Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

Uncle Festering Speaks

October 11, 2026

“Then I found out that they impeached me twice, and I certainly, even to this moment, I can do whatever I want if I want.”
                          Don Trump, October 7, 2026

This POtuS can’t even say what he says he says the right way the right way. Even if he wants to want to.

And wait – “Then I found out that they impeached me twice.” Huh? You found out? How did you find out? Did someone write you a note on your toilet paper? When did you find out? Last week? Yesterday? Did Nurse Natalie draw you a picture?

Also, Donald “Death-To-America” Trump is not giving up on the Nobel Peace Prize and is making what could be his biggest claim yet on why he believes he deserves the honor.

Trump does deserve the No Balls Putz Prize

“There’s never been anybody in the history of the Nobel Prize that deserves it more,” Trump said. “I settled eight wars. I stopped the total obliteration of the world because Iran will never have a nuclear weapon.”

Never is a long time. Especially since Mr. Peace Prize has made it imperative that Iran protect itself from the only country to ever deploy such a weapon, the same country whose completely insane and wantonly violent leader repeatedly threatens to annihilate Iran.

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*As always, the full context does not make it any better. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.