Crassputin

Dosvedonald

August 21, 2025  

Fresh off his historic summit submit with his Russian idol, “Dictator-On-Day-One” Don is taking election advice from his role model, the murderous dictator Putin. During his Alaska Submission Mission with Putin, Trump became giddy as a schoolgirl before realizing that the big break promised her by Jeffrey Epstein was actually a “date” with Trump, by Putin stating for all the world to hear that Trump won the 2020 election due to the use of mail-in ballots. You could almost see Donnie blush right through the brand new paint job he got especially for his big date. Vlad the Impaler II told the syphilis-addled dementia patient Trump that he should ban mail-in voting. So you’ll never not guess what America’s first tsar Crassputin did next.

Tsar And Wide

Crassputin has already begun building his own army of mercenary mental patients, aka ICE, who are making big money to run rampant in American cities with Black mayors. Now, red-state-rejects are being sent to blue cities to help terrorize the populace of those cities. Tourism in Washington, DC is almost non-existent now that the nation’s capital is under Trumpian occupation. Der Furor has promised more of the same across the country. This of course is part of his plan to keep Democrats away from the polls in case he is unable to cancel midterm elections next November. It will not be for lack of trying if he fails.

Per Crassputin, “We are now the only Country in the World that uses Mail-In Voting. All others gave it up because of the MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD ENCOUNTERED.” Unsurprisingly, this is total bullshit. You can tell it’s bullshit because Trump said it. Germany, Switzerland, Poland, Spain, Japan, the UK, Ireland, Iceland, Australia, New Zealand and Canada use mail-in voting.

Death-To-America Don prefers in-person voting because “They asked me for my license plate for identity. I said, I don't know if I have it.” Yes everyone must present their license plates at the local polling place. I guess just like the founding fathers wanted only white, male land owners to vote, today’s floundering farters want only white, male car owners, with valid license plates, to vote.

A guy named Vladimir Putin changed Russia’s electoral laws to allow mail-in voting in 2020 in his dictatorship. That is presumably why he can say with tremendous certitude that mail-in ballots can be used to rig elections. According to president Bubblebrain, Putin said unto him “It’s impossible to have mail-in voting and have honest elections.” This Putin guy also had the laws changed so that he could remain in power in perpetuity…or ad nauseam if you prefer.

To some it might seem counterintuitive to take advice on the democratic process from a brutal dictator who routinely has opponents put to death in myriad ways. Dumb Donald must be so jealous.

So hold on to your seats folks, because the people you elected may not be able to hold on to theirs much longer. After Dumb Old Trump, via the renegade Supreme Court, outlaws Congress.

I. Mangrey, still crazy reporting after all these years.