September 30, 2024
The way things are right now, it seems that time is like a kidney
stone. I’m just trying to pass it.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
September 30, 2024
The way things are right now, it seems that time is like a kidney
stone. I’m just trying to pass it.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
An Ounce Of Reality Is Worth A Pound Of Manure
September 28, 2024
Remember
when in January 2017 virgin White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer (later of
Dancing With the Stars infamy) used his very first appearance in front of the
world, wearing someone else’s clothes and flat-out lying to the American public
about the crowd size at Donald Jizzum Trump’s inauguration? As an aside, who would have
guessed that crowd size would quickly become one of the most all-consuming
themes defining Trump for the rest of his unnatural life? Because it surely fucking did.
“I
want to explain something. The people you see leaving, because no one ever
leaves. And when they do, I finish up quick, believe me.”
DarnOld Trump, Walker,
MI, September 27, 2024
After
Spicer was humiliated in the press – after all, there was something the kids
call photographic evidence – out slithered Kellyanne Conway to explain the
Spicer was providing what Conway called “alternative facts.” Who would have
guessed that ‘alternative facts’ would quickly become one of the most
all-consuming themes defining Trump for the rest of his unnatural life? Because
it surely fucking did.
Skip
ahead seven years to September 2024 (if only it could have been that easy) to
the presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Trump. Probably the most enduring moment of that
night was when Trump, who was clearly losing what remained of his mind and that debate,
screamed, “They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats! They’re eating the
pets of the people who live there!” All Harris could do in that moment was
laugh her fucking ass off, which she did.
As
the Trump campaign continues to desperately try to spin his massive drubbing, they
have tried everything to avoid DarnOld having to do a full Biden and take
himself out of the running.
Enter JD Vantz. Fresh
off his ill-fated attempt to purchase donuts in Georgia, where Trump’s ruining mate
alienated everyone in the shop, including the donuts, the least interesting man
in the world told CNN’s Dana Bash (who herself had been humiliated during the Trump/Biden debate) that
the whole Haitians-eating-dogs-and-cats bullshit was in fact bullshit. Vantz
added that if he needed to make shit up to make people pay attention to stuff,
then dammit, that’s what he was going to do. Who cares if it puts innocent
people’s lives in danger? It is entirely possible that Vantz was unaware of the
outright pathology he was espousing since it appears that his utter lack of
self-awareness rivals that of Trump.
Bonus
Historic Fun Fact: reality-fucking is nothing new to these scum. Take a little
trip down the memory hole for this tasty tidbit from the George WTF Bush years:
The
aide said that guys like me were “in what we call the reality-based community,”
which he defined as people who “believe that solutions emerge from your
judicious study of discernible reality.” I nodded and murmured something about
enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. “That’s not the way the
world really works anymore,” he continued. “We’re an empire now, and when we
act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality —
judiciously, as you will — we’ll act again, creating other new realities, which
you can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s actors
. . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”
So it goes.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day.
Cloudy With A Chance Of Führers
September 27, 2024
It is
commonly considered dangerous territory to throw around comparisons to Hitler. It
is said, and with good reason (hopefully). Even without all that genocide
stuff, and the attempt to eradicate Jews from, well, the world had he emerged
victorious rather than giving himself the full-self-Dick-Cheney while cowering in
a fetid bunker as justice closed in.
Speaking of cowards, Comrade Bonespurs, scared to death of having a second debate with Kamala Harris despite constantly whining about how bigly he won the first one, has clearly been studying the oratory stylings of a famous (i.e. historically infamous) public figure of yesteryear. The felonious presidential candidate, who is rumored to have kept a copy of his hero’s speeches by his bed, recently trotted out his new-found skill as an impressionist
You can judge for yourself if we here at Paying Attention™ are imagining things or not.
You can also let us know who makes
a better Hitler
This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret
Word.
Hot on the heels of our latest brand-new
special feature Ya Gotta Love It, another sparkling new feature has
emerged from the idea pod in the basement of the non-existent, secret
undisclosed headquarters of Paying Attention™.
Given the drama and trauma of the past nine
years, mostly the inability of the human race, particularly those inhabiting
the United States, it is no wonder that this idea lay buried in the
angst-ridden recesses of the very damaged, though highly creative staff here at
Paying Attention™. Anyway, we decided to risk stepping out of our comfort zone
and offer something pleasant. We hope this will not end up meddling with the
forces of nature. So, here it is, a veritable pause in the disaster – a
disaster we hope to see end, and to that
end hope to help pause from time to time with
Jest For Fun
It’s
A Douche Eat Dog World – UPDATE
September 25, 2024
Yesterday we reported
on plans by Trump and his ruining mate JV Dance, or VD Chance or whatever his
name is to further insinuate themselves into the fever-dream conspiracy theory
of entirely legal and all-but-beloved Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio
stealing and eating their neighbors’ various and sundry pets and any other
animals that aren’t nailed down in the local region. The demented and
dyspeptic duo are presumably attempting to scare their base and any other
weak-minded sympathizers out there that the Hungry, Hungry Haitians will be
coming for everyone’s pets if they
are not stopped.
Well, guess
what. Cleveland ABC affiliate News5 reports that the nonprofit Haitian
Bridge Alliance is utilizing an Ohio state law that allows private individuals
to file criminal charges. Through its attorney, the group is asking a judge to
validate the charges and issue arrest warrants for the two dipshits, one of
whom is already a 34-count convicted felon.
Trump and Vantz
refuse to admit their heinous lie,* which has caused havoc in the Ohio town and
put the Haitian community at great risk from unhinged supporters of the
convicted felon and his slimy sidekick, who will undoubtedly try to kill and
eat the Haitians.
Ohio Republican
Governor Mike DeWine stated Springfield had received 33 bomb threats across 22
facilities in the days following Trump’s and Vance’s lies. Naturally, this
spineless twit still supports Trump and has vowed to vote for him. SAD.
As we know, because she told everyone in her recent worst-selling book You Broke It, You Shot It...or something like that, Ratpublican Kristi Noem proudly shot her own dog. She did not admit to eating the dog, but feel free to formulate your own facts. They certainly do.
Stay tuned. This could
get interesting. Or at the very least, dumber.
_____________________________________________
*Actually Vantz admitted to it during a recent interview, but explained
it was perfectly fine because stupid, fascistic reasons.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special RE-Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
paralyzing disbelief.
September 24, 2024
In a desperate
attempt to prove once and for all that people are eating dogs in Springfield,
Ohio Trump and Vantz are threatening to descend on the beleaguered city they
personally put on the map for all the wrong reasons. Those reasons include the
pre-debunked accusation that people from Haitia* are the ones to blame for chowing down on their neighbors' dogs
and cats and ducks, not to mention devastating the goose population in the
local parks.
Springfield’s mayor
has very strongly and powerfully invited the Dyspeptic Duo NOT to darken their
door. Thanks to their entirely made up conspiracy of Haitians eating the dogs,
eating the cats, eating the pets of the people who live there (sounds like Trump does not think Springfield’s Haitians are people), Springfield has had to close
down schools, stores, government buildings. Heckuva job Trumpie. One wonders
whether Trump and Vantz will
finally STFU about their phony scare tactics when their unbalanced minions
start killing people.
However, one can
stop wondering since Vantz went on the TV and explained that, sure he was
peddling fake news, but if that’s what it takes to make people aware of
whatsits, or hooey, or stuff, then by gum he was gonna shit right out of his
mouth hole to anyone dumb enough to listen.
Tune in next time
when Vantz and Trump accuse Democrats of eating babies in the basement of a
pizza parlor in Washington, DC. Oh wait, that was done years ago. Never mind.
But don’t worry, they’ll come up with something.
_____________________________________________
*At a recent Bund rally JD Vantz referred to Haitian people (who he always
knew were definitely not) eating dogs, cats, ducks, geese and various and
sundry pets in Springfield as being from “Haitia.” Who will these soulless scum
be blaming next, the Covfefe-stealing aliens from Nambia?
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
snacks.
September 23, 2024
Once again it’s time
for…
Who do you know of
that has spent the past nine years at least figuratively fondling (if not
fellating) Vladimir Putin? Who tells everyone he talks to that he “fell in
love” with Kim Jong Un? Who recently used Hungary’s murderous dictator Viktor
Orbán as a character reference during a presidential debate watched by more
than 60 million Americans? I think you know who that person is.
It is the same
person who incessantly refers to Vice President Kamala Harris as Comrade
Kamala. He calls her a Marxist. And he has no idea what a Marxist is. He calls her a fascist. Does he know what that is? Don't bet on it. One of his bonehead sycophants said it, and his zombies cheer when he says it. He is
like someone who learns a song in a foreign language phonetically, but without
ever knowing what the words mean. Only dumber. Much, much dumber. And more
recently sliding rapidly downhill from dementia (with a side of syphilis). Not
that he was ever all that cogent or sentient.
DarnOld Trump is like a beloved
pet who was left a fortune after its owner’s passing. Except for the part about
being beloved. Such a pet would have managed that fortune less pathetically
than this damaged dipshit. And such a pet would not be running for president in
order to stay out of prison. No other animal is that pathetic.
This has been a Paying Attention™ special feature:
Look
Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™
Not
A Thousand Words, But Worth It
September 19, 2024
No, this is not JD Vantz's couch
surrogate/sex toy. It is a Pygmy Seahorse.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Picture Of The Day.
September 17, 2024
Just saw an ad by Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey’s Wall Street millionaire carpetbagger opponent Dave McCormick. McCormick’s ad tris to frighten people by saying that Casey approved stimulus checks for convicted felons.*
Someone should tell
Casey’s Fascist/Trump Party foe that his party’s nominee for president is currently sitting on
34 felony convictions – probably would be around double that had he not managed
stall relentlessly and to own enough judges up and down the court system he
keeps whining in the finest Orwellian fashion is rigged against him.
I
guess one man’s 34-count convicted felon (and convicted sexual assaulter and
life-long conman/thief) is another man’s squeaky-clean cult leader.
Ya
gotta love it.
_______________________________________________
*An accusation I am willing to bet is
completely absurd, to say the least.
Is
That A Foot In Your Mouth Or Are You Too Stupid To See Me
September 15, 2024
Sure, the Vantz is likely to wear the Schmuck Of The Day mantle many times between now and when he reaches instant, maximum obscurity on November 6th, but he still deserves his due right now.
The long-time-Trump-hating, woman-dissing,
couch-fucking (okay, not really, but why stop saying it if he’s going to continue
lying about pet-eating Haitians) douchebag from another planet desperately
tried to downplay the 15-megaton kick to the balls laid down by Taylor Swift
immediately following the 10-megaton fat-ass whoopin’ Kamala Harris put on
Dementia Don during the Thrilla in Phila.
Swift flat-out endorsed Harris in full view of
her 280 million fans and anyone else who owns a computer and/or a set eyes
and/or ears.
Vantz went to his safe room at Fux News and swung
for the sewers with the deafest, blindest and absolute dumbest possible
response:
“We admire Taylor Swift’s music, but I don’t
think most Americans, whether they like her music, are fans of hers or not are
going to be influenced by a billionaire celebrity who, I
think is fundamentally disconnected from the interests and the problems of most
Americans.”
I’m JD Vantz and I approve this dumb fucking message…wait, is
this thing on?
That is a direct and staggeringly clueless quote
from a bought-and-paid-for former hedge fund asshole, now bought-and-paid-for
faux senator and historically unpopular running mate of a…wait, what would you
call him…ahh, that’s it, a billionaire celebrity who, I think is fundamentally
disconnected from the interests and the problems of most Americans. Yeah, that’s
the one. Well played JV, Taylor will never recover from that one.
Vantz would have been much better off going on
Fux and yelling, “They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats! They’re
eating the pets!” for a half hour.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.
Fuck yeah.
September 13, 2024
We have mixed
feelings about this one.
Liz Cheney, who lost
her House seat because she turned against Trump after Trump’s attempted coup, has said that she will be
voting for Kamala Harris “because of the danger that Donald Trump poses” to our
democracy. All of us spent many
painful years documenting the disgraceful dirty dealing perpetrated by Dick
Cheney. However, today, following in his daughter Liz’s footsteps, Dick Cheney,
known to many during his time as vice president to George WTF Bush’s
historically horrific (and illegally-obtained) presidency, as Darth Cheney, has
made it known that he too will not only be endorsing Kamala Harris for
president but will in fact be voting for her. The Cheneys have stated
unequivocally that they believe DarnOld Trump to be the biggest threat to the Republic in this nation’s pock-marked
history.
Prior to the
emergence of DarnOld Trump,
Dick Cheney was the biggest-threat-to-American-democracy. Dick Cheney, who once
shot a man in the face while hunting purposely-crippled birds (then hid from authorities
until he sobered up), who outed a critical CIA asset as revenge for her husband
telling the truth about something Cheney was lying about to drag America into
what turned into an illegal invasion and subsequent quagmire of Iraq.
“In our nation’s 246-year
history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our
Republic than Donald Trump.”
Richard “Dick” Cheney, 2022
“As citizens, we each
have a duty to put country above partisanship to defend our Constitution.* That
is why I will be casting my vote for Vice President Kamala Harris.”
Richard
“Dick” Cheney, 2024
While finding oneself aligned with the likes of any Cheney, particularly the elder, is nauseating at best, these endorsements can only play to the Harris campaign’s advantage. And certainly Liz Cheney, after voting for Trump in 2016 and 2020 and voting with Trump nearly 100% of the time, later became relentless in exposing and thrashing Trump's January 6, 2021 attack on our democracy. Cheney the younger was just fine with Trump grabbing women by the pussy, calling Mexicans rapists and murderers, constantly kowtowing to Putin, lavishing praise on numerous brutal dictators including “falling in love” with Kim Jong Un, threatening our allies, betraying national security, trying to extort Ukraine president Zelinskyy, helping tens of thousands of our fellow citizens die from COVID-19, repeatedly disrespecting veterans living and dead, the racism, the fascism and all the rest of Trump’s happy fucking horseshit.
It took Trump inciting an insurrection and watching with
glee for hours as it festered, to get Liz Cheney’s attention. And her father only
perked up when his daughter was
poised to lose her House seat. As they say, even a blind squirrel can avoid
being a complete douchebag…I mean find an acorn once in a while.
Though the damage done by the elder Cheney’s past perfidies
can neither be undone nor forgiven or recovered from any time soon, perhaps we
can give him a brief pat on the fevered head for finally doing something right
for America…and then go soak our hands in disinfectant, or maybe shine a very
powerful light on them to prevent any lasting contamination.
Dick Cheney’s “boss” George WTF Bush has chosen this
critical moment, which is crying out for courage and speaking truth to
bullshit, to STFU. Not one word from the former worst president in American
history. All I can offer to Dubious George is a quote from none other than Dick
Cheney, “Go fuck yourself.”
__________________________________________
*NOW he tells us! Just figured this out, did he? Who knew there was a line that when crossed would
cause even Dick Cheney to do the right thing?
This has been a Paying Attention™ special feature:
Look Who’s
Fuckin’ Talking™
BONUS FUCKIN’ TALKING
September 12, 2024
Here's one way to think about Tuesday's Harris/Trump debate in Philadelphia.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
September 11, 2024
Perhaps you were
wise enough to avoid watching the Thrilla in Phila. The long anticipated
“debate” between Vice President Kamala Harris and disgraced, twice-impeached
ex-“president” and current 34-count convicted felon and insurrectionist DarnOld
Trump at the Constitution Center in the City of Brotherly
Love.
As the two entered
the stage, Kamala Harris chased down the frightened and confused elderly man to
shake his tiny, sweaty hand. And she introduced herself, saying her name so Trump
might be able to pronounce it for once.
Throughout the
evening, Harris did not take any shit from ex-“president” poopstain. Trump tried his best to appear compos mentis and
spent a good deal of the early going on his best fake behavior. As the night
wore on and Trump’s façade wore out,
his inner rabies-stricken hyena took over. It was a classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Trump and ultimately had Trump as the little insectoid in the final scene
of The Fly. Trump
was clearly on the verge of flinging ketchup and/or feces as he screamed his
hate and ignorance and insane conspiracy theories (which were quickly debunked
by moderators and/or Harris for all to hear).
The moderators
acquitted themselves much better than anyone expected. Someone finally had the
guts to challenge Psycho Boy on his insane, injurious bullshit. They actually
fact-checked Peach-colored Pinocchio a number of times! On important issues. This
reporter almost fell out of his seat. Fortunately, after Trump won the unpopular vote in 2016, I had
seatbelts installed where I watch the news. There were even times when this
event almost devolved into an actual debate, with the two participants going
toe-to-toe, albeit briefly, without including the moderators.
Trumpers will be
very happy with Drear Leader’s perfidy…I mean performance in the debate. Then again,
they will cheer his every fetid breath, from whichever end it emerges. They will
cheer his every word, however inane, fact-free, or previously non-existent.
“They’re eating the dogs.”
DarnOld Trump, September 10, 2024
“Kamala Harris made Trump her bitch.”
I. Mangrey, September 11, 2024
Harris looked
presidential. Trump looked committable.
As the debate
reached its happy ending, a childless Cat Lady who is well-known to quite a few
eligible voters unequivocally endorsed the Harris/Walz ticket:
Unlike Stormy Daniels, Kamala Harris did not use a copy of Forbes magazine with Trump’s picture on the cover to spank the bad little boy, but she did figuratively give him the golden shower his so richly deserved.
After the debate concluded, Deadbeat Don clomped into the Spin Room,
desperate for more attention, and worriedly trying to clean up the latest
soiled diaper (figuratively, and perhaps literally) he foisted upon the public.
Bring on the
Vantz/Walz tango.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled donations to the
Harris campaign.
September 10, 2024
The debate
between Kamala Harris and Donald Q. Trump takes place tonight in our nation’s
birthplace, Philadelphia. This will be the first and likely only debate between
the rapey convicted felon and the former prosecutor running to keep him out of
the White House and on track for the big house.
Both candidates have
been busy with debate prep to avoid as much as possible being blindsided by
their opponent. We know that Harris is spending a good deal of time preparing
for Trump’s lies and talking out of his ass instead of answering questions. We know
this because Harris has said as much.
We also know that
DarnOld Trump has been feverishly preparing because he told us he has no need
to prepare. He also made it known that even when he wins the debate bigly,
horrible, fake press will claim that he lost badly. If only.
For their part, most of the corporate media is busy figuring out how to make Trump the delusional dementia patient, who is the oldest “person” ever to run for president and cannot complete either sentence or coherent thought, seem perfectly normal and in no way completely unfit or too mentally unstable (not to mention owning 34 felony convictions and being a rapey fascist) to hold the nation’s highest office. It seems they are hell-bent on living up to “the enemy of the people” epithet that Trump has been tarring them with for so long. Perhaps we will get lucky this time and they will take the side of the majority of Americans, instead of trying to sell us a bill of Trumps.
Unfortunately,
the same rules from the disastrous debate between the felon and Joe Biden
remain in place. Microphones will be muted when the person – or Trump – is not speaking, and the “moderators” will
remain worthless figureheads figurines, posing inane questions and ignoring the
inevitable tsunami of lies and non-sequitur word
salads gushing from Trump’s face sphincter.
We are looking forward to Vice President Harris (unfortunately, only figuratively) kicking Trump’s balls all over the debase stage.
____________________________________________
*And he won't lose any votes. We’d better hope there is a metal detector on site. We know there won’t
be a Mental
Detector™, or they would not allow Trump to enter the venue.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret Word.