Paying Attention: Vote! It Ain't Illegal Yet!

Are you worried about Russian bots winning elections?
Are you sick of Republican’ts stealing America?

Are you having trouble sustaining an election?

Important information about a powerful drug for a serious condition afflicting hundreds of millions of people the world over.

You may already be one of the many who need the most remarkable wonder-drug of all time - VOTEGRA. Not just for men. Not just for women. Now available for anyone over the age of 18 and wanting to vote. Millions of people all over the world are suffering horribly and don't even know it. Millions more simply pretend that everything is just fine. Most, at this point, are fully aware of the damage already inflicted by The Orange Gas Cloud infesting our nation’s capital and spreading across our land and gradually the whole globe. Others are, as we speak, having their right to vote jeopardized by Republican't corporate backers and government operatives desperate to keep non-Republican't voters from exercising the most basic American right. The concept of one actual human casting one vote scares the crap out of Republican’ts.

You may actually believe you're healthy and happy and ready to vote in every way. Or you may simply be in denial. Don't let another election go by leaving you feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, powerless, useless, out of step, alienated, Chrumped up or just plain stoopid. ESPECIALLY THIS ELECTION. The FDA has waived all safety regulations and precautions - and that's almost a stretch for them. This drug is too important to ignore any longer although, given the current anti-vote environment, Votegra may only be available in Canada and Mexico between now and November 6, 2018.

Are you suffering from Electile Dysfunction?

It’s blue for a good reason.

Can't get into the booth like you used to? Are you voting blanks? Do you wish you could do it more often and make it mean something? Is your chad just hanging there limp and listless? Is your votecount shockingly lower than you ever would have expected? Do you get the feeling your vote is about to be suppressed? Is your once worthless candidate now just a worthless has-been? Would you like to be able to throw a football through a tire?

VOTEGRA won't just help you keep an election for as long as you want. It may even help you prop up a government of your choosing for years on end. You'll be fighting off those corporate whores with a stick if you know what I mean. And why shouldn't you be - you will be able to put the pedal to the metal and make your vote count like you haven't been able to do for years. Who's your daddy now? With VOTEGRA your election will be valid every time. No more just worriedly wishing you had an election - VOTEGRA can make you feel like you could push those buttons, pull those levers, grab ‘em by the ballots, any time you want to, well maybe not any time, but definitely next Tuesday. Don't wait any longer - ask your doctor or senator if VOTEGRA is for you. If they say no, tell them to go f**k themselves twice.

Do you care if America is Red or Blue?

Electile Dysfunction is no joke; this time we're voting to put the brakes on the most ignorant, incompetent, disgraceful, dangerous, racist, authoritarian American president in our lifetime, and possibly anyone else’s. The 2018 midterm elections are the anti-schmuck brakes on the worse-than-driverless Chrump-mobile. Chrump himself has purposely cut the brake lines before oozing behind the wheel, and he wants us to be his crash test dummies.

In March of this year, a report from the Brennan Center for Justice concluded that Democrats would need an 11-point margin across all congressional contests in order to flip 24 seats and become the majority in the House. According to a spokesman for the center, “It would be the equivalent of a tsunami.” The last time a margin of this size was achieved, was 1974.

You may have Electile Dysfunction and not even know it. Do something about it before it's too late and you end up with a full term of a porn-star-plooking conman, who would rather be bedding his own daughter, who lies more than he breathes, who tweets on the toilet and uses Fux and Friends as his primary advisors. Yes, we seemingly survived one election victory and two terms of George W. Bush. At this moment, it hardly seems to have been worth the trouble.

This time it is either some amount of real change…you know, socialism, or the end is near. Take your damned medicine and vote your ass off. If there is not enough VOTEGRA within reach and you have a gun, consider rounding up everyone you can find and drag them to the polls. Join the Angry Mob right now. Get mad as hell and don’t take it anymore. Please don't let Electile Dysfunction wreck our lives again.

Possible side effects of not using VOTEGRA include runny candidates, listless legislators, successful Russian election meddling, more COLLUSION, continued unbeatable gerrymandering, purged voter rolls, depression, another Depression, Citizens United II (corporations are people and people are not), armed repression, cranio-rectal syndrome, Jared Kushner, President Mike Pence, President Paul Ryan, President Ted Cruz, White House Chief-of-staff Sean Hannity, short-circuited recounts, Ayn Rand, another Antonin Scalia, another Clarence Thomas, another Neil Gorsuch, another Boof Kavanaugh, another Supreme Court-appointed president, another Electoral College appointed president, Armageddon. Legmageddon.

If your election lasts longer than four years contact your arms dealer immediately.