Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part I

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

The End (of The Year) is Near

December 26, 2023

Where Will We Have Gone From Here

Well, here we are once again. One year dies out, another takes its place. 2023 will perhaps be best known for two things. The first being Donald Justice-Denied Trump’s smorgasbord of indictments. All across the land, from Florida to New York to Georgia (will Michigan be next?) to other trouble in New York, Trump is facing all manner of civil and criminal charges. From defamation over alleged rape, to financial fraud, stealing classified documents, to insurrection, to being a first-class fuckhead (well, he’s not on trial for that – we are).

The second thing that has made 2023 so special is that Trump showed his true color on the campaign trail. It’s not orange and it’s not even pasty-white. It’s full-blown fascist. It’s not like it was much of a secret before, but now it’s the whole show. There’s nothing else. Take it or leave it. Trump is not just singing the praises of the ruthless autocrats sprinkled across the globe, he is now singing the phrases of Hitler and Mussolini. And his cult followers are eating it up with a spoon. Sure, they’re often missing their mouths and covering themselves in filth, but they are getting ready to puke up whatever they manage to swallow, and they are too near us all for us to avoid getting splattered. All they need is one wafer-thin mint of fear and loathing and KABLOOIE!!

One wafer-thin mutiny

Sure the Climate Crisis catastrophes accelerated in number and degree across the globe as oil companies continued to sabotage all attempts to reduce human impacts on global conditions.

If this was the America that Donald Trump is looking to make, he would have either been locked up pending trials or found himself briefly looking up at the 15^th-story window from which he had only moments earlier been looking down.

Oopsie, damned Russian-made windows

Save America From Americans

Still, thanks to Ratpublicans insisting on eliminating elections, democracy and reality in general, the stupidity – now with more fascism – is so overwhelming and so widespread that our entire system of political and social norms, such as they are, risk collapsing into chaos. It is not hyperbole to imagine long-term irreparable damage to civilization itself if these medieval Machiavellian morons have their way. This is not one of our predictions (Or is it?), but just something think and gnash your teeth about.

Now, Back To The Future

Many people do not realize that predicting the future is not an exact science. Truth be told, science is not always an exact science. A large swath of America does not even think science is real. In reality – as if that’s still a thing – nobody can predict the future…as if that’s still a thing. Nonetheless, we will put our non-existent reputation on the line to tell it like it will be. Our record has been as good as anyone’s since our first foray into Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle back in 2013.

I. Carnac, questioning all the answers that will be given in 2024

So, 2023, finally goes the way of all years, good, bad or ugly. At this point it, is all but guaranteed that we will be here to see it end.

In any event, here is what we predict you will see over the next 12 months…

January 1, 2024

Despite numerous attempts to shut that whole thing down, the year 2024 will not be cancelled and will proceed full speed ahead in spite of the looming cliff, clearly visible just ahead. As Trump attempts to wrest the wheel from Joe Biden (who I believe still has a valid driver’s license) people with discernable IQs are scrambling to save democracy and/or apply for citizenship somewhere that has no internet service.

Will America make it across the divide, or suddenly throw it in reverse?

January 6, 2024

Crappy Anniversary

Donald Trump celebrates his favorite day in American history by hiring (well, not actually hiring, which implies paying someone) several thousand mentally-deficient cult members to reenact that fateful day when Trump brought forth on this continent a most horrific tableau. In fact, he did not so much hire them as hold those pathetic enough to attend his rally hostage.

It was Defective Donny’s hope that his minions would descend on the White House, break out the old Mike Pence gallows, hang Joe Biden and install Donald back in his God-given (and therefore God-taken-away, if you believe in all that stuff) position as all-knowing, all-seeing, all-bleaching position. You know, the position that the voters never wanted him to have (despite God’s apparent wishes) as evidenced by his two crushing defeats in the popular vote.

Apparently, Trump had tired of being turned down by court after court in response to his incessant, albeit ridiculous meritless pleas to have all charges dismissed because he had previously been king and therefore “has absolute immunity,” and was, according to himself, “very likely to soon become America’s first dictator” after which he “would just go and pardon himself anyway.”

And so begins the Paying Attention™ panoply of predictions for 2024. As always, Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King attempt to bring you the future before it’s too late.

Go and get an appropriate attitude adjustment and break out the popcorn folks, we’re just getting started. It is predicted that Part II will be appearing very soon.

You won’t want to miss a moment of 2024…or will you