Scum Lies Bleeding
August 4, 2024
Who doesn’t remember where they were when some nutjob fired his Ratpublican-endorsed assault weapon in the general direction of Donald Trump on July 13, 2024 while the convicted felon and part-time candidate was holding one of Bund rallies in western Pennsylvania?
Wait, what? Trump
got shot? Oh yeah, totally forgot about that. Actually, no one really knows for
sure. Until today no one knew exactly what if any injury was sustained by the
former fucked-up fake president.
Trump and his idiot, deadbeat sons seen here stealing
Dumb-Dumb Bullet
Chicken shit Trump took time away from running away from
debating Kamala Harris while amping up his racism to put all the conspiracy theories around his brush with
flesh wound to rest with the following statement straight from the whore’s
mouth:
As you know, your favorite president DONALD J. TRUMP, a fine
and brilliant YOUNG man was nearly killed by a hail of bullet from the gun of
an Antifa sniper. It was an assassination unlike any ever seen in the world. It
was only due to my cat-like reflexes that I was able to dodge the bullet. Well,
my cat-like reflexes and the good Lord who clearly loves DONALD J. TRUMP and
protected him from harm – with the exception of all those witch hunt
indictments and fake guilty verdicts and massive fines, which I can definitely
afford to pay very easily.
Being shot like that, and almost killed very badly means that
I should automatically be elected president for the third time.
My injuries are my private business, just like my favorite
Bible verses. I do not like to show off my extensive – probably the most
extensive of anyone ever – knowledge of the very great Bible, which the only
book I like more than The Art of The Deal, which I totally wrote – with God’s
help – all by myself. I also want to avoid upsetting all Americans who would
never get over hearing the tragic details of my horrendous injuries that I
definitely got from being shot and nearly killed several times by the Antifa
gunman in the terrible, crime-ridden state of Pennsylvania.
Today, I just want to promise you that I will definitely
release all of my assassination attempt medical records. I would love to provide
everything right now, right here, today, except that those medical records are
currently under audit. I am sure that the audit will be completed very soon,
probably around November 6th, which by an incredible coincidence is
the same day that my taxes will finally be released from the audit hold that
never existed. I will also show the entire world Barack Hussein Obama’s real
birth certificate. And Jimmy Hoffa’s remains.
For now, I will continue my victorious march to the White House after smashing the big loser and recently-declared black person – I think she’s a woman, is she a woman, no one really knows for sure, but we’ll call her a woman…why not – Kamala Harris who’s never done anything in her whole life, doesn’t even play golf, and who no one ever even heard of. Me and my excellent running mate PT Varnum will beat Laffin’ – that’s l-a-f-f-i-n-apostrophe – Laffin’ Kamala Harris. Let’s see who’s laffin’ – that’s l-a-f-f-i-n-apostrophe – then.
I. Mangrey reporting.
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