Schmuck Of The Day

The Bitch Is Back

May 30, 2023

Keith Olbermann frequently put it this way re Sarah Palin, “That woman is an idiot.”

This is not about Sarah Palin.

Shakespeare put it thus in Hamlet, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

This is not about a lady.

Then there’s the apropos Elton John song title referenced above.

If the epithet fits…

Something that blends all of the above (and then some) is required for today's subject: “The bitch don’t STFU enough methinks.”

President Joe Biden recently announced a new plan to fight hate, bias and violence against Jewish people and combat an alarming rise in antisemitism. Biden intends to send a “clear and forceful message” that “in America, evil will not win, hate will not prevail” and “the venom and violence of antisemitism will not be the story of our time.”

No brainer, right? Right. Until that is, champion of the under-educated, decimal-pointed IQ, Fux-News-encrusted hate mongers, and professional no-brainer Lauren Boebert put thumbs to phone and posted on Elon Musk’s home for anti-Semites and other human detritus, Twitter:

Guilty conscience bitch much?*

___________________________________________________________
*This of course presumes the presence of a conscience. That would be a mistake.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Fuck yeah.

Investment Opportunity For The Day

So You Want To Be A Millionaire

May 27, 2023

Blogging admittedly, though thoroughly enjoyable, does not pay the bills…any of them. All of the books and movies, and fine products – like Rent-a-Coma™, Votegra™, or even the democracy-preserving Moron-a-Tron™ Mental Detector – have failed to put enough food on the table to feed the average (non-Gregor-Samsa-sized) cockroach.

The latest Paying Attention™ get-rich-moderately-quickly-or-even-in-super-slow-motion scheme is something I can’t believe no one has ever thought to do. Why not combine two of the most popular and oldest professions? I think this idea might finally rake in millions when we open up our new chain of stores.

What better way to know for sure if you will really like the mattress you are shopping for? Everyone who has ever bought a mattress knows how difficult it is to decide how compatible your new mattress will be after just lying there for a few minutes and feeling awkward about being there where anyone can see you, and then buying something just to get the whole thing over with.

Mattress Whorehouse™ will offer clean, private rooms where you can give a mattress a true field test. And you guys, after you’re finished giving the mattress a good workout, you can pass out, sleep it off and see how you feel the next morning.

The smart money says Mattress Whorehouse™ will outsell every other mattress superstore. Put your money where my mouth is; get in on the ground floor while you still can.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Investment Opportunity For The Day.

How much you got on you?

Broken News – No-Brainers Edition

No Added Artificial Intelligence

May 22, 2023

As you know, the MAGA crowd is anti-science or progress – among so many other things that people whose IQs do not begin with a decimal point find meaningful, useful, and often integral to life in the real world.

MAGAts naturally fear and distrust artificial intelligence. This of course is a no brainer since they are vehemently opposed to intelligence of any kind. And because they have no brains. Their unbridled fear of smart people causes them to soil their undergarments on a daily basis.

The Lyin’ King – all artificial, no intelligence

These are the same people who embrace trans fats, which are killing many of them, but are apoplectic over trans people who are not hurting anyone.

These are the same people who cosplay in tactical military gear for an insurrection, but are scared to death of someone dressing up as a member of the opposite sex for entertainment purposes (or any other purpose for that matter).

They are pitching a life-and-death struggle against “wokeness” because being woke is about being less stupid and hateful, and therefore a threat to all they hold dear and sacred. Being woke is about thinking it and paying it forward. The MAGAts prefer to keep their brains idling…or floored in reverse.

They are too stupid to understand that Antifa is short for anti-fascist, constantly describing Antifa as fascists. Pot, allow me to introduce my good friend, Kettle.

They think the gun lobby is where you wait when you want to mow people down with assault weapons as they enter a school, church, bar or workplace.

Unsatisfied by their staggering level of natural idiocy, they incessantly fight against any form of intelligence – natural or artificial. What they really want is artificial idiocy. All of their news sources traffic in it. All their political heroes wallow in it. They are proud of their abject ignorance and they will fight to the death to increase the level of ignorance by any means necessary.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled disbelief.

Fun Fact For The Day

Any Way You Slice It, He’s Got The Runs…
I Mean, Going To Run

May 18, 2023

If proud boy Donald Q Trump fails to win the Fascist (nee Republican) Party nomination in 2024, he will run waddle as an independent candidate…or a dependent candidate…or a Depends candidate…or a defendant candidate, or a detainee candidate.

When I’m elected for my third term as 45^th president,
America will finally be mine…I mean great again

Just thought you should know.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day. 

Broken News – Very Fine People EXTRA

Trumps And Nazis. Oh My.

May 14, 2023

Today we bring you good news and other good news.

The good news is, after getting caught inviting two Holocaust-denying, Hitler-loving anti-Semites (a bit redundant, but increasingly necessary to overdo) to speak alongside Eric and Lara Trump and other Trump-adjacent sociopaths like Devin Nunes, Roger Stone and Mike Flynn at Trump National Doral resort in Miami, those two particular invitations have been reluctantly rescinded.

One of the disinvitees Scott McKay, has claimed that Jewish people orchestrated 9/11 and were responsible for the assassinations of Presidents Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and William McKinley. He has also said that Jewish people routinely torture children and eat their hearts. McKay believes that Jewish people “created” and “built” Hitler to profit from war, but “Hitler broke away” from his Jewish creators and their evil banks by trying to create “a banking system for the people and the free world.”

As they say in the South, bless his heart.

Fellow fuckwit Charlie Ward has shared posts praising Hitler for supposedly “warning us” about Judaism; claiming that “VIRUSES are Man (JEW) made”; and attacking the alleged Jewish media for supposedly lying about the Holocaust.

As you might have guessed, these feces in street clothes are not shy about sharing their demented views on social media, not to mention the fact that Eric has been on the so-called, Orwellian-named ReAwaken America tour with these scum.

Eric The Half-a-Brain with McKay and Ward. Smile and say Nazi.

The other good news is, Eric Trump assures us that some of his best friends are Jews.

Remember, the anti-Semitism is not a bug – it’s a feature.

And now for something completely different...

Monty Python – Eric The Half-a-Bee

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled horror. 

Stairway To Prison

Songs of The Trump Years

May 12, 2023

In response to Donald Trump and his prison choir buddies collection of horrific remakes of classis songs, we here at Paying Attention™ are set to release the antidote. We have taken other classics and repurposed them to help tell the sad and stupid tale of America’s 45^th and absolute worst president. If you’ve had the misfortune of hearing any of Trump’s musical mayhem, this will hopefully you on your road to recovery.

Featuring…

You Blight Up My Life

I Saw Him Staining There

Whole Lotta Lies

One Woke Over the Line

Takin’ Care of Bullshit

Donny Don’t Grab That Pussy

Big Yellow Tax Cheat

When Trumps Lie

Won’t Get Trumped Again

As (He Does) Time (and) Goes By(e)

Lawyers, Guns and MAGA

We Didn’t Start the Liar

Pence Avenue Sleaze Out

Dylan Medley:

   Mr. Tangerine Man
   Just Like an Asshole
   Tangled Up in Orange
   Simple Twist of Fake

Flabby Toad

   Scum Together

   Dumbthing

   Donald's Orange Hairline

   Oy! Donald

   Pussy Grabber’s Garden

   I (Don’t) Want You (He's So Hated)

   Here Comes The Putz

   Because (He Got Impeached Twice)

The Flabby Toad Medley:

      You’re Always Taking Their Money
      Scum King
      Mean Mr. Bone Spurs
      Polythene Pig
      He Came in Through the Boardroom Window
      Golden Showers
      Carry That Flab
      The End (If We’re Lucky)
      His Travesty

We hope you enjoy listening to this more than we enjoyed making it. It was hard work. Thinking about Rapey McDickface any more than absolutely necessary is risky business, but somebody has to do it.

Your friends at Paying Attention™

Lying Liar Found Liable

New York Jury Decides: Trump Is A Dick

May 10, 2023

One guilty verdict down, some number between one and infinity left to go.

During his videotaped deposition, we got to see and hear self-professed serial sexual assaulter Donald Trump explain that “historically it’s true for stars” to get away with grabbing women by the pussy. Trump videotaped his deposition because 1) he would be unable to testify in his own defense due to his absolute inability to not lie, and 2) because he is…wait for it…a pussy.

According to the dangerous sociopath (who remains the odds-on favorite to become the Fascist Party’s nominee for president for the third time), “if you look over the last million years,” certain men have “fortunately or unfortunately” simply done what they wanted to women without consequence.

You may recall that his first wife – who Trump claimed he could not remember if he cheated on – once testified that he had raped her, though she recanted at some point for reasons now buried with her at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey.

Trump showing his stuff during sociopathic deposition

If looks could make you stupid…

To the surprise of no one other than the morbidly narcissistic, delusional defendant himself, Donald Trump has been found liable in civil court for defamation and sexual abuse and awarded E. Jean Carroll $5 million. Of course, that defamation was a result of Trump lying about Carroll’s reporting that she had been raped by the career criminal in the 1990s. Five million dollars hardly seems sufficient to compensate for the trauma of having Donald Trump put his tiny hands on you (let alone in you), but it’s something. Trump’s lawyer, Joe Tacopina could only celebrate the fact that his creepy client was found liable for sexual abuse, but not rape.

Trump Has Standards; He Won’t Consider Raping Just Anyone

Trump continues to insist that he doesn't even know E. Jean Carroll. It is not at all uncommon for a sexual predator to assault total strangers, though usually those total strangers are not seen in photographs with their assailants. And even though an sexual predator claims his victims “are not his type,” and he cannot tell them apart from his wife, most rapists do not stop to decide if their victims are their type. They just assault them, especially when they are stars and think they can get away with it. And then they brag about it on a live microphone as they prepare to show how they do it.

After watching Trump's disgustingly surreal deposition,
even this jury would have voted to find him liable

Naturally, many in the Fascist Party are appalled by Trump’s behavior. Really, you wisely ask? Well, yes and no. they are not appalled that he has been found liable for sexual assault, but they are appalled that he is now a liability politically. And, after a jury of six men and three women found Trump liable for sexual abuse, negative-number-IQ Sen. Tommy Tuberville (the dumbness is right there in the name, people) said it “makes me want to vote for [sexual predator Trump] twice.” Many of Tuberville’s peers are standing behind Trump every which way but sane. Of course, everyone knows it is much safer to stand behind Trump than in front of him. Just ask E. Jean Carroll. All of this proves once again that you can always count on Ratpublican fascists to do the wrong thing, though the reasons can vary wildly.

Anyway, when can we expect him to go to trial for raping, or at least sexually abusing and defaming America?

I. Mangrey rejoicing.

Second Amendment Follies

The Second Amendment Strikes Again

May 9, 2023

We're all familiar with the expression “Shoot first, ask questions later.” The new motto for America is: Shoot first, shoot later.

Another day, another dozen or so mass shootings here in the land of the gun, the home of the cowardly Congress. Some asshole…I’m sorry, I meant patriot, opened fire with a military-style assault weapon in an Allen, Texas outlet mall the other day. The other senseless murder that day, in Florida, fortunately only killed one little boy. Whew, that was lucky.

A good guy with a gun.

Does this make you feel safe?

Well does it, punk?

Second Amendment sickos tossed out some more of their usual useless thoughts and prayers at the families of another bunch of needlessly murdered American civilians. A reporter told Texas State Rep. Keith Self (R-Allen) that many people don’t think prayers are doing the trick in stopping mass shootings, to which Self responded, "Well, those are people that don't believe in an almighty God who, who has, who is absolutely in control of our lives.” So, guns aren’t the problem, it’s God who pulls the trigger.

It's A Shootiful Day In The Neighborhood

Though the NRA owns most of the Fascist (nee Ratpublican) Party, and consistently lobbies against common sense gun laws that a huge majority of Americans favor, the heavily armed minority of gun-death addicts think a gun lobby is the place where you hang out to ambush innocent men, women and children in schools, churches, nightclubs, libraries, convenience stores, malls, concerts, cheese shops, etc. Anywhere Americans go in the hopes of being gunned down by some Second Amendment fetishist.

When they are not disingenuously babbling about thoughts and prayers, members of the pro-murder Fascist Party try to blame everything under the Sun – with the exception of guns, of course – for the unending mass shootings. Their favorite scapegoat is mental illness. I admit, I am beginning to agree that mental illness might be a big player in all the gun massacres. However, it is not the mental illness of the shooters, it is the mental illness of the GOP – Gun Obsessed Perverts – who refuse to acknowledge reality – that it is impossible to shoot up a classroom, or a church, or a movie theater full of innocent people without a gun. It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. The definition of aiding and abetting in the commission of a crime is helping to provide the conditions for that crime to be committed. The Fascist Party has made a career of aiding and abetting mass murder, day after day, year after year, dead body after dead body. If that is not criminal insanity, I don’t know what is.

Speaking of aiding and abetting and mental illness, let us not forget that the very first thing the Fascist Party did with majorities in the House and Senate and their Orange Pimpsicle in the White House in 2017, was pass a law making it easier for mentally ill people to purchase firearms and murder people. The very first thing. I guess they showed us who's boss.

Apparently, Guns Do Kill People

Everything is bigly dumber in Texas. A San Antonio toddler died after he was shot in the head by a gun that fell off a shelf. The irresponsible father told authorities that his son was reaching for something on the shelf and accidentally pulled down a gun. The gun hit the ground. Presumably, God pulled the trigger, and with god-like accuracy shot the child in the head one time. What would the proverbial good-guy-with-a-gun have done to save this day? Would he have attempted to shoot God?

More Fun With Guns

The Texas man who shot up his neighbors, killing several – including an 8-year-old – after they asked him to stop firing his assault rifle in his front yard because their baby was trying to sleep, was finally caught after evading capture for several days. He was apprehended and taken into custody in the Texas town of Cut and Shoot.

Stupid/Fun Fact

There is a Texas town called Cut and Shoot

One More Thing

In case you're brave/foolish enough to ever leave your house...

2020 FBI Active Shooter Video

I. Mangrey

Shoot 'Em If You Got 'Em

Best Combo Since Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

May 7, 2023

Hey, you got governors in my gun legislation! Hey, you got bullets in my governor!

Two weeks ago, Puny puke of a governor Ron DuhSantis signed a permitless gun carry bill into what passes for law. To say that this was done on the heels of another mass gun murder in America is a bit disingenuous. The reason being the fact that there is a mass gun murder on average of more than one per day, thanks to the yeoman-like work of the fascist, bloodthirsty GOP – the Gun Obsessed Perverts. Everything in America now happens on the heels of a deadly mass shooting.

In a brazen attempt to showcase their unrivaled hypocrisy, the Utah GOP is banning guns from its state convention where Ron DuhSantis will give the keynote speech this summer. Hey, what about the Second Fucking Amendment? Why do Utah Ratpublicans hate our freedoms? Don’t they want to have the possibility of a shooting gallery to show how much they love America?

Meanwhile, Back In The Shitshine State…

So Floridians, who probably comprise the highest number of nut-jobs per capita nationally, are now allowed to carry concealed weapons with no permit. This of course renders meaningless the idea of learning how to use a weapon of easy mass murder. Or learning why maybe why shooting might not be the best first-choice for interacting with other people, or why it might not be appropriate to use at all.

This heinous bill was signed behind closed doors, with the NRA, gun rights activists, and legislative leaders present. This despite the recent poll taken by the University of North Florida, in which 77% of those responding were somewhat or strongly opposed to permitless carry legislation. A government of, by, and for the NRA. No parents of murdered Florida children were invited to the surreptitious, cowardly signing.

Firearms are one of the few products that are exempt from federal consumer product safety regulations. America first! Americans last!

But Here’s A Thought… 

The vaunted, sacred, immutable Second Amendment, even if you are of the opinion that only the last 14 words are of any consequence, there is nothing in that holy fucking writ providing the right to fire the arms one might happen to be keeping or bearing. Neither does the amendment says anything about the right to keep and bear bullets. 

It is time to exploit the bullet loophole. 

Bob Marley & the Wailers – Johnny Was

I. Mangrey reporting.

Tune in next time for moron…I mean more on guns in America.

Broken Cruz

Ted Squawk

May 4, 2023

Insurrectionist/Senator Ted Cruz, whose recently revealed perfect phone calls with Fux idiot Maria Bartiromo exposed Cruz’s complicity in the Trump-incited attempted coup, is desperate to change the subject no matter how absurd the misdirection. As Cruz attempts to weasel his way out what we have now heard with our own ears, he endeavored to change the subject by appearing with Bartiromo to defend sleazebag/tax cheat and anti-ethics maven Clarence Thomas. Thomas, you may recall, was recently found to have been receiving massive gifts from Fascist (nee Ratpublican) Party mega-donor Harlan Crow. Since Supreme Court justices are not legally required to exhibit any sort of ethics, Uncle Thomas has not technically broken any laws, but golly gee, it just don’t seem right what he done.

Cruz told the decimal-pointed-IQ Fux host, “We know what Justice Thomas did wrong. He's been one of the greatest Supreme Court justices ever to serve on the court. He has been a principal constitutionalist, and the left despises him; Democrats hate Justice Thomas, and they have the special degree of hate for him because he's a Black man.” Hating Thomas naturally has nothing to do with his duplicity, his absurdly improper relationship Harlan Crow, the constant cheating on his taxes, his treasonous whack-job of a wife, or the slime-trail of horrendous decisions he has helped shepherd through the Slime Court. Nope, it’s because he’s Black.

The Whinin’ King losing his shit on live TV

Does Ted Cruz think he’s Black? Does he think that’s why everyone hates him?

But Wait, There’s More…

On a later installment of Dumb Fucking Assholes on Fux, Cruz told Bartiromo that Joe Biden was "acting like a terrorist" by not negotiating with debt-ceiling-hostage-taker and mouthpiece for actual Speaker of the House EmptyG, Kevin McQarthy. House Fascist Party members are once again attempting to demolish the ability of the federal government to pay its bills, while protecting the wealth of rich white men and assuring that those in need suffer.

Dim & Dimmer – not a healthy brain cell between them

EmptyG preparing to bite McQarthy’s nose off to show who’s boss

We leave you with this famous quote by Sen. Al Franken…

“Here’s the thing you have to understand about Ted Cruz. I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.”

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken Cruz report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled nausea.

Sing A Song Of Sedition

Goodbye Orange Sick Toad

May 3, 2023

Don Trump, in his nauseating quest to rule forever over America's Dumocracy,* has once again deluded himself and his brain-free cult, this time about having hit the pop charts with a bullet. This, thanks to Trump’s latest collaboration with the January 6 insurrectionists. Instead of assaulting the Capitol, Trump and friends – all of whom, with the exception of their drear leader, are currently behind bars – are assaulting the nation’s ears.  Prepare yourself for this daring follow-up to his imagined smash hits with the J6 Prison Choir as Trump and “friends” offer up a bevy of cheap and painful remakes of classic hits from yesteryear.

Here are just a few, yet more than enough of the once great songs now forever ruined by Donny & The Insurrectionists:

It’s My Party and They’ll Cry If I Want Them To

Save The Last Dunce For Me

(Your) Money (That’s What I Want)

I Fought the Law (And I Raised $10M From My Suckers)

Everybody Is A (Porn) Star

Grifters, Trumps and Thieves

Take Me to The Golf Course

One Bourbon, One Coke, One Bleach

Fly Like an Ego

Mercy Mercy Me (Fuck The Ecology)

Fired

Won't Explain

(Very Fine People On) Both Sides Now

Hang On Sloopy (Then Hang Mike Pence)

Cheats Don't Fail Me Now

Paint it White

Light My (Stolen Classified Documents On) Fire

I Wanna Hold Your Pussy

Save a few bucks, your ears and your sanity. Instead of buying this insurrection against music, invite a few friends over and have them run their fingernails across a blackboard.

In case you’re in the mood for a real song…

10cc – Rubber Bullets

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*Dumocracy: (n) a system of government once recognized for its attempt at egalitarian rule by the needs and desires of a majority of its citizenry, ultimately turned ignorant and stupid after electing the most criminal, narcissistic, hateful boor to lead the country to a fate worse than death

I. Mangrey reviewing.

May Day! Mayday!

A Fascist By Any Other Name (Would Be Confusing)

May 1, 2023

May 1^st, May Day, has long been recognized throughout the world as a day dedicated to the world’s working men and women, especially workers’ unions. None of this has ever sat well with our corporate overlords, who see workers as a necessary evil who do nothing more than water down their profit margins. So buckle up, things might get a wee bit political here today.

Ratpublicans have prided themselves on owning the libs by steadfastly referring to the Democratic Party as the “Democrat Party.” Get it? Democrats should from this day forward (if not sooner) and unceasingly, refer to the disloyal opposition as the Fascist Party. This is simply turn-about fair play; it will anger those with guilty consciences, and has the added bonus of being 100% accurate.

Fascist Party senators Cruz and Hawley seen here
showing support for domestic terrorists on January 6, 2021

This party has been burnishing their fascist bona fides for years. They are in favor of:

• forcing women to give birth against their will
• banning books
• rewriting history to whitewash slavery, indigenous genocide and other crimes against humanity
• revoking voting rights from any who oppose them, in particular people of color
• overturning any election that favors opponents
• preventing workers from organizing
• taking money from the poor and giving it to the rich

Two very fine Trump cultists…you know, Nazis

They are the party favored by racists, anti-Semites, and misogynists. They despise the poor, the LGBTQ+ community, non-white immigrants, education and science, preferring to hide behind a religion they also despise (though many of them are in total denial of this fact). Their leader favors autocrats of Russia and China over democracy. He constantly professes his love for North Korea’s murderous dictator Kim Jong-un (and has stolen letters to prove it).

The Fascist Party will stop at nothing to attain and keep power to themselves. If someone who disagrees with them does get elected, they will not hesitate to expel them for bogus reasons.

More Fascist Party senators

They constantly shout “America first!” (when they are not shouting “Hang Mike Pence!), but the America to which they refer is an ugly, white, male fiction that looks like this:

Apologies to all our sighted readers

Huge majorities of Americans favor serious gun control measures and allowing women control over their own bodies, but the Fascist Party will tolerate neither. They refuse to accept the will of the people.

The old adage “Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do” is somewhat less pertinent here since the Fascist Party has never tried to hide their actions behind deceptive words. Well, maybe a few times, like their Orwellian "Clean Air Act" and a number of other misleading labels, but that was back when they cared about fooling people.

Those days are over for the Fascist Party, whose leader incited (at least) an insurrection, and when finally cajoled into putting a stop to his coup told his foot soldiers, while they were still assaulting the Capitol, “Go home, we love you, you're very special.” Trump has promised to pardon everyone involved if given the opportunity, and recently hugged one of his pitiable pawns (who still wants Mike Pence executed for certifying Joe Biden’s election) who did jail time for taking part in Trump’s coup attempt.

Two-thirds of Fascist Party members of the House and more than 20 percent of their senators were co-conspirators who supported Trump’s Big Lie and the overturning of the totally legitimate 2020 election of a non-fascist president. Their Supreme Court appointees were not the best; they are rapists, criminals and perjurers. Kavanaugh and Thomas were credibly accused of sexual misconduct and no real investigations were ever done to ferret out the truth. Kavanaugh, Alito, Gorsuch, Coney Barrett and Chief Justice John Roberts all perjured themselves during their confirmation hearings. Thomas, Gorsuch and Roberts are all involved in ethics scandals involving serious conflicts of interest. All of them, instead of being impartial arbiters of the law, are radical religious partisan political actors who are removing freedoms and putting their filthy thumbs on the scales of justice on behalf of their fascist/corporate benefactors to the detriment (destruction?) of government of, by and for the People.

In a word, fascism.

Despite all the lies, this is an ex-president…but still a fascist

I. Mangrey reporting. It's a free(ish) country.