Team Chrump’s dogged efforts to Make America Russian Again
are finally paying dividends. Former campaign manager Paul “The FBI Raided My
House Months Ago While I Was Still in Bed Because They Didn’t Trust Me Not to
Destroy Evidence” Manafort and an associate turned themselves in to the FBI in
response to being indicted by Robert Mueller. We then learned that George
Papadopoulos, who Chrump described as “an excellent guy” – and was the first
name Chrump gave reporters when asked who he would be bringing on as foreign
policy advisors – had been arrested in July and recently plead guilty to lying
to the FBI about…wait for it…spending quality with Russians peddling dirt on
Hillary Clinton.
It looks very much as though President Titanic has made
first contact with Mueller the iceberg. I trust that the band will keep playing
as Chrump’s Ship of Hate sinks slowly but surely into the briny deep.
Our motto
here at Paying Attention is: Panic first, ask questions later. This is not a
matter of pride, just honesty. In his seminal book Catch-22, Joseph Heller wrote, “Just because you're paranoid
doesn't mean they aren't after you.” Ed Venture says, “Just because you’re panicked
doesn’t mean things aren’t terrifyingly out of control.” We believe it is
practically impossible to overreact to abject lunacy that is Donald J. Chrump.
Though we
may long have had more such tendencies than we would care to admit, Donald
Chrump has brought us to the brink of fascism in America like never before. Never say never.
A Night at The Garden
Chrump's
fascist tendencies are as natural to him as breathing, lying or self-obsession. Chrump
has lived his life as something of a dictator, or petty tyrant from early childhood
to his current state of childhood. He probably has no idea that he is a
fascist.
To be fair
to Chrump, as the most ignorant SOB ever to carry the mantle of president during
my lifetime (although let us not forget how pathetically dim George W. Bush
was), he has not the slightest hint how the government – or anything else in
the real world for that matter – works. I am sure the fact that Chrump was
allegedly conspiring with his fascist hero Putin is strictly coincidental. He could
not have known that Putin was a Russian. And Chrump is as allegedly in bed with
Putin as Nixon allegedly recorded everything that happened in his Oval Office
and then allegedly erased 18 ½ minutes of said alleged tapes and then was
allegedly about to be impeached. We may never know what really happened to
Richard Nixon. Many people are saying that he still lives in the White House.
“Chrump have good brain. Chrump very intelligent person.”
It’s New. It’s Improved (Not Really).
It Still Sucks Bigly.
The new
fascism might not have storm troopers kicking in doors, but it is fascism
nonetheless. The old fascism could actually be better because its presence is
unmistakable. The new American fascism will almost certainly not resemble that
of days gone by. It may very well avoid the untidy cliché of mass arrests,
disappearing dissidents and improbably lopsided elections. It is already eating
away at the fabric of what makes us a democracy – to the degree that we still
are one. This erosion is well under way and, in fact, is supported by a
considerable portion of the populace. We have already seen our Celebrity-in-chief
stand up for supporters of the old-style fascism who marched in the streets,
carrying torches and chanting Nazi slogans, saying some of them were “very fine
people”. Ah, the good old days.
Any questions?
You Say Racism, I Say Fascism. Let’s
Call The Whole Thing Chrump.
Instead of
the old style fascism, you might see something like an unduly elected leader
harping obsessively about African American men exercising their First Amendment
rights by protesting the killing of young black men (and women) at the hands of
police across the country. He might say things like, “If a player wants the
privilege of making millions of dollars in the NFL or other leagues, he or she
should not be allowed to disrespect our Great American Flag (or Country) and
should stand for the National Anthem. If not, YOU’RE FIRED. Find something else
to do!”
I will
ignore, if only briefly, the overt racism at the heart of this entire episode
since the focus of this discussion is the blatant fascism. Chrump shrieks about
how kneeling during the anthem disrespects the troops, the police, the flag,
the country and the kitchen sink. What he is really doing is trying to
perpetuate the race war he inflamed during his campaign – the race war some of
those “very fine people” were more than happy to embrace as they carried Chrump
on their white supremacist shoulders into the White House. Okay, I admit it, I
did a crappy job of ignoring the racism thing. So sue me.
When people
believe, and are supported in that belief by their nation’s leaders, that they
are not racists because they are not actively lynching people or burning
crosses on front lawns or holding a Night of Broken Glass, there is a serious
problem in perception. Musician/activist Tom Morello said it well, “They felt
comfortable marching without hoods [in Charlottesville] because they are now
without hoods in the Oval Office.
Funny thing,
the man who started this peaceful and very respectful protest, Colin Kaepernik,
took his cues from an ex-Navy Seal, who suggested that kneeling during the
National Anthem was a good way to make a statement without disrespecting flag,
anthem or country.No
one shows more disrespect for flag and country, especially the Constitution he
swore to protect, than this fake president.
The same
idiot whose mail-order Slovenian wife had to nudge him to put his hand on his
heart as the anthem was being played is lecturing us about respecting the
symbols of America. Let us forget for a moment that the Constitution itself
supports one’s rights to disrespect these symbols. In fact, let us forget
everything and just be happy.
More
recently, at an Air National Guard hangar in Middletown, PA, Chrump remained
seated and talked to his propaganda minister, Sean Hannity during the playing
of “Retreat” and “To the Colors”. The Commander-in-oh-who-are-we-kidding was
presumably able to see everyone else rising to their feet while he just sat
there on his very good brain, saying to Hannity, seated next to him, “What a
nice sound that is.” Chrump of course had knew nothing of the songs’
significance as he sat there joking with Hannity that they were being played in
his honor.
According to
the Army website, these songs are played, “to signal the end of the duty day
and pay respect to the nation’s flag.” It is “one of the oldest traditions in
the Army, which dates back to the Revolutionary War.” Respect the flag?
Apparently that is only required of black men. Chrump can do whatever he wants,
like “grab ‘em by the p***y.”
Chrump has
shown his commitment to his country for a long time. Besides stiffing creditors
and avoiding paying taxes, during the Vietnam War, ‘liddle’ Chrump received
four draft deferments for being a college student. He then got a fifth
deferment for “bone spurs” in his head…I mean heels.
No Self-Respecting Fascist Can Abide
a Free Press…
Chrump is
threatening to do away with legitimate news organizations because they
disseminate objective truths that conflict with the alternative truth festering
within the dye-soaked skull of said leader. Or if such a leader says things
like, "A few days ago I called the fake news the enemy of the people, and
they are — they are the enemy of the people." As is always the case,
regardless of who seems to be the target of Chrump’s words, whether those words
be nasty or nice, he is only and always talking about himself. To be fair
though, still pretty impressive for an anthropomorphic circus peanut.
Naturally,
Chrump’s propaganda squad at Fux News, whose viewers, according to repeated
research, are consistently misinformed about regular facts, is now jumping on
board with the down-with-the-First-Amendment chant. They prefer their
alternative facts and cannot be persuaded to abandon them, or their
Twitter-happy Confounder-in-chief. Poor Chrumpy, the press is so unfair, what
with all the investigating, and direct quoting and all.
…Or Independent Prosecutors
Next on the
Chrump agenda? He is interviewing lawyers for positions as federal prosecutors.
After branding every legitimate news organization as fake news, what could be
more fascist than hand-picking prosecutors who will refuse to prosecute you for
all your crimes against the American people? Chrump only seems interested in
appointing his own prosecutors in jurisdictions where he might come under
personal scrutiny for his shady business dealings. Chrump might be a moron in
idiot’s clothing, but he does have good survival skills. As Mel Brooks said so
eloquently in History of The World, Part
I…
Chrump’s
alternative fascism is fascism nonetheless.
Sarah Huckabee Slanders told the soon-to-be-ex-democracy
known as America that it is inappropriate to question a four-star general even
though the person in question is no longer a general. This ex-general had just
finished lying right to our faces while brutally bashing (verbally for a change,
thank goodness) Frederica Wilson, an African American congresswoman in defense
of his pathetic boss.
John Kelly, supposedly the adult in the room keeping Chrump
in line, was a beast as a general. He supported illegal and brutal treatment of
prisoners of war. War criminal might be too strong a categorization, but who am
I to say that the man in charge of Guantanamo Bay prison who responded to detainees’
peaceful hunger strike in 2013 with force-feeding, solitary confinement, and
rubber bullets was a war criminal. I am no expert, but many people are saying
this. Believe me.
Who am I to question a general who sabotaged efforts by his
commander in chief – when it was Barack Obama – to resettle detainees. This of
course preceded his vicious treatment of immigrants in America as head of
Homeland Security, prior to becoming chief-of-staff for the most dishonest man
ever to hold the title president of the United States. Sure Kelly partially
purged a number of Nazis and white nationalists from Chrump’s White House – but
only because their egos were too big for Kelly to tolerate, not because of
their horrific philosophies. Kelly is not a man of honor and probably never was.
Now, he is just following orders of a man who is staggeringly unqualified and
unfit to hold the highest office in the land.
What kind of un-American asshole would dare question the
veracity of a four-star general? I’ll give you some hints: In November 2015 this
putz said, “I know more about ISIS than the generals do. Believe me.” In July
2016, he said "So a general gets on, sent obviously by Obama, and he said,
'Mr. Trump doesn't understand. He knows nothing about defense.' I know more
about offense and defense than they will ever understand; believe me. Believe
me. Than they will ever understand. Than they will ever understand." He
has the best words, a very good brain, and the only thing he does more than
cheat at golf is lie…
I hope Huckabee Slanders can forgive me for asking if John
Kelly is just another in a long line of racists and fascists in Chrump’s inner
circle. I imagine it is possible that Kelly is merely acting like a racist and
a fascist at every turn for some effect. Just because he has consistently shown
disdain for people of color, and has demonstrated repeatedly that prefers to do
as he pleases, does that make him a racist and a fascist? Who am I to answer
such a question? Remember, in today’s America it is not considered racism
unless you are lynching black people. And John Kelly is a very fine person –
just like all those other very fine people marching with torches and chanting
Nazi slogans in the streets of Charlottesville. Nothing to see here.
Chrumpghazi
And what the hell happened in Niger? This is Chrumpghazi,
but Republican’ts have allegiance only to their alternative America. These knuckleheads
are once again going full psycho on Hillary Clinton’s emails - I kid you not - instead of digging
into Chrumps’s Russia connections and his eerily Benghazi-like episode in
Niger. We are so far through the looking glass that one would be hard pressed
to find a way back to non-alternative reality.
I. Mangrey reporting. Tune in next time when we drop the F-bomb
bigly.
Der Furor is focused on exactly one thing. His entire
campaign, and now his “presidency” spring from a singular desire. This
underlying theme might not be obvious to the casual observer, but there is
little else swirling around in that orange-colored head of his. Even the all-consuming
desire to monetize his new position is secondary to his prime directive.
Believe me.
It does not matter if it is domestic issues or foreign
affairs. Whether the economy, immigration, health care, the environment, women’s
rights, LGBTQ rights, Russia (there might actually be much more to this
particular issue), Chrump is determined to achieve one thing above all else.
This I can tell you.
The F&$king-moron-in-chief insists that the “Iranian
regime has committed multiple violations of the agreement.” Not everyone agrees
with Chrump’s made-up assessment. Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joseph Dunford said,
“Iran is not in material breach of the agreement and I do believe the agreement
to date has delayed the development of a nuclear capability by Iran.” Rex
Tillerson added, “My view on the nuclear deal is they are in technical
compliance of the nuclear arrangement.” Defense Secretary James Mattis
testified that it was in our national security interest to keep the deal in
place. Most of the rest of the world agrees with everyone-but-Chrump. I suppose,
as he said on the campaign trail, Chrump still thinks he knows more than all
the generals.
The Iran deal was not something the previous administration
imposed unilaterally. The United States, the United Kingdom, Russia, France,
China, Germany and the rest of the European Union all signed on. If Chrump gets
his way with scuttling this deal – unilaterally – it will tarnish America’s
ability to act globally for the foreseeable future.
Don’t get me wrong, Iran is not to be trusted, and this deal
says nothing about trusting them. At least Iran was not hacking our elections,
unlike a certain other country whose ass Hair Chrump continues to kiss.
Despite Tillerson announcing that he was negotiating with
North Korea, Trump could not resist tweeting, “I told Rex Tillerson…that he is
wasting his time negotiating with Little Rocket Man…Save your energy Rex we’ll
do what has to be done!” Only Donald Trump would think that thinly veiled threats
of conflagration and name-calling of a dangerous nuclear-armed adversary was a
good idea.
Chrump has also been obsessed with destroying the Affordable
Care Act (or Obamacare, as Republican’ts called it). The Republican leadership was
similarly obsessed, attempting to repeal the ACA dozens of times since 2010. Their
dream of doing so finally seemed to have disintegrated as a legislative accomplishment.
Chrump finally decided to sign an executive order designed to sabotage the ACA.
If anyone thinks Obamacare is a “total and complete disaster” as Chrump
insists, just wait until Chrumpcare kicks in (the teeth of healthcare in America).
The ACA was certainly not perfect – mostly due to constant sabotage by
Republicants – but it was, for all intents and purposes, a Republican-style
plan dating back to Bob Dole, Ronald Reagan and the conservative Heritage
Foundation, and eventually implemented in Massachusetts by a governor named
Mitt Romney. Republicants were fine with this type of approach until Obama
agreed to go along with it, hoping it would be better than nothing. Once Obama
gave in, they moved the goalposts…to the gates of Hell.
Chrump has only one agenda: undo everything that Barack
Obama did. Perhaps Chrump still fervently believes in his racist attack on the
legitimacy of Obama’s presidency. After all, Trump built his political machine
on his lie-filled birtherism campaign – insisting, beyond all reason that
Barack Obama was not born in the United States.
Chrump is a racist, a trait he inherited from his father,
who attended at least one KKK rally. He called Mexicans “criminals and rapists”,
and after the Charlottesville kerfuffle and murder of an anti-racist protester,
insisted that some of those marching with Nazis and white nationalists were
“very fine people.” After all, they were just trying to protect a statue of a
treasonous racist. Does that make them bad people?
I do not believe that Chrump’s long history of racist behavior
is what drives his presidency. It is solely his hatred for Barack Obama, and
not just because of his race. Chrump is hell-bent on undoing everything and
anything accomplished during Obama’s presidency out of spite. If Chrump could
bring Osama bin Laden back from the dead, I would bet good money that he would
do it.
A Picture Worth a Hundred Words (or
Maybe Just 140 Characters)
October 16,
2017
In our never-ending
struggle to bring all the news we can get our very normal sized hands on and/or
can stomach long enough to write about, we bring you an exclusive look at
Chrump’s official “presidential” portrait. The final resting place for this
portrait has yet to be determined. The staff here agrees that the likely
location for this incredibly terrific masterpiece to live out its days will be the
Federal Correctional Complex at Butner, N.C. Butner is no dump like the White
House, but the amount of gold is thought to be much less than Chrump Tower. Perhaps
Chrump will be able to room with Bernie Madoff. Without further delay, we give
you the first public look at Donald Chrump as he will be known when he hits the
history books.
According to
the Washington Post’s Fact Checker, Chrump has made 1,318 false claims since
his soul-crushing inauguration. The incessant bullshit emanating from Chrump’s
face sphincter covers his first 263 days in offense office and includes
“every false or misleading claim by [Ch]rump, as well as his flip-flops.” That is
an average of five times a day. And the Orange Gas Cloud only works three days
a week. Pardon my math, but that is approximately 108 workdays. The rest of the
time, he is either golfing, constructing his “hair” or desperately trying to
lick his own balls. This brings us up to 12 lies per day. If we take into
account the fact that he spends five or six hours a day watching Fux News, the
calculus becomes even more stunning. This is quite a blistering pace of making
shit up. Chrump is fortunate to have Sarah Huckabee Slanders explaining her
boss’s lies by lying, misleading and flipping more than her share of flops.
Scars and Stripes
The result of Chrump’s “respect” for the flag
Despite his
tiny little hands, when Chrump sticks one of his baby thumbs in the eye of
North Korea and/or Iran it still means something. It means that the nuclear
clock is a few more clicks closer to midnight and the human race becomes that
much more anxious, less safe and closer nuclear winter. The good news is that a
nice crisp nuclear winter will put an end to the ridiculous global warming
debate. I am not entirely clear on the science, but I believe the nuclear fallout
absorbs all the carbon dioxide thereby reversing hundreds of years of
environmental degradation in a flash…literally. The downside is the likelihood
of the eradication of human and most plant and animal life on Earth.
Chrump is a
bit disappointed that it has come to this. He has worked hard to bring Mother
Earth to her knees. Chrump’s “presidency” of mass destruction brought us Scott “The
Earth Is Not Our Friend” Pruitt as head of the Environmental Protection Agency*
and Rick “Do These Glasses Make Me Look Smart and Does What I Say Make Me Sound
Stupid” Perry as Energy Secretary. Perry recently showed off his worldly grasp
of a broad range of issues when he referred to Puerto Rico – home to millions
of American citizens – as a “country”. Oops. I guess that makes Perry an
ass-teroid.
Perry attempts to withdraw his empty head into his suit
I suppose
Perry could be excused, if only for a moment, since his boss claims to have met
with the president of the U.S. Virgin Islands, which I imagine someone
eventually told him – probably in pictures – that the president of the United
States is president of the U.S. Virgin Islands. It remains uncertain if Chrump
knows who or what the president of the United States is.
Speaking of
grotesque, lying assholes, Steve Bannon – who would likely survive a nuclear
holocaust with the other cockroaches, within the span of a few days said that
his ex-boss/puppet has just a 30% chance of completing his four-year term, and
then said Chrump would be re-elected in 2020 with a landslide 400 electoral
votes. According to our alternative sources, Bannon also said that Chrump would
lose the popular vote again, this time by over ten million votes.
If looks could…make you stupid
In other
news of the terminally stupid, Republican’ts who ignored their party’s presidential
candidate admitting to and describing
his style of sexual assault, are absolutely aghast at Harvey Weinstein’s recently
exposed history of sexual predation. One-time insane advisor to Don Chrump and
full-time Nazi Sebastian Gorka tweeted:
Pence’s
rules: Adult male and vice president of a real country, will not be in a room
with a female human unless he is accompanied by his wife. No one knows what his
policy is for spending quality time with female animals, or whether, like
Harvey Weinstein, he has a habit of masturbating into potted plants. Some men
choose, completely of their own volition, to not sexually (or otherwise) abuse
women.
A Republican’t
spokesman told no one in particular, “It is simply disgraceful that someone who
is not only not a Republican’t, but not a presidential candidate would behave
so poorly. Republican’ts would never accept money from a sexual predator like
Harvey Weinstein. We would much rather have someone like that in government,
not Hollywood. Plus, we get more than enough support from Russia, racists and
neo-Nazis. Also, as everyone knows, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with
a penis is a good guy with a penis. And Donald Chrump is as good as it gets if
you’re a Republican’t.”
I. Mangrey
reporting. Keeping it in my pants for 62 years.
______________________
*Pruitt is proposing legislation to change the name to Environmental
Destruction Agency
The timing
could not have been better. The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus,
self-described Greatest Show on Earth, closed its tent flaps after almost 100
years of entertaining the American public and torturing elephants. This circus
became obsolete once Chrumpy the Clown won the hearts and minds of the
Electoral College and moved into the White House. There is a new circus in
town. Though the Clown-in-chief is also fond of torturing elephants, these
metaphorical elephants (this does not include the actual elephants his namesake
enjoys murdering in cold blood for “sport”) deserve everything they get.
Who needs elephants in tutus?
Republican’t
chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Bob Corker – an
enthusiastic Chrump supporter during the campaign, and short-lister for
Secretary of State (Chrump decided Corker was too short for the job – clearly a
critical requirement for the post) and Vice President – has now gone on record
as calling Chrump immature, mentally unstable and dangerous to national
security. Corker said that due to Chrump’s erratic behavior, “we could be
heading towards World War III.” Corker was able to summon up the incredible courage to confront the man he helped put in the White House only after he decided not to seek another term as senator. Very gutsy.
That’s what you call a real corker, Bob.
If only
there had been clues prior to the election, other than Chrump’s every single
word, tweet and action, to Chrump’s personality and demeanor, maybe we could
have avoided this scenario. But alas, Chrump seemed so calm and thoughtful
during his run for the presidency. Except for that one time when he called
Mexicans criminals and rapists…and every moment thereafter.
When I grow up I want to be as petty as the president.
Just Goes to Show That in America,
Anyone Can Grow Up (Or Not) To Be President*
Chrump, a
narcissistic racist with fascist tendencies, has given us a “Presidency” of
Mass Destruction. Anyone who still works for this babbling bufoon, needs to
take a long look in the mirror. Some of them, I assume, are good people. Or
were. Serving such a master negates any humanity that might once have been. Chrump
might be a sociopathic clown, but he does have opposable thumbs – small though
they may be – and he has access to the nuclear football. We should well
remember that Chrump asked a foreign policy advisor three times in one hour why
he could not use nuclear weapons once he became president – or whatever we now
must call it. Orange Julius Caesar is quoted as asking, “If we have them, why
can't we use them? Why can't we use nuclear weapons?" We can only hope
that someone was able to show Chrump some pretty pictures that explained why
using nuclear weapons can be a bad thing. Then we must hope that they show him
these pictures on a daily basis, since he has the attention span of a carrot.
I. Mangrey
reporting. I never called the president a f&%king moron. Believe me.
___________________________
* That was not a compliment
A recent
poll found that 51 percent of Americans are embarrassed to have Donald Chrump
as “president.” WTFF. For those who maintain an allegiance to math, that means
that 49 percent are not embarrassed. The numbers do not lie – that is Chrump’s
job. That is an awfully small margin of sanity. Awfully. Very awfully. Words
escape me. But, I will not rest until I hunt them down. Because I care.
Even if people
agree with Chrump, does he seem mentally competent? Really? Emotionally intact?
More than just a series of tantrums? Does he seem to play well with others? Has
he for one single moment behaved as an adult (let alone a leader) except when
he is pretending? Were you a licensed physician when you were five years old
playing doctor? If not embarrassed by Chrump, then what are they? Trapped in a
room with nothing but Fox News and Alex Jones? Russian operatives? Members of
ISIS? Enjoying Rent-A-Coma?
This is admittedly something other than embarrassing
Always the
optimist, I sought an explanation that could keep me on the right side of nervous
breakdown. One can only be excused if one has rejected embarrassment, in
deference to being scared shitless. Personally, I do not have time to be
embarrassed. I am much too disgusted and terrified to be embarrassed. Maybe this
is why the numbers look so bad. Maybe they asked the question poorly.
What really
embarrasses me are the results of this poll.
Tune in next
time when we hear Chrump say, “My only reason for wanting to be president is to
get revenge on Barack Hussein Obama, who made fun of me in public. Everything
under Obama was fake and I won the election bigly and it would have been even
bigger if there wasn’t millions of illegal voters, and I will repeal and
replace every single thing Obama did while being a fake president. All the fake
jobs he created, climate change response, Obamacare, social justice, coddling a
free press, voting rights, gay rights, women’s rights, avoiding nuclear war
with Iran and North Korea, a booming stock market. I will get rid of all of it
because I’m in charge now, and I was born here more than anyone has ever been
born here. I am the most born in America president of all time. Nobody makes
fun of The Donald and gets away with it. Especially people like Obama. There’s
just something I never liked about him. Don’t know what it is, but he just
rubbed me the wrong way. He’s too urban or something. Very soon, very soon,
that I can tell you, I will be signing an executive order decreeing that Barack
Obama – or Kenya Man as I call him – was totally born in Kenya. His stupid
birth certificate, which I made him show everyone, will be what they call ‘null
and void’ and Little Kenya Man will be, officially, by law, not born in
America, which I have been saying very strongly for a long time. Very strongly.”
I. Mangrey
reporting. Do not bother negotiating with me. I will do what has to be done.
As we finish honoring one murderous white guy with
unregulated access to weapons, and no moral center whatsoever, America finds
itself once again in shock over another armed and deranged white man. Our
current state of shock has to do with the worst mass-shooting-of-the-day since
the Wounded Knee Massacre. Wounded Knee
of course was just one of countless such events in the still ongoing destruction
of the original inhabitants of this continent. Why is there no Wounded Knee
Massacre Day? Our good friend at Paying Attention, Steve Gallop aimed his
(figurative) pen at his local newspaper. Please enjoy his latest Op Ed piece in
the Delaware County Daily Times.
Ed Venture
Editor, Paying Attention
To The Editor:
America in the 21st century: 12,000 gun homicides
per year, twice that many gun suicides per year. Toddlers shoot people on a
regular basis. Toddlers. Look it up.
We are now looking back from a small distance, at America’s
latest mass shooting. We average approximately one mass shooting a day right
now. Some get more press than others, but it is constant. We need to make it
keep looking gruesome even as it fades into the fog of the next worst mass
shooting in American history. How much is enough? How can we continue to
protect our guns more than the lives of our fellow countrymen? There has to be
a middle ground.
We keep hearing that this is not the time to talk about
stricter gun laws. Nobody said it was too soon to pass the Patriot Act right
after 9/11. It got passed in the heat of the moment. How many more heat of the
moments do we have to have with mass shootings. Many more people are killed
with guns every year in this country than those we lost on 9/11.
The current interpretation of the Second Amendment is not
the only one available. Maybe it is time to reread the words as they were
written: “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security
of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not
be infringed.” For some reason many among us, though likely not a majority,
insist on reading this statement in reverse.
I suppose this latest shooter could be considered a one-man
militia, but he was certainly not well-regulated. And how exactly did he
contribute to the security of a free state?
Senator John Thune (R-SD) said, "I think people are
going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions. To protect
themselves. And in situations like that, you know, try to stay safe. As
somebody said -- get small." This sounds frighteningly similar to Donald
Trump’s “both sides” argument after the murder in Charlottesville, Virginia. So
I guess, according to Mr. Thune we are supposed to take responsibility for not
getting shot. I assume he wants each of us to be heavily armed when we leave
our homes, or else to cower in fear whenever we are not safely behind some bulletproof
shield.
In keeping with his screw-everyone-who-is-not-me approach to
every moment of his waking life, Donald Chrump got to put his personal stamp of
abhorrence on Columbus Day. Our #FAKE PRESIDENT issued a proclamation to honor
the genocidal explorer who thought he had reached India when he came across the
unfortunate Taino people, the original inhabitants of many of the islands in
the Caribbean. Talk about your bad hombre illegal immigrants. Columbus and his
not-so-merry men really were aliens to the Taino. They were the wrong color,
they were disease-ridden criminals and rapists. Some of them, one assumes,
were…oh who am I kidding they were murderous racists who cut off people’s hands
and made them wear the severed parts around their necks. After soiling the ocean
blue, Columbus never actually made landfall in India…I mean North America, but
he infected the continent just the same.
And a lovely time was had by
all…those who were white.
Speaking of Racist
White Men Who Do Not Belong Here…
You may recall that Hair Chrump managed to ignore the Jewish
people on Holocaust Remembrance Day, making no mention whatsoever of Jews on
this important day. Not even a ‘some-of-them-are-very-fine-people’ or
‘some-of-my-best-son-in-laws-are-Jewish’. Nothing. Nada. This of course was
months before Chrump spokesliar Sean Spicer informed us that, “You had someone
as despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons.” And
well before Chrump himself insisted that some Nazi sympathizers were “very fine
people.” Maybe someone should tell him that he has Jewish grandchildren. Just
don’t tell the unfortunate little ones who their grandfather is.
Today, despite all of the greatly inflamed sensitivities
around race and immigration, Chrump’s proclamation made no mention of native
peoples, merely lauding the lost merchant of death and disease for his
“ambitious and daring voyage across the Atlantic Ocean to the Americas.”Oddly, there were no Americas back then, and
if Chrump stays around much longer, there might not be any in the near future.
The Columbus Day statement written for Der Furor continued, “The permanent
arrival of Europeans to the Americas was a transformative event that undeniably
and fundamentally changed the course of human history and set the stage for the
development of our great Nation. Therefore, on Columbus Day, we honor the
skilled navigator and man of faith…”
The rest of the statement was even bullshittier and not
worth your, or anyone else’s, time. Naturally, being more than 140
characters in length, Chrump had nothing to do with the creation of the
proclamation designed to be placed above his name, but anyone would likely have
caught the glaring omission. Anyone, that is, who was not a full-blown racist,
or had even the slightest hint of human decency. But alas, Columbus was white
and those whose lives he destroyed were not. I’m sure Chrump was very busy cementing
his scalp fibers into place and whispering sweet nothings into his own ear.
There was however, a terrific Columbus Day sale on all Chrump merchandise on
his website. How’s that for patriotic?
It was one year ago today – as hurricane Matthew was poised to
beat the crap out of Florida – that Donald Chrump’s presidential campaign mercifully
went up flames after an 11 year old Access Hollywood recording of Chrump
describing one of his favorite sexual assault tactics surfaced. Chrump’s
assault comprised popping some Tic-Tacs and kissing unsuspecting, non-consenting
women in the hopes of grabbing them “by the p***y.” Chrump insisted this was
merely “locker room talk”, but locker rooms everywhere immediately disavowed
any association with the Orange Gas Cloud and his disgraceful, predatory comments.
I am sorry, I might have part of that story wrong. I am being told that everything
about the sexual assault part is correct, but that the creature responsible for
it did not see his campaign dissolve into a toxic mist. He is apparently
president of the Electoral College, or some such thing and is still kissing
women against their will, including reporter Katy Tur. The ACLU has filed a
Freedom of Information Act request for Secret Service records to determine if
Old P***y Grabber has been keeping his tiny little hands busy as well.
To celebrate the anniversary, the women’s advocacy group Ultra-Violet
held a “Grab Back” rally on the National Mall. The rally included playing the
2005 Access Hollywood recording where Der Furor sickened most (but not enough)
of the American public with his crude boasting of sexual predation. Ultra-Violet
ran the video on a loop from 9 a.m. ET to 9 p.m. on a large screen near the
White House. Reports vary as to how long Chrump stood by watching himself,
laughing and applauding.
Grabbing
Chrump by his filthy mouth. Bad dog, bad dog!
Like some perverse, cosmic (hopefully,
soon-to-be-cancelled) shit-com, one zany escapade after another hit the
airwaves. The Access Hollywood revelation, as it turned out, eclipsed the serious
breaking news, from just an hour earlier, that the Russian government was
interfering with our presidential election. Then, a half-hour after the Access
Hollywood tape surfaced, Wikileaks released the hacked Clinton camp emails that
Chrump had asked the Russians to release. Chrump of course learned of the
existence of these emails after Don, Jr., Mr. Ivanka, and Paul Manafort met
with Russian agents who promised “dirt on Hillary”. This dirt, which was
described as, “part of Russia and its government’s support” for the Chrump
campaign, was an excellent addition to the help Jared was giving Russia to
maximize their targeting of specific groups on Facebook, Twitter, etc. in order
to swing the election in Chrump’s favor. For you fans of the whodunit game Clue,
it was Kushner, in the Chatroom, with a Russian hacker.
I. Mangrey reporting. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm.
Could be the calm, the calm before the storm.
TMI
Here is our reporting from one year ago today…
Does He Kiss His
Daughter With That Mouth?
Excess Hollywood
October 8, 2016
A Real Handful
I just can’t figure this thing out. To flee or not to flee
that is the question. Many people are saying that I have been a bit obsessed
with this Chrump thing. I don’t know why people would say something like this,
but I read all the internets and I think I saw it somewhere, or someone told
me, so I assume it must be true. It is painful to watch and painful to write
about and I apologize for dragging you into this with me. That being said, as I
had almost finished the report below, the One-Man Insane Clown Posse has
outdone himself. As Category 5 storm Matthew prepared to batter the southeast
coast of the United States, a Category Chrump Shit Storm blanketed the news.
Though less devastating to life and property, this latest disclosure might put
a permanent dent in the Candidate From Hell. Let me give you this excerpt
straight from the horse’s ass’s mouth:
“I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her.
You know I am automatically attracted to beautiful women – I just start kissing
them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star
you can do anything, they let you do it…grab them by the p****. I can do any of
that.”
Yes ladies and gentlemen there you have it, vintage Don
Chrump circa 2005, talking about how he sexually assaults women, just a few
months after marrying his third soon-to-be-ex-wife Melania. I assume she has
already signed a non-disclosure agreement.
Daughter Ivanka, who daddy Don has verbally groped on
television and who he groped on stage at the RNC said this past May, “He's not
a groper. He has total respect for women.” I hope she has a really good therapist.
Daddy dearest
It’s Official Now
Those Russian hackers mentioned below were officially
accused by the Obama administration of carrying out an extensive hacking
operation in an effort to interfere with the 2016 elections. Many people are
saying that Obama is just angry because Putin likes Chrump more than him.
According to Chrump, “Obama will never get away with this. He is grandstanding
and trying to scare the American people with Russian hackers. I was the one who
said the election would be rigged if I don’t win, so he’s just trying to say it
will be rigged if I do win. What a loser. Why does Obama pick on the Russians?
They never bothered anyone. Is he just jealous that they have a stronger
leader? Many people are saying that. Many people. We’ll see. Mark my words, it
was not the Russians. It could be China. It could also be lots of other people.
It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay?
Believe me.”
Here we go again. Mass shooting. Crazy white guy with way
too many guns, having his own private war without notifying his opponents. If
only he had shot himself first. Not the right time to talk about gun control.
How about climate change? Is now the right time to talk about that? Can we talk about racist
gerrymandering?
Chrump read a prepared statement (not one word of which he
either believed or understood), using prepared facial expressions and his
practiced presidential demeanor in artificial response to the most recent worst
mass shooting in American history. Tone-deaf as ever, he called the police
response “in many ways a miracle”. I suppose we should be grateful he did not
blame both sides. Chrump said of the shooter, a retired accountant turned real
estate investor and millionaire with no history of mental illness, criminality
or radicalism, “He was a sick man. A demented man, a lot of problems I guess.
We are looking into him very seriously. We are dealing with a very, very sick
individual.” Many people are saying that Chrump was referring to the shooter. We
may never know for sure.
I am not sure who was more disgraceful and/or ignorant, Chrump
or Republican’t senator John Thune (R-SD) who said, "I think people are
going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions. To protect
themselves. And in situations like that, you know, try to stay safe. As
somebody said -- get small." That’s right folks, whenever you are be fired
upon by a psycho with an automatic weapon from 32 floors up, make sure you act
responsibly. Only you can prevent psychos firing.
This latest, almost-daily mass shooting happens just as
Congress is taking the courageous initiative to pass legislation easing
restrictions on gun silencers. Because everyone knows the real problem
with guns is the horrible noise. It would have been so much better in Las Vegas
if those people had been able to hear the concert more clearly while hundreds
of their fellow concertgoers were falling dead and injured all around them.
More Big Winning,
Chrump Style
Chrump has been whining about Puerto Rico’s debt. He finally
got the chance to spit on them in person. Finally making his way to the island,
which is surrounded by water, big water, our natural-disaster-in-chief
continued his disgraceful attack on American citizens, “I hate to tell you,
Puerto Rico, but you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack,
because we spent a lot of money on Puerto Rico, and that’s
fine.”Der Furor thinks and acts like he
is still a failed businessman. He has yet to transition to realizing he is a
failed “president”. Certain that he had not gone far enough into blind, tone-deaf,
and dumbass territory, Chrump tried to belittle Puerto Ricans’ suffering by
insisting that hurricane Katrina was a “real catastrophe” because there was a
much larger death toll.
Chrump tosses paper towels at
desperate Puerto Ricans.
You cannot see the $10 price tag from this angle.
That the towels are laced with smallpox is as yet unproven.
Tune in next time when we hear Der
Furor say, “I think
Puerto Rico made a huge mistake building an island surrounded by water. Big water.
Ocean water. The
United States isn’t surrounded by water. That’s why we don’t have budget
problems like Puerto Rico or very horrible hurricanes. And nobody knew that hurricanes could be so windy. So much wind. I’m
glad I wasn’t here when it happened, it might have seriously disrupted my hair.
But don’t worry, I know many rich guys who will come down here and buy up this
totally ruined island and build beautiful resorts and golf clubs and all of you
will be invited to become members, or at least to look around, or maybe even do
some landscaping. I know you people are very good at that sort of thing. You’re
welcome.”
