Broken News – The Thrilla In Phila

The Lady And The Badger

September 11, 2024

Perhaps you were wise enough to avoid watching the Thrilla in Phila. The long anticipated “debate” between Vice President Kamala Harris and disgraced, twice-impeached ex-“president” and current 34-count convicted felon and insurrectionist DarnOld Trump at the Constitution Center in the City of Brotherly Love.   

As the two entered the stage, Kamala Harris chased down the frightened and confused elderly man to shake his tiny, sweaty hand. And she introduced herself, saying her name so Trump might be able to pronounce it for once.

Throughout the evening, Harris did not take any shit from ex-“president” poopstain. Trump tried his best to appear compos mentis and spent a good deal of the early going on his best fake behavior. As the night wore on and Trump’s façade wore out, his inner rabies-stricken hyena took over. It was a classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Trump and ultimately had Trump as the little insectoid in the final scene of The Fly. Trump was clearly on the verge of flinging ketchup and/or feces as he screamed his hate and ignorance and insane conspiracy theories (which were quickly debunked by moderators and/or Harris for all to hear).

The candidates – side by snide

The moderators acquitted themselves much better than anyone expected. Someone finally had the guts to challenge Psycho Boy on his insane, injurious bullshit. They actually fact-checked Peach-colored Pinocchio a number of times! On important issues. This reporter almost fell out of his seat. Fortunately, after Trump won the unpopular vote in 2016, I had seatbelts installed where I watch the news. There were even times when this event almost devolved into an actual debate, with the two participants going toe-to-toe, albeit briefly, without including the moderators.

Trumpers will be very happy with Drear Leader’s perfidy…I mean performance in the debate. Then again, they will cheer his every fetid breath, from whichever end it emerges. They will cheer his every word, however inane, fact-free, or previously non-existent.

“They’re eating the dogs.”
DarnOld Trump, September 10, 2024

“Kamala Harris made Trump her bitch.”
I. Mangrey, September 11, 2024

Harris looked presidential. Trump looked committable.

As the debate reached its happy ending, a childless Cat Lady who is well-known to quite a few eligible voters unequivocally endorsed the Harris/Walz ticket:

Shown holding her cat – Benjamin Button and signed:

“Taylor Swift, Childless Cat Lady”

Unlike Stormy Daniels, Kamala Harris did not use a copy of Forbes magazine with Trump’s picture on the cover to spank the bad little boy, but she did figuratively give him the golden shower his so richly deserved. 

After the debate concluded, Deadbeat Don clomped into the Spin Room, desperate for more attention, and worriedly trying to clean up the latest soiled diaper (figuratively, and perhaps literally) he foisted upon the public.

Bring on the Vantz/Walz tango.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled donations to the Harris campaign.