A Pause In (The Coverage of) The Disaster

Programing Note

December 17, 2018

I. Mangrey and most of our top reporters are not available for their usual catch-and-release of current events.  The gang is hold up in a secret unsanitary location, busily attempting to divine the slings and arrows of our outrageous future, we will regale you with a few choice repeat blog-casts in the hopes of keeping you awake, amused and antagonized as we anxiously anticipate another anno of America’s authoritarian asshole.

Fortunately, nothing much is happening at this point and I am sure it will be quiet until the holidays are over.  All we have now is every single aspect of the Chrump Crime Family either under or on the verge of an investigation.  Newly elected attorney general for the state of New York Letitia James just told NBC News, “We will use every area of the law to investigate President Trump and his business transactions and that of his family as well…. We want to investigate anyone in his orbit who has, in fact, violated the law.”  Surely, these good people – the best, or so we have been told – have nothing to hide, or nothing to fear but fear itself…and possibly their lives of crime.

Chrump also just lost his chief-of-staff John Kelly – noted racist and all-around asshole – and cannot find anyone to take the job except for slimy pig Mick Mulvaney, who weeks before his future boss was elected said, “Yes, I am supporting Donald Trump, but I’m doing so despite the fact that I think he’s a terrible human being.”

Chrump is also saying good-bye to sleazy egomaniac and Earth-hating shit-weasel Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, who is under multiple ethics investigations – but only because he has been bilking the American public for his personal benefit.  Zinke thinks by quitting he can avoid the consequences of his actions, but there might be some Democrats who will beg to differ with this meathead.  I wish him hell in his next endeavor. 

Singin’ in The Pain

So, since everything seems to be quiet and peaceful, we will likely not miss our intrepid reporters for a few days.  However, on their way out, I. Mangrey and T. Doff left a delicious holiday treat.  Big fans of Mel Torme, but unable to even hum (they are no Randy Rainbow), they left new lyrics to an old favorite.  We will leave the singing of it up to you.

Sing to the tune of Mel Torme’s The Christmas Song:

The Chrumpless Song

Chrump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
Mueller’s taking down his bros
Indictments are flying around all the while
America tries to hold its nose

Everybody knows he’s lying, and a nasty man
Constant tweeting is a blight
MAGA hat morons who think he’s a god
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Chrump’s about to go away
He rage tweets 40, 50 times a day
And every mother's child is gonna cry
With glee ‘cause Chrump is on his way to fry

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
CHRUMP IS FINISHED! YAHOO!

It’s clear that Chrump’s about to go away
He rage tweets dumber, crazy things each day
And every mother's child is gonna cheer
Because the end of Chrump is almost here 

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
CHRUMP IS FINISHED, CHRUMP IS FINISHED!
CHRUMP IS FINISHED! YAHOO!

Songwriters: Mel Torme / I. Mangrey / Robert Wells 

Mel & I

 

Ed Venture
(Barely) Managing Editor, Paying Attention

“Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed
(or as Donald Chrump calls it, “Fake news.”):
Everything else is public relations.”
(or as Donald Chrump calls it, Fox “News.”) George Orwell