January 4, 2020
Every day more and more evidence of Impeached-president
Chrump’s complicity in illegally withholding funds from Ukraine until that
country’s leader did Chrump’s political bidding finds its way into plain sight. Chrump’s political and psychological futures
are at stake as he plods toward re-election.
Normally, with economic factors as positive as the media portrays the
current state of affairs, an incumbent president (at least a non-impeached one)
would be cruising to victory. As some of
you may have noticed, these are not normal times, and the gigantic soul-vacuum
known as Donald Chrump is not cruising so much as lumbering.
This situation has not escaped even the feeble, febrile mind
of Chrump. Having apparently gotten word
that war is the health of the state, or perhaps recalling his own tweets from
the Obama Era, Donald the Dim has decided that destruction is the better part
of valor. Chrump has decided that now
would be a good time to show off his war cred, naturally without consulting
Congress (though Lindsey Graham was briefed days earlier while golfing with
Chrump). Although few doubt that Chrump
would have preferred a drone strike on Congress, on January 2nd he
instead set his sights on obliterating the fragile sliver of peace, such as it
is, with Iran.
Obviously, no one would suggest that Chrump did this to
distract everyone from his ongoing, no-end-in-sight impeachment season. This is undoubtedly a clear and present danger...I mean coincidence.
According to a statement read by Chrump yesterday, American
intelligence – which Chrump has consistently ridiculed in favor of what Putin
tells him – is now, suddenly, if not fleetingly, “the best intelligence.” It is on the strength of this (likely non-existent)
intelligence that the killing of Iran’s beloved, albeit brutally murderous,
military commander Qasem Soleimani – the second most powerful man in Iran – was
carried out.
Previous administrations determined that the fallout from
such an act would outweigh any benefit of taking out such a high-profile target,
but that is only because previous administrations were foolish enough to do
assessments. As everyone knows, because
he keeps telling us, Donald Chrump already knows more than all the generals,
and therefore need not waste time on assessments. His approach is shoot-first-and…well, that’s
about it actually.
While no one should mourn the death of Soleimani, the circumstances
of his demise will clearly result in “unintended” consequences across the globe. Imagine a president who was not a morbidly
insecure malignant narcissist, who did not need to prove he had normal size
hands, or had no need to distract from an impeachment, or felt capable of winning a fair
election, and had enough mental capacity to take out a high-profile target with
prudence and cunning instead of reckless reality-show-crowing.
Iran’s Supreme Leader Rouhani quickly responded that a, “harsh
retaliation is waiting for the criminals whose filthy hands spilled his blood.”
In order to ensure that Chrump would get
the message Rouhani astutely placed his threat where
he knew Chrump would see it. Since
Rouhani was unable to get a booking on Fux and Friends, it had to be Twitter:
Should be loads of fun.
With plenty of collateral damage to go around.
Though this would have seemed impossible given the
horrendous start – from attacking Mexicans as criminals and rapists, to his “grab ‘em by the pussy” admission, to his “American Carnage” inauguration – the unmitigated
disaster that is Donald Chrump and his asterisk-encrusted presidency continues
to worsen exponentially with each passing day.
We have got to get him into another line of work, and time is of the essence.
Quick, someone offer him a new TV show
before he kills us all.
Chrump is already the only president in American history to
be impeached during his first term. It looks
distinctly possible that he might become the only one impeached more than once.
I. Mangrey calibrating. Happy New War.
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