A Pause in The Disaster

A Very Busy Man

December 14, 2016

Presi-don’t-elect Don Chrump (R-Russia) says he is too busy filling his cabinet with the worst-of-the-worst to hold a press conference. He promised to speak to the press, and theoretically the Amerikan public about his endless – potentially dangerous and treasonous – conflicts of interest. Surprisingly – only to Mr. Chrump – he cancelled the event, claiming he was too busy while simultaneously managing to squeeze in a multi-city Self-Congratulatory Masturbatory Misery Tour. Too busy to talk to the press or any part of the public not frothing at the mouth about having elected the most disliked, distrusted, incompetent, disinterested creature to ever run for the highest office in the land. And what do you know, now Chrumpenstein has managed to find enough time to fit in an emergency meeting with fellow narcissist/asshole Kanye Waste (I think that’s how it’s spelled). This meeting, which must have been absolutely critical to the transition of power over to Russia, was hastily scheduled and no official details have been forthcoming. Our sources say that both men spoke for approximately 30 minutes…at the same time. There was unsurprisingly no listening done, just a half hour of two men talking, with absolute disregard for the other man in the room. As it should be, though many remain curious about the purpose of the “meeting” of the mines. I’m not sure if Kanye oranged his hair before the meeting, to get the meeting or if Chrump’s stuff rubbed off on him.

The funny thing is, a huge majority of Americans wish he would stop filling his Cabinet From Hell.

Pouty McFuckface and Kanye Worst (I think that’s how it’s spelled)

 

Don Chrump is nothing if not a cagey conman. He figured bringing an unlikely celebrity (no other musician will have anything to do with the Orange Gas Cloud, let alone consider performing at his inaugural) to his tower would distract the easily distracted Amerikan public from the day’s big news – that the Turkish PM was trying to influence US foreign policy by threatening Chrump’s business dealings in Turkey. Nobody could have anticipated such a thing happening, with the possible exception of just about everyone.

So Let Me Get This Straight

Vladimir Putin is personally hacking Amerika – not just Democrats, Republican’ts, elections, probably the antiquated power grid and who knows what else. He doesn’t have to bother hacking Chrump since Don doesn’t even know how to use a computer. And everything that passes through the tabula rasa between his ears ends up on Twitter or simply shouted maniacally in public. Given this new information I would have to say that Putin is a much stronger leader than Hair Chrump. The guy who flogged the birther bullshit is practically doing the Full Lewinski with Putin and he gets offended when anyone comments on it.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Welcome to Alt-Reality

The Party of Chrumpelstiltskin

Alt-Reality
December 13, 2016

Chrump promised all his alt-Reich followers that he would “drain the swamp.” Funny story: Chrump is not so much draining the swamp, just dosing it with orange dye and digging it deeper so it can hold more muck. It’s almost like everything he said on the campaign trail was a pathological lie. Longtime watchers of money in politics cannot recall any president in recent history who has filled a Cabinet with so many major donors. Paying Attention got an exclusive interview with The Swamp, “Mr. Chrump is simply disgusting. At least a swamp is a naturally occurring micro-environment. What the hell is Chrump? He commits crime, he’s a rapist. Sometimes, I assume, he’s not a horrible person, but I’m going to find out if there is some way I can drain the Chrump. It’s like lancing an infected boil. He makes a swamp look like a clear mountain spring. Definitely not the kind where they get Chrump Water. I am going to sue him for slander. That’s all for now, you can talk to my lawyer.”

Chrumpelstiltskin – the sociopathic imp of lore,
now president-elect of Amerika

While lying about something to an interviewer Chrumpelstiltskin said, "I never said that. What do I know? All I know is what I see on the internet. He started it!" Chrumpelstiltskin believes the craziest shit he sees on the internets. And he believes he can turn the fetid garbage in his head into gold. What he does not believe (besides facts in general) is anything that does not comport with the bull-goose-loony voices in his head. The most recent example being conclusive evidence that Russia was interfering with our election. Let me guess, if Russia had been tilting the playing field for Clinton, we would have seen the straw-turned-to-whatever-the-fuck-is-attached-to-his-head burst into flames. Twitter would have blown up a thousand times. Chrumpelstiltskin would have left the gold-encrusted safety of his apartment to whine on every talk show from here to Moscow.



Former CIA Acting Director, Mike Morell (George W. Bush’s CIA Briefer on 9/11) told Suzanne Kelly of The Cipher Brief, that Russia's interference in our general election process was [is?] "an existential threat to our way of life" and is the "political equivalent of 9/11." In response to a report signed onto by all 17 national intelligence agencies (Wow, they admit to having 17 intelligence agencies? I wouldn’t want to guess at the real number.) proving what Russia did during the election, and in light of the fact that Chrump is not bothering to get daily – or even weekly – security briefings his Royal Dumbass countered, “I don’t have to be told – you know, I’m, like, a smart person. I don’t have to be told the same thing and the same words every single day for the next eight years. It could be eight years – but eight years. I don’t need that.” Yes, he is like a smart person; the only real difference is that he is an idiot. He is like an idiot savant, without any savant. The last “president” who decided to ignore CIA intel was George W. Bush on August 4, 2001, or if you prefer, Dick Cheney after September 2001 when he created his own super-secret CIA to tell him what he wanted to hear so he could invade Iraq for Halliburton. The bottom line is no one should be the least bit surprised that Chrump is opposed to intelligence for reasons too ridiculously obvious to even bother hinting at or jesting about.

Hyperbole? Only time will tell…
We should know fairly soon. 

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Out Of Time

It Was the Worst of Times, It Was the Very Worst of Times

Wrong Side of the Looking Glass
December 12, 2016

Time magazine, fearing they might otherwise die a death by a thousand Chrump tweets (and that would just be the first day), if they did not make Chrump Person of the Year, put him on the cover. Chrump of course still had to whine about it because he believes "Person of the Year" is too politically correct – you know, like not starting a pissing match with China over Taiwan, or not conspiring with Russia and the FBI and the alt-Reich to steal an election, or picking Putin's buddy, the CEO of Exxon to be Secretary of Fucking State – and should be changed back to "Man of The Year." Sure, why not? We are on the wrong side of the looking glass so why fight it? Because many of us still remember the other side of the looking glass, that’s why.

 

Hair Chrump simply cannot abide Alec Baldwin’s superb impression. Chrump tweets his childish displeasure every time Baldwin crushes it. Well guess what Rumplechrumpstain, considerably more people than the number who voted for you love it. Get over it and get over your miserable self. Baldwin is not going away and he is not alone.

Please excuse me, I have to go take a Chrump.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Filling the Final Cabinet

Uncle Ben’s Contorted Advice

December 10, 2016

Dr. Ben Carson believes that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain and that being gay is “absolutely” a choice. In defense of Carson, simultaneously being a brain surgeon and complete doofus is not a choice. However, since Mental Ben is no longer a brain surgeon I suppose all bets are off. During the primaries Chrump called Carson “pathological” and compared him to a child molester.

Chrump has now nominated Carson, to head Housing and Urban Development. Sounds like a perfect fit. You know the old saying, “Pathological child molesters of a feather…” Carson may have said in response to the nomination, “I may not have the slightest idea how to run a huge government agency with thousands of employees and billions of dollars to work with, or have any idea what a government or government agency actually is, but I’m sure if I put my mind to it and can keep my eyes open for a few minutes every day that I can make this work. As you may know I am an urban person myself. I believe that being poor is a choice, as is being black.”

Carson, who benefitted from welfare payments and food stamps as a child said, “Obamacare is really, I think, the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. it is slavery in a way because it is making all of us subservient to the government.” Carson is on record as opposing welfare and food stamps because they breed dependency. He must be made of stronger stuff.

Supporters say that since Carson spent part of his childhood in public housing, which he shared in his autobiography, he is qualified to run HUD. The funny part is that Carson did not spend any of his childhood in public housing even though his autobiography says he did. Ben should have a long talk with the author.

I. Mangrey reporting, crying, nauseated and fighting off seizures.

Generally Frightening

Verrrrrry Flynnteresting…But Stupid

In the weeds
December 9, 2016

Verrrrrrrrrrry dangerous…but screwy

As promised, we now pay special attention to a special Chrump advisor. In what appears to be an attempt to put the military in charge of most of our government Chrump is stocking up on generals for positions typically held by civilians. Chrump’s pick for National Security Advisor is Gen. Mike Flynn, who was dismissed from his post at the Defense Intelligence Agency because he didn’t play well with others. Flynn, who Chrump considered as a running mate, has opined, “Fear of Islam is RATIONAL (sic)” (and SICK). Flynn seems to want to mix it up with just about every Arab nation. He has said that, “Islam is a political ideology. It is a political ideology. It definitely hides behind this notion of being a religion.” Mike Flynn called Islam “a malignant cancer” – which coincidentally is the same thing Rick Perry said about Donald Chrump.

Gen. Mike Flynn and his vision of Utopia

Flynn was hired by Obama to run the DIA and then fired for incompetence and pushing conspiracy theories. Flynn also leaked classified information (Lock Him Up?), yet was one of the most outspoken haters of Hillary Clinton and her damn emails. The general was known by co-workers for “Flynn facts – hyperbolic statements that were not grounded in reality.” Thanks Obama.

Flynn has been a frequent guest on Russian state television and sat next to Vladimir Putin at a gala honoring Putin’s propaganda machine. Flynn says Russian state television is no different than MSNBC. His upcoming job, National Security Advisor a) need not be vetted or confirmed by Congress and b) is typically one of the president’s closest advisors on a daily basis. Since Chrump cannot be bothered with daily security briefings I guess Flynn will be handling everything himself. Flynn also claims China and North Korea have ties to Jihadists. One might call this an axis of evil if one were delusional like George W. Bush or some such thing. And what a lucky sonofabitch Bush is. Once Chrump is done with this country he will make Bush, Jr. look like Abraham Lincoln. And Amerika look like Japan after a fly-over by the Enola Gay.

This sociopathic idiot has a son – his chief-of-staff – who is even more ensconced in the same swamp (there is more than one swamp that needs draining) of conspiracy theories including the one about Hillary Clinton and John Podesta running a child sex-slave ring out of two DC pizza parlors connected by an underground tunnel. A fellow loony from North Carolina decided to “self-investigate” and showed up at one location armed with an assault rifle, firing shots into the floor presumably to injure whoever was in the non-existent tunnel below. Flynn and son are inseparable and the younger fruitcake is already part of the Chrump transition team for whom they requested a security clearance.*

Like father…

Like spawn…

A chip off the old blockhead
 

*Or at least he was until this story broke. Now he has to be an unofficial advisor. I guess he will have to settle for being part of the actual administration. As for Flynn, Sr., he is reported to have pushed fake news 16 times since August. No word yet on his transition team status. Oh, did I mention that Flynn, Sr.’s new post is one of the single most influential positions in the cabinet? No biggie.

Gen. Barry McCaffrey (Ret), originally very supportive of Flynn’s appointment as National Security Advisor apparently decided it might be worth doing a little research on Flynn – after endorsing him. I might have done the research first, but what do I know? I’m not a general, I’m a specific. After getting a snoot full of some of Flynn’s tweets McCaffrey said, “I think that we need to aggressively examine what was going on with Gen. Flynn and his son, dealing with these transparent, nearly demented tweets that were going out. I think it needs closer scrutiny.” Ya think?

This promises to be an exciting ride. I recommend stocking up on canned goods and bottled alcohol.

I. Mangrey reporting. Ketchup is not a vegetable.

Party Like It’s 1933 or 1984

Making the Fatherland Great Again

1933Land
December 8, 2016

Chrump spokesmoron Scottie Nell Hughes revved up her word sprayer to set Amerika straight, “One thing that has been interesting this entire campaign season to watch, is that people that say facts are facts, they’re not really facts. Everybody has a way, it’s kind of like looking at ratings or looking at a glass of half-full water (sic). Everybody has a way of interpreting them to be the truth or not true, there’s no such thing, unfortunately, anymore of (sic) facts.” I’m feeling a little faint, somebody get me a glass of half-full water.

I am Der President

Fact-Free Facist Fathead

As Chrump begins his stomach-turning, mind-numbing Electoral-College-victory-In-Your-Face tour, reliving his big league half-victory – as Clinton’s popular vote lead closes in on three million – ridiculing his former opponent, continuing to demonize the media who in fact catapulted him into his current position, and continuing his brutal assault on reality, one cannot help but be reminded of another orator who thrived on fear and ignorance to build his cult of sociopathic personality.

Chrump continues to whip his gullible, perpetually and unrepentantly fact-averse minions into a frenzy with assaults on the First Amendment, the Fourth Estate, the Fourteenth Amendment, decades of foreign policy protocol most notably with China and Pakistan, 240 years of American democracy and thousands of years of human evolution. In an attempt to distract from his foreign policy insanity Hair Chrump showed his chops on domestic policy insanity:

Not everyone shares Chrump’s vision for a more fascist Amerika…

Then there’s Kellyanne Conway with some friends and their begging-to-be-burned flag-wear:

Shameless hypocrites one and all.

And I’m old enough to remember when this patriotic gentleman was excoriated for displaying the flag. I guess that was before it was fashionable…

Another in a Long Line of…Whatever

In February 1905 Friedrich Trump (or was it Drumpf?), a German, was ordered to leave the kingdom of Bavaria within eight weeks as punishment for having failed to do mandatory military service and failing to give authorities notice of his departure to the US when he first emigrated in 1885. So draft dodging and an inability to play by the rules is just Chrumps being Chrumps. Well, at least little Don came by his draft evasion and disregard of the laws of his land honestly. I’m guessing that is the only thing we can say that about.

Chrump’s father was arrested at a Ku Kux Klan rally in 1927, and listed in the arrest report as one of the "berobed marchers" arrested at the event. Well, at least little Don came by his dislike of “The Blacks” honestly. I’m guessing that is the only thing we can say that about. At least (as far as we know) his kids only shoot defenseless endangered animals. And they do it for fun, not because they hate defenseless endangered animals. I assume.

Like grandfather, like father, like son?

American banks stopped lending money to Chrump many years ago because he did not pay his debts. This is why he is up to his hair-weave in debt to Russia, China and who knows who else. Very presidential. Chrump’s latest gambit is telling everyone that he is totally removing himself from his family business while leaving it in the completely unrelated hands of his children. “I have decided to do the right thing and create a blind trust, well not a blind trust but a bullshit trust. It’s the same thing. I promise you. I have nothing to do with my children, just ask them. So see, it’s fine. They run the business, I run the country, I have no idea what they’re doing with the business and I have no idea what I’m doing with the country. Everybody wins, or at least the Chrump brand does which is the point after all. You are welcome Amerika.”

It’s not hyperbole when they behave so similarly

Thanks to Chrump’s little con in Indiana, the people of Indiana just bailed out a bunch of corporate executives to the tune of $7M. Actually, Pence did the heavy lifting and Chrump took the credit. The story of his life. And the real heavy lifting was setting up all the smoke and mirrors since very few real Amerikan jobs were saved and hundreds of jobs are still going to Mexico. Both Bernie Sanders and Sarah Palin called it crony capitalism. Chrump is surely a man of the people, just so long as those people are corporations.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Do People NotSee What’s Going On?

Where the hell are we?

December 5, 2016

Interesting interview on CNN with Chris Cuomo recently. Cuomo seemed a bit peeved because the Conspiracy-theorist-in-chief did not speak out vigorously and specifically after the douchebag who coined the phrase “alt-right” made a series of thinly veiled anti-Semitic remarks during a prepared statement, which he closed by exclaiming, “Hail Chrump, Hail Victory.” This led to great excrement excitement in the hall accompanied by familiar gestures. In the United States of Amerika.

Chrump has the best supporters

After blaming this on “the two-party system” Chrump supporter John Phillips called a bunch of neo-nazis “nuts”. Having apparently not dug a deep enough hole for himself he added, “the Left has a lot people with a lot of boutique ideas on their side.” So people using Nazi dog whistles and salutes (not to mention the hundreds of similar episodes occurring all across Amerika in Chrump’s name) are spouting ‘boutique ideas’? WTFFFFFFF

Chrump spokespuke John Phillips apparently finds Nazis in Amerika amusing

Phillips continued, “In fact if you go back to 2000 when he was thinking about running for the presidency under the Reform Party banner, he said, ‘Look I don’t want any part of it because David Duke was part of that party at the time…” So wait a minute, are we talking about the same Don Chrump who recently said he didn’t know anything about the same David Duke or white supremacists when Duke – and many other fringe-right haters – endorsed Chrump during the primaries? I must be confused and still obsessed with reality. My bad.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Standing Rock Rocks

Where’s Obama?

By Ed Venture

Standing Rock
December 4, 2016

Two to three thousand military veterans are literally standing in solidarity with the Standing Rock protestors in North Dakota. Veterans have joined thousands more who continue to join America’s first people who have been camped out since April to protest yet another attempt to abuse and defile the people, their water and their sacred land. The largest Native American protest in American history is apparently not to the liking of the oil companies and the military forces that protect their interests. Brutal treatment – which law enforcement claimed was being implemented to protect protesters – has been rained down on the protesters via rubber bullets, attack dogs, concussion grenades, tear gas and being drenched with fire hoses in sub-freezing temperatures. And they didn’t even burn any flags.

Maybe one day the media will cover the historic protest at Standing Rock

White Makes Right

Amon Bundy and his ragtag file of armed militants staged a take-over and occupation of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon this past January for 41 days. Their coddling by federal officials and subsequent acquittal on all charges shows just what a bunch of white terrorists can do when they put their addled minds to it. Remember Timothy McVeigh and Oklahoma City? He is a hero to these “patriots”. The moronic mob stormed the bird sanctuary for reasons too idiotic to delineate. They endangered the lives of federal employees, and destroyed government property and Native American artifacts. Authorities let them play out their little fantasy for the most part, with the exception of one loony taking one for the team when he was shot and killed while attempting to shoot at law enforcement officers.

In the end the court determined that this was an act of civil disobedience rather than a premeditated take-over of federal property by people who repeatedly deny the legitimacy of the federal government. Because all civil disobedience includes guns and goons. Let us take a moment to imagine that these delusional secessionists were not god-fearing white folks, but instead a group of black men who for some reason felt aggrieved by the government and decided to take control of a federal building, or maybe drive a car or perhaps stand peacefully on a street corner. Let us assume for the sake of argument that they were not immediately shot by police. And just for fun imagine that these black men were armed.

Where’s Obama?

What if instead of African Americans it was a group of Native Americans who decided that enough was enough and engaged in actual civil disobedience in order to stop construction of a soon-to-be-obsolete oil pipeline. What if these protesters were concerned that the inevitably-faulty-and-leaky pipeline threatens the environment – particularly water – and will destroy their sacred ancient burial and prayer sites. How would these peaceful protestors be treated? Well what do you know, we have a real life example thanks to the Dakota Access Pipeline.

The pipeline was originally planned to pass nearby mostly white Bismark but for some reason those folks didn’t want the pipeline near them. Can’t imagine why. It was determined that putting it closer to Native land and people would be better…for white people. They are endangered don’t you know.

Bernie Sanders, one of the few leading American politicians to advocate on behalf of the Standing Rock water protectors, sent a letter during the primaries asking the Obama administration to not only halt construction on the pipeline but to declare Standing Rock a national monument.

Where’s Obama?

This is what happens when oil is at stake rather than a wildlife preserve or when non-white folks are involved rather than white folks. No matter how peaceful the Indian protesters are and how whacko the white guys were, that is not the issue. Police in riot gear faced off with protesters on horseback in North Dakota a few weeks ago. After hours of clashes, law enforcement officials arrested 141 people. Militarized law enforcement agencies moved in with tanks and riot gear. Authorities were content to watch and wait while a bunch of armed white guys with a history of anti-government acts took over a federal building. No teargas, attack dogs, no concussion grenades, no rubber bullets, no fire hoses. That stuff is for non-whites only. And here I thought we were post-racism.

For extra fun, Chrump has some small (for him) investments in Phillips 66, which owns a one-quarter share of Dakota Access. And the pipeline CEO donated $103,000 to Chrump’s campaign. They insist they do not know each other. But we know them and we know what they are. I am confident that our Conflict-of-interest-in chief will do the right thing…for himself.

Where’s Obama?

LAST MINUTE UPDATE:

The Army Corps of Engineers has decided to deny the permit for construction of the section of the Dakota Access Pipeline that was to run through the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation. Yay.

Birds of a Feather

December 2, 2016

SNEAK PREVIEW

Coming soon to a banana republic near you.