April 12, 2026
All the votes are
in. Donald Trump…I mean Viktor Orbán, against all odds, threats and cheating Hungary’s
asshole dictator has been deposed by the people of his country. Orbán was a favorite
role model for America’s aspiring tyrant, who is currently the world's weakest strongman.
Not only is Trump
stunned by this election, or as he prefers to call it miscarriage-of-justice,
he should be very worried.
Trump’s number two
(in more ways than one) JD Vance, who once called Trump “America’s Hitler”
(think broken clock), and was once laid low by a donut order, and who by his
very presence ended the life of Pope Francis, was sent as Trump’s emissary to
give Orbán that final push over the finish line. Unfortunately for Vance that
was not the finish line, it was a cliff overlooking the political abyss.
Orbán’s poll numbers
just days before the election took a sizeable dip right after the dip Vance
spread his special mojo all over Orbán.
But that wasn’t awl four are knew hero JD. He then jetted off to Pakistan to (pretend to) negotiate a settlement with Iran after the rogue nation fended off Trump’s ill-conceived, ill-advised, illegal attack. Vance had help though – two fake real estate mongrels, Jared Son-in-law, and Trump’s old buddy and professional idiot Steve Witkoff.
None of these nitwits has a moment’s experience with international
negotiations. The closest Vance ever came to foreign relations was fucking an imported
couch. Trump’s three stooges, not to be confused with the original Three
Stooges, who served an actual purpose, spent 21 hours watching the Iranian
negotiators desperately trying to stifle laughs. Then the Americans tucked
their heads between their knees and crawled back home to Demented Daddy Don.
You would think that
having to spend 21 hours with Vance could get anyone to agree to anything just
to end the encounter.
Trump is now a
cornered, rabid racoon – and not just because of his undyed eyes in that burnt
umber background. It is possible that even he can see the writing on the wall. He
can’t read it, but he has probably had someone read it to him. So there is no
telling what he will try in order to avoid the humiliating thrashing that
appears to be looming.
What happens next is anybody’s nightmare.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special
Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
stress baking.
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