Sunday, November 22, 2020

Coup, Coup, Kachoo

Distractable Donny

November 22, 2020

Sitting in for Ted Koppel – I. Mangrey

“The only way Donald Trump gets to 270 is if he loses 50 pounds.”
   Former RNC chairman Michael Steele
on Chrump’s chances of overturning his massive Electoral College loss

Leading up to and during the impeachment hearings, many experts worried that being impeachment would distract pre-IMPEACHED president Chrump from fulfilling the duties of his office. I always found this nauseatingly humorous. It has been well-documented that Chrump throughout his fake presidency, he spent eight hours a day watching Fux News, an unknown amount of time tweeting on the toilet, several hours a day lying through his dentures, and two-to-three hours a day on “hair” infrastructure management and facial coloring protocols. Also, as we know all too well, Donny the Wondercow spends 30 percent of his time golfing on our dime. Oh, and an as yet undetermined amount of time spreading his virus throughout the West Wing and many red and swing states.

Rare photo of Chrump hard at work

As it turns out, the impeachment did much less to keep Chrump from showing up at the office – requiring no effort since he “works” from home – than did the recent election. Chrump has had close to zero scheduled public events since the super-spreader, chicken-counting party on election night, which ended with his 2:30 AM premature election elation, declaring victory four days before most votes were counted, especially those in Pennsylvania – the state that ultimately put the election in the win column for Joe Biden on November 7.

Chrump has been hiding in his basement since being crushed in the election. Our alternative reporters have managed to infiltrate Chrump’s lair and filed this fake report, “For the first few days it appeared that the ex-president-elect could barely get to his feet – even less so than usual. And the team that usually hoisted him to a vertical position was more afraid than usual to get near him, as Chrump was relentlessly hissing, spitting and shouting expletives, all the while not wearing a mask and demanding those around him do the same.”

Side note: as a result, 130 more Secret Service agents have now tested positive for COVID.

“Once on his feet, Chrump simply paced from TV screen to TV screen watching various Fux shows, which often caused his rage to amplify as one after another, his beloved Fux liars veered dangerously close to reality. Throughout this time, we did not see Chrump wearing anything but a robe; admittedly, we did not keep very close tabs since we were unwilling to risk witnessing any kind of wardrobe malfunction.”

Unsurprisingly, Chrump has told a friend that he knows he lost, but is stalling in order to exact revenge on Democrats, presumably for engaging in a legitimate election and defeating his double-wide, sorry ass. Once a sociopath always a sociopath, I guess.


Brian Williams on “Trump” the vaccine

I. Mangrey recounting.

No comments:

Post a Comment