Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part III

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

They say Elba is lovely in January

The End (of The Year) is (Mercifully) Near Here

December 31, 2020

Where Will We Have Gone From Here

Well, here it is. The final installment of what to expect in 2021. Well, theoretically we will soon be rid of Donald Chrump, albeit 48 months too late. Chances are good, if you are reading this, that you are not dead. Hopefully well-stocked with toilet paper, and still COVID-19-free. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, there is still no way to know for sure. Until at least January 6, 2021 – and very possibly until the 21^st – Chrump will keep us guessing, gnashing our teeth, fighting to keep food down, losing sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately prevail despite the unrelenting and seditious efforts of its arch enemy – the Republican’t Party, which is now a wholly-owned subsidiary of Donald Chrump. Hopefully, it will attain the fate of so many of Chrump’s business ventures.

Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor

 

January 21, 2021

Bleaching A Conclusion

The virus is a hoax and drinking bleach will kill it

Thousands of Chrump loyalists, despondent over the fact that their man-baby was tossed out after a single term/tantrum, unable to complete his mission to destroy democracy and America, and to bring racism and discord back to pre-Civil War levels, decide it’s time to show everyone how great Chrump really was, hoping the Radical Left will finally realize what a stupid mistake they made. They drink disinfectant en masse to keep themselves safe from the tyranny of masks and the coronavirus. Most of them die quick, albeit horrible deaths. The survivors claim victory over the virus and Joe Biden.

 

January 25, 2021

The Whiter House

Initially, Chrump intended to tunnel back into the White House, 

but quickly gave up and went golfing

Finally-ex-president Donald Chrump promises to “build a bigger, better, much more beautiful and powerful Whiter House at Mor-on Lago in Florida. I will still be president of most white people. Especially the poorly educated – I love the poorly educated. And the great Betsy Devos made sure there will be millions more of these uneducated people who are smart enough to love Chrump. I won’t have to pretend I never heard of the Proud Boys or David Duke or worry about being impeached or hoaxed by the radical left liberal Antifa lovers. No one can tell me to wear a mask, or not to drink bleach or shine light up my ass, which I was totally joking about before – and everyone knows that, but I’m seriously doing now. Just look how healthy I am. No one has a healthier glow than Chrump. I have the best hair and I’m still the best-looking guy in America, and probably the world, I would say. Sleepy Joe Biden lost this election by a lot and I will not stop until I prove it, whether it be in court or possibly by some sort of Second Amendment thing. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

 

February 25, 2021

Promise Made, Promise Kept

Donald Chrump, desperate for attention since his Twitter following dropped by 90 percent and he can’t even buy time on television, takes a trip to New York City in order to force people to remember he exists. He told radio host Mike Pence, “I was cheated out of a second term and someone is going to pay. I still have some unfinished business. The first thing I’m going to do is walk down Fifth Avenue and shoot someone, maybe a bunch of people. When you’re white they let you do it. Many people still think I’m still president. My new Whiter House is going to be built very soon. I am also planning to build my own wall to stop Mexico from sending us all their criminals and rapists, who are voting against Chrump, even the dead ones. I alone can fix it. These horrible Mexican criminals and rapists are stealing jobs from real American criminals and rapists. Many of these great Americans are good friends of mine and got very strong and powerful pardons from Chrump while he was the greatest president in history.”

“Even those rats on the Supreme Court better look out if they don’t reconsider their very terrible decision to allow the totally illegal Sleepy Joe Biden and that dangerous radical liberal black lady he calls a Vice President to pretend to be president. That is still my job. I pretended to be president for four of the greatest years in America and I will continue to do the job I was greatly elected to do – with the biggest inauguration crowd in the history of the world.”

Armed, dangerous, and stupid: Chrump on Fifth Avenue in NYC

 March 1, 2021

Atlantic City, Tear Down That Eyesore

Atlantic City auctioned off the opportunity to be the one who pushes the button to demolish the now-closed Chrump Plaza Hotel & Casino. The proceeds going to Atlantic City’s Boys & Girls Club. Who will it be? Mike Bloomberg? Nancy Pelosi? George Soros? Barack Obama? Hillary Clinton Mary Trump? Melania? This, we will not divulge, preferring to let you be surprised and pleased when you discover the winning bidder. However, we will let you in on another interesting tidbit for this day.

Many people have offered to pay to dismantle this very
strong, powerful and colossal failure by hand. Others have
decided to simply take matters into their own hands.

Chrump accidentally wanders into Chrump Plaza in Atlantic City moments before it is demolished. normally, such a building is cordoned off well ahead of the demolition, but no one seemed to bother telling Donald not to go it at that time. Perhaps they assumed he would leave in time, perhaps everyone assumed he had left in time, perhaps no one cared.

July 21, 2021

Make America Suffer Again

A frustrated Chrump tries to poke America’s eye out

Chrump reveals his new “Re-president Me” campaign slogan and new hat. “Make America Mine Again. I did such a great job and I got the second biggest amount of votes ever. We have to get me back in the White House – the old one, not the one I’m building so greatly in Florida, or maybe Russia, I haven’t decided yet. And I will be totally self-funding with your money. So keep sending me money so we can have an even greater America than anyone ever thought possible. I alone can do it.” Chrump then led the credulous crowd in a new chant, “MAMA! MAMA! I want my MAMA!”

 

September 24, 2021

No Balls Putz Prize

For finally admitting he lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden, Chrump becomes the first winner of a new prestigious prize. The psychotic, orange narcissist has repeatedly either begged or insisted that he be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Chrump has even claimed on occasion that he won several of them. Instead, Chrump is awarded the No Balls Putz Prize for outstanding cowardice, insanity and hatred. It is surely a distinct honor and well-deserved.

 

December 31, 2021

It is predicted that there will be no more predictions dealing with Donald Chrump. He will be either dead or irrelevant, or both. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Well, that’s it for Paying Attention in 2020 (unless Chrump outdoes himself in the next 24 hours), and all we know about what to expect in 2021 – or at least some of it. For now, sit back and pour yourself a beverage; a nice hot cup of tea, a martini, maybe something from the hemp family. However you roll, make sure you have your Rent-a-Coma on hand, just in case. It’s still flying off the shelves. And, you never know when it might come in handy. For now, let's party like we're all in quarantine.  

From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff, Shay King, and everyone here at Paying Attention:

Sorry, that’s the best we can offer right now

John Oliver says good-bye to 2020