In
the spirit of sincere atonement, we would like to present that video. If you're
not familiar with this piece, we highly recommend taking a few minutes to enjoy
something we couldn't have said better ourselves, and we dare say with all due
respect, neither could you.
Frank Zappa – Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
Okay, so there’s one more song that
must be included here:
Martin Mull – I Found It
Also,
there was one more thing They told us that we were a bit afraid to include in
what we shared of our conversation
“And
one more thing for those of you trying to destroy what We've created, speaking
of pronouns, fuck you and yours for electing that alien gasbag with the fake
hair, fake tan (without that coating he's as white as a Klan hood, just without the pointy top) – no way We created that shit... and for canceling Stephen
Colbert – a personal friend of Ours – We've been on his show many times.”
Here We are at the Ed Sullivan Theater with
Stephen
with Our fidget spinner (remember those fucking things?)
In a stunning announcement sure to cause some serious agita
in certain circles, God has turned everything upside-down. Speaking exclusively
to Paying Attention™ – don’t ask us
how this happened because you wouldn’t believe it, but no bushes were burned,
no tablets handed down – just some straight talk (well, maybe “straight” is not
the best adjective here, as you’ll see shortly). Anyway, the creator(s) of all
things spake thus:
People of Earth (and everywhere else for that fucking matter)
it is time you learn the truth. We are sick of those among you continually
referring to us as “He” or “Him” or even those with a bit more imagination and
smarts using “She” or “Her”. We hereby wish to make it known, and in no
uncertain terms that this must stop. Yea and verily, our pronouns are “We”,
“Us”, “They”, “Them”. We think you get the picture. If you don’t, We’ll spell
it out: We are not singular, and We’re surely not a guy. Seriously, what the
fuck. We know this will come as a shock, especially to those among you who are
such fucking snowflakes about anyone who doesn’t conform to your pathetic views
of gender (or so much else that you fucknuts are fucking up so royally). And We
do apologize since We were the ones who created pathetic, as well as all you
fools who think you know what we are all about. And yes, We did create free
will, but not for this bullshit. We figured you would improve over time, you
know, like grow-the-fuck-up, and to be honest, We thought it would get much
better much faster. So get with the fucking program. You don’t know shit. Don’t
make Us come over there and smite your sorry asses.
Don’t let the beard fool you
They went on about “that fucker who thinks he’s God” who “clearly
has severe mental and emotional defects” and “can barely create a coherent
sentence, let alone a fucking universe. No way did We create that fucked up
shit. At least not on purpose. We have no idea where the fuck that asshole came
from.” God, clearly getting more upset just thinking about “the little shit
whose name We dare not utter”, and adding “is possibly the worst and most
nauseating dancer since T-Rex – not the very cool band from the early 1970s,
but the tiny-brained dinosaur We created back in the day. By the way, for those
of you too fucking stupid to understand reality, We did the whole dinosaur
thing long before we blew that shit up and came up with the idea for humans,
which is really starting to look like a huge fuck-up at this point. We really
miss those big bird/lizard thingies; they were a cheery lot, cheery and
violent…but totally awesome.” They claimed, “We’re strongly considering another
game-ending event, but We might just wait a few more years and let you all take
care of it yourselves. You seem very determined, and We’re feeling a bit lazy
at the moment.”
Lastly, and this was quite mind-blowing, They addressed the
creation of Adam and Steve…I mean Eve
So, as the story goes, We created Adam and then took one of
his fucking ribs and made Eve. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. With
all the powers vested in Us, why wouldn’t We just take another lump of clay or
whatthefuckever and make another body from scratch? Think about this: if We
took Adam’s rib and made Eve and then said ‘be fruitful and multiply’, doesn’t
that by definition mean that We told Adam to go fuck himself? Talk about
incest.
And that’s when we asked to be excused from the
conversation.
Obviously, we were a bit taken aback. But not as much by the
announcement itself or even that whole Adam and Eve thing. Makes no sense
whatsoever. Why wouldn’t either 1) Eve have been created first and her have her
rib taken to make Adam, or 2) to have any consistency in the story, have men be the bearers of children? That’s
all very interesting but what really caught us off guard was the salty language
They used so effortlessly during our time together.
Much less surprising was how much time, and how much vitriol
was devoted to the Orange MAGAt and his “ungodly bunch of half-witted, Us-hating,
losers trying to re-make Our perfectly acceptable world in their graven, craven,
and soon-to-be-fatal image. We mean, seriously, what the fuck.”
World Party – And God Said…
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News
report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled atheism.
It could
well be that all the angry MAGAts want to see Epstein’s client list because
they expect to see a bunch of Democrats and Hollywood elites splattered all
over Epstein’s Pedophile Island client list.
They
are so hell-bent on this idea that seem unable to process the fact that Trump
was besties with Epstein for 15 years in no small part due their mutual
attraction for women “on the younger side”.
The other
possibility is that due to the kinds of people that are on the client list,
other forces are at work to keep that list from ever seeing the light of day.
I have to say I am a bit surprised. It seems that some
MAGAts have more scruples than their Lard and Master. They draw the line at
pedophilia (though it could be the hope that it’s all about the Jews). There is
no line Trump won’t cross.
Either that or they just can’t let go of the conspiracy
theory Trump, et al have been peddling for the past several years, the one
where he constantly croaked about the Deep State hiding the Epstein Files.
Mirror please!
BFFs Trump and… Yep, Effin’
Jester
Speaking of the Epstein Files…
“Fear is the tool of
a tyrant.”* Maurene Comey, recently fired
federal prosecutor
You might recognize the surname of the prosecutor that Trump
suddenly had fired for no reason, no legitimate reason that is. Comey had a
stellar record including the prosecutions of someone named Jeffrey Epstein and
a woman named Ghislaine Maxwell (Epstein’s literal partner in crime who managed
to live long enough to be convicted, and now serving a 20-year sentence for her
work with Epstein). This Epstein fellow died in prison during a three-minute
gap in the doctored prison video that Trump’s justice department told us was
raw footage.
“Donald Trump is a
tool and a tyrant.” Ed Venture, Managing Editor,
Paying Attention™
Nothing Happens For A (Good) Reason
In other blatantly coincidental news, the current
Emmy-nominated, and top-rated-in-its-time-slot Late Show With Stephen Colbert
is scheduled for the trash heap in May 2026. This obviously coincidental
announcement came two days after Colbert’s monologue included some poignant and
cutting remarks about his parent company Paramount paying off Trump to the tune
of $16 million (to avoid a lawsuit Paramount would win easily) because they need Il Douche to okay Paramount’s merger bid with
the right wing Skydance.
All you really need to know about the proposed merger is
that Trump recently praised Skydance Media CEO David Ellison as “great” and
said that “he’ll do a great job” as head of the merged Skydance-Paramount
Global.
As we all know, Donny knows “the best people” and he is the
world’s greatest judge of character.
“I’ve known Jeff [Epstein] for 15 years. Terrific guy. He’s a
lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as
I do, and many of them are on the younger side.” Donald
Trump, 2002
Damaged Don also had an “I wish her well” (something he never said about the girls Epstein
and Maxwell trafficked and Epstein raped) for Epstein's co-conspirator and co-defendant in sex trafficking of young girls Ghislaine
Maxwell after being sentenced for 20 years. I dare you to name better people than this.
One More Thing
Sources report that The Daily Show could well be next on the
chopping block once the merger goes forward. What a coincidence.
____________________________________________ *From Comey’s letter to
colleagues after being summarily fired for bad reason.
Five years ago today John Lewis drew his last
breath. The final one in a decades-long succession of powerful, meaningful
breaths. Of eloquent and profound words and consequential deeds. Arguably one
of the greatest Americans in our storied, albeit sullied history. Who gave his
life to and was the personification of “Good Trouble”.
Marches are planned all across the country to honor Lewis’ memory and
continue the pressure against the racist, fascist Trump administration’s
crusade to end democracy and decency in America.
Lewis famously joined Martin Luther King, Jr. in the Selma to Montgomery marches and was
beaten nearly to death by Alabama State Troopers while marching across the Edmund Pettus bridge
on March 7, 1965, which became known as Bloody Sunday.
The
Edmund Pettus Bridge traverses the Alabama River in Selma, Alabama. It was built
in 1940, and was and remains named after Edmund Pettus, a former Confederate brigadier
general, U.S. senator, and state-level leader of the Alabama Ku Klux Klan. USA!
USA! USA!
There
have been calls to rename the bridge, including naming it after John Lewis. Lewis
had voiced opposition to changing the name of the bridge before his death.
I. Mangrey remembering. It's time for some excellent trouble.
Stephen Miller: Sucking the Blood Out of American Democracy
The Daily Show
___________________________________________ *But it’s not Elon MusKKK **Though the competition remains fierce with MusKKK’s AI
chatbot Grok claiming itself MechaHitler and now partnering with the Pentagon.
BONUS PIC OF THE DAY
This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic Of The Day.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to find
anything good, or even just imagine something good as the Fuh King works to
dis-mental Americawith levels
of stupidity, incompetence and fascist fucknuttery like nobody has ever seen
before.
Is That Schadenfreude I Smell?
The previous paragraph was written a week or
so ago. Sometimes I store bits or pieces or whole posts – like a squirrel, though
not in my cheeks – to use
at a later date. But, since then there has been a whiff of something sweeter in
the air. Sickeningly sweet, but sweet nonetheless. Who would have thought that
a dead pedophile could become so “popular”?
The MAGA cult is currently tearing itself to
pieces over the non-existent Epstein files that very recently were spending
quality time on psychophant AG Pam Blondi’s desk. Now they have either vanished, never
existed, and/or were the work of evil Democrats bound and determined to destroy
St. Donald of the Double-cross. I hope they figure this shit out in time to get
crushed in the mid-terms.
Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled word-fest.
Despite Fey King Don’s self-professed “very,
very large uh-brain”, his delusional insistence that he “has the best words”
and is a “very stable genius”, the Moron of Mor-a-Lago is objectively the
dumbest, most deranged and most neurologically impaired creature to ever sully
the Oval Office.
So stupid and un-self-aware is Donny
Dumpsterfire, that he has repeatedly related the story of the snake and the
lady without a whiff of realization that in this story, originally one of
Aesop’s fables, later put to song by Oscar Brown, Jr. (below) and others, Donny
is the snake. The fact that he is a snake, and has been one his whole life
seems to have escaped Donny’s keen sense of psychosis.
Oscar
Brown, Jr. – The Snake
Somebody should hide Don’s fucking Adderall
so maybe he’ll fall asleep for a few weeks. At this point, he just might want
to sleep through this latest Epstein episode. I wish him hell. This whacko
never sleeps, and clearly spends all his waking hours thinking of more ways to
fuck everything all the way to hell.
All I can do is dig into
some health food…
mental health food
It’s not like he does anything except cheat at
golf, butcher the language and sign executive orders that are placed under his
Sharpie. It’s not like he has a fucking clue what’s going on in his own
administration:
Reporter: “Who ordered the pause [in aid to
Ukraine] last week ?”
Dumb-ass Don: “I don’t know. Why don’t you
tell me?”
Large, but not so much in charge apparently. Ignore-ance
personified.
While ignorance is the order of the day in this
administration, that’s not all they’re bringing to the table for America’s last
meal before its execution. In this second Trump administration case the stench
of dishonesty, incompetence and sociopathy is bordering on fatal. Certainly for
Ukraine (and by extension Europe?), and likely for this country.
We Are Just Following Executive Orders
Executive orders are not law. They can be removed
and reversed at the stroke of a new pen (even a robo-pen). This places them
below presidential pardons in seriousness, since pardons are forever. Laws are
the law because Congress said so. Then the Supreme Court decides to undo the
law at the whim of five (or up to nine) lifetime – often political –
appointees. In this case, there are six valiantly trying to enshrine fascism as
the replacement for our constitutional republic. Executive orders are just the
guy (maybe a woman in 100 years) at the top doing whatever the fuck he wants.
In this case, these orders are simply tantrums thrown by the man-baby in the
White House.
Here’s a look at presidential executive orders in
the first 100 days of several presidents:
Biden issued 42 in his first 100 days, (more than any president since
Harry Truman)
Roosevelt had half as many executive orders as
Grumpy and actually used them to move the nation forward by helping everyday
people. FDR also signed a shitload of bills into law, as opposed to the current
administration, which gives no shits about passing laws or obeying the laws we
already have.
This
one’s kind of a toss-up, but we’re going with the underling-in-charge this
time. Our uncertainty will be obvious by the end here, so feel free to
disagree, but either way we’re up to our eyeballs in stupidity, chaos and peril.
Pete Kegseth, the very defensive secretary, and by all accounts the least competent… When
he’s not busy day drinking or primping for the cameras in his specially built make-up room in
the Pentagon, he’s doing The Lard’s work yelling – like a late-night-drunk
waiting for an “escort” two hours past closing time at his third dive bar of
the evening – at reporters who dare mention facts in his pathetic presence, or
lawmakers who dare question his inept and/or absurd actions, his unparalleled
ignorance, his dangerous incompetence or his almost Trumpian ability to lie
through his booze…I mean teeth.
By all appearances, Kegseth unilaterally cut off
funding to Ukraine a week or so ago – without telling Dear Doddering Leader.
When Dumb Don was asked by a reporter why the
funds were halted, he claimed ignorance:
Reporter: “Who ordered the pause [in military aid
to Ukraine] last week?”
Dumb-ass Don: “I don’t know. Why don’t you
tell me?”
I know I am, but what are you? Maybe you should
be president. Large, but not so much in charge apparently.
And then the demented follow-up, days later:
Different Reporter: “What does it say that such a big
decision could be made inside your government without you knowing?”
Same Dumb-ass Don: “Uh, I would know. If a decision
was made I will know. I’ll be the first to know, in fact most likely I give the
order, but I haven’t done that yet.” (actual quote)
Uh, what the fuck? Somebody call those
nice young men in their clean white coats to come and take him away,
this guy’s brain is goo. Maybe he’s got hisself one o’ them thar brain worms,
or maybe they’s a rabbit munching away in there. He’s like a boxer who’s been
knocked out but his body hasn’t figured it out yet.
While ignorance is the order of the day in this
administration, in this case the stench of dishonesty and incompetenceis bordering on fatal. Certainly for Ukraine
(and by extension Europe?), and likely for this country.
Fool me once, shame on you. (Try to) Fool me
twice, go fuck yourself.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.
