From Woke To Joke

Holy Fucking Shit
Hegseth Declares War On The Military/Trump Declares War On America

October 1, 2025

Sorry folks, this is gonna be a long one. But at least it's very painful.

On Tuesday morning, September 30, "Secretary of War" Pissant Pete Hegseth, with blood and veins in his teeth, gave his long-awaited and roundly-dreaded speech lecture/pooptalk to 800 of our nation’s top military brass – dangerously, needlessly and stupidly assembled in one place. You might remember Hegseth as the dumfuck who texted secret war plans to a journalist because he’s an alcoholic with zero qualification to head up the military or waste valuable oxygen. The theme of Hegseth’s mentally-defective scolding (aside from hawking his pathetic book) was: I am a non-recovering alcoholic, sorely in need of a good stiff drink and a functioning penis. I am here to take America’s military from “woke” to “joke”. Hegseth did everything but jump up and down yelling, “Kill, kill, kill!”

The stage before it was defiled by Hegseth and Der Furor.

The misogynistic meathead said combat troops will have to meet the “highest male standard” as part of his misguided crusade to end American military’s diversity efforts and “politically correct” (i.e., non-white) leadership, which according to Peabrain Pete has only served to weaken our armed forces.

Hegseth further explained that he will have America’s military more manly, more white and more psychotic than anyone thought possible. The ex-Fux News mouthpiece prattled on to the sequestered, stunned and sickened accomplished military leaders, many, if not most, of whom would have just as soon strangled the worthless life out of their new, unqualified, undignified and tragically unintelligent boss – who was not even worthy of a weekday slot, let alone prime-time on the most unqualified, undignified, and stupendously dishonest cable network passing itself off as “news”.

Dry-drunk Pete, throwing his hate around

It was not immediately clear whether Perilous Pete wanted every general to have their own fully-loaded dressing room as he does. It is much better to look marvelous, than to have the slightest fucking clue what you are doing, according to the always camera-ready, but not so mic-ready Secretary of War. It was also unclear whether Pete wanted his generals to make use of the stultifying amount of makeup and hair products as he and his boss, the commander-in-brain-damage Trump do.

There was plenty more violent insanity to go around during this scurrilous shitstorm – like when this nutjob who daily kisses the fat ass of a fat president yowled about “fat generals” being a “bad look” – but even I can take only so much.

That Was Just The Opening Act

Naturally, once Dear Leader learned there would be a camera and microphone (and no escalators) he felt it necessary to add his two insane cents and insults to the senior leadership of the military he has so often disrespected over the years, insuring that a good time was had by two. Not to mention the absolute glee that must be inundating our enemies across the globe – particularly China and Russia.

Daffy Don, threatening war on Americans while stoned out of his gourd

The commander-in-cheesecake droned on and on and on despite appearing either barely awake or stoned out of his tiny, diseased little mind at the outset, and seeming to put himself to sleep with his own voice as he meandered insanely on. One particularly interesting topic was when the commander-in-psychosis – who had recently directed “Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, to provide all necessary Troops to protect War ravaged Portland” – pushed the idea of using American cities like as “training grounds” for war.

“Our inner cities, which we are going to be talking about, it’s a big part of war now, a big part of war. The radical left Democrats, what they’ve done to San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they’re very unsafe places, and we’re going to straighten them out one-by-one. We should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military. National Guard, but military. ‘Cause we’re going into Chicago very soon.”

Tough guy Private Bonespurs claimed we are dealing with an “enemy from within” while simultaneously threatening those assembled if they did not applaud* and threatening their jobs if they decided to walk out on his seditious screed.

The preceding vignette turned out to be the most coherent part of his caterwauling. If anyone doubted Dr. Dementia's brain failure, all doubts were washed away on this day. Joe Biden may have appeared somewhat out of it at times, but he never did anything like this. Trump should have waited until after whatever-the-fuck-this-was to start chomping on edibles.

Someone get this man a Twenty-fifth Amendment. STAT! And we’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats as they’re coming to take him away.

Implied as always was fuck the Constitution and rule of law and democracy. And of course, the only group of people to declare war and on and actually launch a violent coup against the United States from within were those incited, enabled and cheered on by one Donald J. Trump. Because he lost an election.

Vroom vroom goes the president.
Either that, or his newest “dance” move

Only time will tell. Get ready for the American Inquisition. Coming soon to a town, workplace or home near you.

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*Members of the military are forbidden from applauding political speech. Something a president in his right mind should know.

I. Mangrey reporting.
Brought to you by the First Fucking Amendment.