Scars and Stripes

The Cheat Goes On

October 15, 2017

According to the Washington Post’s Fact Checker, Chrump has made 1,318 false claims since his soul-crushing inauguration. The incessant bullshit emanating from Chrump’s face sphincter covers his first 263 days in offense office and includes “every false or misleading claim by [Ch]rump, as well as his flip-flops.” That is an average of five times a day. And the Orange Gas Cloud only works three days a week. Pardon my math, but that is approximately 108 workdays. The rest of the time, he is either golfing, constructing his “hair” or desperately trying to lick his own balls. This brings us up to 12 lies per day. If we take into account the fact that he spends five or six hours a day watching Fux News, the calculus becomes even more stunning. This is quite a blistering pace of making shit up. Chrump is fortunate to have Sarah Huckabee Slanders explaining her boss’s lies by lying, misleading and flipping more than her share of flops.

Scars and Stripes

The result of Chrump’s “respect” for the flag

 

Despite his tiny little hands, when Chrump sticks one of his baby thumbs in the eye of North Korea and/or Iran it still means something. It means that the nuclear clock is a few more clicks closer to midnight and the human race becomes that much more anxious, less safe and closer nuclear winter. The good news is that a nice crisp nuclear winter will put an end to the ridiculous global warming debate. I am not entirely clear on the science, but I believe the nuclear fallout absorbs all the carbon dioxide thereby reversing hundreds of years of environmental degradation in a flash…literally. The downside is the likelihood of the eradication of human and most plant and animal life on Earth.

Chrump is a bit disappointed that it has come to this. He has worked hard to bring Mother Earth to her knees. Chrump’s “presidency” of mass destruction brought us Scott “The Earth Is Not Our Friend” Pruitt as head of the Environmental Protection Agency* and Rick “Do These Glasses Make Me Look Smart and Does What I Say Make Me Sound Stupid” Perry as Energy Secretary. Perry recently showed off his worldly grasp of a broad range of issues when he referred to Puerto Rico – home to millions of American citizens – as a “country”. Oops. I guess that makes Perry an ass-teroid.

Perry attempts to withdraw his empty head into his suit

 

I suppose Perry could be excused, if only for a moment, since his boss claims to have met with the president of the U.S. Virgin Islands, which I imagine someone eventually told him – probably in pictures – that the president of the United States is president of the U.S. Virgin Islands. It remains uncertain if Chrump knows who or what the president of the United States is.

Speaking of grotesque, lying assholes, Steve Bannon – who would likely survive a nuclear holocaust with the other cockroaches, within the span of a few days said that his ex-boss/puppet has just a 30% chance of completing his four-year term, and then said Chrump would be re-elected in 2020 with a landslide 400 electoral votes. According to our alternative sources, Bannon also said that Chrump would lose the popular vote again, this time by over ten million votes.

If looks could…make you stupid

 

In other news of the terminally stupid, Republican’ts who ignored their party’s presidential candidate admitting to and describing his style of sexual assault, are absolutely aghast at Harvey Weinstein’s recently exposed history of sexual predation. One-time insane advisor to Don Chrump and full-time Nazi Sebastian Gorka tweeted:

Pence’s rules: Adult male and vice president of a real country, will not be in a room with a female human unless he is accompanied by his wife. No one knows what his policy is for spending quality time with female animals, or whether, like Harvey Weinstein, he has a habit of masturbating into potted plants. Some men choose, completely of their own volition, to not sexually (or otherwise) abuse women.

A Republican’t spokesman told no one in particular, “It is simply disgraceful that someone who is not only not a Republican’t, but not a presidential candidate would behave so poorly. Republican’ts would never accept money from a sexual predator like Harvey Weinstein. We would much rather have someone like that in government, not Hollywood. Plus, we get more than enough support from Russia, racists and neo-Nazis. Also, as everyone knows, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a penis is a good guy with a penis. And Donald Chrump is as good as it gets if you’re a Republican’t.”

I. Mangrey reporting. Keeping it in my pants for 62 years.

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*Pruitt is proposing legislation to change the name to Environmental Destruction Agency