” Dumb? Nah. Pathetic? Sure. Gutless.
Unquestionable. You do you, Ted. Just, please do it somewhere else, where no
one ever has to know about it.
I. Mangrey grasping at straws.
Finally, Some Good News
I know I’ve said that every day is still
January 6th. But today is the January 6thiest
of all. Today is the first anniversary of a day that
will live in either Pearl Harbor-esque infamy or giddy glory, depending on which side of
the looking glass you inhabit.
It will be
interesting to see how the Loony Bin Wing of the GQP celebrates their proud
attack-on-Fort-Sumter-esque insurrection of a year ago. Many of them and their
fellow travelers have either been subpoenaed, been “invited” to stop by and explain
themselves to the House Select 1/6 Committee, had their phone records
subpoenaed or are currently in contempt of Congress.
Disgraced,
twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-losing, one-term, multiply-subpoenaed, historically unpopular ex-president and
failed blogger Donald Jackal Turmp has cancelled his planned whine-and-sleaze
lie-fest scheduled to celebrate the first anniversary of the murderous,
feces-filled, Capitol siege that comprised his attempted coup.
The reasons he gave
for suddenly chickening out on verbally assaulting were as expected nothing
more than so much lying and sociopathic drivel as to defy…well, everything. It is
likely the lawyers he hired from a tv ad advised him to keep his fat mouth shut
while he faces a bevy of indictments from across the country.
So, those of us not debilitated
by delusion can commemorate this sorrowful day in American history in an
appropriately somber way, and join together to find a way to keep fascism away
from our door, and not have to worry about seeing or hearing from our former criminal-in-chief
on this day.
Thank you and fuck you
very much Donny. Oh, and STFU.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
not-having-to-think-about-#45.
It was clearly not the holiday season
everyone was hoping for to close out 2020, Part II, aka 2021. Thanks to the
continuing threat of COVID-20: The Omicron Variation, The Fear, rather than The
Force was strong in many of us. The masks, the boosters, the boneheads.
Nonetheless, it was a holiday season; less
work, more partying, albeit mostly with cohabitating loved ones, and we got to
move on, at least calendar-wise to a fresh set of pages full of days that have
the potential to be less horrific than the ones we just tossed into the
recycling bin.
With all the merriment, such as it was, you
may have forgotten one critical element, one that appears impossible to ignore
despite our desire to move on, nurture hope, and fight for the best in human
nature to prevail. And I know that I sound like a broken record (is that even a
phrase anymore?), and I know that I feel like a broken wreck, and though I was
hoping to chill out a little bit longer to see how the new year took its first steps
into the future, I simply cannot rest on this bed of nails, and must say one
thing. That one thing: Joe Mansion is a huge, lying, greedy, hateful, fucking, coal-based
life form.
He acts like he cares. He acts like he is oh-so-thoughtful.
He acts like he is simply fighting for bipartisanship. He acts like he forgot
that Ratpublicans spit on his super-bipartisan “voting rights” plan. He insists
that he will not do anything without Ratpublican unicorns…I mean, support. And he
acts like he really believes that the full-o-shit filibuster is etched in
stone, immutable, and protective of democracy. Before this year even gets off
the ground, Mansion responded to Chuck Schumer’s insistence that the filibuster
must either disappear or be modified for the sake of voting rights and democracy,
mustering his best Susan-Collins-esque concern face, saying any change in the
racist filibuster would be a “heavy lift”, adding, “The reason I say it's a
heavy lift is once you change a rule or you have a carve out, I've always said
this -- Anytime there's a carve out, you eat the whole turkey. There's nothing
left because it comes back and forth.” Wow, that is some serious, authentic
frontier gibberish.
Mansion also told reporters, “I'm talking.
I'm not agreeing to any of this to the extent, I want to talk and see all the
options we have open. That's what we're looking at.” And that my friends, is some
serious, authentic frontier bullshit. I’m currently taking large bets on whether
Manchin will ultimately join with the rest of his party (with the likely
exception of phony/phuckwit Kyrsten Sinema) and do the right thing.
Dear Sen. Mansion:
Hey asshole, you know what is protective of
democracy? Voting. One person, one vote. Including persons of color. Sure, there
are almost an equal number of wooly mammoths and people of color in your home
state. Sure, you are much more beholden to those who bought you and your
election victories that you are to those who actually voted for you.
In Closing…
So, as much as I hate to rain on this new
year, and as much as I hate to reach back into the old-trope bag, this mantra
remains as unfortunately pertinent as ever:
FUCK JOE MANSION
Mansion will not
compromise his principles. He will continue to do the will of the well-to-do. He
will not work in good faith with members of his party who will not give in any
further to woo him away from appointed rounds. Progressives, who got Joe Biden
elected, got him to understand the moment in history, and attempted to
implement the agenda that Biden ran on and got elected to enact by the largest
number of voters in the history of voting, offered compromise upon compromise
in order to get the job done. Joe Mansion whined and lied and strung everyone
along, finally going on Fux News to announce that he was a flaming douchebag
who would, as a surprise to no one, scuttle America. He refused to turn his
back on his plan to fuck the poor, fuck the black folks, fuck the liberals and
progressives, fuck the other conservative Dems who were willing to compromise
in a time of national and global health, economic and environmental
catastrophe.
I rest my case.
I. Mangrey reminding.
Don’t take any guff from that swine.
Is
Nothing Sacred?
January 1, 2022
I really thought I could
have a fresh start with a new year. Leave all the crap from the last two years
behind and begin chalking up a clean slate. But it was not to be. Trouble knows
no calendar.
Also, it turns out that I am asshole
intolerant.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to
your regularly scheduled paperwork.
