Donald and The Very, Very Large uh-Brain

Read On, McDuff

December 9, 2018

We here at Paying Attention are always on the lookout for things to make your lives great again in these challenging times.  Sometimes we just cannot find anything worthwhile on the internets, so we hunker down and create something incredibly tremendous right here in our little Paying Attention Playroom.  Fortunately for you, we have done it again.  Another homerun from the folks who brought you Votegra for Electile Dysfunction and Rent-a-Coma for maintaining what remains of your sanity in the Chrump Era.  Not to mention our most recent, incredibly successful Moron-a-Tron Mental Detector, which single-handedly reduced the number of mentally incompetent voters from the polls and flipped the House of Representatives in favor of the much-less-crooked-and-horrible Democratic Party.

After the imaginary success of our first foray into children’s books, Goodnight Goon, we have been looking for another way to teach the newest generation who to blame for the Neolithic Supreme Court, the lack of health care, the almost paralyzing distribution of wealth, the rampant racism and the reason everyone is walking around in gas masks unless they are rich enough to afford the personal bubbles that will soon dot the landscape.  Once again we have something very terrific, very terrific, believe me, for the little ones. Something that will make childhood great again.  Many people are saying this.  And these are the best people, who know the best words (and pictures) when they see them.

Fresh on the heels of Steven Colbert’s all-proceeds-go-to-charity Who’s Boat is This Boat? – the accidentally-written-by Donald-Chrump future classic, comes another fine product from the child-friendly, Chrump-unfriendly folks at Paying Attention.  This time we offer up another fine alternative children’s book destined to take its place right next to Goodnight Goon. 

A Story For The Rages

Our latest offering follows a strange, orange “child” – Donald – who, when we first meet him, is lost in the vast expanse of his unusually soft, oddly hued cranium.  He accidentally falls out of his head and into the world at large, a world populated by, what are to him, frightening creatures, or as they call themselves – people.  The mentally, emotionally and socially challenged man-child finds refuge in an imaginary very, very large uh-brain, which he believes is inside his very, very spacious uh-head.  The unfortunate and frighteningly delusional child-in-a-man’s-body has a wild and surreal cross-world adventure with seven magically-alternative garden bugs he meets. They set off on a journey to seek revenge on the world-at-large, while escaping from reality and the imaginary wicked old man who Donald insists is hunting him like a witch.

From the book,

I don’t know why he’s chasing me,
When I’ve done nothing wrong

At least nothing I’d admit to,
Not in word, and not in song

I’m just a good little boy,
Who doesn’t know where, or why, or when

I’m just a very good little boy,
Trying to Make Amnesia Great Again

I should be loved and left alone
This Mueller Monster, he must stop

I say to anyone who can hear me,
Lock him up, lock him up, lock him up

If he keeps trying, he won’t catch me,
Though he might bother and annoy,

Believe me, he will never, ever catch me,
Because I’m the Orange-faced Boy

In a stunning plot twist that would shock O. Henry, it is the cantankerous and inscrutable Mueller who turns out to be the real hero, and not the demented, ignorant, hateful little Donald.  Though the subject matter can at times be alarming, nauseating and downright painful, children in our focus groups were rolling on the floor with what we determined to be laughter.  Certainly there were tears of what we assumed was joy.  No one can contradict the statement that none of the lawsuits filed by the parents of our focus group participants ever went to court.  And there is very likely no truth to the rumor that any of them was paid $130,000 to keep silent.

Straight from the horse’s ass’s uh-mouth
Sep 26, 2018

Available for pre-order wherever you buy imaginary products.  Makes a great holiday gift for someone who does not exist.  Order yours now because supplies are limited.  Very limited.

Always look for the Mad in USA label.