The main character in Jerzy Kosisnky’s1970 novel Being There
was named Chauncey Gardener.He was
affectionately called Chance. Chance was a gardener. He grew up and then
remained in the household of his wealthy employer, and had no exposure to the
outside world with the exception of the substantial amount of time he spent
watching television. Chance was evicted after his benefactor died. All he knew
of life came from watching TV. Sound familiar?
Peter Sellers masterfully portrayed Chance in the 1979 movie
based on and named for the book. Everyone who meets him, including the
president, interprets Chance’s gardening-based utterances as profound
philosophical life lessons. The movie ends with high-level movers and shakers
deciding that Chance is the only man they could back as the next president,
convinced that his lack of personal history, his down-home “wisdom” and lack of
political experience would be tremendous assets for getting him into the White
House. Sound familiar?
The main difference of course between Chance and the person
we are currently all still forced to be thinking of, the man we cannot stop
thinking of as hard as we might try, is that Chance was a pure innocent. There
was no pretense to him. He was what he claimed to be – a gardener. He did not
know how to read. When asked what he read, he would answer honestly as always,
“I like to watch TV.” People read into that what they wanted. Chance understood
nothing of the world he lived in. And Chance had absolutely no interest in
being famous, unlike his real-life doppelganger, who wants attention, fame and
adoration above all else…with the possible exception of the ability to maintain
a candy-corn-colored hair-like substance atop his empty cranium.
Being Chrump
Chance’s evil twin – No-Chance – demonstrates a complete
absence of innocence. He is 100% artifice. From his fake wealth, to his fake
words, to his fake hair and hue. Like Chance though, he knows only what he
gathers from television (and the occasional intellectually disabled conspiracy
addict). He has no idea how any of it applies to real life. He has no interest
in real life. He has never had to. He never had a real job, grew up in the
house of a wealthy man – except while sequestered at a military academy, due to
his utter lack of ability to have non-sociopathic interactions with other
humans. He was a bad seed, now grown into a fatally-diseased plant, sowing its
seeds to the four winds with wreck-ful abandon.
It is long past time that everyone ridicule everything this
so-called alt-president says. Every. Single. Word.
Anyway, the picture below was meant to be worth a thousand
words. Apparently, it was only worth about 450.
“I like to be watched on TV.”
I. Mangrey reporting. I’m getting sick of watching.
Jeff Timmer, a political strategist and Lincoln Project
senior advisor snarked, “I leave out a roughly 30-year period where I helped
elect Republicans. Instead, I say I was in prison. Makes things less awkward.”
You know, it’s just possible that Droopy J.
Trump had a point. (Just kidding, that could never happen, it’s just a vehicle
to set up a mediocre joke.)
You might recall that during Trump’s
unmitigated disaster at the National Association of Black Journalists
conference in Chicago, ABC News’ Rachel Scott asked the self-proclaimed “least
racist person anywhere in the world” (yes, he really said this)* the first question: “Do you believe that
Vice President Kamala Harris is only on the ticket Because she is a Black
woman?”
Trump’s now infamous and horrifyingly
ignorant and racist response concluded with,“So I don't know, is she Indian, or is she Black?”
Sorry, we
couldn’t resist giving this another airing
Somehow Trump neglected to include yet
another minority of which Harris is a member. And that, my friends is why we
here at Paying Attention™ get paid the big bucks.** So here it is, without any
further ado…
________________________________________ *Full disclosure: Trump and
his father were sued by the Justice Department of housing discrimination in
rental properties in New York in 1973. As became commonplace, the Trumps
settled, avoiding any admission of guilt. When confronted with this inconvenient
truth by Hillary Clinton during the 2016 election, Donald lovingly threw his
father under the bus. Spoiler Alert: they were not discriminating against White
people.
**For the
record, we have gotten exactly zero bucks up to this point. Did we mention that
we’re really rich? No, we did not. Because we are not. It is only out of badly
misplaced pride that we are not constantly asking for money with which to run
this slipshod operation.
Convicted
Felon Donald Trump, who has a sordid history with classified information and documents, says he has
decided to forego security briefings during the run-up to the November 5th
election. You would be excused for wondering why Trump would pass up a way to cash in on leaking
our secrets. You would also be excused for not believing a single word that
oozed out of that man’s face sphincter, and that he is in fact being denied
access to any and all classified information seeing as he is still under
indictment for stealing classified documents. And inciting insurrection. And was impeached for making a "perfect phone call" attempting to extort Volodymyr Zelenskyy to fabricate dirt on Joe Biden. And that sort of thing.
According
to the lying, traitorous turd, “I don’t need that briefing. They come in. They
give you a briefing, and then two days later, they leak it. And then they say,
'You leaked it.' The only way to solve that problem is not to take it – I don’t
want it.”
And
it doesn’t want you.
Surely
it couldn’t be because from the early days of his ruinous time in the White
House, Trump has shown more allegiance to Russia than to the United States. In the
early months of his administration, Trump hosted Russian “diplomats” in the Oval
Office sans witnesses, and he blabbed national security secrets to the
“diplomats.” As everyone knows, on his way out the door following his
disastrous single term, Trump made off with a shitload of classified documents, then tried to hide
them from authorities when he was caught tiny red-handed. If it was not for his
pet judge Aileen Cannon protecting him from justice, Trump could very well have
been facing the consequences of his grossly illegal actions as we speak.
Donald
the delusional dipshit added that he doesn’t need any briefing because he
already knows “what’s happening” around the world. As if.
Even
though Donald Trump spent four painful (for us, that is) years doing alternative-reality-TV
in the White House, his opponent Kamala Harris has much more experience to do
the actual job of being president in our shared reality. Plus, she is not a
demented moron. And she has bigger balls.
I’d
say that Harris is eating Trump’s lunch, but she is much too smart and healthy to go anywhere near
whatever the hell he eats.
Bonus Fact
Speaking
of experience, do you realize that after Tim Walz has completed his two terms
as vice president, at which time he will likely run for president, he will
still be 10 years younger than the other guy running for president today?
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact(s) For The Day.
There is a giant chasm between the two parties
vying for control of our federal government. One party is offering a positive
vision of the future where everyone is free to carry out the pursuit of life,
liberty and happiness. They are the party of diversity and inclusion. The other
party will not be satisfied merely controlling the government; they also want
control over every single aspect of our lives. It is a party full of white
nationalists and exclusion. It is the hate and carnage party, that offers
nothing but fear and loathing. Remember, not all Trumpers are racists, but all racists are
Trumpers.
Love, joy and happiness
The DNC was a rip-roarin’ party. The RNC was like a funeral
march. And not one of those New Orleans Second Line celebrations of a life well
lived. More like a gathering of families after a Ratpublican-sanctioned mass
murder at an elementary school. This funerial feel is not without good reason. After
all, the Fascist/Trump
Party’s candidate has one foot in the grave (fingers crossed) and the other in
his mouth. And they are hell-bent on burying democracy in the USA.
Death, destruction and
douchebaggery
The Democracy Party brought out the brilliant and uplifting Stevie
Wonder who sang his ageless anthem of hope and personal growth Higher Ground.
The Fascist/Trump Party
dragged out an older-but-no-wiser Kid Rock who amped up the hate and personal
stagnation as he led his fellow lemmings in raising their fists and yelling
“Fight, fight, fight.” The Dems offered up the likes of Oprah Winfrey, while
the Ratfuckers exhumed Hulk Hogan who ripped his shirt off to expose another
shirt. Whatthefuckever dude.
The Fascist/Trump Party has a new Bible; it was built by
more than 100 ex-Trump administration veterans vermin for their and their tool Donald Trump’s take-over of American
democracy. It’s called Project 2025: A Mandate For Leadership. To quote
Gil Scott-Heron (below), “Mandate my ass.”
Hey, remember when Ronald Reagan before him and Richard Nixon
before that, it appears that life-long criminal – now new and improved with 34
felony convictions – Donald Trump
is working feverishly, making more of his patently absurd ‘perfect phone calls.
These calls are going to none other than Bibi Netanyahu.
Leading up to the 1980 election, Reagan secretly worked to
keep the Iranian hostages in captivity to scuttle Jimmy Carter’s reelection
bid, and like Nixon’s sabotaging of Johnson’s Vietnam peace talks to help him
win election in 1968, an early entry in Dicky Dick’s shit-list of crimes
against the United States. Trumpwants Netanyahu to avoid agreeing to a
ceasefire until the election is over…whatever that means to Trump.
PBS’ Judy Woodruff during coverage of the first night of the
DNC, revealed something as unsurprising as it is despicable and murderous. And by
most accounts, if true, bigly illegal. As Woodruff spoke about how much the
Harris-Walz campaign would love a ceasefire deal between Israel and Hamas,
Woodruff casually added a mind-blowing scoop, which if true might eclipse all of Trump's other assaults on our democracy and on morality:
“The reporting is that former President Trump is on the phone
with the prime minister of Israel urging him not to cut a deal right now
because it’s believed that would help the Harris campaign.”
The former president, current candidate to reclaim the
office he once disgraced, and unrepentant sociopath allegedly made his latest
perfect call on August 14, according to Axios, which cited two unnamed “U.S.
sources who were briefed on the call.”
One cannot help but ponder whether the mainstream media will
follow up on the story or not. I’m not holding my breath…or my food down.
The next day, Netanyahu's office denied that the call took
place. Of course, Netanyahu, like Trumpis desperate to stay in power in order
to avoid prison time just like his good buddy Trump, a private citizen with whom
he recently visited at Mor-on-Lago. In a statement quoted by The Times of
Israel, a Netanyahu spokesperson said: “Contrary to media reports, Prime
Minister Benjamin Netanyahu did not speak yesterday with former President
Donald Trump.” Aha! So the call took place on a different day, or maybe during
their very private in-person meeting a few weeks ago.
Trumpmaking one of his
patented perfect phone calls, hopped up on covfefe
We already know that Trumpmade another frenzied batch of
perfect phone calls to his allies (i.e. slaves) in the Fascist/TrumpParty. These
calls were designed to convince (i.e. coerce) his soulless minions to avoid
passing the bipartisan border security bill poised to pass both Houses of
Congress until Der Furor put his tiny foot down on the throats of his loyal lackies.
Surely there were very fine people on both ends of the call.
All of this was and is totally and perpetually predictable
as part of Trump’s ostentatiously Orwellian America First chant – a slogan
first adopted by American Nazis in the 1940s. As everyone but Trump’s cultists
knows, Trumpis only and forever meaning ‘Trump First’ as he cares nothing at
all about America, or his followers, who he thinks are losers. So, keep those
dollars – you know, the ones Trumpinsisted he didn’t need because he’s “really
rich” and would very easily fund his campaign all by himself – rolling in you
morons. Give the rich guy all your money.
It is clear that Trumpburied the lede* and a key word describing his true intent;
what he really means is Fuck America First. If you do not know this, seek
immediate medical attention. When Trump thinks of Fuck America
First it is his manifesto. We use the phrase to describe how we feel about the
whole America First attitude.
If you can think of a single Democratic candidate for president
– or anything else for that matter – who even considered sabotaging America for
their own selfish, narcissistic, sociopathic desires please let me know and I will
gladly stand corrected.
This bullshit is guaranteed to snowball (don’t get all excited
Don, Jr., this refers to actual snow, not the white powder you seem so fond of
shoveling up your nose) should Trumpand his 34 felony convictions slither back
into the White House.
Or maybe…
Leonard Cohen – Democracy
__________________________________________ *But we did not.
Donald Trump continues talking nonsense and talking shit on the scam-pain trail. He is nothing but an invertebrate…I mean inveterate…nah, I’m sticking with
invertebrate…liar.
Mouth open, therefore lying
Okay, so he’s both.
So sue me.*
__________________________________________ *Okay, so he’s also a misogynist, a racist, a fascist, a sociopath, a convicted
felon, a traitor, a rapist and a hate-obsessed shit-stain on the human race.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
No More Shopping Days Left Before Resignation
Day(s)
In case you forgot where we left off
August 9, 20232024
Party like it’s 1974
If there could be anything better than
impeaching someone like Richard Nixon (once) or Donald Turmp (twice), it would
be indicting someone like Donald Turmp and finding him guilty, perhaps even
LOCKING HIM UP. With Nixon, it was said that the cover-up was worse than the
crime. That might be true. After all, at least according to Nixon – before
everyone learned it was his idea – Watergate was nothing more than a
“third-rate burglary.”
In the case of Turmp, there has, at least not
since the bombing of Ft. Sumpter, been anything worse than his long-planned
attempted coup. Sure, the cover-up is a veritable smorgasbord of crimes, but
the planning, inciting and attempted in-person leading of the assault on the
Capitol is tough to beat. Then, there was all of potential evidence was deleted
from phones belonging to members of the Secret Service, the Department of
Homeland Security, and the Department of Defense. It appears that all of these
government agencies wiped their text messages right after Turmp’s attempted
coup.
I have heard some say it will be all but
impossible to LOCK HIM UP. This is due to the requirement for all living
presidents, ex or otherwise, twice-impeached or otherwise, anti-American or
otherwise, guilty as fucking hell of trying to overturn a legitimate election
or otherwise, to have round-the-clock Secret Service protection for life (with
or without parole). This would necessitate incarcerating some number of agents
along with their protectee. However, I have an idea. Let’s round up the SS
agents who deleted their text messages related to January 6 and post them with
the man they protected, and they can all do time together. This is why I get
the big bucks…or would, if I got any bucks at all.
Those Who Don’t Learn From History
Are Doomed To Fuck It Up For The Rest Of Us
Before we regale you – or perhaps gale you for
the first time – with this year’s brand-new verses of the old holiday favorite ‘Twas
The Night Before Resignation, on Day 2 of Resignation Day(s), here are a
few highlights from the ghost of Resignation Day(s) past.
Just a few more hops down
memory lane before the main event:
2013
Pardon me for not forgetting.
Pardon me for not letting it go after all these years. Pardon me for dragging
you into my obsession. I just can’t seem to quit the man who tarnished America,
no easy feat, and then quit rather than face the music. I don’t care if he’s
dead, I still want to impeach Nixon. It’s never too late for justice to be
done. I know it will never happen in this case, but that doesn’t make it right.
Those who do not learn the
lessons of history are doomed. Period. And that’s the way it is. Good night and
have a pleasant tomorrow.
2014
Thanks Ed, that was a treat as
always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for today’s holiday
season…
Once more it’s that season, now
Obama’s the one
New Impeachers are restless, and each has a gun.
They are angry and senseless, and each one is White
No need for good reason, they just want to fight.
So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues
As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs
All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
Keep it up silly Crackers, and to all a good-night!
2016
Tiny
hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest
2017
The
endless lies and insanity assaulting us all, By
Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall. So
I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight, More Impeachment to all,
and to all a good-night!
2018
Impeachment, resigning
once more fill the air,
Now dash away blob with your FAKE orange “hair”,
This Chrump works for Putin, and amplifies hate, He’s racist, he’s fascist; ain’t America great?
Though mostly Chrump’s
tweeting and golfing galore, He’s doing great damage,
let’s show him the door. Fake “hair”, phony
color, his face sphincter speaks, Let’s vote like we mean it and be rid of this freak.
Colluding, conspiring,
with Russia, oh no! Won’t tell his own people what he said to our foe. This treasonous cretin makes us all sick and tired, Let’s pray the next Congress will tell him, “YOU’RE FIRED.”
2019
We heard from The
Mueller, in a manner of speaking
He said there were crimes, he said there was sneaking
He all but said, “Congress, it’s time to impeach,”
He said indicting and punishing was out of his reach.
Still helping the
Russians help him get re-elected, With his treason,
stealing children from their parents and torturing them, denying climatecrisis, treating international allies like dirt and generally His crimes are
innumerable, his racism steady Impeach The Mother
Fucker Already!
2020
‘Twas the night before Resignation
So we had our
impeachment, if fell with a squish,
We thought he would go down, did not get our wish.
Chrump escaped, abetted by old Moscow Mitch, That dastardly, reptilian son-of-a-bitch.
Only one thing might
stop this walking crime ‘gainst humanity, This shit storm
perpetrated by this terrestrial manatee. A second Chrump term
will kill America, no doubt, So, on November the 3rd,
VOTE HIM THE FUCK OUT!
2021
‘Twas the night before Resignation (In 2021 it just gets verse)
Twice, there were Turmp crimes, and
all through the House,
There were cries for impeachment, “Get rid of this louse!”*
The crimes were all proved, beyond shadow of doubt,
Witnesses, videos. Throw the bum out.
The country was nestled and nervous
and scared,
Of the mad orange man, with the fake orange “hair.”
He bragged about crowd size and hands and whatever,
He promised to fight and stay president forever.
And despite all the evidence, and
all the convincing,
Still half the country’s all his, the other half wincing.
It was easy to see that this Turmp was a fascist,
Who put any against him on his miles-long blacklist.
They impeached him not once, they
impeached him then twice
The Senate stood by him, we never got to say, “Atsa nice.”
‘Cause he stayed on in office, swore he’d get re-elected,
But the voters said, “Fuck off! Go to hell! You’re rejected!”
The sorest of winners, could not
handle such losing,
So he riled up his MAGAts, to believe his delusing,
Go take over the Capitol, it need not make sense,
And while you are at it, try hanging Mike Pence.
Never cared ‘bout America,
repeatedly treasonous,
One can’t help but wonder just what the reason is,
Always siding with Putin, and threat’ning Ukraine
To get Hunter Biden? This fucker’s insane.
He whined and he moaned and incited
insurrection,
All because he’s psychotic, no one wants his erection.
Turmp still thinks he’s president, or will be reinstated,
His tiny brain and reality are for sure unrelated.
Can the Democrats somehow get
brains, spines and balls,
And stop the Turmp Party from having it all?
They unsuccessfully impeached him not once but twice,
There’s nothing left, but to impeach his ass thrice.
_____________________________________________________________ *Actually, the cries
were “Impeach The Mother Fucker Already!” which didn’t rhyme with house and
would have thrown off the rhythm completely.
2022
‘Twas the night before indictment,
and all oer the place
America on the precipice of wars civil and race.
When all of a sudden, we heard such a clatter,
When Merrick Garland said finally, “Something’s the matter.”
Though now Turmp is gone, well not
really but sorta
And at least we can’t feel his tiny hand on our aorta,
He is out of high office, the vote saw to that,
But Turmp just won’t accept it, his head is too fat.
He keeps whining and calling to get
the votes changed
Turmp can’t let it go, he’s a fascist, deranged.
He deserves a subpoena, or at least an indictment,
For his scheming and plotting and his violent incitement.
For his eating, burning, shredding
and stealing of documents,
And even mixing some in with his voluminous excrements,
The White House plumber (not Nixon’s) needed always be near.
For Turmp’s flushing of documents, no punishment too severe.
On Rudy, on Hawley, McCarthy and
Gaetz,
On Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and oh how they hates.
They want a White nation of Christians, not Jews,
Their divorce from reality is surely not news.
Two impeachments, one term, there has
not been one worse,
And the cause of such angst, and such torturous verse.
Drag him off by his feet, or his “hair” or whatever,
Let him back in the White House? Oh fuck no! Oh fuck, NEVER!
As Trump goes kicking,
screaming and fake-tweeting into that good night (good for us, that is), we
will continue our appointed rounds, unfazed. Well, maybe fazed, but undaunted.
So, without further ado, or a
don’t, or a maybe, Paying Attention™ brings you our 2023 installment of the
Resignation Day(s) festivities.
We’ve now had some indictments, p’rhaps justice is nigh,
Trump can’t keep his fat trap shut, is he stupid or high?
He confess to crimes, and he threatens the judges
Trump must have a death wish, he just never budges.
Trump declares many things, not one is a fact,
Like saying he’s protected by the Presidential Records Act.
He keeps claiming this thing, his head’s a latrine,
That act does not mean what he thinks that it means.
Donny Douchebag’s still running, for to stay out of jail,
And our justice moves slowly, at the pace of a snail.
We must hope that Jack Smith, can in court be successful,
And get orange jumpsuit and bars surrounding this asshul.
Will the Fascist Party nominate an indicted or convicted
felon,
Who atop his shoulders sports a hollow, festering melon?
Will Trump serve as president from a crappy cell,
While the rest of America, slides into hell?
Only time will tell if there’s life after Trump,
Or our democratic republic ends up mildewed and buried in
the trash heap of history, in a rotting, smelly dump.
There’s no telling how dimly America’s light might flicker,
Before we just hope Climate Crisis ends it all quicker.
That is all for this year, there’s too much crazy shit,
So much stupid and criming, and dumb fascist twits.
Trump’s impeachments were foiled by McConnell, et al,
Despite that the House had him grabbed by the balls.
For us, now it’s back to news, needles and pins,
And the soul-crunching fear that Trump somehow wins.
Let’s think and let’s pray, and then hope and then vote,
So that Trump is pariah, when history’s wrote.
I imagine having the same sentiment when
Turmp finally meets his very flawed maker
Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To
Regret It
August 8, 2024
As always, Paying Attention™ suspends our
regular coverage of the day's insane, and for a change excitingly hopeful events
to celebrate one of the truly unique moments (two days, actually) in American
history. There is much to cover every single day as we find ourselves in
another unique period in our nation's fragile maturation. The race for the
presidency is between a fascist insurrectionist and 34-time convicted felon,
potentially awaiting even more convictions and a former senator, California
attorney general and current vice president, who if victorious will be America’s
first woman president. Many people are saying she is also black. Nonetheless,
we hope you have some free time to celebrate this momentous holiday.
Though this is the 50th anniversary
of the disgraced departure we regret to inform that there will be no new verses
added to the holiday classic ‘Twas The Night Before Resignation. Other than
this intro we are presenting, unadulterated, last year’s celebratory offering. Too
busy trying to maintain sanity, and dare I say hope, during these last three
months before either wonder and a newfound respect for women, minorities and
the environment, or abject misery and untold disaster coming our way on November
5th (in truth there is a very good chance that the results of this
election will not be known until December or worse since Trump’s entire strategy consists of having his malevolent minions
refuse to certify election results that favor Harris in key swing states). That
and preparing for the Paying Attention team’s first vacation in eight years.
It’s not easy informing and inflaming you with all the fascist flotsam and
jackass jetsam being spewed by the Fascist/Trump Party in their
bid to turn America into a seriously failing shithole country with a government
of, by and for Donbald J. Grump.
In the meantime, we leave you in the capable hands
of us from last year. From everyone here at Paying Attention™.
Told you so
The favorite holiday of
everyone here at Paying Attention™ is upon us once again. Sure, many people
prefer July Fourth, or Festivus, or some of the older, more mainstream
holidays, but Resignation Day(s) have long held a special place for everyone
here since that fateful night, August 8, 1974. We were enjoying a pleasant
evening in the Philadelphia suburbs watching the great Bonnie Raitt perform at
the Ambler campus of Temple University. A little after nine o’clock, Bonnie
stopped the show to announce that the war criminal, lying crook, anti-Semite,
and all-around vengeful, paranoid malefactor Dick Nixon had announced that he
would be resigning as of noon the very next day. As a great cheer went up from
the audience, Raitt played Auld Lang Syne and then finished her planned set. We
went home afterwards and celebrated in style. Oh, frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Dick Nixon’s idiot henchmen got
caught breaking into the Watergate offices of the DNC by security guard Frank
Wills, whose life was ruined because he did his job by reporting the break-in. Nearly
47 years later, Donald Trump’s idiot henchmen got caught – though they made no
attempt to hide anything – breaking into the Capitol to shit on the walls and
on democracy itself. It did not take a security guard to uncover this break-in.
Trump’s malignant minions were caught in the act by everyone watching the whole
thing on live tv. And they were, and many still are proud of it. Others claim
it was all a false flag operation perpetrated by the FBI. These people need a
nice quiet room with rubber walls.
A number of Ratpublicans have
suggested that Mike Pence, who aided and abetted Turmp for five years, was a
hero on that day and deserved a medal. Why? Because he, like Frank Wills, did
his job? Pence spent much of Jan 6 running away from his boss’ angry mob (a mob
Pence still hopes to woo for a presidential run). The same mob who wanted to
hang him by his neck. Pence eventually carried out his constitutional duty,
though beforehand Pence was hoping he could carry out Turmp’s wishes and
overturn the legitimate election that made it clear he and his boss had lost
bigly. Frank Wills died in abject poverty, unable to afford water or
electricity. Mike Pence thinks he is running for president…of an imagined
Christian nation where the Bible trumps the Constitution.
Today, many in the Fascist (nee
Republican) Party are clamoring for the
impeachment of President Joe Biden, for reasons that only exist in their badly
damaged brains. We, on the other hand, are currently enamored of a different
“I” word – INDICTMENT. The tsunami of indictments raining down on the former
guy are based on actual facts, unimpeachable audio and video evidence and
myriad confessions by numerous parties involved, including the ringleader
himself and some of his lawyers.
Can Things Possibly Get Any
Verse?
As we have done most years
since 2008 when a wonderful poem was rescued from obscurity, we present those
now famous stanzas with new verses being added yearly.
Here is the original long-lost
text as presented in 2008…
I stumbled across a bit of this
very old, well-known verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone
at this special time of year. It’s an
age-old seasonal ditty and this being my favorite American holiday and
all. I’m not sure I remembered all of
the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and
I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t
exist at all. But, it’s full of holiday
magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read
it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive. Now without further ado, in honor of August
8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured,
I bring you…
‘Twas the night before Resignation
‘Twas the night before Resignation, when all
through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.
The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.
So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.
It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.
A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!
"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
August 9, 1974 reimagined: Two
great tastes that taste great together: Nixon’s very victorious shameful resignation and Bush’s equally iconic/ironic MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We hope this helps get you in
the mood. Keep the party going while there remains any glimmer of hope for the
future. All the aforementioned crises are not going away any time soon. But we
can take these two days to reflect on the past, take a deep breath knowing that
the political career of Donald Trump is melting away like the Wicked Witch
after Dorothy doused her with a bucket of water (the same thing might be
literally possible with Trump – has anyone tried it?), and duct tape our
fingers crossed for the future.
In the meantime, enjoy Day One,
but be sure to get some rest. You’ll need all your strength to get through
Resignation Day(s) Two.
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