Illegal Aliens Day

White Men in History

The Indies North America
October 9, 2017

In keeping with his screw-everyone-who-is-not-me approach to every moment of his waking life, Donald Chrump got to put his personal stamp of abhorrence on Columbus Day. Our #FAKE PRESIDENT issued a proclamation to honor the genocidal explorer who thought he had reached India when he came across the unfortunate Taino people, the original inhabitants of many of the islands in the Caribbean. Talk about your bad hombre illegal immigrants. Columbus and his not-so-merry men really were aliens to the Taino. They were the wrong color, they were disease-ridden criminals and rapists. Some of them, one assumes, were…oh who am I kidding they were murderous racists who cut off people’s hands and made them wear the severed parts around their necks. After soiling the ocean blue, Columbus never actually made landfall in India…I mean North America, but he infected the continent just the same.

And a lovely time was had by all…those who were white.

 

Speaking of Racist White Men Who Do Not Belong Here…

You may recall that Hair Chrump managed to ignore the Jewish people on Holocaust Remembrance Day, making no mention whatsoever of Jews on this important day. Not even a ‘some-of-them-are-very-fine-people’ or ‘some-of-my-best-son-in-laws-are-Jewish’. Nothing. Nada. This of course was months before Chrump spokesliar Sean Spicer informed us that, “You had someone as despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons.” And well before Chrump himself insisted that some Nazi sympathizers were “very fine people.” Maybe someone should tell him that he has Jewish grandchildren. Just don’t tell the unfortunate little ones who their grandfather is.

Today, despite all of the greatly inflamed sensitivities around race and immigration, Chrump’s proclamation made no mention of native peoples, merely lauding the lost merchant of death and disease for his “ambitious and daring voyage across the Atlantic Ocean to the Americas.”  Oddly, there were no Americas back then, and if Chrump stays around much longer, there might not be any in the near future. The Columbus Day statement written for Der Furor continued, “The permanent arrival of Europeans to the Americas was a transformative event that undeniably and fundamentally changed the course of human history and set the stage for the development of our great Nation. Therefore, on Columbus Day, we honor the skilled navigator and man of faith…”

The rest of the statement was even bullshittier and not worth your, or anyone else’s, time. Naturally, being more than 140 characters in length, Chrump had nothing to do with the creation of the proclamation designed to be placed above his name, but anyone would likely have caught the glaring omission. Anyone, that is, who was not a full-blown racist, or had even the slightest hint of human decency. But alas, Columbus was white and those whose lives he destroyed were not. I’m sure Chrump was very busy cementing his scalp fibers into place and whispering sweet nothings into his own ear. There was however, a terrific Columbus Day sale on all Chrump merchandise on his website. How’s that for patriotic?

I. Mangrey reporting.