America Held Hostage – Day 4

When Sore Winners Lose

November 10, 2020

A crazed, artificially-colored madman, his “hair” disguised as a ridiculous (many say pathetic) circus wig, is holding the federal government of the United States hostage after being soundly defeated in one of the least fraudulent elections in American history. The lunatic has barricaded himself inside the White House, after having successfully colluded with Russia to rig the 2016 election in his favor, but having done so unsuccessfully in 2020.

The hostage taker is currently engaged in torturing his hostage. No ransom has been demanded as of yet, other than making him the illegitimate leader of the free world, 500 buckets of KFC, two five-gallon drums of Diet Coke, and a lifetime supply of his preferred hair-simulation products.

America’s Abductor-in-chief and his not-so-merry-white-men are refusing to allow the duly elected 46^th president – his god-sent replacement – to begin proper transition protocols. If anyone needed further proof of Chrump’s priorities, that proof is on full, frontal public display. He is his only priority and he will be kicking America in the crotch for the next 71 days, so stock up on toilet paper and valium if you value your sanity and sanitary. 

Not only does Donald despise the land of his birth (as far as we know, after all no one has seen his birth certificate), but he is continuing to bilk his faithful followers by claiming he needs more of their money (remember when he said he was going to self-fund his 2016 campaign and did no such thing) for his phony, evidence-free lawsuits against America. It turns out most of that money is in fact earmarked to pay off Chrump’s campaign debts. But since Donald is best known for welshing on his debts, one must assume that this money will go directly and irrevocably into his now-empty pockets. Did he mention that he’s really rich? Yes he did. As always, he was lying.

No one can be certain whether or not domestic terrorist Chrump will literally burn down the White House, the federal government (what's left of it) or the entire country. Do not underestimate his evil nature, insanity or propensity to incite violence. His entire raison d'être is REVENGE and he has millions of deranged minions just looking for any excuse to manifest murder and mayhem.

Don't count your chickenshits before they're hatched

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, this syphilitic yahoo will start campaigning for another run in 2024 at noon on January 20, 2021 if not sooner. After all, it's not like he has anything else to do. He has never had an actual job. Except this one, which he never did. If we manage to one day finally excise him from the government, he will go around the country holding rallies and spreading COVID-19 like the infectious disease he is.

I. Mangrey, still on the case. Just in case.