RE-Broken News – Don't Forget To Spay And Neuter Your Candidates

It’s A Douche Eat Dog World – UPDATE

September 25, 2024

Yesterday we reported on plans by Trump and his ruining mate JV Dance, or VD Chance or whatever his name is to further insinuate themselves into the fever-dream conspiracy theory of entirely legal and all-but-beloved Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio stealing and eating their neighbors’ various and sundry pets and any other animals that aren’t nailed down in the local region. The demented and dyspeptic duo are presumably attempting to scare their base and any other weak-minded sympathizers out there that the Hungry, Hungry Haitians will be coming for everyone’s pets if they are not stopped.

My Dinner With Asshole

Well, guess what. Cleveland ABC affiliate News5 reports that the nonprofit Haitian Bridge Alliance is utilizing an Ohio state law that allows private individuals to file criminal charges. Through its attorney, the group is asking a judge to validate the charges and issue arrest warrants for the two dipshits, one of whom is already a 34-count convicted felon.

Trump and Vantz refuse to admit their heinous lie,* which has caused havoc in the Ohio town and put the Haitian community at great risk from unhinged supporters of the convicted felon and his slimy sidekick, who will undoubtedly try to kill and eat the Haitians.

Ohio Republican Governor Mike DeWine stated Springfield had received 33 bomb threats across 22 facilities in the days following Trump’s and Vance’s lies. Naturally, this spineless twit still supports Trump and has vowed to vote for him. SAD.

As we know, because she told everyone in her recent worst-selling book You Broke It, You Shot It...or something like that, Ratpublican Kristi Noem proudly shot her own dog. She did not admit to eating the dog, but feel free to formulate your own facts. They certainly do.

Stay tuned. This could get interesting. Or at the very least, dumber.

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*Actually Vantz admitted to it during a recent interview, but explained it was perfectly fine because stupid, fascistic reasons.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special RE-Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled paralyzing disbelief.