Broken Noise – Lie, Cheat, Steal

Cry, Bleat, Squeal

September 12, 2026

In case you somehow missed the Donald “Death-To-America” Trump Desperation Convention earlier this week, there are some things you should know about Donny’s Bund Rally. It was a two-day ass-kissing/psycho-fest and the arena was only two-thirds full. Il Douche is in full panic mode as his poll numbers swirl the toilet, as does America.

Deathbed Don first announced his Bigly Midterm Election Bribe, “promising” a $5,000 bonus for all adult Americans if the Fascist/Epstein/Trump/Insurrection/Destroy-America (FETID) Party hold their majorities in the House and Senate. But bribery just isn’t enough for some people. Especially when those people are greedy, pussy-grabbing rapists who pay off porn stars to keep to keep quiet, stiffed just about everyone who ever worked for them, convicted 34 times of financial crimes, and basically spent their entire miserable lives lying, stealing and fucking over everyone in their path. But hey, what’s another felony between friends.

Checks Please

Trump has threatened to hand out checks before – the DOGE rebate check, the illegal tariff refund check, the killing of the Obamacare subsidy payback check.

TBD – To Be Disappeared

On night two, Der Furor had this to say out loud, on live tv, with his face sphincter:

“We want honesty in our elections; we want honesty in our country. So, please raise your right hand. I pledge to the greatest president in the history of the United States, that loves us so much he can't even breathe, that I will go out with my family, my friends, I'll do it anyway, I don't care if I'm registered or not, I'm going to try and cheat like hell like they do, there's never been bigger cheaters*…You know what happens if you don’t vote – you go to hell. You know that. Okay? You go to hell.”

He looks fine 

As sickening as it is unsurprising. The guy who incited a coup last time he lost an election and has been trying to implement every method of cheating in the coming midterms (and cheats every time he plays golf) has his mentally-challenged cult members pledge allegiance to Der Furor and promise to cheat for him. Couldn’t be any more on-brand.

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*Fact check: There’s always been at least one bigger cheater, and it’s the speaker of the above quote.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken Noise report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled karaoke.