Schmuck Of The Day – Day After Day

Schmucks Gotta Schmuck

August 13, 2025

Take one guess who out-schmucked a very tough field today. Hell, take a half a guess. That’s all you’ll need. The king of psychotic shitweasels Donnie Trump has done it again. He is still desperate to find something to take everyone’s mind off his love affair with professional pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and his obvious fondness for psychotic sexual predator Ghislaine Maxwell – who Donnie wished well and then ordered moved to a year-round summer camp for the criminally inclined, that is, the wealthy (and I’m guessing overwhelmingly white) criminally inclined. One problem though; the Texas minimum-security happy place for felonious fuckwads is for white collar criminals, not sociopaths who trafficked and sexually abused teen girls for a decade.

Donnie’s latest gambit, which is likely to titillate his racist cult members comprises fabricating a crime wave in heavily black Washington, D.C., apparently masterminded by the homeless. Or something. It should not be lost on anyone that Trump is obsessed with harassing cities with Black mayors and large non-white populations.

Despite all the data that shows significant decrease in all categories of crime in D.C., Donnie stuck his face sphincter in front of cameras and microphones to lash out at the non-existent crime explosion in what should have long ago been the nation’s 51^st state.

Compare these numbers* with Trump’s crime rate
and a very different picture emerges

Here’s some of what president Lying-Sack-Of-Shit barfed up at his press tantrum

Our capitol city has been taken over by violent gangs and bloodthirsty criminals, roving mobs of wild youth, drugged-out maniacs and homeless people.**

Not one syllable of that was within a thousand light years of the truth. Undaunted, he went on and on, bleating and repeating his verbal-all-caps clap-trap, but hey, at least he called the homeless “people”; that surely comes as a surprise.

In order to combat this mythical uprising, Trump signed two executive orders federalizing the D.C. police for 30 days. By law, any extension beyond that period requires congressional authorization. Trump of course, is no fan of congressional authorization. He has wrested control of the D.C. police – you know, the ones his hench-monkeys brutally assaulted and tried to kill in Trump’s name during his attempted coup on January 6, 2021. Who he pardoned unconditionally immediately after his second, soon to be fatal inauguration. Because, you know, he’s all about law and order. 

Not only that, Trump has sent in hundreds of FBI agents and more than 800 National Guard troops into our Capitol. and tanks. Tanks. You may recall that Trump sent exactly zero support into Washington, D.C. while exuberant tourists his minions beat the crap out of law enforcement and trashed the Capitol. And while the insurrectionist-in-chief watched with bated breath while wishing he could still get it up. Because, you know, he’s all about law and order. 

However, our dogged reporters and nimble interns have learned that Der Furor may have changed his "mind" about how to deal with the hoax he is determined to sell us.

“Instead of sending in the armed troops to quell the non-violence and rid Washington, DC of its homeless menace, I am considering simply paving over the homeless. It worked for that horrible Rose Garden. All that disgusting grass is finally gone, I wish I could have made it golder, but after purchasing enough gold to do that, I decided that all the gold should go to your favorite president. I know what to do with gold. Better than anyone. If paving over the homeless – and by the way, being homeless is a choice and for all we know, they’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating the pets of the people who live there – if burying them under concrete doesn’t solve the problem, I may have to use nuclear. I don’t want to, but I’m allowed to. Or maybe I’ll send the lovely and talented Ghislaine Maxwell over there to straighten things out.”

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*Actually, violent crime in D.C. has dropped another 26% in 2025; it is at a 30-year low. It is Trump that is clearly high on his own supply.
**Actual quote, presumably penned using immigrant blood by Stephen Miller.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Keep on schmuckin’!