In Memoriam

On This Day In 1980

December 8, 2021

John Lennon Memorial – Strawberry Fields, Central Park, NYC

December 8, 1980, another date that will live in infamy. The day legendary musician, songwriter and activist John Lennon was gunned down in front of the The Dakota apartment building in Manhattan. Further proof that, as Mike Love wrote in the Beach Boys’ Student Demonstration Time, “The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for a gun.”

John Lennon statue – Havana, Cuba

Watching The Wheels

Nobody Told Me

Gimme Some Truth

Also happens to be Jim Morrison’s birthday.

People Are Strange

An American Prayer

Question For The Day

Many People Are Asking

December 7, 2021

Why the fuck is Donald Turmp not behind bars?

Simulation or prophesy?

Or at least on a witness stand? Why?

Of course my client is guilty. Everybody knows that. “He may talk like an
idiot and look like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”*
Is there such a thing as a stupidity defense?

Turmp has repeatedly admitted to crimes against the state. Most recently, Turmp reiterated his criminality in the firing of James Comey, which was clear obstruction of justice. “Don't forget, I fired Comey. Had I not fired Comey, you might not be talking to me now about a beautiful book of four years at the White House… I don’t think could’ve survived if I didn’t fire him.” Yeah, that’s because this is known in the common parlance as an entirely unsolicited admission of guilt. On live television. Again.

Everyone has heard his grating voice on tape on the phone with the Georgia Secretary of State: “So look. All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have. Because we won the state.” This is known in the common parlance as a crime, and considering the fact that this particular perp was at the time president, one could not be faulted for thinking this was something akin to treason, since his intent was to hijack a presidential election.

So why is the Merrick Garland Justice Department letting all of this go unpunished? What more do we need to see?

In case there in any uncertainty on what to do, it’s very simple, and

when you shove him in the paddy wagon, don’t be too nice

 This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your question for the day?

Broken News

Congress: No Experience (Or Brains)(Or Tact) Required

December 5, 2021

She’s Talking All The Time, But She’s Not Saying Anything (Useful)

Mentally defective congresswoman Lauren Slowbert, in a room full of white, fellow mental-defectives, “joked” about her colleague Ilhan Omar being a suicide bomber. Racism aside, the incident Slowbert related never happened, but she knows she can use racism to make friends and influence (stupid and/or racist) people – and get them to give her money. She reportedly attempted an apology over the phone, presumably so no one else could hear her act like a civilized human being. That would not have sat well with her compatriot Taylor Glock who had earlier tweeted, “Never apologize to Islamic terrorists, communists, or those who fund murderers with our tax dollars.” I guess our little Margie, who continues masquerading as a mammal, has no working knowledge of American history...or anything else apparently. With the possible exception of the last few words of the Second Amendment, taken wholly out of context. 

Funny thing about Slowbert’s apology, it ended up with her demanding an apology and then having Ilhan Omar hang up on her. Omar demanded a public apology, which Slowbert repeatedly refused, finally verbally assaulting Omar saying “that she should make a public apology to the American people for her anti-American, anti-Semitic, anti-police rhetoric.” 

Slowbert posing with favorite sex toy/best friend

Tragical Bigotry Tour 

Slowbert surely only apologized (such as it was) because, 1) her boss Kevin McCarthy was pretending to briefly possess a spine and made her (probably begged her is more accurate) apologize, and 2) she got caught this time. This time? Yes; apparently she has been mounting an Islamaphobapalooza Tour. two more videos have surfaced showing Slowbert telling the same twisted lie/story several months ago. Her fans really should stop filming her. And if she had any brains, she really would STFU. A Guinness-World-Record-sized if.

Fun fact: Slowbert and her husband are no strangers to benefitting from white privilege. Both have been arrested more than once and pulled off court no-shows without consequences, and then having charges dropped. Don’t try this at home unless you’re white. 

Flynn Spin 

Speaking of mental defectives, disgraced general, convicted felon, Qanon fanboy, and bull-goose conspiracy aficionado Mike Flynn was caught during a private phone call saying this about Qanon: “I think it’s a disinformation campaign. I think it’s a disinformation campaign that the CIA created. That’s what I believe.” Flynn went on to add, “I find it total nonsense. And I think it’s a disinformation campaign created by the left.” Huh? Didn’t Flynn pledge allegiance to Qanon last year. Spoiler Alert: Yes he did (see below). 

Remember, one of the few things Barack Obama tried to warn his successor about was: do not hire Mike Flynn (who was at the time working for the Turkish government without notifying the proper American authorities, and also cozying up to Putin, as were most of Turmp's top aides). So of course, Turmp gave Flynn one of the most powerful, sensitive positions in government, one that did not require any oversight or Senate approval - National Security Advisor.

Flynn and friends reciting QAnon pledge on Independence Day 2020 

Wow, so according to Flynn, this is the turducken of conspiracy theories. A conspiracy theory that is itself a double conspiracy, a double disinformation campaign. Is Flynn saying that the CIA is part of the left? Is he saying that as a high-profile Q supporter (and QAnon t-shirt salesman) he has been knowingly spreading disinformation created by the left in order to dupe QAnon supporters...including himself? Or is he just making it clearer than ever that he is psychotic. As if anyone who is not psychotic had any doubts. 

Paying Attention™ apology: Please forgive all the parenthetical statements; there was a three-for-one holiday sale on parentheses and we just couldn’t resist, and then felt compelled to use them up (before they went bad). 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled nausea.

Broken News

COVID Donny

December 3, 2021

It turns out that our ex-Super-Spreader-in-Chief was waddling around, knowingly positive with COVID-19, spreading his “cheer” with hundreds of people. He lied about his status while attending numerous events, belching lies and inanities to reporters on Air Farce One (one of whom came down with the Turmp virus days after being face-to-orange-face with Turmp), and engaging Joe Biden in a live debate. Just days after this debate, Donny Dearest ended up on life support, surviving COVID only after receiving treatments beyond what anyone else could access.

And who can forget this inspiring moment in presidential history…

“And I tested very positively in another sense, this morning. I tested positively toward negative, right? So I tested perfectly this morning. Meaning I tested negative. But that’s a way of saying it: positively toward the negative.”*
                    Donald Stupid-Fucking Turmp, May 21, 2020

We learned that COVID Donny tested positively toward the positive – or is it negatively toward the positive? – three days before his debate with Biden from a new book by Turmp’s final chief-of-staff, who some have described as the worst presidential chief-of-staff in history, Mark Meadows.

Turmp originally had this to say about Meadows’ new tome:

“The Chief's Chief would make an incredible Christmas present, and with United States supply lines totally dead, and with thousands of ships having no way of unloading because of incompetent leadership, you will have no other thing you can buy anyway. Seriously, it's a fantastic book, and Mark Meadows and his wonderful wife Debbie are great people.”

It is of course, beyond unlikely that the all-but-illiterate Turmp even opened up a copy of Meadows’ book, and after people who actually read the book learned of COVID Boy’s attempted-murderous exploits, the Infectious One had this to say about Meadows’ “incredible Christmas present”:

“The story of me having COVID prior to, or during, the first debate is Fake News.”

Several of Turmp’s staff ultimately tested positive, as did a number of Secret Service agents forced to spend time around COVID Donny. You can be sure we will never know how many of them perished as a result.

Turmp probably killed Herman “Awww Shucky Ducky” Cain and put Chris Christy near death. Perhaps most on-brand of all, when he finally had no choice but to admit he was (physically) ill with the virus that should, by all rights bear his name, Trump later lied that he probably got COVID from veterans and police officers and Gold Star families at one of the events after he already tested positive because they came “within an inch of my face sometimes, they want to hug me and they want to kiss me.” First of all, ewwwww, second, bullshit.

So, when Turmp was throwing MAGA hats into crowds at his COVID-infested rallies, was he doing the same thing that white settlers did when the handed smallpox-laden blankets to the Indians? Did he personally cough into each hat before bestowing them upon his adoring idiots? I guess some serial killers are just not picky about who they target.

*No Don, that is not a way of saying it. It must be difficult keeping all your lies straight, what with the syphilis eating away at your very, very large uh-brain.

UPDATE: Donny recently declared that he wants to debate members of the January 6 committee. Has he just tested positive for COVID again?

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled negative positivity.

It’s The Stupidity, Stupid

Stupid Putz Tricks

December 1, 2021

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.” 
                                     — Frank Zappa

It used to be that in order to manifest mob mentality as corporeal action, people had to show up at the same place at the same time, with a shared axe to grind. With all that in place, the well-documented change in behavior that is associated with large groups of people in close proximity, had the potential to change the behavior of individuals into something not likely to bubble up without the physically/emotionally shared moment.

Now, we have perpetual mob mentality thanks to people feeling emboldened by like-minded morons on social media, which unfortunately has morphed into what is more accurately described as anti-social media, at least in large measure at this point. Of course, it fortunately still requires someone physically showing up in order to do bodily harm (or perpetrate an assault on the Capitol). Unfortunately, there are far too many guns, short emotional fuses, and lack of both intelligence, self-control and respect for human life, to stop ceaseless acts of violence in this country. And there is an endless supply of agitation floating around on the internet, not to mention the rampant misinformation and disinformation just waiting for some gullible galoot to take off the couch and into the streets.

How else would some thousand…let’s call them people…show up at Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas to await the return of assassinated president John F. Kennedy and his more recently deceased namesake, who would swoop in and make Donald J. Turmp president once again – against the will of the American people as a whole. Not-so-fun fact: hundreds of them remaining there for more than two weeks after the painfully predictable no-shows.

Linus the cartoon child waits in vain for the Great Pumpkin for one night – Halloween.

Cartoonish Q MAGAts wait in vain for dead Kennedys to appear – for over three weeks.

The Rapture vs. The Rupture

What the hell is that about anyway? Is this like a prelude to the Rapture, except with Kennedy(s)? Weren’t they Democrats? Weren’t they Catholics? Do these Q’idiots not know anything about anything? This is as good as when that Q-addled kid went to the infamous pizza parlor in DC where Hillary Clinton and Tom Hanks were hording their breakfast babies in the basement, and there was not even a fucking basement, let alone the other insane bullshit. Not-so-fun fact: hundreds of these Kennedy Rapturists continued their vigil for more than three weeks after the painfully predictable no-shows. Maybe they should check out the basement of the book Texas School Book Depository. Or was that a book suppository. Which is the only way these knuckle-draggers could get any benefit from a book.

Verrrry interesting…but stupid

All of this is especially true in these days of purposeful ignorance. Access to information is unparalleled today. All you have to be is curious, and you can find out all kinds of things. Things you agree with as well as things with which you disagree. Then you can at least attempt to make an informed decision, as opposed to burying your head in the necrotic bosom of Fux News, Alex Jones, et al. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that more liberals are aware of what the radical right is saying than the other way around.

Bonhoeffer‘s Theory of Stupidity

The Five Laws Of Stupidity
Based on The Basic Laws Of Human Stupidity by Carlo M. Cipolla

I. Mangrey regaling. Ask not what your country can do for you; ask, “How stupid am I really?”

BONUS TRACK:

George Carlin - Stupid People

Fraught For The Day

White Self-Defense, American Style

November 30, 2021

The trial of vigilante vermin Kyle Rittenhouse resulted in him walking free with not even a slap on the wrist. Conversely, the three confederates in Georgia were found guilty-as-hell in the horrific hunting down and ultimate modern-day lynching of Ahmaud Arbery

The Rittenhouse Defense

I threatened to shoot him and he tried to grab my gun, so I had to shoot him. I was acting in self-defense. Emphasis on ‘acting’. Not my fault he died.

The McDaniel/Bryan Defense

All we did was chase him in our Confederate-Flag-festooned pick-up, scare the living shit out of him, surround him, and put a gun barrel in his face. The ni…uh, nitwit tried to avoid being killed, and he grabbed at one of our guns. We feared for our lives so we shot him to death. We had to shoot him, he almost had a gun.

And remember, according to folks like this guy, the only way

to stop a black guy without a gun, is a white guy with a gun.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught For The Day.

You're welcome.

What has you fraught for the day?

Paying Attention™ Book Club

A Tale of Two Shities

November 27, 2021

While the world continues to extricate itself from the massive, collective brain injury that was the second most recent president, many problems he either created, simply allowed to fester or purposely sabotaged for personal gain, continue to put stress on every aspect of our lives. You remember him – the guy who still, more than a year after being crushed in the election and almost a year since his successor was inaugurated. Yeah, that fucking guy.

Most of the goods people need, and want for the upcoming holiday season, are having trouble making it to market. Just in the nick of time, we bring you another exhilarating title from the people good people at Paying Attention™ who brought you Good Night Goon, Donald and the Very, Very Large Uh-Brain, and Orange Dregs and Scam. This one is something of a remake of a very old classic, brought up-to-date with the hijinks of two of modern-day America’s most high-profile characters. This exciting new title is available wherever imaginary products are sold.

They are the best of slimes, they are the worst of slimes.

Kyrsten’s Enema

Sinema has been described as an “enigma” because she has steadfastly refused to explain any of her positions or reasons for her stances, or to spend one minute engaging with the constituents she was elected to represent. Like her partner in slime Manchin, Sinema’s actual constituents are her big-money donors – greedy corporations like those who peddle drugs, petroleum (and in Manchin’s case the coal industry – responsible for untold death and destruction – that just happens to finance his substantial fortune) and money for rich people.

Like so many of their colleagues on both sides of the DMZ…I mean aisle, the Dyspeptic Duo has love and money for the military industrial complex that know no bounds. Money for real people just trying to survive the crushing capitalism that treats them more like collateral damage than consumers? Fat chance; that would merely interfere with their sacred profit margin.

Sinema, who holds a PhD in justice studies, a law degree, and a master's degree in social work, recently told a reporter, “I don't pay any attention to what they're talking about in the national media. I don't even know what enigma means, really. No one really does.” First of all, if you don’t pay attention to what the national media is talking about, how did you know that they consider you an enigma. Do you know that they also consider you a lightweight and a shameless mouthpiece for corporations? Inquiring minds want to know. Second, I guarantee that there are quite a few people who know precisely what ‘enigma’ means. And you are likely one of them. Third, all your education, degrees and political offices do not protect you from being implausibly stupid.

Ed Venture
Managing Editor

Thought For Thanksgiving Day

Thought For Food

November 25, 2021

We call it Thanksgiving. This, despite the previous, disgraced, twice-impeached, murdering, so-called president claiming, without a shred of evidence or intelligence, “You know, some people want to change the name Thanksgiving. They don't want to use the term Thanksgiving.” Did I mention he is also psychotic?

Personally, I don’t care what it’s called, but reality has a special place in my heart.

For many Native Americans, this is more a day of mourning than celebration. Let us not forget the origin of this holiday (and of course, this nation’s original illegal immigrants, and its original sin). Let us give thanks that this land’s original inhabitants were not as brutal and murderous as those who came after them.

If you’re like most non-native people

(including me) you did not know this

Since 1970, the Wampanoag tribe in Massachusetts has declared Thanksgiving a National Day of Mourning. The truth is, like every other day after the arrogant, entitled intrusion on this continent by uninvited co-conspriators, this was a day of thanks-taking. I’m sure that in short order, the original peoples thought to themselves, “They’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us (sic). They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.”* And of course, genocide.

Truthgiving

So as you’re enjoying family, friends and food, maybe let you thoughts and perhaps a few words, turn, if only briefly to the true history of the origin story of this day and our homeland, and our history so that the thanks you are giving is based on reality and not alternative facts.

*actual quote (in case you forgot) by Donald Turmp during the announcement of his ultimately disastrous presidential run. And then he gave America the runs.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For Thanksgiving Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for Thanksgiving Day?

BONUS TRACK:

John Lennon - Gimme Some Truth

One Too Many Kennedys

What’s In A Name?

November 23, 2021

Shameless simpleton shithead John “Cracker” Kennedy (R-Dumbfuckistan) accused AG Merrick Garland of doing exactly what Cracker Kennedy (sorry to use such a pejorative descriptor, but I would not want anyone to confuse this spineless schmuck with the actual John Kennedy, who is obviously deceased, yet still more viably intelligent than the current name holder) ignored for four long, painful, still-destructive years of Turmp running roughshod over the Justice Department not to mention justice itself.

According to his bio, Kennedy is not a dumb as he looks, acts or sounds, but I am satisfied taking him at his drawled words and basing my opinion of him by watching him in action.

Kennedy explaining that he attended Magdalen College,

a constituent college of the University of Oxford (yes, that Oxford)

Kennedy explaining what doctors found during a brain scan

Speaking of Kennedys, a fringe element of the Qanon fringe element of the no-longer fringe element of the now very fringy Ratpublican Party, spent a day at Dealey Plaza in Dallas Texas – site of the JFK assassination in 1963. Why, you might ask, and then wish you hadn’t? These very fine people were doggedly drooling in anticipation (as opposed to their fairly perpetual general daily drooling) of the return of, not Jesus this time, but John F. Kennedy, Jr.

According to one Q-ist, Donald Turmp is the biological son of Gen. George Patton, and a blood relative of JFK. Therefore, when JFK, Jr. comes out of hiding, having not in fact been dead since 1999, he would join Turmp (Is he dead yet?) on the 2024 (alternative 2020?) ticket. After a stunning, historic victory, Turmp would step down and JFK, Jr. would ascend to the throne. I did not make any of this up. I apologize for sharing this information.

Proud, psychotic, pseudo-patriots pathetically parading.
Oddly, this does not refer to the living, brainless John Kennedy,
but to the long-deceased John Kennedy, Jr., or perhaps his dead father

Kennedy went full Joe-McCarthy on a Biden nominee who escaped the Soviet Union and became an American citizen, and served previously under George WTF Bush, saying, “I don’t mean any disrespect. I don’t know whether to call you professor, or comrade.” And we don’t know whether to call you cracker or douchebag.

Apparently, the Massachusetts Kennedys should have trademarked their name. The cracker freak from Louisiana has turned the name to shit. And they should have copyrighted it so the Q-brains…I mean P-brains couldn’t speak or print it on their idiotic banners without paying royalties. Then, horrifying yahoos like this Kennedy from Louisiana would have to be called something more appropriate, like Andrew Jerkson, or Jefferson Doofus.

I. Mangrey reporting. I’ve got to stay here, but there's no reason why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby until this thing blows over.