Thought For The Day – Passing The Time

This Too Shall Pass

September 30, 2024

The way things are right now, it seems that time is like a kidney stone. I’m just trying to pass it.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

Fun Fact For The Day – Reality ≠ Reality

An Ounce Of Reality Is Worth A Pound Of Manure

September 28, 2024

Here they go again.

Remember when in January 2017 virgin White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer (later of Dancing With the Stars infamy) used his very first appearance in front of the world, wearing someone else’s clothes and flat-out lying to the American public about the crowd size at Donald Jizzum Trump’s inauguration? As an aside, who would have guessed that crowd size would quickly become one of the most all-consuming themes defining Trump for the rest of his unnatural life? Because it surely fucking did.

“I want to explain something. The people you see leaving, because no one ever leaves. And when they do, I finish up quick, believe me.”
               DarnOld Trump, Walker, MI, September 27, 2024

After Spicer was humiliated in the press – after all, there was something the kids call photographic evidence – out slithered Kellyanne Conway to explain the Spicer was providing what Conway called “alternative facts.” Who would have guessed that ‘alternative facts’ would quickly become one of the most all-consuming themes defining Trump for the rest of his unnatural life? Because it surely fucking did.

Skip ahead seven years to September 2024 (if only it could have been that easy) to the presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Trump. Probably the most enduring moment of that night was when Trump, who was clearly losing what remained of his mind and that debate, screamed, “They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats! They’re eating the pets of the people who live there!” All Harris could do in that moment was laugh her fucking ass off, which she did.

As the Trump campaign continues to desperately try to spin his massive drubbing, they have tried everything to avoid DarnOld having to do a full Biden and take himself out of the running.

Enter JD Vantz. Fresh off his ill-fated attempt to purchase donuts in Georgia, where Trump’s ruining mate alienated everyone in the shop, including the donuts, the least interesting man in the world told CNN’s Dana Bash (who herself had been humiliated during the Trump/Biden debate) that the whole Haitians-eating-dogs-and-cats bullshit was in fact bullshit. Vantz added that if he needed to make shit up to make people pay attention to stuff, then dammit, that’s what he was going to do. Who cares if it puts innocent people’s lives in danger? It is entirely possible that Vantz was unaware of the outright pathology he was espousing since it appears that his utter lack of self-awareness rivals that of Trump.

Bonus Historic Fun Fact: reality-fucking is nothing new to these scum. Take a little trip down the memory hole for this tasty tidbit from the George WTF Bush years:

The aide said that guys like me were “in what we call the reality-based community,” which he defined as people who “believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.” I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. “That’s not the way the world really works anymore,” he continued. “We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality — judiciously, as you will — we’ll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

So it goes.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day.

Paying Attention™ Secret Word

Cloudy With A Chance Of Führers

September 27, 2024

It is commonly considered dangerous territory to throw around comparisons to Hitler. It is said, and with good reason (hopefully). Even without all that genocide stuff, and the attempt to eradicate Jews from, well, the world had he emerged victorious rather than giving himself the full-self-Dick-Cheney while cowering in a fetid bunker as justice closed in.

Speaking of cowards, Comrade Bonespurs, scared to death of having a second debate with Kamala Harris despite constantly whining about how bigly he won the first one, has clearly been studying the oratory stylings of a famous (i.e. historically infamous) public figure of yesteryear. The felonious presidential candidate, who is rumored to have kept a copy of his hero’s speeches by his bed, recently trotted out his new-found skill as an impressionist

Der Furor (at least he didn’t mention the Jews)*

(Unfortunately, the very scary video wouldn't load)

You can judge for yourself if we here at Paying Attention™ are imagining things or not.

Der Führer

You can also let us know who makes a better Hitler

The late, great Dick Shawn as Lorenzo St. DuBois as Hitler

Or

DarnOld Trump doing his best/worst Hitler

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*Trump did however later preemptively blame the Jews – in a room full of Jews – should he lose in November. Take a number. Too soon?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret Word.

Another Brand-New Special Feature

September 26, 2024

Hot on the heels of our latest brand-new special feature Ya Gotta Love It, another sparkling new feature has emerged from the idea pod in the basement of the non-existent, secret undisclosed headquarters of Paying Attention™.

Given the drama and trauma of the past nine years, mostly the inability of the human race, particularly those inhabiting the United States, it is no wonder that this idea lay buried in the angst-ridden recesses of the very damaged, though highly creative staff here at Paying Attention™. Anyway, we decided to risk stepping out of our comfort zone and offer something pleasant. We hope this will not end up meddling with the forces of nature. So, here it is, a veritable pause in the disaster – a disaster we hope to see end, and to that end hope to help pause from time to time with

Jest For Fun

"Weird Al" Yankovic – Bob

RE-Broken News – Don't Forget To Spay And Neuter Your Candidates

It’s A Douche Eat Dog World – UPDATE

September 25, 2024

Yesterday we reported on plans by Trump and his ruining mate JV Dance, or VD Chance or whatever his name is to further insinuate themselves into the fever-dream conspiracy theory of entirely legal and all-but-beloved Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio stealing and eating their neighbors’ various and sundry pets and any other animals that aren’t nailed down in the local region. The demented and dyspeptic duo are presumably attempting to scare their base and any other weak-minded sympathizers out there that the Hungry, Hungry Haitians will be coming for everyone’s pets if they are not stopped.

My Dinner With Asshole

Well, guess what. Cleveland ABC affiliate News5 reports that the nonprofit Haitian Bridge Alliance is utilizing an Ohio state law that allows private individuals to file criminal charges. Through its attorney, the group is asking a judge to validate the charges and issue arrest warrants for the two dipshits, one of whom is already a 34-count convicted felon.

Trump and Vantz refuse to admit their heinous lie,* which has caused havoc in the Ohio town and put the Haitian community at great risk from unhinged supporters of the convicted felon and his slimy sidekick, who will undoubtedly try to kill and eat the Haitians.

Ohio Republican Governor Mike DeWine stated Springfield had received 33 bomb threats across 22 facilities in the days following Trump’s and Vance’s lies. Naturally, this spineless twit still supports Trump and has vowed to vote for him. SAD.

As we know, because she told everyone in her recent worst-selling book You Broke It, You Shot It...or something like that, Ratpublican Kristi Noem proudly shot her own dog. She did not admit to eating the dog, but feel free to formulate your own facts. They certainly do.

Stay tuned. This could get interesting. Or at the very least, dumber.

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*Actually Vantz admitted to it during a recent interview, but explained it was perfectly fine because stupid, fascistic reasons.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special RE-Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled paralyzing disbelief.

Broken News – What’s For Dumber?

It’s A Douche Eat Dog World

September 24, 2024

In a desperate attempt to prove once and for all that people are eating dogs in Springfield, Ohio Trump and Vantz are threatening to descend on the beleaguered city they personally put on the map for all the wrong reasons. Those reasons include the pre-debunked accusation that people from Haitia* are the ones to blame for chowing down on their neighbors' dogs and cats and ducks, not to mention devastating the goose population in the local parks.

Springfield’s mayor has very strongly and powerfully invited the Dyspeptic Duo NOT to darken their door. Thanks to their entirely made up conspiracy of Haitians eating the dogs, eating the cats, eating the pets of the people who live there (sounds like Trump does not think Springfield’s Haitians are people), Springfield has had to close down schools, stores, government buildings. Heckuva job Trumpie. One wonders whether Trump and Vantz will finally STFU about their phony scare tactics when their unbalanced minions start killing people.

However, one can stop wondering since Vantz went on the TV and explained that, sure he was peddling fake news, but if that’s what it takes to make people aware of whatsits, or hooey, or stuff, then by gum he was gonna shit right out of his mouth hole to anyone dumb enough to listen.

Lunchtime at the looney bin

Tune in next time when Vantz and Trump accuse Democrats of eating babies in the basement of a pizza parlor in Washington, DC. Oh wait, that was done years ago. Never mind. But don’t worry, they’ll come up with something.

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*At a recent Bund rally JD Vantz referred to Haitian people (who he always knew were definitely not) eating dogs, cats, ducks, geese and various and sundry pets in Springfield as being from “Haitia.” Who will these soulless scum be blaming next, the Covfefe-stealing aliens from Nambia?

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled snacks.

Look Who's Fuckin' Talking – Putin’s Puppy

September 23, 2024

Once again it’s time for…

Look Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™

Who do you know of that has spent the past nine years at least figuratively fondling (if not fellating) Vladimir Putin? Who tells everyone he talks to that he “fell in love” with Kim Jong Un? Who recently used Hungary’s murderous dictator Viktor Orbán as a character reference during a presidential debate watched by more than 60 million Americans? I think you know who that person is.

Don & Viktor: Are they in love too?

It is the same person who incessantly refers to Vice President Kamala Harris as Comrade Kamala. He calls her a Marxist. And he has no idea what a Marxist is. He calls her a fascist. Does he know what that is? Don't bet on it. One of his bonehead sycophants said it, and his zombies cheer when he says it. He is like someone who learns a song in a foreign language phonetically, but without ever knowing what the words mean. Only dumber. Much, much dumber. And more recently sliding rapidly downhill from dementia (with a side of syphilis). Not that he was ever all that cogent or sentient.

DarnOld Trump is like a beloved pet who was left a fortune after its owner’s passing. Except for the part about being beloved. Such a pet would have managed that fortune less pathetically than this damaged dipshit. And such a pet would not be running for president in order to stay out of prison. No other animal is that pathetic.

This has been a Paying Attention™ special feature:
Look Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™ 

Picture Of The Day

Not A Thousand Words, But Worth It   

September 19, 2024

No, this is not JD Vantz's couch surrogate/sex toy. It is a Pygmy Seahorse.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Picture Of The Day.

New Special Feature

Sometimes something happens that just makes a person bring out a brand-new special feature. Welcome to 

Ya Gotta Love It

September 17, 2024

Just saw an ad by Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey’s Wall Street millionaire carpetbagger opponent Dave McCormick. McCormick’s ad tris to frighten people by saying that Casey approved stimulus checks for convicted felons.* 

Someone should tell Casey’s Fascist/Trump Party foe that his party’s nominee for president is currently sitting on 34 felony convictions – probably would be around double that had he not managed stall relentlessly and to own enough judges up and down the court system he keeps whining in the finest Orwellian fashion is rigged against him.

I guess one man’s 34-count convicted felon (and convicted sexual assaulter and life-long conman/thief) is another man’s squeaky-clean cult leader.

Ya gotta love it.

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*An accusation I am willing to bet is completely absurd, to say the least.

Schmuck Of The Day – Odd-Vantz Warning

Is That A Foot In Your Mouth Or Are You Too Stupid To See Me

September 15, 2024

Sure, the Vantz is likely to wear the Schmuck Of The Day mantle many times between now and when he reaches instant, maximum obscurity on November 6^th, but he still deserves his due right now.

The long-time-Trump-hating, woman-dissing, couch-fucking (okay, not really, but why stop saying it if he’s going to continue lying about pet-eating Haitians) douchebag from another planet desperately tried to downplay the 15-megaton kick to the balls laid down by Taylor Swift immediately following the 10-megaton fat-ass whoopin’ Kamala Harris put on Dementia Don during the Thrilla in Phila.

Swift flat-out endorsed Harris in full view of her 280 million fans and anyone else who owns a computer and/or a set eyes and/or ears.

Vantz went to his safe room at Fux News and swung for the sewers with the deafest, blindest and absolute dumbest possible response:

“We admire Taylor Swift’s music, but I don’t think most Americans, whether they like her music, are fans of hers or not are going to be influenced by a billionaire celebrity who, I think is fundamentally disconnected from the interests and the problems of most Americans.”

           I’m JD Vantz and I approve this dumb fucking message…wait, is this thing on?

Vantz, after hearing himself talk

That is a direct and staggeringly clueless quote from a bought-and-paid-for former hedge fund asshole, now bought-and-paid-for faux senator and historically unpopular running mate of a…wait, what would you call him…ahh, that’s it, a billionaire celebrity who, I think is fundamentally disconnected from the interests and the problems of most Americans. Yeah, that’s the one. Well played JV, Taylor will never recover from that one.

Vantz would have been much better off going on Fux and yelling, “They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats! They’re eating the pets!” for a half hour.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Fuck yeah.

Look Who's Fuckin’ Talking – Pot & Kettle Edition

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Cheneys
Turn And Face The Strange Ch-Ch-Cheneys

September 13, 2024

Look Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™

We have mixed feelings about this one.

Liz Cheney, who lost her House seat because she turned against Trump after Trump’s attempted coup, has said that she will be voting for Kamala Harris “because of the danger that Donald Trump poses” to our democracy. All of us spent many painful years documenting the disgraceful dirty dealing perpetrated by Dick Cheney. However, today, following in his daughter Liz’s footsteps, Dick Cheney, known to many during his time as vice president to George WTF Bush’s historically horrific (and illegally-obtained) presidency, as Darth Cheney, has made it known that he too will not only be endorsing Kamala Harris for president but will in fact be voting for her. The Cheneys have stated unequivocally that they believe DarnOld Trump to be the biggest threat to the Republic in this nation’s pock-marked history.

Prior to the emergence of DarnOld Trump, Dick Cheney was the biggest-threat-to-American-democracy. Dick Cheney, who once shot a man in the face while hunting purposely-crippled birds (then hid from authorities until he sobered up), who outed a critical CIA asset as revenge for her husband telling the truth about something Cheney was lying about to drag America into what turned into an illegal invasion and subsequent quagmire of Iraq. And Dick Cheney faked the need to be in a wheelchair for one day, and one day only – January 20, 2009 – so he could avoid standing while Barack Obama was being sworn in as the 44^th president. At least Cheney showed up, unlike Trump who refused to even show his badly dyed, lying, traitorous face at Biden’s inauguration in 2021.

“In our nation’s 246-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our Republic than Donald Trump.”
                             Richard “Dick” Cheney, 2022

“As citizens, we each have a duty to put country above partisanship to defend our Constitution.* That is why I will be casting my vote for Vice President Kamala Harris.”
                                Richard “Dick” Cheney, 2024

While finding oneself aligned with the likes of any Cheney, particularly the elder, is nauseating at best, these endorsements can only play to the Harris campaign’s advantage. And certainly Liz Cheney, after voting for Trump in 2016 and 2020 and voting with Trump nearly 100% of the time, later became relentless in exposing and thrashing Trump's January 6, 2021 attack on our democracy. Cheney the younger was just fine with Trump grabbing women by the pussy, calling Mexicans rapists and murderers, constantly kowtowing to Putin, lavishing praise on numerous brutal dictators including “falling in love” with Kim Jong Un, threatening our allies, betraying national security, trying to extort Ukraine president Zelinskyy, helping tens of thousands of our fellow citizens die from COVID-19, repeatedly disrespecting veterans living and dead, the racism, the fascism and all the rest of Trump’s happy fucking horseshit.  

It took Trump inciting an insurrection and watching with glee for hours as it festered, to get Liz Cheney’s attention. And her father only perked up when his daughter was poised to lose her House seat. As they say, even a blind squirrel can avoid being a complete douchebag…I mean find an acorn once in a while.

Though the damage done by the elder Cheney’s past perfidies can neither be undone nor forgiven or recovered from any time soon, perhaps we can give him a brief pat on the fevered head for finally doing something right for America…and then go soak our hands in disinfectant, or maybe shine a very powerful light on them to prevent any lasting contamination.

Dick Cheney’s “boss” George WTF Bush has chosen this critical moment, which is crying out for courage and speaking truth to bullshit, to STFU. Not one word from the former worst president in American history. All I can offer to Dubious George is a quote from none other than Dick Cheney, “Go fuck yourself.”

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*NOW he tells us! Just figured this out, did he? Who knew there was a line that when crossed would cause even Dick Cheney to do the right thing?

This has been a Paying Attention™ special feature:
Look Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™

BONUS FUCKIN’ TALKING

 

Some other rats departing the stinking ship

Thought For The Day – Worth 1000 Words

Down Goes Crazier!

September 12, 2024

Here's one way to think about Tuesday's Harris/Trump debate in Philadelphia.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

Broken News – The Thrilla In Phila

The Lady And The Badger

September 11, 2024

Perhaps you were wise enough to avoid watching the Thrilla in Phila. The long anticipated “debate” between Vice President Kamala Harris and disgraced, twice-impeached ex-“president” and current 34-count convicted felon and insurrectionist DarnOld Trump at the Constitution Center in the City of Brotherly Love.   

As the two entered the stage, Kamala Harris chased down the frightened and confused elderly man to shake his tiny, sweaty hand. And she introduced herself, saying her name so Trump might be able to pronounce it for once.

Throughout the evening, Harris did not take any shit from ex-“president” poopstain. Trump tried his best to appear compos mentis and spent a good deal of the early going on his best fake behavior. As the night wore on and Trump’s façade wore out, his inner rabies-stricken hyena took over. It was a classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Trump and ultimately had Trump as the little insectoid in the final scene of The Fly. Trump was clearly on the verge of flinging ketchup and/or feces as he screamed his hate and ignorance and insane conspiracy theories (which were quickly debunked by moderators and/or Harris for all to hear).

The candidates – side by snide

The moderators acquitted themselves much better than anyone expected. Someone finally had the guts to challenge Psycho Boy on his insane, injurious bullshit. They actually fact-checked Peach-colored Pinocchio a number of times! On important issues. This reporter almost fell out of his seat. Fortunately, after Trump won the unpopular vote in 2016, I had seatbelts installed where I watch the news. There were even times when this event almost devolved into an actual debate, with the two participants going toe-to-toe, albeit briefly, without including the moderators.

Trumpers will be very happy with Drear Leader’s perfidy…I mean performance in the debate. Then again, they will cheer his every fetid breath, from whichever end it emerges. They will cheer his every word, however inane, fact-free, or previously non-existent.

“They’re eating the dogs.”
DarnOld Trump, September 10, 2024

“Kamala Harris made Trump her bitch.”
I. Mangrey, September 11, 2024

Harris looked presidential. Trump looked committable.

As the debate reached its happy ending, a childless Cat Lady who is well-known to quite a few eligible voters unequivocally endorsed the Harris/Walz ticket:

Shown holding her cat – Benjamin Button and signed:

“Taylor Swift, Childless Cat Lady”

Unlike Stormy Daniels, Kamala Harris did not use a copy of Forbes magazine with Trump’s picture on the cover to spank the bad little boy, but she did figuratively give him the golden shower his so richly deserved. 

After the debate concluded, Deadbeat Don clomped into the Spin Room, desperate for more attention, and worriedly trying to clean up the latest soiled diaper (figuratively, and perhaps literally) he foisted upon the public.

Bring on the Vantz/Walz tango.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled donations to the Harris campaign.

Paying Attention™ Secret Word – Make America Debate Again

 

Another Ersatz Debate On Tap

September 10, 2024

The debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Q. Trump takes place tonight in our nation’s birthplace, Philadelphia. This will be the first and likely only debate between the rapey convicted felon and the former prosecutor running to keep him out of the White House and on track for the big house.

Both candidates have been busy with debate prep to avoid as much as possible being blindsided by their opponent. We know that Harris is spending a good deal of time preparing for Trump’s lies and talking out of his ass instead of answering questions. We know this because Harris has said as much.

We also know that DarnOld Trump has been feverishly preparing because he told us he has no need to prepare. He also made it known that even when he wins the debate bigly, horrible, fake press will claim that he lost badly. If only.

For their part, most of the corporate media is busy figuring out how to make Trump the delusional dementia patient, who is the oldest “person” ever to run for president and cannot complete either sentence or coherent thought, seem perfectly normal and in no way completely unfit or too mentally unstable (not to mention owning 34 felony convictions and being a rapey fascist) to hold the nation’s highest office. It seems they are hell-bent on living up to “the enemy of the people” epithet that Trump has been tarring them with for so long. Perhaps we will get lucky this time and they will take the side of the majority of Americans, instead of trying to sell us a bill of Trumps.

There’s only one way Il Douche can win this debate*

Unfortunately, the same rules from the disastrous debate between the felon and Joe Biden remain in place. Microphones will be muted when the person – or Trump – is not speaking, and the “moderators” will remain worthless figureheads figurines, posing inane questions and ignoring the inevitable tsunami of lies and non-sequitur word salads gushing  from Trump’s face sphincter.

Turn on, tune in, stand by

We are looking forward to Vice President Harris (unfortunately, only figuratively) kicking Trump’s balls all over the debase stage.

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*And he won't lose any votes. We’d better hope there is a metal detector on site. We know there won’t be a Mental Detector™, or they would not allow Trump to enter the venue.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret Word.