Wednesday, December 29, 2021

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part II

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

The End (of The Year) is Near

December 29, 2021

Where We Will Have Gone From Here

It is time to pick up where we laughed off. Hopefully, you are sufficiently soused, fittingly fried, tenuously toasted, or otherwise appropriately altered as 2021 melts away like Greenland’s ice sheet and America’s democracy. If you had already started your Rent-A-Coma experience and are not seeing this in a timely manner, welcome back – I hope you are feeling refreshed, or at least blissfully unaware of any of the disastrous depredations that occurred while you were “out.” In any event, welcome to Part II of our annual three-part series on the way it will be in 2022. Buckle up, good chance of turbulence, and definitely some Turmpulence and his verbal flatulence ahead. Though with this malignant martinet, it is difficult and dangerous to get one’s hopes up, there is a laundry list of potential charges and more than a few active investigations poised to puncture this hot-air buffoon.


“It makes me mildly nauseous to think we
might have had some impact on the election.”
James Comey May 3, 2017

“What do you mean we, white man?”
Ed Venture December 28, 2021

January 21, 2022

State Of The Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Joe Biden nods off in the middle of his SOTU

Actual President Joe Biden, delivers the State of The Union after completing his first year in office, despite those who claim he was never elected, and belongs to a baby-eating pedophile ring headquartered in the basement of a pizza shop that has no basement. Though Biden began with great energy, insisting he was still going to make a deal with the recalcitrant Joe Manchin and his twisted side-kick Kyrsten Sinema, and touting the importance of beefing up voting rights, he did not last long. Fortunately, Speaker Pelosi and VP Harris caught on quickly and woke him by loudly applauding while he was still on his feet.

 

February 25, 2022

More An Assumption Than A Prediction

Donald Turmp lies to a grand jury. Pick one. Pick a topic.

Remember when Donald said, if you throw them in the paddy wagon,
“Please don’t be too nice."? You do now.

 

April 12, 2022

The Mouth Shall Rise Again

On the anniversary of the First Battle of Fort Sumter, a rabid crowd of MAGAts, determined to mollify Daddy Turmp’s Big Lie, launch one more attempt at taking over the United States from the majority of its citizens. Thinking it is the true seat of power, and unable to get within a hundred miles of the actual Capitol, the wayward throng attempts to take over Fort Sumter – now essentially a tourist attraction off the coast of South Carolina.

Ft. Sumter amusement park, or whatever it is. I guess they opted
for no flag, rather than the Confederate one they preferred

“The first attack on this fort was a great day for America. It was a cry for freedom. Today, our Gray Pride Movement is saying we want to be free from vaccines and masks. Back then the best Americans wanted to be free from not being allowed to own slaves. It’s hard to tell which is worse. This nation was founded on the God-given right to own slaves. How else could we have built such a great nation without slaves. We didn’t have no Mexicans back then. Slaves was all we had to do the work that whites were too good to do. We are here today to tell the world that we are here to win. Just like they did back in the day, right here at the Capitol – Fort Sumter. The great slave owners of America were finally free. The great war to protect slavery. The great Robert E. Lee finally obtained a great victory when he surrendered to Ulysses Grant in Philadelphia, or wherever. After today, Donald Turmp and the South shall rise again. This flag I’m holding is the one that marched proudly through the Capital last January 6, when the great patriots took over our Capitol to make America great again, just like when the traitor Abraham Lincoln was removed peacefully from office.

 

August 10, 2022

Joe Manson

West Virginia Senator Joe Machin finally comes out of hiding after having disappeared for several months. He says he has been reborn to help win the race war. Claiming he now wants to be known as Joe Manson, he hints that after much internal deliberation he is ready to vote for President Biden’s signature legislation, the Build Back Better Act. “I just spent six long months in deep contemplation. I stopped listening to the voices from the coal mines and listened only the voices coming directly from inside my head. They all agreed about what it is I must do to save the world and they are not to be questioned.”

Old King Coal once again took to Fux News to make the big announcement. As you may recall, Manchin last took to the friendly Ratpublican confines of Fux to inform everyone that he could not support this terrible bill that dared attempt historic help for needy Americans and even token help in fighting the relentless human recklessness behind Climate Catastrophe. Though Manchin had earlier teased his big announcement, it turned out to be nothing like what folks expected.


Nap Time

Go and have a nap or a concussion, maybe some Prozac or a quick round of Rent-A-Coma. There is a good chance Part III is coming soon. Get ready for the end of 2020 Part II, aka 2021. We’ve got the Magic 8 Ball in overdrive – we asked again later, survived countless hazy replies, and celebrated a surprising number of “Signs point to yes”. These are not fake predictions.  

Making predictions takes intense preparation and concentration

Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it gets away.

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