November 4, 2024
In a stunning
bombshell, on the eve of the most frightening and consequential election in our
lifetime, the results of the 2024 presidential election are no longer in doubt.
After months of undercover work, risking life and lunch by spending far too
much time in direct contact with convicted felon and rapidly deteriorating
elder snakesman DarnOld Trump, our Peabody-knowing reporter Allison Wunderland
has made a shocking discovery.
Obviously, we cannot
disclose the means by which Wunderland literally uncovered this
It turns out that
when the geological deposits of orange dye, spray tan, pancake and several
hardened layers of Sherwin Williams Rhumba Orange latex are peeled away,
something unexpected though widely applauded is exposed…
It turns out that
the worst, most anti-democracy, most criminal – in and out of office –
president, who refused to leave office after losing his re-election bid and
insisted on running again will not be returning to finish the job of ending
democracy in America. Why? Because he has an expiration date. Which just
happens to be tomorrow – November 5, 2024.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
spontaneity.
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