The Piece President

Neither Noble Nor Nobel

August 18, 2025

After Doofus Trump rolled out the blood-red carpet and prostrated himself to murderous war criminal Putin, humiliating himself and our country, he simply washed his hands and patted himself on the back after a hand-job well done.

After mastering the art of the no-deal Donnie whined that “the Fake News violently distorts the TRUTH when it comes to me”, adding “If I got Russia to give up Moscow as part of the Deal, the Fake News, and their PARTNER, the Radical Left Democrats, would say I made a terrible mistake and a very bad deal.”

Um, Donald, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to get Russia to give up Moscow, I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. Asshole.

As usual, Donnie was very objective in assessing his unparalleled greatness. “I think the meeting was a ‘ten’ because we got along great. The meeting was a warm meeting. You know, he’s a strong guy, he’s tough as hell.”

A strong guy? What? Did they fucking arm wrestle? Greco-Roman? What the actual fuck?

They got along great? What was this, a fucking episode of The Dating Game?

“Well Donnie, this is the big moment. Who’s it gonna be? Bachelor #1, #2 or #3?”
“Ooooh, I don’t know. I Think #3 – he sounds so strong and tough.
I think we’ll get along great. I want to have his child.”

The Consternation Prize
The Prize For Pees (In Pants)

Now he expects a Nobel Peace Prize* because he fancies himself a “peace president”. One thing this peacemaker forgot to bring – Volodymyr Zelenskyy. This was like throwing a birthday party for someone and not inviting them. Oddly, nothing whatsoever was achieved by this “summit” other than cementing Putin’s ownership of Trump’s balls.

The closest he’ll ever get

To paraphrase Gil Scott Heron, Donald Trump is the ‘peace’ president – a piece of Columbia, a piece of Harvard, a piece of CBS, a piece of Washington, D.C . He is simply running a protection racket: Nice college you got there, be a shame if somethin’ happened to it. Nice law firm you got there, be a shame if somethin’ happened to it. Nice network you got there, be a shame if somethin’ happened to it. Nice city you got there, actually, your city is a rotten mess, we’re gonna fix it up real nice for ya.

Trump doesn’t have an off switch. He is an off switch.

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*He only craves it because it is gold.

I. Mangrey reporting.