Schmuck Of The Day – Dick Johnson*

Howard Johnson Is Right! Mike Johnson Is Full Of Fucking Shit

November 5, 2023

In some ways this is no big deal, or at least nothing new. Just another Ratpublican who believes America is simply a haven for rich White men to do as they please, who thinks his job as a public servant comprises stealing from the poor and giving to the rich. That and ensuring that everyone believe what he believes, does as he says, and otherwise shuts the fuck up. Another god-addled nincompoop who created God in his image and insists that a very old book series is factually the word of that invisible being who may or may not exist and made America in His image – He apparently being an all-powerful White Christian male. 

We haven’t heard Johnson opine on whether he believes the Earth is round or flat, but he does believe it’s only a few thousand years old and that humans and dinosaurs hung out together.

Fuck The Constitution, I’m A Bible Guy

Today’s Schmuck Of The Day is none other than newly-anointed Speaker of the House Mike “I Am The Bible Incarnate” Johnson.

“By the way, the United States of America is not a democracy…You know what a democracy is? It’s two wolves and a sheep deciding what’s for dinner. You don’t want to be in a democracy. OK? Majority rule – not always a good thing.”
                                    Rep. Mike Johnson (R-God)

Mike Johnson, seen here making crazy shit up

One aspect of Johnson’s horrifying drivel above is kind of right. The United States is not a democracy. Our democracy has practically been gerrymandered and Electoral Colleged to death – and don’t get me started on the corporate stranglehold (including the outright ownership of at least two Supreme Court “justices.” Everything else Johnson says (not just here, but so far everything we know about) is complete and utter bullshit.

In a democracy, people pick their leaders. In the United States, for quite some time now, leaders pick their electorate thanks to gerrymandering. Johnson’s Fascist/Trump Party almost always gets fewer votes in most states, but thanks to their ability to draw electoral maps that make them impervious to voters, they have a much larger representation than the voting populace at large would actually prefer.

Ratpublicans cannot win the popular vote for president. If not for gerrymandering they would rarely if ever hold a majority in the House of Representatives. If not for the racist Electoral College, they would probably never occupy the White House.

So, in Johnson’s America it’s not so much two wolves and a sheep deciding what’s for dinner. It’s more like two wolves who just ate the sheep and then asking, “What’s for dinner?” 

Johnson’s chief-of-staff, Gabby’s nominating speech

It might seem unfair to single out Johnson as the sole Schmuck Of The Day; after all, 220 Fascist/Trump Party assholes chose him to be speaker – they too singled him out as their one-thing-to-rule-them-all, so we’re going to stand by our choice for today’s one-and-only Schmuck Of The Day.

Mike Johnson’s dream of being a dino-boy

No doubt the competition for the next Schmuck Of The Day will again be fierce going forward.

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*I know, his name’s not Dick, he just is one.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. God help us.