Broken News

The Great 2024 American Jerk Off

October 27, 2023

Both affront-runner Donald Trump and fast-fading-fuck-up Ron DuhSantis found it necessary recently to show off their self-pleasuring “prowess,” presumably to lock up the incel vote.

This is how I masturbate, mostly to pictures of myself. What’s so funny?

I know how to make myself feel good, and I can do the same for America.

While Trump may appear to outsize randy Ron, remember, Donald’s tiny little hands make everything around him look larger, except of course, his uh-brain.

Also, it appears that Ron has given up on the 2024 race and has shifted his focus to winning in 2016. You go gurl.

Meanwhile, Not To Be Outfarted…

Trump exhorts attendees at one of his Bund rallies:
Pull my finger!

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled pleasuring.