Poe To The People, Part 2

Twice Upon a Century Dreary

October 31, 2018

You have probably long forgotten part one of Poe To The People, written last winter, held over in order to have something to contribute during the quiet times that never came, and finally squeezed in early this past May.  Part two was planned to be published the very next day, but Prezident Tazmanian Devil has been on a perpetual terror spree since then, and I could not tear myself away from Kiluea-like ooze of the Chrump onslaught.  I thought Halloween might be a good time to cut it loose. Boo.

If you have not yet yanked your hair, your eyes or your brains from your head after digesting whatever the latest Poe-esque shenanigans perpetrated by our pornstar-plooking-prezident, settle in for part two of Paying Attention’s homage to the inimitable Edgar Alan Poe, where we continue to weave the current horror story of Life With Chrump into the fabric of some of Poe’s most popular tales of tribulation.

Poe ponders a threesome

 

The Tell-Tale “Hair”

True! – nervous – very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The presence of this ne’er-do-well had sharpened my senses – not destroyed – not dulled them. Above all was the sense of seeing acute. I saw all things in the heaven and in the earth. I saw many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily – how calmly I can tell you the whole story. But more than anything, I saw the “hair.”

It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I despised the old orange man. He had done naught but wrong everyone who had ever had the particular displeasure of being in his presence. For his golden commode, I had no desire. I think it was his “hair”! Yes, it was this bizarre construction atop his head! He had the tresses of an unnamable thing – a pale orange mass of withered straw, with a film of epoxy over it. Whenever it fell within my sight, my blood ran cold and the contents of my gut raced to my lips; and so by degrees – at first very gradually – I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the “hair” forever.

Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded – with what caution – with what foresight – with what dissimulation I went to work! I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. Even complimenting him on the perspicacity of the edifice that was his “hair”, the “hair” that drove me near to madness. 

The Putz and The Pendulum

I WAS sick – sick unto death with that long agony; and when at length I fully realized what had occurred, and I was permitted to sit, I felt that my senses were leaving me. The sentence – the dread sentence of a president called Chrump – was the last of distinct accentuation, which reached my eyes and ears. After that, the sound of the whiny elderly child seemed merged in one nightmarish indeterminate moan. It conveyed to my soul the idea of revolution -- perhaps from its association in fancy with the burr of a mill wheel. This only for a brief period; for presently I heard and saw no more. Yet, for a while, I saw; but with how terrible an exaggeration! I saw the lips of the black-robed judges. They appeared to me white -- whiter than the screen upon which I tap these words, whiter than Mike Pence -- and blimp-like even to grotesqueness; blobular with the intensity of their expression of nothingness -- of utter lack of direction -- of stern contempt of human nature. I saw that the decrees of what to me was Hate, were still issuing from those sphincter-like lips. I saw them writhe with a deadly locution. I saw them fashion the misshapen, misspoken syllables of my name; and I shuddered because no sound succeeded.

And then my vision fell upon the ridiculous hair from the last story. At first he wore the aspect of bigotry, and seemed white and nationalist angels who would skewer me; and then, all at once, there came a most deadly nausea over my spirit, and I felt every fibre in my frame sag as if I had touched the nose of a rabid rat, while the hateful forms became meaningless spectres, with heads of flame, and I saw that from them there would be no help. And then there stole into my fancy, like a rich musical note, the thought of what sweet rest there must be in the grave. The thought came gently and stealthily, and it seemed long before it attained full appreciation; but just as my spirit came at length properly to feel and entertain it, the vision of an election surrounded my very soul. Then silence, and stillness, a reason to go on with life steeled my being…for now.

I hope this helps you make it through the darkest times most of us have seen in our lifetimes.  Especially for those who have neither recollection of, nor the slightest inkling about the rise of Nazi Germany or the Holocaust.  Apparently, were you among these, you would not be alone.  Forty-one percent of Americans do not know what Auschwitz was.  That number rises to 66% for those in the 18-34 age group – and many people are saying that Auschwitz was worse than Chrump.  All I can say is, never again.

In case you think these nauseating numbers might be excused because the whole Auschwitz thing happened hundreds of years ago, or whatever, prepare to be equally impressed with polling on more current events.  Fifty-nine percent of Americans are unaware that Robert Mueller’s probe into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election has uncovered actual crimes, and indicted almost two dozen individuals, along with several guilty pleas.  Fifty-three percent “think” that Mueller’s investigation is politically motivated.  So, not so much never again as, why not now?  These polls have a margin of error of plus or minus we are so very fucked. 

Now we see the inspiration that is Chrump letting, no impelling loose the dogs of hate.  The maniacal Chrump-loving pipe bomber, the anti-Semitic murderer in Pittsburgh, all of whom feel emboldened by the hate spewing Colluder-in-chief – the unfeeling, soulless wraith that haunts our White House.  The creep whose first words (that were actually his own) after the synagogue killing spree was, "This is a dispute that will always exist, I suspect, but if they had some kind of a protection inside the temple, maybe it could have been a very much different situation. They didn't."  To paraphrase that great bigot Trent Lott, if all Jews had just been carrying guns everywhere they went, then we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years. Who wouldn't love to be shouting "Shoot 'em up Jewboy" every now and again?

Ed Venture
Managing Editor, Paying Attention

Vote! It Ain't Illegal Yet!

Are you worried about Russian bots winning elections?
Are you sick of Republican’ts stealing America?

Are you having trouble sustaining an election? 

 

Important information about a powerful drug for a serious condition afflicting hundreds of millions of people the world over. 

You may already be one of the many who need the most remarkable wonder-drug of all time - VOTEGRA.  Not just for men.  Not just for women.  Now available for anyone over the age of 18 and wanting to vote.  Millions of people all over the world are suffering horribly and don't even know it.  Millions more simply pretend that everything is just fine.  Most, at this point, are fully aware of the damage already inflicted by The Orange Gas Cloud infesting our nation’s capital and spreading across our land and gradually the whole globe.  Others are, as we speak, having their right to vote jeopardized by Republican't corporate backers and government operatives desperate to keep non-Republican't voters from exercising the most basic American right.  The concept of one actual human casting one vote scares the crap out of Republican’ts. 

You may actually believe you're healthy and happy and ready to vote in every way.  Or you may simply be in denial.  Don't let another election go by leaving you feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, powerless, useless, out of step, alienated, Chrumped up or just plain stoopid.  ESPECIALLY THIS ELECTION.  The FDA has waived all safety regulations and precautions - and that's almost a stretch for them.  This drug is too important to ignore any longer although, given the current anti-vote environment, Votegra may only be available in Canada and Mexico between now and November 6, 2018.  

Are you suffering from Electile Dysfunction? 

It’s blue for a good reason. 

Can't get into the booth like you used to?  Are you voting blanks?  Do you wish you could do it more often and make it mean something?  Is your chad just hanging there limp and listless?  Is your votecount shockingly lower than you ever would have expected?  Do you get the feeling your vote is about to be suppressed?  Is your once worthless candidate now just a worthless has-been?  Would you like to be able to throw a football through a tire?  

VOTEGRA won't just help you keep an election for as long as you want.  It may even help you prop up a government of your choosing for years on end.  You'll be fighting off those corporate whores with a stick if you know what I mean.  And why shouldn't you be - you will be able to put the pedal to the metal and make your vote count like you haven't been able to do for years.  Who's your daddy now?  With VOTEGRA your election will be valid every time.  No more just worriedly wishing you had an election - VOTEGRA can make you feel like you could push those buttons, pull those levers, grab ‘em by the ballots,  any time you want to, well maybe not any time, but definitely next Tuesday.  Don't wait any longer - ask your doctor or senator if VOTEGRA is for you. If they say no, tell them to go f**k themselves twice. 

Do you care if America is Red or Blue? 

Electile Dysfunction is no joke; this time we're voting to put the brakes on the most ignorant, incompetent, disgraceful, dangerous, racist, authoritarian American president in our lifetime, and possibly anyone else’s.  The 2018 midterm elections are the anti-schmuck brakes on the worse-than-driverless Chrump-mobile.  Chrump himself has purposely cut the brake lines before oozing behind the wheel, and he wants us to be his crash test dummies.   

In March of this year, a report from the Brennan Center for Justice concluded that Democrats would need an 11-point margin across all congressional contests in order to flip 24 seats and become the majority in the House.  According to a spokesman for the center, “It would be the equivalent of a tsunami.”  The last time a margin of this size was achieved, was 1974.  

You may have Electile Dysfunction and not even know it.  Do something about it before it's too late and you end up with a full term of a porn-star-plooking conman, who would rather be bedding his own daughter, who lies more than he breathes, who tweets on the toilet and uses Fux and Friends as his primary advisors.  Yes, we seemingly survived one election victory and two terms of George W. Bush.  At this moment, it hardly seems to have been worth the trouble.   

This time it is either some amount of real change…you know, socialism, or the end is near.  Take your damned medicine and vote your ass off.  If there is not enough VOTEGRA within reach and you have a gun, consider rounding up everyone you can find and drag them to the polls.  Join the Angry Mob right now.  Get mad as hell and don’t take it anymore.  Please don't let Electile Dysfunction wreck our lives again.  

Possible side effects of not using VOTEGRA include runny candidates, listless legislators, successful Russian election meddling, more COLLUSION, continued unbeatable gerrymandering, purged voter rolls, depression, another Depression, Citizens United II (corporations are people and people are not), armed repression, cranio-rectal syndrome, Jared Kushner, President Mike Pence, President Paul Ryan, President Ted Cruz, White House Chief-of-staff Sean Hannity, short-circuited recounts, Ayn Rand, another Antonin Scalia, another Clarence Thomas, another Neil Gorsuch, another Boof Kavanaugh, another Supreme Court-appointed president, another Electoral College appointed president, Armageddon. Legmageddon.

If your election lasts longer than four years contact your arms dealer immediately.  

 

Maintaining Elections since 2005

brought to you by your friends at Paying Attention

 Vote, vote, it ain’t illegal yet!

Kill The American Dream Before It Dies

Gutting Out The Vote, Redux

The Voting Booth At The End Of The Universe
October 28, 2018

Republican’ts across America are once again working feverishly to stop Democratic voters from casting their votes.  This is the totality of the Republican’t playbook.  Well, that and gerrymandering out the wazoo.  Oh, and lying better than everyone else.  And let us not forget the mountains of dark money made available to them by their Supreme Court lackeys.  So to recap, Republican’ts win elections by voter suppression, gerrymandering, lying, dark money and fomenting fear and insanity among their own.  In reality, who could blame them?  They cannot win fair and/or square, and they damn sure cannot run on the issues.

In Georgia, the Republican’t candidate for governor is currently Secretary of State.  Last year he disqualified 670,000 voters – considerably more than the typical margin of victory in that state.  This year he has purged another 53,000 – mostly (70%) black, therefore mostly Democratic – voters from the rolls.

Kansas Secretary of State, and gubernatorial candidate Chris Kobach is also busy interfering with voting by people unlikely to vote for him.  To be fair, Kobach has made a career of fighting a Don Quixote-esque fight against non-existent voter fraud.  He would have been much better off tilting at windmills – which he also despises.  After being smacked down in the courts, Kobach was appointed vice chairman of a short-lived commission on (fake) voter fraud, which lasted approximately one or two Scaramuccis.

Kobach displaying evidence of his plan to deport millions, and his stupidity

Also, a busload of forty elderly black early voters in Georgia who had been dancing in the streets prior to boarding the bus, was stopped at the polling place and made to get back on the bus and go home without be allowed to vote.  The reason given for the Get-Out-And-Don’t-Vote incident was not given, but it is assumed by most that the transgression was attempted voting while black.  To be fair, the bus was easily and admittedly the blackest bus ever.  And perhaps the most beautiful since Ken Kesey’s.

The Black Votes Matter bus

In Texas, there was an attempt to disenfranchise college students by not allowing them to vote where the live – on college campus.  Fortunately for democracy, they went a step too far, and got caught, spanked and caused to reverse course.

In North Dakota, two historically Democratic counties have been targeted with new, blatantly racist and transparently partisan last-minute changes in registration requirements.  These new changes require street addresses for Native Americans, who typically have only post office box numbers – the way it has been forever.  This has never been an issue before, but it turns out that this voting bloc is critical to the re-election bid of Heidi Heitkamp – who bravely opposed the confirmation of Burp Kavanaugh – and the already slim chances for Democrats to flip the Senate.  These shameless vote-suppressing scumbags must be brought to heel.  They should not be in the seat of power.  They should be in jail.

Over the years, numerous Republican'ts have publicly proclaimed that they do not want too many people voting.  And who could blame them?  Conservative icon Paul Weyrich, co-founder of conservative think-tank the Heritage Foundation (Heritage of what exactly?) who also helped to establish the staggeringly inaptly named Moral Majority spoke directly to this issue in the fall of 1980.  While I can unfortunately understand the connection between voter suppression and our Heritage, I'm a little less clear about the Moral aspect.

Weyrich bemoaned the fact that “many of our Christians have what I call the ‘Goo-Goo Syndrome.’  Good government.  They want everybody to vote.  I don’t want everybody to vote…As a matter of fact our leverage in the elections quite candidly goes up as the voting populace goes down.”  At least Mr. Weyrich had the courage, if not the good taste to speak his incredibly un-democratic mind in public. 

This anti-vote philosophy, spoken or hidden remains at the core of the conservative movement.  Conservatives know that higher voter turnout still hurts their chances (as does running on actual issues). This will become even more likely as the American citizenry becomes less and less dominated by white males.  Not sure, but maybe this is because Republican’ts keep shitting on everyone who's not white, straight, rich and misogynistic.  Especially since Chrump has made America a great place to openly hate people of color and women again.

The voter ID laws that cropped up across the country after Chief Justice John Roberts proclaimed the end of racial discrimination in America, were clearly designed, despite all the denials, to disenfranchise the poor, the elderly and the non-white – historically non-conservative groups for some reason.  One group taking a major role in this massive effort to Gut Out The Vote is the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC), an ideologically conservative group, founded by none other than Paul Weyrich and consisting of business interests and conservative state legislators. ALEC says they are just protecting the integrity of the (white male) vote.  MALICE ACCOMPLISHED.

Let us not forget Florida’s then-Secretary of State and co-chair of George W. Bush's Florida election campaign, Katherine Harris who, along with George’s brother Jeb (then Florida’s governor) hired a private firm to create a list of ineligible voters in her state. Ms. Harris managed to purge the rolls of tens of thousands of eligible African American voters just in time for the 2000 presidential election, in which George W. Bush was eventually alleged to have 537 more Florida votes than Al Gore, giving him an Electoral College victory without winning the nation’s popular vote. Of course the Florida votes were never actually counted once the renegade Supreme Court illegally halted the count, preferring instead to appoint the man who would become the Worst President In American History.

These weasels will stop at nothing to prevent actual democratic processes from taking place.  It's already hard enough to maintain any semblance of democracy in this country, without the already-too-powerful raining on our façade.  Republican’ts have become the masters of vote suppression and losing the popular vote and still taking the White House.  They are not shy about having a Republican’t president with an asshole asterisk after his name.  Why the hell would they ever want anyone to vote?

Last two Republican’t/Electoral College presidents*

It Can't Happen Here…Just Kidding

There were at least 180 vote-restricting bills introduced in 41 states between January 2011 and June 2012 – thanks to the Roberts-led Supreme Court gutting the Voting Rights Act – and it did not stop there.  Fourteen states already passed laws making voting more difficult during that time.  Those 14 states represent almost 70 percent of the electoral votes needed to "win" the presidency.  Thankfully, that will not save the Republican’t party criminal enterprise during the midterms.  That is why they are ratcheting up their other vote-suppressing schemes.  Naturally these laws were proposed by Republican'ts, passed by Republican't controlled state legislatures and signed into law by Republican't governors.

The number-two House Republican’t, Kevin McCarthy tweeted the following – singling out three Jews – shortly after Holocaust survivor, financier/philanthropist, activist George Soros was targeted with a MAGA-inspired IED, delivered to his home.  With all this wining, one would think Republican'ts aren't literally kept afloat by billionaire donor/activists like the Koch Brothers.  One would be very, very wrong.

When all else fails, go for the Jew-gular.

I. Mangrey reporting and re-reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment and Blue Wave invited. 
__________________________
* Actually, Bush did not even win the Electoral College, but was appointed by the Extreme Court.

Chrump Sounds Off

And He Don’t Look So Hot Either

October 27, 2018

America’s most inciteful president took to the Rose Garden to splain the bomb stuff to an anxious nation.  Chrump, who has told rally goers to “knock the crap out of” anyone who dared speak out against him, who has joke about killing journalists, explained that he is against violence and is simply shocked that anyone would send bomb stuff to people he wants locked up, deported or beaten up, but probably not killed.

Chrump pollutes Rose Garden

“All of my supporters are not necessarily supporting me.  Most of them are not. There is only me.  I talk to many thousands, maybe millions of people every day at my incredible rallies, but these people are not me.  I have nothing to do with any of these people.  I am just the prezident, nothing more, nothing less.  None of this is my fault.  I know better than anyone, this bomb guy is a secret Muslim just trying to make Donald Chrump look bad.  I’m not a bad guy.  I fact, I’m the least bad guy you’ve ever met.  I did not put those pictures on that guy’s van who did the bomb stuff.  You sure can’t prove that I did.  Or that he did.  Could have been George Soros…or some guy who weighs 400 pounds living in his mother’s basement.  And I in no way told him who to put in the crosshairs.  I have no idea where people come up with these ideas to attack people I say are trash or need to be locked up.  I’m a very nice guy, probably the nicest guy anyone has ever met.  I love everyone, even Crooked Hillary, that Kenyan guy who made fun of me, the Jewish guy with all the money who hates me, stupid, fat Michael Moore, and especially Beautiful Lyin’ Ted Cruz.  Love ‘em.  And I love the poorly educated.  And boy, do they ever love me.  And who could blame them.

If the van is tickin', don't bother

 

This guy, who may or may not be crazy, no one knows how all those pictures got on his van, or how someone made it look like he sent a very small number of bombs, very small bombs I might add – the fake news never talks about that, about how few and how small these so-called bombs were.  He could have send hundreds or thousands of bombs but he didn’t.  Just a few small, little bombs.  Big deal.  They say he loved Chrump.  So what?  Everyone loves Chrump.  We may never find out exactly how this radical left-wing nut showed up at so many of my rallies.  Not if I have anything to say about it, and I’m pretty sure I have a lot to say about it.

Why would I want someone to bomb the people I was screaming at and threatening all these years?  This bomb stuff is very bad for Chrump.  Very bad for my midterm election that I am winning very big right now.  I can’t wait to show you the map after I win the midterms.  I’ve always been good at midterms.  I taught my teachers so much.  I have a famous scientist uncle who I met several times.  I’ve been doing so well since I singlehandedly got Brew Kavanaugh to run the Supreme Court, very well. So well. 

I think the fake news should be investigated very strongly.  I will make sure that happens right after the Red Wave, and right after Jeff Sessions has no job.  I will not fire him, that I can tell you, or will I?  We’ll just have to wait and see.  I won’t fire him probably, but I will make sure I have my own very good Attorney General who will not use the recuse excuse.  No recusing.  No COLLUSION.  I will make the Attorney General great again.

A very stable genius

I'm not responsible for anything that I or anyone who supports me does.  I am toning it down so if the very unfair, incredibly fake news does not start behaving right, I might have to tone it up.  Then you’ll all be sorry.  I will shake the fake right out of them.” 

I. Mangrey, just reporting ‘em the way I see ‘em.

Voting (is NOT) For Dummies

(Stop) Voting For Dummies

October 25, 2018

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but the Midterm elections are only one week away.  Voting day for Democrats is November 6^th, for Republican’ts it is November 7^th or maybe the 8^th – no one knows for sure. 

NEWS BULLETIN:

Many people do not know this, but due to new, very secret laws, many white people in Republican’t districts in Georgia, North Dakota, North Carolina, Texas and several other states are no longer permitted to vote.  No reason was given and if you happen to be on this Do-Not-Vote List and attempt to vote, you can be arrested immediately.  You will also have your white hoods, Nazi paraphernalia and torches revoked for an as-of-yet-to-be-determined period of time.  It is highly recommended that anyone worried about fitting this description stay as far away from polling places as possible for the foreseeable future.  The authorities and/or fake news will let you know when it is safe to vote again.  The administration regrets any inconvenience this may cause.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog already in progress…

was unimaginably painful as we have come to expect from the Toxic Orange Gas Cloud.

Don’t forget, the moron who said some of the Nazis and racists who marched in Charlottesville, and eventually murdered an innocent woman, were “very fine people”, the same lunatic who threatened and incited violence saying, “knock the crap out of them … I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees,” at his rallies full of deplorables, is now calling Democrats and Liberals an “angry mob”.  Full disclosure: some of his adoring deplorables did knock the crap out of some protesters, but Chrump did not in fact pay their legal fees.  Maybe something to do with aiding and abetting, or maybe just the usual pathological lying from El Chrumpo.

Chrump Prezidency Bombs Again

This week we learned that Chrump’s supporters are apparently displeased with Dear Leader’s inability and/or unwillingness to shoot someone on Fifth Avenue.  He has been very busy with all the golfing and violence-inciting rallies while he campaigns for many Republican’t candidates himself.  His adoring deplorables are taking matters into their own paws and delivering pipe bombs to many of those who have been previously targeted by Der Furor’s terrible tweets and twisted tongue.

Suddenly, the geyser of violent rhetoric wants everyone to calm down and stop all the nastiness.  In the same putrid breath he blames the media, “The media also has a responsibility to set a civil tone and to stop the endless hostility and constant negative and oftentimes false attacks and stories.  Have to do it.”

That was yesterday.  Today he got serious and toned down the stupid and blaming.  Just kidding.

Chrump still has over 90 percent support among Russians.  Many experts are saying that there will be much bigger Russian turnout during these Midterms than any other election in American history, possibly even larger than 2016.

Voting is a right, but that does not necessarily make it right.  When you vote for con artists, crooks and colluders, you hurt all of us.  If you are voting for people who want to stop people from voting, maybe you should stop yourself from voting.

Sign on a Texas lawn, later removed due to
complaints from people who can’t handle truth

I. Mangrey and T. Doff reporting.

Mental Detector

You Can Dumb, But You Can’t Hide

October Surprise, 2018

Were you sickened to your core over Investi-Gate and the whole Kavanaugh Caper?  Are you tired of Russian election meddling?  Looking for a way to offset the mental midgetry exhibited by many of the blindly loyal, excessively white and witless Chrump voters?

Brought to you by the good folks at Paying Attention.  The people who brought you Votegra and Rent-A-Coma.  In case you haven’t noticed, American’s electoral system is a complete and total disaster.  We at Paying Attention are calling for a complete and total ban on ignorant, purposefully uninformed, mentally defective people being allowed to vote.  We would prefer that they be kept out of the White House as well.  To quote our very own Disaster-in-chief, “This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.”  Only two words are necessary to drive home the importance of this issue: Donald Chrump.

America needs a way to insure that people casting ballots are actually capable of doing so.  We cannot allow our cherished elections to be overrun by mercury-infested mental midgets.  Age is not the real issue.  I suppose it is fair that children cannot vote even though they are, in many ways, smarter than most adults, and the consequences of elections impact them, if not more so, then certainly for a longer time.  Gender is not the issue – even though all of our founding fathers, and their children, and their children’s children and so on, all the way until 1920, found it unnecessary, if not unacceptable, for women to vote.  Race is not the issue – at least not officially…anymore – with the exception of Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina and a few other less flagrantly racist states.  We have already tried the literacy test, and as it had nothing to do with literacy, it was disgraceful.

However, in these modern times where tiny cameras can be dispatched into your colon to see what is going on in there, where satellites and drones (some, the size of dragonflies) can tell how many hairs are on your head (unless you happen to have them wrapped around and around and around like a heap of badly-colored cotton candy), and microwave ovens can – according to Kellyanne Conjob – turn themselves into spy cameras for George Soros, it is time to bring modern technology to bear on our most fundamental and (theoretically) cherished rights – the right to vote.  And not just the ability to have our votes hacked, changed or deleted.  We need technology to Make Voting Great Again.  Remember, our Founding Fathers only wanted wealthy, land-owning white males to vote…for electors (the Electoral College), who in turn would decide who would be president.  Now just about everyone can vote, but there clearly needs to be more to voter registration than being over the age of 18, not currently serving a felony rap, and having a pulse. 

Morans like this should not be voting until they get some help

So You Think You Can Vote

What we need is a way to determine that before you cast a vote, that you have sufficient social and mental capacity to know what the hell you are getting all of us into.  There is more at stake than making sure you can carry an assault weapon while you are getting shit-faced at the local bar, or that you cannot be forced to make a wedding cake for a gay couple, or that your teen-aged neighbor who was raped by her father is forced to have that baby, or that your taxes – which are more than most people make in a year or two – should be lowered.  What this country needs is a Mental Detector.  We need one in the White House, we need several in the Capitol building, and since some of our elected officials are so intent on voter ID, it is time to install mental detectors at all polling places.  It does not even matter if you are Democrat or Republican’t, registered to vote, living or dead.  (Apparently many dead people forget to cancel their voter registration, but almost none of them vote. Some say this is illegal, but what if it is simply incredible dedication?)  All we really need to know, and obviously now more than ever, is whether or not you are electorally competent before we let you select people to run this nation for years on end.  America needs the amazing new Mental Detector™ to weed out the mental defectives.

America needs mental detectors

Moron-a-Tron’s Mental Detector™ can detect even the smallest hint of meaningful, reality-based brain activity, and not just the kind that keeps your vital functions humming along.  Wouldn’t it be great to know what you are talking to before wasting valuable time trying to discuss politics with the guy screaming on the subway about how great Chrump is?  Once it is determined that there is more than a festering vacuum between the ears, the amazing new Mental Detector™ begins phase two.  It measures brain waves and can determine if the person being scanned has any factual knowledge of American history, foreign affairs and maybe a current event or two.  Addiction to Fux News and alternative facts is immediately recognized by Mental Detector™.

Mental Detector™ can ascertain if the subject has ever read, or has even the vaguest notion of what is in the Constitution (the real one, not the imaginary one so many Americans claim to have faith in), a reasonable grasp of current events (the real ones, not the ones on Fux News, or what appears on Chrump’s Twitter feed), and the way our government works.

Can you spot the mental defectives in this picture?
Moron-a-Tron’s amazing new Mental Detector™ can!
The best mental detector on the market.

Unfortunately, even the best mental detectors known to man cannot fight voter suppression, gerrymandering, voting machine hacking and Republican’t COLLUSION with Russian election meddling, but we need all the help we can get.  If you are not mentally defective, get out and vote like your life depends on it.  It probably does.

Mental Detector™ – Using science to make America great again
Make sure your polling place has one


Another quality productrought to you by your good friends at Paying Attention 

Fun Facts

Cruz In For a Losin'?

October 19, 2018

Did you know that Dishonest Donald Chrump, who called Cruz Lyin' Ted, is now calling him Beautiful Ted?  Did you know that Canadian-born Ted Cruz is only in his first term as senator from Texas?  It seems like he has been gnawing away at us for decades.  That just shows how incredibly effective Cruz is at grating on people’s nerves and making them want to vomit up their own internal organs.

One of these is actually Ted Cruz

But, do not gaze too long because prolonged exposure to Ted Cruz can result in Tex-ass, face blindness, projectile defecation, brain farts...and hopefully, Senator Beto O’Rourke.

Hope you had fun.

I. Mangrey