Letter to the Predator

October 7, 2026

Dear Sir:

With tears in my eyes, I just received the $90 you sent me via Social Security – you know, the lifesaving safety net program you and your shitty party keep trying to destroy. I looked it up and learned that you rushed this money to many Americans to encourage us to vote for the candidates of your choice and that we’re supposed to act like you are on the ballot. Let me just say, and I think I speak for many people, fuck you very much. I don’t want your money and I damn sure don’t want you. You really should take some time and go fuck yourself. I can’t think of any better use of your time. Seriously. I’m sure there are plenty of patriotic Americans who would be happy to help you accomplish this since you can barely walk a straight line anymore.

Since I have no idea why I should have gotten this money and since I am thankfully better off than many millions of my fellow citizens (too many of whom voted for you, and now regret having done so) who you have been fucking over since you weaseled your fucking felon ass back into the White House, I am going to take your filthy money and donate it to Democratic candidates in close races, just as soon as I finish dashing off this heartfelt go-fuck-yourself.

So, once again thanks for the money that will hopefully hasten the end of your stranglehold over this nation, and the end of your whatever. Here’s hoping that November 3, 2026 is one of the worst days of your miserable, undeserved life.

And please, for the love of God and country, and I’ll only say this one more time*, and with all due respect, please go fuck yourself.

Signed,

An American

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*For today. This offer expires at midnight.