Distractable Donny
November 22, 2020
“The only way Donald
Trump gets to 270 is if he loses 50 pounds.”
Former RNC chairman Michael Steele
on Chrump’s chances of overturning his massive Electoral College loss
Leading up to and during the impeachment hearings, many
experts worried that being impeachment would distract pre-IMPEACHED president
Chrump from fulfilling the duties of his office. I always found this nauseatingly
humorous. It has been well-documented that Chrump throughout his fake
presidency, he spent eight hours a day watching Fux News, an unknown amount of
time tweeting on the toilet, several hours a day lying through his dentures,
and two-to-three hours a day on “hair” infrastructure management and facial
coloring protocols. Also, as we know all too well, Donny the Wondercow spends
30 percent of his time golfing on our dime. Oh, and an as yet undetermined
amount of time spreading his virus throughout the West Wing and many red and
swing states.
As it turns out, the impeachment did much less to keep
Chrump from showing up at the office – requiring no effort since he “works”
from home – than did the recent election. Chrump has had close to zero scheduled
public events since the super-spreader, chicken-counting party on election
night, which ended with his 2:30 AM premature election elation, declaring
victory four days before most votes were counted, especially those in
Pennsylvania – the state that ultimately put the election in the win column for
Joe Biden on November 7.
Chrump has been hiding in his basement since being crushed
in the election. Our alternative reporters have managed to infiltrate Chrump’s
lair and filed this fake report, “For the first few days it appeared that the
ex-president-elect could barely get to his feet – even less so than usual. And
the team that usually hoisted him to a vertical position was more afraid than
usual to get near him, as Chrump was relentlessly hissing, spitting and
shouting expletives, all the while not wearing a mask and demanding those
around him do the same.”
Side note: as a result, 130 more Secret Service agents have
now tested positive for COVID.
“Once on his feet, Chrump simply paced from TV screen to TV
screen watching various Fux shows, which often caused his rage to amplify as
one after another, his beloved Fux liars veered dangerously close to reality.
Throughout this time, we did not see Chrump wearing anything but a robe;
admittedly, we did not keep very close tabs since we were unwilling to risk
witnessing any kind of wardrobe malfunction.”
Unsurprisingly, Chrump has told a friend that he knows he
lost, but is stalling in order to exact revenge on Democrats, presumably for
engaging in a legitimate election and defeating his double-wide, sorry ass.
Once a sociopath always a sociopath, I guess.
I. Mangrey recounting.
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