Monday, November 4, 2024

Broken News – Electoral Ennui/Mania

YOU’RE EXPIRED!!

November 4, 2024

In a stunning bombshell, on the eve of the most frightening and consequential election in our lifetime, the results of the 2024 presidential election are no longer in doubt. After months of undercover work, risking life and lunch by spending far too much time in direct contact with convicted felon and rapidly deteriorating elder snakesman DarnOld Trump, our Peabody-knowing reporter Allison Wunderland has made a shocking discovery.

Obviously, we cannot disclose the means by which Wunderland literally uncovered this

It turns out that when the geological deposits of orange dye, spray tan, pancake and several hardened layers of Sherwin Williams Rhumba Orange latex are peeled away, something unexpected though widely applauded is exposed…

It turns out that the worst, most anti-democracy, most criminal – in and out of office – president, who refused to leave office after losing his re-election bid and insisted on running again will not be returning to finish the job of ending democracy in America. Why? Because he has an expiration date. Which just happens to be tomorrow – November 5, 2024.

YOU’RE EXPIRED!!


This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled spontaneity.

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