Donald Trump: International Man Of Misery
Rest
In No Peace
October 15, 2025
This just in…
Hot on the heels of
not winning the Nobel Peace Prize, American president Crassputin announced that
he is no longer supporting a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas. Said the
Man/Baby-in-chief in a deep, calmly assured voice,
I only did peace
because I knew I would get a prize, and not one of those things in a Cracker
Jack box, like on of those fake tatoos or a plastic ring. I wanted something
gold, mainly the phony Nobel Peace thing. Nobody really cares about it, but I
deserved one anyway. The antifa losers at the Nobel company have just made a
very big mistake. I will be considering a very big bombing raid in the Middle
East, or maybe the Middle West. Or maybe I will just do the n-word – not the
n-word I used during The Apprentice and so many other times – the other
n-word; I’ll get in trouble if I use the word, but no one will fuck with me if
I just do it, like maybe dropping a huge load on those idiot Nobel people who I
don’t care about. If they fix this Barack abomination and give me the prize,
maybe nothing bad will happen, maybe it can only good happen. You know, Barack
Hussein Obama got a peace prize for no reason, but I save the entire world and I
get nothing. I ended seven or nine or forty wars without even trying. Not that I care. Every day, people come up to me on the street,
while I’m walking around minding my own business, speaking of which, wanna by
some Trump crypto?, anyway, they come up to me, big strong very white men, with
tears in their eyes, saying ‘Sir, when are you getting the Noble Pees Prize?
You want we should maybe break some fingers or legs?’ I just tell them ‘Stand
back and stand by, and I’ll get back to you on that.’ So, if I don’t get my
prize, I will end this pathetic ceasefire, like you’ve never seen before. Thank
you for your attention to this very unimportant matter.
We provided the
transcript* instead of the audio because frankly, Damaged Don is sounding more
and more like White Fang…
_____________________________________________
*Despite the delivery, we decided not to put this in all CAPS to make
reading it a bit less painful.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Soupy Sales marathon.
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