Meet The New Joke, Same As The Old Joke
October 6, 2023
Now-ex-Speaker of the House Kevin McQarthy – who needed the most votes to cave in, I mean get in as speaker – has become the only speaker ever to be removed by his own party. It seems they forgot one thing – to have his doomed replacement ready to take the gavel. This means that the House will be unable to get any work done. Of course, 1) they barely got anything useful done the entire time McQarthy pretended to run the show, and 2) nothing this MAGA-addled Congress has done or would do in any way benefits the American people anyway. So, keep up the bad work folks.
His humiliating ouster makes McQarthy the third-shortest serving speaker of the House in American history, and the shortest since 1875. Heck of a job, Kevie.
The fascist (i.e., Ratpublican) majority of the 117th - the
Keystone Congress - finds themselves up a creek without a brain after
dismissing their barely-chosen speaker for avoiding a government shut-down with
help from Democrats because his party was busy tasing itself in the genitals.
Irony alert: the Ratpublicans who wanted McQarthy out for working with Democrats voted with the very same Democrats to achieve their goal of getting rid of McQarthy.
Top speaker prospect Steve Scalise once described himself as (former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan and still racist as fuck) David Duke without the baggage. His words, not mine. Regardless of what Scalise meant by that, it was the second dumbest thing he could have said. The dumbest? He could have said he was Adolf Hitler without the mustache. In 2002, Scalise attended and spoke at a white supremacist conference organized by Duke.
This crop of Republicans/fascists seems more interested in vying for dullest knife in the drawer than doing anything government-y.
Since there are virtually no rules regarding who can be speaker of the House, a number of the flailing fascists in the majority have farted, I mean floated the idea of inviting the disgraced, twice-impeached, four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president who is currently embroiled in 91 felony indictments and a potentially devastating civil trial that currently has him under a gag order, to be interim speaker.
Yes, please.
It’s possible there is actually one requirement for being speaker – not being under indictment. But as we know, rules were meant to be broken…if you’re a Republican/fascist.
Or, perhaps you would prefer in-over-his-head-in-a-wading-pool Jim
Jordan (recently featured as our Schmuck
of The Day), who has announced
his intention to run for speaker, or one of the numerous dim bulbs qualified
(i.e., having a pulse) to fake the reins. There is so much talent to choose
from in the GQP. With the added bonus, if you put them all together, their
collective IQ hits double digits. Isn't that exciting? But can they pull off
the ever-elusive person-woman-man-camera-TV?
The current temp speaker Ryan McHenry (R-Asshole) borrowed the gavel and immediately evicted ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi out of an office she has been using since her time as speaker. It has been customary to allow ex-speakers to continue occupying that suite. For example, Pelosi allowed eventually-disgraced ex-speaker Dennis Hastert to remain in that office as long as he pleased. In 2016 - nine years after resigning as speaker to become a fucking lobbyist, Hastert was sentenced to 15 months in prison for financial offenses related to the sexual abuse of teenage boys. Or as it is more commonly referred to, being a Republican. Hastert became the highest-ranking elected official in U.S. history to serve a prison sentence. That record will hopefully be broken in perpetuity in the very near future.
And lastly, as is proving to be the case over and over of late,
Sen. John Fetterman says it best:
“Replacing one dick
with a different kind of dick isn’t gonna change anything.”
I. Mangrey trying not to laugh so hard that I throw up.
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