WARNING: Not safe for work, home, prison or locker
room. After you finish this you will probably ask yourself, “Why did I (me) do
that?” My answer – because it’s there.
“If Ivanka weren’t my
daughter perhaps I’d be dating her.” Donald J. Trump, live on The View, 2015
I hate to admit this, but I feel so bad for Mr. Trump. This
entire tawdry, disgusting, indictable mess could have been avoided if only his
beloved Ivanka would have had sex with her dear, loving father. After all,
that’s all he has ever really wanted.
And it wasn’t for lack of trying:
Eww
Ewww
Ewwwww
WTFHP (Watch Those Fucking Hands Pops)
Donald probably would not have even had to pay Ivanka off
for her silence, but if he did it could have been considered a gift to a family
member. He could have avoided the whole financial fraud nonsense. And they
could have lived happily ever after. Hopefully Daddy Dearest has learned his
lesson – never sleep with a woman who is not your daughter.
For contrast, here is Donald with his third wife – you know,
the one he was cheating on with Karen McDougal for a year, and later with Stormy Daniels for about five minutes
Adding insult to incestry, darling daughter Ivanka is nowhere to be seen in support of her loving father – no comments, no tweets, no
op-eds, no-show in the courtroom. This, even though he fucked Stormy Daniels
and Karem McDougal because they reminded him of Ivanka. According to both
women, Trump said as much.
In contrast, the parents of Jeffrey Dahmer were in the front
row every single day of his trial. No family member of Trump's has showed up for one second as their patriarch languishes in a New York City courtroom.
Not Only That…
What a tragic irony. The one time Trump pays someone for
something – in this case, paying Stormy Daniels for not doing something after
having previously done something she didn’t get paid for, but Trump didn’t want
anyone to know she and he did what they did (which Trump now denies he did) –
it ends up with Trump as part of a criminal conspiracy. Our undercover,
alternative sources overheard Trump say
You know, I've been stiffing people my
whole life. But I never stiffed my daughter, though I sure thought about it a lot. I never paid anyone for anything - contractors, lawyers, doctors,
women I grabbed by the pussy, you name it. The one time I pay someone, it comes
right back, bites me in the ass, and I end up in court. Not only did I do
nothing wrong, I finally did something right. You better believe that will
never happen again.
What with all this fake virus
hoax with all its soon-to-be 65,000 fake dead Americans and soon-to-be 250,000
fake dead people across the globe, and all the staying at home, wearing masks
in public and fake footage of empty streets in Manhattan, Las Vegas, Los
Angeles and major cities all over the world, International Workers Day - Mayday
- is even more forgotten than usual, especially in the United
States. Since the staff at Paying Attention is wallowing in fake
survival mode, trying desperately not to be taken in by this scamdemic, we
are nonetheless unable to muster up the energy to pay proper tribute to all the
world's workers, most of whom are busy not working today in tribute to the fake
virus hoax the entire world is engaged in for the sole purpose of ridding the
world of Donald Chrump's fake presidency. In fairness, who could blame
them. Chrump makes any would-be deadly pandemic feel like a tropical
breeze in paradise. In any event, please enjoy this fake blog post
from last year and don't forget to tip your waitress delivery
person and show some solidarity with the suddenly-greatly-appreciated
staff at your local market when you attempt without success to buy disinfectant
wipes.
The First Day of May Not
May 1, 2019
May Day, with its long-standing tradition of honoring
workers around the world, is all but ignored by most of America. The 2016
election saw Donald Chrump’s fake message of support for workers, Social
Security, Medicare, the middle class and the Constitution resonate with and
dupe many workers across the country – mostly white ones, but nonetheless
enough to plunge our nation into Chrump’s Carnage Presidency. In honor of May
Day, Hair Chrump, thought it would be a good time to display his undying
solidarity with workers…I mean dictators the world over. Here is his statement:
“Beginning right now and from this day forward I, Donald J.
Chrump – the greatest president in American history – by presidential decree,
declare that there will no longer be a May 1st. That date has been
contaminated by fake political nonsense. So-called May Day is a disaster. An
absolute and a total disaster. Workers can celebrate if they want to, but it
must be in private, and on their own time from now on. No more of this prancing
around trying to get attention. Or better pay, or working conditions or less
harassment from their bosses. How greedy can you get? Workers are making too
much money and raping rich people everywhere. I say enough already. I decree
that today will now be known as April 31st. Tomorrow will still be May 2nd.
No more May 1st. I only wish April originally had 31 days, then I
would have been able to make April the only month with 32 days. That would have
been great. And when you’re president, they let you do anything, grab ‘em by
the calendar, or the whatever. Also, if I had been around during the Civil War
maybe I would have figured out why it happened. I alone could have fixed it.
It’s what I do. I fix things. I’m a fixer, believe me.” Chrump has said,
“There's no reason for this. People don't realize, ya know, the Civil War — if
you think about it, why? People don't ask that question, but why was there a
Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”*
Yeah, what the hell was all that Civil War stuff about
anyway? No one really knows for sure. Can we have a do-over? I heard it had
something to do with snakes’ rights or something like that. Or maybe it had
something to do with workers in America. If only there was a way to find out
why we had a Civil War. I think many people would like to know, and some of
them are very fine people. But really, why didn’t the great (according to
Chrump) Andrew Jackson and the other founding fathers take care of that Civil War
nonsense. Maybe next time they will get it right.
Governor Kristi Noem (P*-SD) in her new memoir No Going
Back related a story she really needn’t have told. Noem is angling for the
VP spot in the dystopian second Trump administration. Noem is widely regarded
to be on the short list but may have just shot her way to the shit list after
her callous, brazen admission. Though Trump undoubtedly found the story either touching
or meaningless, many people are saying it is simply despicable and heartless –
two other plusses in Trump’s mind.
She said the 14-month-old puppy was unmanageable, would not
listen to unreason and acted like a “trained assassin.” One cannot help but
wonder who trained her.
Noem wanted to make sure everyone reading her book really understood
just what kind of person she was and is. She called the dog “untrainable” and “dangerous
to anyone she came in contact with” adding, “I hated that dog.” It seems more
than likely that the feeling was mutual. Unfortunately, Cricket was unarmed. As
usual Noem could just as easily been talking about herself. Projection, thy
name is Republican.
Noem claimed the puppy was named Cricket, but our imaginary
sources have learned that she had in fact named the little girl Kick-it, which
may have had something to do with how she treated the dog before happily
blowing its brains out in a gravel pit. It is believed that Noem immediately
removed its heart, ate it and then roasted the remainder in front of her
cowering children. We also learned that Noem claimed to have been very upset at
having to murder her pet, but quickly found a new one and was reportedly distraught
that the new puppy was perfectly well-behaved.
Why couldn’t she just have strapped the dog to the roof of her
car like normal Republicans.
Noem, seen here signing doggie
death warrants in the shadow of
infamous dog murderer Michael Vick (who at least apologized in the end)
After shooting her dog, Noem writes that she also killed a
goat her family owned that she calls “nasty and mean.” Reading further, one
learns that Noem was livid because the animal was behaving like…a goat. One hopes
her children learned to be potty trained in a timely manner. However, it will
be interesting to see how Noem responds when Trump starts behaving like Trump
in her presence.
Noem believes that the only thing this story shows is that
she knows how to make the tough decisions and that she is courageous enough to
do what needs to be done herself. You know, like giving up a distressed animal
to someone willing to take the trouble to rehabilitate it.
Noem seen here responding to
anti-dog-killers
Guardin' Noem
Did we mention that Noem has been banned from numerous
Indian reservations in her state after she claimed that some tribal leaders were profiting from drug dealing, “personally
benefiting from the cartels” and questioning their commitments to children on
reservations.
In response to the tsunamic backlash she has received for
needlessly murdering her puppy, Noem has changed the title of her guaranteed least-selling
book, on the eve of its release, to No Going Forward.
We at Paying Attention™just have one question: Was she a bitch? Uh,
excuse us Governor Noem, we were talking to the dog.
_____________________________________________ *Psycho Party
The case could not be
more aptly named: Trump v. United States. After all, Trump has been opposed to
the United States for most of his unnecessary life. Trump’s lawyer, D.
John Mustard…I mean Sauer continued to use the same ridiculous, yet horrifying argument
in pleading before the Supremes that American presidents simply cannot function
if even a hint of culpability or responsibility to the laws of the land apply
to them. Ridiculous, because it has no basis in even alternate reality,
horrifying because all the thing’s men on the Court were happily wallowing
around in the feces-filled slop Sauer was spewing.
The only reason anyone is even talking about
this bullshit issue is because Sauer’s client – who just happens to be a
life-long conman, thief and very likely a serial rapist, not to mention his new
hobbies of election fraud, stealing classified documents and inciting insurrection
– has made a mockery of the presidency, democracy and the Constitution.
May It Disease The Court
No other president has caused the issue of
absolute presidential immunity to arise, with the possible exception of Richard
Nixon, who resigned in the face of impeachment after covering up his crimes
against the country. Because Nixon knew he would be pardoned by his hand-picked
successor because Nixon knew he could end up in court for his crimes against
the country – not to mention his crimes against humanity. Trump’s own attorney,
during one of his impeachment trials, insisted that his client should not be
impeached because he should instead be tried in civilian court once out of
office. Maybe this attorney figured Trump would never be out of office.
Speaking of crimes against humanity, or at
least crimes against the American public (well, against the segment – still in
the majority – of the American public who do not believe: Trump’s “hair” and
skin tone are natural, that he has many bibles in his “house” or that the January
6 coup attempt was just like a Girls Gone Wild video – while pretending to
adjudicate the (non-existent) matter of absolute presidential immunity, no
mention of the primary reason this absurd conversation even began was
permitted. That’s right the Goons Gone Wild, Washington DC Edition of January
6, 2021, which earned Trump a record-breaking second impeachment and an
invitation to federal court as the special guest of Jack Smith, was not part of
the pro-Trump hearing this past Thursday. Who says it can’t happen here?
Someone saying “It can’t
happen here.”
The Court Of Last Distort
Human beer-soaked turd Brett Kavanaugh had
the unmitigated gall to note that the pardoning of Nixon is “now looked upon as
one of the better decisions in presidential history, I think by most people.”
Au contraire, mon fuck-faced, rapey little shit frère. The pardoning of Nixon has left
a stain a half-century long on this nation. And we still haven’t been able to shout
it out.
So now, we await what should be a no-brainer
decision on a case that should never have gotten this far from Trump’s own,
owned Supreme Court. It seems frighteningly possible that – whether or not
there is such a thing as absolute presidential immunity* – the highly
unbalanced (in more ways than one) Court will nonetheless bestow it on Trump.
It will be no surprise, however horrific, for this court to upend the
Constitution for the umpteenth time, and with it our democracy (which they have
been working feverishly to accomplish for years), by deciding that the 45th
president has absolute immunity from prosecution.
The Trump majority is now planning on
dragging out a claim that should have taken all of 30 seconds to deny –
especially for all those self-proclaimed, dangerously deluded, so-called
“originalists” who claim to know the founders’ intent with every word they put
to parchment.
As we and countless others have noted many
times in many places,the founders themselves
did not always agree with each other, or even with themselves at times, so
there is no such thing as “original intent” when it comes to the Constitution.
The dishonest, and all-too-often blatantly hypocritical “originalist” hacks we
now have running roughshod over the highest court in the land pretend to revere
(much more than did the men who wrote the words) the letter of the law written some
250 years ago. Of course, those men who wrote those words never intended those
words to be immutable across the ages. These justices are not originalists so
much as absurdists.
“Criminal Court” May Not Mean What You Think It Means
And you can bet that if at least five of the
six current absurdists decide in Trump’s favor, they will make it a one-off,
just like they did in deciding to appoint George WTF Bush, who lost the 2000
election to Al Gore and became president nonetheless. And their decision will
include a rider that it only becomes effective on January 20, 2025 if Trump
takes the White House, just in case current president Joe Biden gets any funny
ideas about using this newly-created presidential super-power for himself
and/or to protect America from a second bite at the worm-infested Trump apple.
The Extreme Six unfortunately treat the
Constitution the way they treat the Bible. They say they revere every word, but
their actions betray their true feelings as they break their word with the god
they claim to serve above, the same way they do with those they are appointed
to serve here below. The words they claim to live by both privately and
professionally, religiously and politically, are not nearly as valuable to
these frauds as the paper any of the words is printed on. They simply pick and
choose which words to live by and which to laugh off.
Can you find the six
“justices” who are pimping for Trump?
This Just In…
It has just been revealed that some guy named
George Washington was a really big deal back in the day, it seems he was a
president and he’s getting more and more recognition these days. This
Washington guy said about the Constitution, “Its only keepers, the people.” I
believe he was referring to the “We The People” kind of mentioned in the
Constitution thingie, and not six assholes appointed by presidents.
Especially when one of the six is married to
a co-conspirator in an attempted coup and three of these lifetime-appointees
(including the one married to an insurrectionist) have massive conflicts of
interest, and two others were appointed under incredibly spurious circumstance.
And especially the current cash-crop most of whom were appointed by presidents
who lost the popular vote, you know, the vote that represents the will of We
The People (one of those presidents also lost the unpopular/Electoral College
vote, and was subsequently appointed by five of those Supreme Court assholes,
who simply decided to piss all over the Constitution and put their preferred
guy in office – an office he ultimately defecated all over).
This Washington guy – as did most of the
founders – believed that the Constitution was a living document that could, and
probably should be amended and improved over time. As times change, those
trying desperately to un-change them are gaining more and more momentum and
power.
It was fun while it lasted. Sort
of.
Mose Allison - I Don't Worry About A Thing
____________________________________________________ *Spoiler Alert: THERE ISN’T.
First things first. Sixty percent of adult Americans
disapprove of what the Supreme Court is doing. Be it overturning decades of
settled law, sabotaging democracy at every turn by gutting voting laws and
flooding elections with dark money (should be called “white money” since all of
it is coming from rich white assholes), consistently siding with corporations over the public welfare, or the blatant corruption of at least two
of the most self-enriching, anti-democratic justices which has recently come to light. This is
one fucked up Supreme Court. For the ages.
Today, at long last, after a lengthy and wholly unnecessary
delay (other than stalling like and for Trump) the Trump-packed Supreme Court
will pretend to hear oral arguments in the case wherein Donald Trump is claiming that he has absolute
and total immunity from prosecution because the Electoral College – the same
Electoral College that Trump refused to honor four years later, when it did not
hand him the presidency – deemed him president in 2016 for four of the worst years in
this nation’s nearly 250-year history.
The Court appears poised to waste another two months
dickering over an issue that deserved not one nanosecond of debate, especially
for those who claim to revere every word and presumed intent of the
Constitution. Presidents are not kings. Fuck these fuckers.
Pack The Court, Smack The Court, Do Some Fucking Thing
Self-loathing Uncle Thomas is at it again, burnishing his
horrific legacy as one of the most effective saboteurs of American democracy in
our nation's history (thanks Biden). After spending decades as the Court Mime, now
Uncle T will not shut the fuck up.
Clarence Thomas made Marcel
Marceau look like Donald Trump
Thomas and his insurrectionist wife are hard at work, by
word and by deed, dissolving decorum, decency and democracy. That of course, is
when Monster T is not busy taking bribes from radical Christian billionaires.
After all, he’s mostly in it for the money.
If for no other reason (though reasons abound) Democrats
should pack the Supreme in order to offset CFT and the further damage he has
planned for this country. He already made it clear that he thinks
contraceptives and same sex marriage need to be "revisited." Thomas
recently questioned whether the attempted violent overthrow of the government
by homegrown terrorists allied with Donald Trump (well beyond merely aided and
abetted by CFT’s nutjob wife) was just like any other protest. Nothing to see here, and if there was something to see, no one had anything to do with it. Thomas
had to be figuratively spanked by Justice Sonya Sotomayor, who in a truly just
world would have instead walked a few seats down the bench and slapped his
sorry ass silly, and then gone and sat back down.
While Thomas is nothing if not a corrupt, white nationalist
Christo-fascist, the Court's top buffoon and annoying splinter on the bench
Neil Gorsuch – only barely claiming the top spot from Amy Clowny Barrett – is trying to compare the murderous,
coup-happy mob who ransacked the Capitol, assaulted law enforcement, destroyed
and stole property, threatened the lives of legislators and desperately wanted to hang the vice
president, and defecated in the halls of the Capitol in service to stopping the
certification of a free and fair election, to Rep. Jamal Bowman (D-NY) pulling
a fire alarm to delay a vote.
These Supreme fuckers are desperately trying to get their
lard and savior Donald Trump off the hook for trying the end democracy in
America. And every other fucking horrific deed he has ever done or ever will
do if given half a chance.
Justices are expected to recuse themselves when even the
appearance of conflict of interests exist. Some might consider it a conflict of
interest when the defendant’s co-conspirator is married to one or more (who
knows what these freaks are doing behind our backs – other than Thomas and
Alito openly taking bribes from filthy-rich white men who stand to benefit from
their “friendship”) of the justices. Others might be more interested in having
those who were appointed by the defendant recuse themselves for the most
obvious and clear-cut reasons in the history of jurisprudence. Or maybe it’s
just me.
In
Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro was recently ousted by voters after four horrifying
years in power, after which he went full Trump with a copycat post-election Big
Lie. As is usually the case, fascist assholes like Bolsonaro and Trump are
neck-deep in both crises. Bolsonaro’s administration specialized in destruction
of the Amazon, earning him the moniker “Captain Chainsaw.” More recently, now
out of the political crisis game, Bolsonaro was suspected of harassing a
humpback whalein
the waters off Brazil’s south-eastern coastline near the town of São Sebastião.
In
December 2023, Javier Milei, another Christo-fascist, faux-libertarian jackass,
who campaigned brandishing an actual chainsaw, was elected president of
Argentina. Fortunately, Trump, who congratulated the world’s newest dictator by
saying Milei “will make Argentina great again” does not possess the physical
strength to lift anything heavier than a Whopper. It seems likely that
Argentina will soon be more fascist than Florida. At least Trump will be able
to find safe-haven when he decides to jump bail – like Napoleon, he was never
going to be able to handle Russian winters.
Here
at home, as we are too well aware, we have a disgraced, twice-impeached,
four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth Amendment-dependent
ex-one-term-president, currently indicted all over the fucking place for so
many, and such egregious acts that he should have been locked up, or shipped
off to Elba, ages ago. Instead, this fuckwad is once again his – and I do mean
his – party’s nominee for president and is currently leading in the polls over
Joe Biden.
Trump
is also crushing Biden for King of Senior Moments. And number of indictments.
Back
To The End Of The Future
NOVA
circa 1983 – The Climate Crisis
From
a 1969 (Nixon) White House memo:
“As
with so many of the more interesting environmental questions, we really don’t
have very satisfactory measurements of the carbon dioxide problem. On the other
hand, this very clearly is a problem, and, perhaps most particularly, is
one that can seize the imagination of persons normally indifferent to projects
of apocalyptic change.”
The
memo further stated that dumping more CO2
into the atmosphere
“could
increase the average temperature near the earth’s surface by 7 degrees
Fahrenheit. This in turn could raise the level of the sea by 10 feet. Goodbye
New York. Goodbye Washington, for that matter.”
The
Nixon White House memo (did I mention it was produced in 1969, which by some
accounts was 55 years ago…in the past) also offered ideas for mitigating the
coming (now here) disaster, including
“fairly
mammoth man-made efforts to countervail the CO2 rise. (E.g., stop
burning fossil fuels. I would think this is a subject that the Administration
ought to get involved with.”
That was the Nixon administration. Richard
Nixon. Paranoid, criminal scumbag. In 1969.
Then
again, the Greenhouse Effect was initially posited in the 1890s. How we doin’
so far?
To Hell with “America First.”
Freak
out…
I
mean, Peace Out.
Bullshit,
I mean freak the fuck out.
This has been your Special Edition Paying Attention™ Fraught
For Earth The Day.
Not that the imminent mass extinction of life in the sea, which will inevitably spread to life on land enters into the equation that consists only of dollar signs, but the
iconic purveyor of cheap, fast-food-y foods from the sea, Red Lobster is
heading for bankruptcy.
Funny
thing, so are the oceans.
Industrial
fishing, climate crisis and demand for omega fish oil products are decimating
the seas. Not to mention Red Fucking Lobster’s famed All-You-Can-Eat shrimp or
their Endless Lobster Experience.
Not
to worry though, once the coral reefs die off (along with the bees) life above
sea level will not fare very well. Assuming we all haven’t burned, drowned or
frozen to death first.
Fishy, Fishy, Fishy, Fish
Get
ready for Fred Lobster and their All-You-Can-Eat-Soylent-Green.
Bankruptcy,
It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore
Speaking
of bankruptcy, Donald Trump. The world’s most famous morally, intellectually
and financially bankrupt dumbass is now turning everyone’s couch cushions
inside-out in search of loose change. It isn’t enough that he managed to get
his Stepford daughter-in-law in charge of the RNC’s purse strings – vowing to
devote every penny to dear old dad-in-law. Self-proclaimed “King of Debt” Trump
is now demanding that any Fascist/Trump/Putin Party candidate who uses Damaged
Don’s likeness or name to boost their own election chances (is that really
still a thing?) must pay a protection fee…I mean royalties to The Don.
Freak
out…
I
mean, Peace Out.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught
For The Day.
