Resignation Day(s) 2024, Day One

Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To Regret It

August 8, 2024

As always, Paying Attention™ suspends our regular coverage of the day's insane, and for a change excitingly hopeful events to celebrate one of the truly unique moments (two days, actually) in American history. There is much to cover every single day as we find ourselves in another unique period in our nation's fragile maturation. The race for the presidency is between a fascist insurrectionist and 34-time convicted felon, potentially awaiting even more convictions and a former senator, California attorney general and current vice president, who if victorious will be America’s first woman president. Many people are saying she is also black. Nonetheless, we hope you have some free time to celebrate this momentous holiday.

Though this is the 50^th anniversary of the disgraced departure we regret to inform that there will be no new verses added to the holiday classic ‘Twas The Night Before Resignation. Other than this intro we are presenting, unadulterated, last year’s celebratory offering. Too busy trying to maintain sanity, and dare I say hope, during these last three months before either wonder and a newfound respect for women, minorities and the environment, or abject misery and untold disaster coming our way on November 5^th (in truth there is a very good chance that the results of this election will not be known until December or worse since Trump’s entire strategy consists of having his malevolent minions refuse to certify election results that favor Harris in key swing states). That and preparing for the Paying Attention team’s first vacation in eight years. It’s not easy informing and inflaming you with all the fascist flotsam and jackass jetsam being spewed by the Fascist/Trump Party in their bid to turn America into a seriously failing shithole country with a government of, by and for Donbald J. Grump.

In the meantime, we leave you in the capable hands of us from last year. From everyone here at Paying Attention™.   

Told you so

The favorite holiday of everyone here at Paying Attention™ is upon us once again. Sure, many people prefer July Fourth, or Festivus, or some of the older, more mainstream holidays, but Resignation Day(s) have long held a special place for everyone here since that fateful night, August 8, 1974. We were enjoying a pleasant evening in the Philadelphia suburbs watching the great Bonnie Raitt perform at the Ambler campus of Temple University. A little after nine o’clock, Bonnie stopped the show to announce that the war criminal, lying crook, anti-Semite, and all-around vengeful, paranoid malefactor Dick Nixon had announced that he would be resigning as of noon the very next day. As a great cheer went up from the audience, Raitt played Auld Lang Syne and then finished her planned set. We went home afterwards and celebrated in style. Oh, frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Dick Nixon’s idiot henchmen got caught breaking into the Watergate offices of the DNC by security guard Frank Wills, whose life was ruined because he did his job by reporting the break-in. Nearly 47 years later, Donald Trump’s idiot henchmen got caught – though they made no attempt to hide anything – breaking into the Capitol to shit on the walls and on democracy itself. It did not take a security guard to uncover this break-in. Trump’s malignant minions were caught in the act by everyone watching the whole thing on live tv. And they were, and many still are proud of it. Others claim it was all a false flag operation perpetrated by the FBI. These people need a nice quiet room with rubber walls.

A number of Ratpublicans have suggested that Mike Pence, who aided and abetted Turmp for five years, was a hero on that day and deserved a medal. Why? Because he, like Frank Wills, did his job? Pence spent much of Jan 6 running away from his boss’ angry mob (a mob Pence still hopes to woo for a presidential run). The same mob who wanted to hang him by his neck. Pence eventually carried out his constitutional duty, though beforehand Pence was hoping he could carry out Turmp’s wishes and overturn the legitimate election that made it clear he and his boss had lost bigly. Frank Wills died in abject poverty, unable to afford water or electricity. Mike Pence thinks he is running for president…of an imagined Christian nation where the Bible trumps the Constitution.

Today, many in the Fascist (nee Republican) Party are clamoring  for the impeachment of President Joe Biden, for reasons that only exist in their badly damaged brains. We, on the other hand, are currently enamored of a different “I” word – INDICTMENT. The tsunami of indictments raining down on the former guy are based on actual facts, unimpeachable audio and video evidence and myriad confessions by numerous parties involved, including the ringleader himself and some of his lawyers.

Can Things Possibly Get Any Verse?

As we have done most years since 2008 when a wonderful poem was rescued from obscurity, we present those now famous stanzas with new verses being added yearly.

Here is the original long-lost text as presented in 2008…

I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-known verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

‘Twas the night before Resignation

‘Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" 

August 9, 1974 reimagined: Two great tastes that taste great together:
Nixon’s very victorious shameful resignation and
Bush’s equally iconic/ironic MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

We hope this helps get you in the mood. Keep the party going while there remains any glimmer of hope for the future. All the aforementioned crises are not going away any time soon. But we can take these two days to reflect on the past, take a deep breath knowing that the political career of Donald Trump is melting away like the Wicked Witch after Dorothy doused her with a bucket of water (the same thing might be literally possible with Trump – has anyone tried it?), and duct tape our fingers crossed for the future.

In the meantime, enjoy Day One, but be sure to get some rest. You’ll need all your strength to get through Resignation Day(s) Two.

Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor