A message from TYLENOL®,
the medicine that definitely did not bring you autism.
TYLENOL®: Safe and Effective (Unlike Donald Trump)
WARNING: Donald
Trump is not a doctor. He is barely a human being. You should never take medical
advice (or any advice for that matter) from Donald Trump. His brain is damaged.
He can barely pronounce words or form coherent sentences and could not care
less if you live or die, just so long as he can make a buck.
You might have heard
our dementia-addled president repeatedly whine, croak and blabber about TYLENOL®
causing autism. If you had any doubt that the raging idiot who suggested
injecting disinfectant into the body to fight COVID-19 – the pandemic he tried
to hide by stopping the testing, because he figured if you didn’t test anyone,
the number of cases would go down and eventually, like a miracle, disappear –
was clueless about TYLENOL® and autism, you need only look at the two
fruitcakes standing at his ever-expanding sides as he made his announcement.
On one side was Meh Oz, the perennial lying charlatan,
who for was a doctor who played a doctor on cable tv –now administrator of the
Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services – who for decades tried to sell
everyone on unproven, ridiculous “supplements” while handing out bad advice as
useful as a Magic 8-Ball. On the other side was good old Bobby Brainworm, the anti-science
Death and Human Sacrifice secretary/heroin-addict/brain parasite host whose
very voice makes people sick to their stomachs and very possibly causes emotional
harm, if not autism.
The Three Screwges
Trump is a completely
unqualified, uneducated, so-far-from-being-a-doctor-or-even-a-casual-thinker-of-any-kind,
doofus. He said that he knew TYLENOL® caused autism, and laid out a
new schedule for the MMR vaccine “based on what I feel”. This from a man who
clearly has no feelings, who has shown himself to be unfathomably ignorant as a
baseline, and is now showing such rapid and complete mental deterioration, that
many people are wondering if he can still manage to feed himself or throw ketchup
across a room. Also from the same creature who told America that by not taking TYLENOL®
“nothing bad can happen, it can only good happen.” And you can take that to the
cemetery. At least Trump didn’t try to convince us it was based on something he
‘thought’. This slanderous, sociopathic meat sack will be hearing from our
lawyers.
TYLENOL® readily
admits that there are certain pains that our medicine cannot relieve, even slightly…
Sorry folks, but you’re on your own with this
one
Thank you for your
attention to this matter. From your good friends at non-autism-causing TYLENOL®.
Due to the massive number of people –
possibly the largest number of people in history – coming up to me on the
street, big strong people who never cried before in their lives, tears in their
eyes, begging me, "Sir, can you please repost the amazing piece you did
where you put to rest the insane notion that Trump is like Hitler.
There’s another very good reason to redux
this sucker. Somehow one of the best quotes on this subject slipped down the
old Paying Attention memory hole. Not sure how that happened. It’s not like
there’s a tsunami of tshit crashing all around us or anything.
“I go back and forth between thinking Trump
is a cynical asshole like Nixon who wouldn’t be that bad (and might even prove
useful) or that he’s America’s Hitler. How’s that for discouraging?” James Donald Bowman, aka James David Hamel,
aka JD Vance, 2016
Not
nearly as discouraging as the fact that you’re now his number two – and I mean
that in every way. From “America’s Hitler” to the ass you love to kiss. Every
fucking day. Your hillbilly mother must be so proud.
Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels
today ended the professional careers of five "Aryan" actors and
cabaret announcers by expelling them from the Reich's Chamber of Culture on the
grounds that “in their public appearances they displayed a lack of any positive
attitude toward National Socialism and therewith caused grave annoyance in
public and especially to party comrades.” The five include perhaps the best
known German stage comedians…
Hitler's Goebbels and Trump’s FCC chair Brendan Carr
Also not the same – Goebbels’ head is tilted to the right, Carr’s the left
Just
one more thing from Hair Trump…
One year ago
yesterday – September 26, 2024
Sound familiar?
Anyway,
please re-enjoy our irrefutable proof of the untruth that claims Trump is like
Hitler. This will help you deal with all the people who insist that Trump is
like Hitler.
Almost
every day people come up to me, big strong men, women and even children, tears
in their eyes, they say “Sir, we are so sad that Trump is like Hitler. We did
not vote for Hitler. We don’t want Hitler. We don’t want Trump to be like
Hitler. How do we stop Trump from being like Hitler?”
I try
to calm their nerves by responding with an answer to simple, so true, it cannot
be denied and should without any doubt put the whole issue to rest; “It makes
no sense to say Trump is like Hitler. Hitler had a mustache.” Case closed.
“Our
capitol city has been taken over by violent gangs and bloodthirsty criminals,
roving mobs of wild youth, drugged-out maniacs and homeless people.” Donald
Trump
We at
Paying Attention™ would never say that Trump is like Hitler because if we were
to say Trump is like Hitler, and to be clear, we are not saying that Trump is
like Hitler, many other people – those who like us, refuse to say that Trump is
like Hitler – might take a statement like “Trump is like Hitler” the wrong way.
“The streets of our country are in turmoil.
The universities are filled with students rebelling and rioting. Communists are
seeking to destroy our country…Without law and order our nation cannot
survive.” Donald Trump**
See, completely different – Trump’s on a white
horse
And
Hitler never said anything like this…
“I
have a right to do anything I want to do. I’m the president of the United
States.” Donald
Trump, August 26, 2025
I Do
Not See Hitler When I Look At Trump
The
main reason we would never say that Trump is like Hitler is that there is a
huge difference between Trump and Hitler. Adolf Hitler wanted to take over the
world. Donald Trump wants to fuck over the world.
These
are very different agendas.
I
mean, come on, would a murderous dictator who terrorizes his own populace go
around putting giant posters of his vomitous face all over town?
Q: Is Trump really a dictator or just a dick?
A: Let’s go with both.
And it’s
not like Trump is sending masked stormtroopers and tanks into minority cities
to violently assault, terrorize and kidnap non-white people from courthouses,
hospitals, schools, farms and Home Depots. Right?
Oh,
and Hitler didn’t pal around with pedophile sex traffickers and was not himself
a serial rapist. That we know of.
Also,
and perhaps most important, Hitler had the good sense to blow his brains out
when the going got tough.
Just
so we’re clear.
_____________________________________________________ *Though this reads ‘Trump is like Hitler’, we
are not saying that Trump is like Hitler; the phrase ‘Trump is like Hitler’ is
merely part of the heading. As you will read, or have already read, we are in
no way aligning ourselves with those who say Trump is like Hitler...even if you
are one of those who believes, perhaps reasonably, that Trump is like Hitler.
Our apologies to any who thought because Trump is working straight from the
Hitler playbook, that we implied Trump is like Hitler. You will Nazi us claim
that Trump is like Hitler.
**Oops, this one was actually Adolf Hitler. This was our mistake and for that
we apologize.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
And not an attempt to convince anyone that Trump is like Hitler.
Presented without
comment. No need to say that his brain has turned to split pea soup, or his
brain is as useful as curdled milk. We will not imply that his brain has been
replaced by whatever that lumpy crap is that fills a My Pillow®. No mocking the fact
that he thinks he is the smartest person in history.
None of that. Just the facts. The plain, pathetic,
uneditorialized, albeit proof of rapidly accelerating dementia quote.
“Don’t
take Tylenol. Nothing bad can happen, it can only good happen.”
Super Genius Donald J. Trffffppmt, September 22, 2025
This has been your Paying Attention™ Quote Of The Day.
Just
Keep Digging Bitch, That’s What You’re Good At
September 25, 2025
Douchey Donnie Doofus gave what many people are
calling a “completely bonkers” let’s call it speech at the United Nations on September
23rd. Filled to the brim with psychosis and bullshit, others said it
“might be the most bonkers speech of his political career.”
Trump naturally declared his deranged drivel was “very
well received”, but as we all know, his brain is made of marshmallow. However,
a senior foreign diplomat posted at the UN texted Washington Post global
affairs columnist Ishaan Tharoor, “This man is stark, raving mad. Do Americans
not see how embarrassing this is?” Hey, watch it fella; that's our brain-dead president you're talking about.
All this, as murderous Russian dictator Vladimir Putin,
who ate Trump’s lunch, dinner and breakfast (actually, Vlad merely humiliated
Donnie and ran, without even bothering to eat) in Alaska, has not only ramped
up his horrific destruction of Ukraine, but has now repeatedly violated NATO
airspace. And all Death-To-America Don has to offer is insults and scolding to
all of our allies. Is America great again or what?
I did not watch Dumbass Don’s entire UN screech. It
was, as usual, nearly an hour long and could very likely cause permanent brain
damage. I still have some semblance of a will to live. I’m sure it felt like
much, much longer.
Der Furor at United Nations (offensive material redacted)
Some lowlights included Der Furor bashing other
nations, telling those assembled that“Your countries are going
to hell.” He also, as usual, falsely insisted that the accelerating climate crisis
was “the greatest con job ever”* and bragged about his administration's
withdrawal from the Paris Agreement, adding, “If you don't get away from this
green energy scam, your country is going to fail.” Maybe we should just pour bleach
over everything. I hear it’s also good for curing autism.
And here’s a particularly juicy bon moment:
“No president or prime minister, no country, has
ever done anything close to that.… everyone says that I should get the Nobel
Peace Prize for each one of these achievements.”
I think all those windmills are damaging his
uh-brain. Besides being utterly delusional on its face (and comically burnt
umber, verging on blackface, on his face), not everyone (in fact hardly anyone) says Trump
should get any Nobel Peace Prize, let alone several.
Whoever is keeping score on this, please put me
down as a NO-FUCKING-WAY-IN-HELL.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
_________________________________________________ *Remember, Trump is always and only talking about himself.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.
Brought to you by the First Fucking Amendment.
It
looks like many comedians are going to have to go into the Witticism Protection
Program.
Jimmy
Kimmell’s “indefinite suspension” will end tonight. It appears that the market
has spoken. Countless people, unwilling to allow the Crassputin administration
to suspend – as a first step toward eradicating it – the First Amendment,
canceled subscriptions, vacations, etc to ABC/Disney-owned concerns.
This
reversal, based solely on financial concerns, has no effect on the precarious
position of the First Amendment, still in the sights of Trump, who thinks that
criticism of him is “really, illegal”. Add this to the miles-long list of
democratic principles and actualities that El Trumpo does not, and will never
attempt to, understand.
Il
Douche has a number of critically important allies in his war against democracy
and America:
Two of the current bad-faith behemoths, Nexstar
Media Group and Sinclair Broadcast Group, refused to air Jimmy Kimmel’s return to late night,
and will continue to preempt Kimmel, implementing their own, completely legal – because these groups are not part of the
government (yet) – and completely evil form of censorship hijacking ABC’s programming and depriving citizens of a nationally
televised television show because they despise free speech, democracy and America.
And because they can. For his part, Kimmell reemerged with satire,
humor and kicking our thin-skinned, black-faced, mentally-desiccated corroder-in-chief
in full force.
Soon,
most if not all major sources of information, entertainment and social media interaction will
be in the hands of very few, very greedy, very anti-democratic, Trump-ass-kissing,
megalomaniacal muthafukas.
And
now a word from our sponsor…
Peace Out…
I
mean, Freak out.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught
For The Day.
Either this is too
late, or just in time to say good-bye.
In a video shared on
YouTube, South African pastor Joshua Mhlakela claimed the second coming of
Jesus would happen on either September 23rd or 24th based
on revelations he received from Jesus.
So long suckas
Seems odd that a
Jewish kid from either Bethlehem or Nazareth – depending on which bio you
prefer – would end the world for most of his original peeps on the Jewish New
Year, which he no doubt celebrated his whole life.
Don’s most brain-damaged son Eric described the late racist,
misogynistic, anti-Semitic Charlie Kirk as “probably a second son to my
father”. Perhaps Sir Eric is unaware that not only is he his father’s second
son, but he has another brother, which would by definition put Kirk in the
fourth position, but hey, who needs cipherin’ when you’re the third in line to
America’s throne (all he has to do, in the fine tradition of dynasties, is get
his older brother out of the way). Maybe Eric is also a double-naught spy. More
likely a double-naught IQ.
Edith Ann
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Schmuck on mother schmucker!
Surely you have all heard of Diseased Trump’s move to rename
the Department of Defense as the Department of War. This of course – like every other fucking thing Trump
does – is not legal; only Congress can change the names of government agencies. Naturally,
Trump could not give even a hummingbird-sized shit what the law says, so despite him
now calling it the Department of War, that is just another one of his pre-teen, schoolyard nicknames.
We have learned through our non-existent White House sources
that Trump is planning to rename other agencies to coincide with his particular
set of skills.
Let’s Play What’s My Lie
Department of Health and Human Services = Department of
Death and Human Sacrifice
Department of Commerce = Department of Grifting
Department of the Treasury = Department of Take From the
Poor and Give To the Rich
Department of Energy = Department of Petroleum, Coal and Gas
and Nothing Else
Department of Justice = Department of Laws-Are-For-Suckers
Department of The Interior = Department of Drill-Baby-Drill
Department of Homeland Security = Department of Very Fine
People on Both Sides
Other significant agencies outside the cabinet
Social Security Administration (SSA) = Social Shredding
Agency
National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) = Flat
Earth Administration
Lastly, the hated DEI – Diversity, Equity, Inclusion will be
co-opted into Destroy Everything Immediately under the newly created Department
of Charlie Kirk
To be fair, these new names do better reflect their current
mission under Crassputin. Kill anything that moves. Crush anyone who dares say
a discouraging word about Dear Leader.
In science there’s a concept known as Occam’s Razor. In
short, it suggests that if you have more than one idea to explain the same
phenomenon, preference should be given to the simpler one.
Trump, the blubbery, blabbering boneheaded beast selected only the finest fuckwits, fatheads and putrid pinheads to lead each and every federal agency into the abyss of idiocy and devastation. From our system of government, our economy, international relations, race relations, voting, health care, cancer research, vaccine research, food safety, workplace safety, civility, public broadcasting, public education, higher education, science, history, truth, the military, intelligence (all types), and the environment, Der Furor is tearing it all asunder. But, why?
All evidence before us as we slosh through the
socio-political quicksand that is the Trump kakistocracy leads us – well, me at
least – to surmise that Damaged Don’s program of destroying every single aspect
of liberty, the pursuit of happiness and life, and defiling our democracy, our
laws and our Constitution, not to mention social order and whatever degree of
civilized behavior we might have previously experienced, is entirely, for
whatever reason, purposeful. Out of pure hatred, revenge and twisted megalomania…with a side of
stupid. That is the simplest explanation.
For those unfamiliar
Kakistocracy is defined as government by the worst, least
qualified, and/or most unscrupulous people. The term was coined as early as the
17th century and derives from two Greek words, kákistos and krátos, put
it all together and you get ‘government by the worst people’.
Kakistocracy has likely never been implemented to such
perfection as right here, right now.
It is also possible, and at least as likely, that Donald the Menace is simply the same repeatedly bankrupt, incompetent
toxic narcissist he has always been, except that instead of ruining casinos,
hotels, golf resorts and literally hundreds of other now-extinct money-losing
businesses, sham charities, phony universities, et cetera, et cetera, et
cetera, he now “owns” and plans to put his gold-plated post-immigration-altered,
moth-eaten family name on, what had previously been the most powerful nation in
the known history of human existence. And he can only do what he does best –
grift, con, lie, cheat and steal until everything around him turns to shit and
dies.
So there would appear to be two simplest explanations; 1)
Trump wants America dead, with the blood on his tiny, disintegrating little
hands. Just to prove how big and strong he is, or 2) he is an arrogant,
incompetent boob who is continuing his lifelong habit of shitting the bed, just
on a grander scale. He is a simple ton.
There is of course a third, somewhat less simple but no less plausible explanation. Does Crassputin have some covert reason to hand the world over to China and Russia? Despite Putin pissing on Don at every turn, Trump continues to do what is best for the Russian psycho. Could this be what is on the infamous Pee Tape? Putin literally, instead of just figuratively, pissing all over Donnie boy? Did he simply sell us out to China? Clearly, as America and our standing in the world dissolve in a Trumpian acid bath, China and Russia are bubbling over with visions of global domination dancing in their heads. Too complicated? Not at all, but we’ll count this as less, though fairly simple.
If he wasn’t so horny for his daughter, perhaps he’d be dating Vlad
We at Paying Attention™ have long referred to Trump as a
toxic orange gas cloud. Part of the definition of a gas is that it will spread
out to fill whatever container it occupies. Gas does not manifest the substance
of a liquid or solid. It is not anchored by gravity – or in Trump’s case, by
reality – and, it does as it pleases…as does Donald the Menace.
I. Mangrey reporting. How long does this scene go on?
“I mean, Joe Biden is a bumbling, dementia-filled Alzheimer’s
corrupt tyrant who should honestly, be put in prison or given the death penalty
for his crimes against America.” Charlie Kirk, July 24, 2023
You have likely heard
that Jimmy Kimmell was “suspended indefinitely” following pressure from Baby/snowflake/president
Trump. Kimmell was canceled because, according to Trump, all he does is “hit
Trump”. Others insist Kimmell got axed – in a stunning affront to the First
Amendment – because he made a mistake in describing loudmouth hate monger
Charlie Kirk’s killer. Fortunately, we here at Paying Attention™ do not make
mistakes. And we always extend
all due respect to President Poopypants.
Just remember:
It’s
okey dokey if you say that the homeless should get “involuntary lethal
injection or something; just kill them”, but it’s not okay to say displeasing
things about the very sensitive, soft-spoken and always benevolent Donald
Trump. Even if you did not say anything like he should get an involuntary
lethal injection or something, which for the record, is not something we here
at Paying Attention™ would ever say. That is simply unacceptable. That would be
extremely dangerous to our democracy.
We
would only find it acceptable if, in the absence of having committed a murder, Donald
Trump received a voluntary lethal injection. We know he always does
the right thing. Just so we’re clear.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
I have
long derided the ludicrous expression, “It's always in the last place you look.”
As a result, when I have finally found something that I had lost, I keep
looking. Thus disproving this ill-conceived clap-trap.
It
makes me feel better about the world.
Your smileage
may vary.
Unfortunately,
though my keys are now safely back in my pocket, I seem to have misplaced my
democracy. I hope it’s not in the last place I look.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
Admittedly, we at Paying
Attention™ have felt that this word could be the word of the day pretty much
every day. Has been that way for quite some time. So, we just like to make it
official every once in a while.
This became one of our
favorite words of all time after we saw the brilliant, moving and unique 1983
Godfrey Reggio documentary of the same name.
Koyaanisqatsi – the trailer
This has been your Paying Attention™ Word Of The Day.
