Paying Attention™ Election Central

Congratulations, It’s An Election

November 5, 2024

I. Mangrey – 7:15am Eastern

The final day of voting is upon us. One citizen – who should not have been able to vote due to being a convicted felon who has yet to serve any time – was seen exiting the voting booth in southern Florida. Given his history, one imagines he found a way to cheat. Here he is with his immigrant Stepford Wife

Just settling in to glue my face to the TV as the returns trickle in. As of now, the race is too stupid to call. And we don’t want a premature Electoral College.

It's always good to start off with
a little pizza to calm the nerves

Polls where I am close in less than an hour. As of now, Harris is the projected winner in Vermont. And, as Vermont goes, so goes the District of Columbia. Trump has taken Indiana – the home state of the no-thanks-to-Trump-still-alive Mike Pence. Harris is crushing Trump in South Carolina 194 to 78. The game is afoot.

And then some snacks as the evening progresses…or disintegrates

We started an office pool for when Little Donny Douchebag will declare victory. The early pick is 8:30 Eastern, the latest is 11:15. Only T. Doff thinks Trump will drop the N-word while doing so.

We were considering a pool for when Trump will concede, but everyone picked the same thing – when hell and/or Mor-on Lago freezes over. The closest we think he will get will be claiming he has “concepts of a concession speech.”

I. Mangrey reporting. Stay tuned. And keep your ENDITOL handy.