Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Broken News


Cancer-in-Chief
September 2, 2020
Donald Chrump is a cancer. A cancer on the office of president. A cancer on the Constitution. A cancer on democracy. A cancer on the United States. A cancer on this entire planet. As it now stands, the Chrump Blastoma, though well past its early stages, is still treatable by non-heroic means. Though an impeachment surgery was performed earlier this year, a McConnell infection in the operating theater caused the operation left too many virulent Chrumpoma cells in the body politic for complete remission and the cancer has continued to rage unchecked. Experts are saying that there is a new, very promising treatment, which will be available on November 3rd; no sooner, no later.

Chrumpoma: endangering everything everywhere
Unlike the various measures Chrump has put forward to combat the Chrump Virus – ignoring it, waiting for it to magically disappear several months ago, ingesting disinfectants, shining light into the body, hydroxychloroquine, poisonous plant extracts pushed by pillow peddlers, non-existent vaccines, letting hundreds of thousands die – this treatment is real, and if applied in a timely manner will at least put this malignancy into remission. However, if Chrump metastasizes into a second term that will put the “term” into terminal.
I. Mangrey breaking news. Only 61 cheating days until Election Day.

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