Friday, January 21, 2022

Secret Stooges

Stupid Service

January 21, 2022

“This is Donald Trump's party, and I am a Donald Trump Republican.”
Matt Gaetz, December 20, 2020

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhh.”
Q moron shaman, January 6, 2021
 

It seems an impeached President is still entitled to Secret Service protection once he is out of office. Even a disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-loser, one-term, seditious, multiply-subpoenaed, fascist one. Apparently, even one who incited a violent insurrection and riot at the Capitol, intended to stop the certification of the free and fair election of his opponent, who crushed him like a cockroach in the popular vote. No other incumbent president has had so many people vote to Lock Him Out! Lock Him Out!

It has yet to be determined whether this remains true if the ex-prez and failed blogger ends up in prison for some reason, but hopefully we will have a chance to settle this soon. It seems to me that it would be very awkward to cram all those Secret Service agents into a small prison cell. I think it would be fun to watch, like the famous stateroom scene in the Marx Brothers’ A Night At The Opera.

Either way, I suggest Biden expand the Extreme Court quickly, before this issue comes before the current complement of radical religious, right-wing, pro-fascist (in)justices. If Turmp does continue to live off the largess of the government he and his Ratpublican minions tried to destroy, he should be given the best agents available...just like he brought us the best people to run his administration. Might I suggest:

Louis Gohmert, Q shaman, Jim Jordan and Matt Gaetz

According to the King of Delusion, what everyone saw on video of the historic, hysterical attack he fomented on January 6th was not what actually happened. We learned from audio recorded during Turmp’s interviews with Carol Loennig and Philip Rucker that Turmp believes, “There was a lot of love, I’ve heard that from everybody. Many, many people have told me, ‘That was a loving crowd.’” With any luck, Turmp can continue to be surrounded with the kind of love we all saw his very fine people express toward officers of the law, the Capitol building itself and the word and spirit of the Constitution last January 6th.

In any event, I’m sure the very fine people shown above can be quickly trained to be the kind of quality protectors of a disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-loser, one-term, seditious, multiply-subpoenaed ex-president and failed blogger. All it would take, given the true nature of the protectee (code-name “Catastrophic Cantaloupe”) in question, would be one pair of government-issue aviator sunglasses. What else is needed to train for a job like this?

TRAINING ACCOMPLISHED

Having protected Turmp from the Constitution and the American people throughout his historically horrendous single-term despite two impeachments and one attempted coup, these .45 caliber automatic whackos can now do it full-time. They can put their bodies on the line instead of just using them to prop up the vacant bony cavities atop their necks.

And Gaetz and Jordan may be looking for work (or prison terms) very soon.

I. Mangrey reporting.

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