Running (His Mouth) For President

The Political Genius That Is Willard Romney

                               or
Is That Your Real Hair, Or Do You Have A Dog Strapped To Your Head?

Under Willard’s Hair

September 19, 2012

Willard Romney’s latest daily disaster (or disaster du jour as the French-speaking ex-missionary who baptized dead Jews and others would say) comprised video of Willard calling 47% of Americans who pay no income taxes ”victims who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe they are ENTITLED, to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it,” adding, “And so my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.” ”  For some reason it didn’t help that he specified he was not referring to real Americans, just Obama supporters.  These ne’er-do-anythings include a laundry list of handout seekers like military veterans, retirees, special needs children, the working poor, recent graduates paying off student loans and those currently serving in the war that Republican’ts won’t even mention - Afghanistan.  Oh yes, there’s one more group of people draining the very lifeblood from our treasury - those worthless, tax-skating millionaires who only pay the tiny little capital gains tax on the money they earn by doing absolutely nothing other than being rich.

The surreptitious video was shot while Willard was speaking at a $50,000-a-plate dinner, you know, just as we all do when funds get a little tight.  Who among us hasn’t tweeted out to the homies to pony up fifty large for a nice meal and a chance to hear us talk trash about those who can’t afford $50K for a crappy night out.

Wife Ann “You-People-Have-Gotten-All-The-Tax-Returns-You’re-Going-To-Get” Romney said her exquisitely-coiffed hubby was taken out of context.  “This is a political campaign.  Mitt was telling a select crowd of very rich people, people we understand and adore, how he really feels.  Such statements cannot be taken as intentional by you people.  Everybody knows you don’t speak the truth in public during a campaign for president.  You say what people want to hear when you think they can hear you.  Mitt, though he was really speaking from his heart, never wanted outsiders - you know, the non-rich - to hear these things.  Those people who want everything handed to them, except the truth, simply don’t understand how the better half lives and they don’t want to.  They just want the kind of handouts that Mitt’s father had when he came to this country after his parents hid out in Mexico because of the whole one-man-one-woman nonsense.  ‘Give me five wives or give me death…or I’ll just move to Mexico,’ said Grandpa Romney.  His son George Romney was on welfare for years after immigrating to America.  And these people today want Social Security like Paul Ryan used to put himself through college while he marinated his brain in the magical atheism of Ayn Rand, who also hated Social Security and Medicare but dishonestly availed herself of both when it suited her needs.  Again, all of this is just totally out of context.”

Once Willard was finished laying out his domestic policy philosophy he moved on to his other specialty - foreign policy - and then he gave Iran some great advice, “If I were Iran - I mean - and - and a crazed fanatic, I’d say, ‘Let’s get a little fissile material to Hezbollah and have them carry it to Chicago or some other place, and then if anything goes wrong or America starts acting up, we’ll just say, ‘And guess what? Unless you stand down, why, we’re gonna let off a dirty bomb.’”  This is great stuff.  He’s running for president for Pete’s sake.

I don’t know about you but I think it’s damn well about time our presidential candidates started giving our enemies advice on how to attack us instead of bumbling along, getting appointed president and then just sitting around waiting for planes to crash into buildings.  Of course the good news is, at least he’s incoherent on foreign policy.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and more Romney wisdom) invited.

Of Lemmings And Men

Out Of The Mouths Of Boobs

                    or

Cads Say The Darndest Things 

In The Company of Lemmings

September 14, 2012

The Obama re-election campaign, besides being up to their eyeballs in the rising swamp of Romney/Ryan lies, is busy answering the age-old question that must be answered by every president seeking a second term – Are you better off today than you were four years ago?  Many things go into answering this important question.  How are my finances?  How is my job security?  What is the state of our Union?  How many wars are we in?  Am I dreaming?  Can I remember anything that happened more than a week ago?  Is Willard Romney serious?  Does Dick Cheney still have a pulse and a hunting rifle?  These are all meaningful issues for each of us as we prepare to go to the polls, assuming we have not been legislated out of maintaining our right to cast a vote. 

 

The Lemming Party, known by many as the Republican’ts, continue their death-spiral toward the precipice, unfazed by morality, reality, common sense or even a vague notion of national, if not personal self-preservation.  But who am I to pass judgment on a bunch of seemingly happy small-brained mammals who can think of nothing…oh sorry, something made me want to stop typing just then…nothing better than following each other blindly over a cliff?  Who could blame them?  It seems so easy, so peaceful…once it’s all over.  Almost rapturous.  Oh the bliss the Republican’ts must experience each day.



Naturally, it’s the Republican’ts asking us if we’re better off than we were four years ago.  That’s because they’re the ones with the automatic lobotomies every time a Democrat gets elected president.  And they want us all to be just like them, except without all the wealth.  Then they do their Chicken Little routine, which includes the need to convince everyone else that the world began the day the Democrat entered the Oval Office, which they explain is why everything sucks.  But if we’re not buying that Subscription-to-Surreality they move on to: “Yes there was a world, but prior to (insert Democrat’s name) taking over everything was running smoothly.  Anything bad happening isn’t our fault,” they shout, “everything was fine before (insert Democrat’s name); don’t you remember?  Of course you do.”  And as expected all the faithful Fux News addicts agree.  “Yeah, everything was fine four years ago, we do remember.  It’s that damn Obama, he ruined everything, probably because he was borned in Kenya while Karl Marx was king or president or whatever.  I hate that damned ni…nice guy.”

The thing is, this time around it seems so damn simple even a lobotomized lemming should be able to notice.  Although by my calculations the combined IQ of the Republican’t convention was around 85.  I have a feeling that somehow, many Americans can still remember back before Obama had the audacity to actually win an election…using votes…without the Supreme Court’s help or the assurance everything-will-turn-out-well one has by owning the voting machines, especially while being black.  But there’s one unspoken factor that outweighs them all, and here’s the bottom line: George W. Bush is not president.  If that isn’t a quantum-step up I don’t know what is. 

Not just America, but the entire world is clearly better off now for that one single fact.  George W. Bush is not president.  That can’t be said often enough.  Sure there’s a world-wide recession – it’s actually a depression but nobody wants to admit it out loud (and clearly set into motion by Bush/Cheney); sure our men and women are being killed every day in Afghanistan and throughout the Middle East (in huge part due to Cheney/Bush policies) and most of the western U.S. (as Republicant’s attack firefighters’ unions) are burning in their own special way - BUT, George W. Bush is not president (though the cancer he implanted in this country continues to eat away at our internal organs).  And even the lying, misanthropic Republican’ts know this is big, because they won’t be seen in public with George and they go to great lengths to deny he ever existed.  Even his own brother can barely mention him without suffering immediate gastric reflux.

But the Romnulans would have us believe that Obama made this huge mess for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  And poor rich, innocent conniving Willard just wants to take us back to the good-old-days of King George The W, when everyone was happy and all the trees were just the right height, back when a man could strap his favorite dog to the roof of his car and drive to his tiny, little heart’s content.  So Willard’s hired on all George’s best and brightest advisors to ensure the path forward takes us right back to the magical time when dimw(h)it(e) George was making the pie higher for all of us.  More wars, fewer social programs, less education, fewer voters, more tax cuts for the rich.  I’ll admit my fingers aren’t crossed, but my intestines are twisted in knots.

Republican’ts say that more tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans will lead to growth.  Just like cancer leads to growth – the growth of the tumor.  This is not an analogy, it’s an equivalence.  I know Romney isn’t someone you could have a beer with, but with any luck he likes pretzels.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and Randall Patrick McMurphy) invited.

Charge Of The White Brigade

You Built (Sh)it

The Republican’t National Convention 2012, The Afterbirthmath

September 1, 2012

 

 

    “If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.”

Joseph Goebbels/Republican’t Party 2012 mission statement

Hello sports fans. I'm back from Tampa and my exhaustive and excruciating coverage of the 2012 RNC.  Full disclosure: I was not in Tampa, it just seemed appropriate to open with a lie and I did not run a three-hour marathon.  I wanted to keep with the theme of the Assault-On-Reality that was the 2012 RNC.  Lying. 

For those of you wise enough to have ignored the Republican’t convention, I salute you; then I assault you.  You’re not getting off that easy.  Of course it’s no surprise that the Republican’t Party lies and stupids.  You go with your strengths.  But they didn’t just repeat their most important lies over and over.  They created a complete alternate reality, every word made up to fit the mood they need to create.  Goebbels would have been proud.  Just like their now-disavowed/disappeared past “president” they did everything possible to “catapult the propaganda,” but I don’t know where they’ll find the time to repeat all of the lies often enough.  I wish they’d just pick a few of the best ones and stick with them.  Speaking of disappeared former “presidents,” George’s little brother was invited to carry the Bush legacy forward, preferably without mentioning anything about the span of time between 2000 and 2008.  Talk about doing the dirty work.  You’d think he’d have changed his last name to Saud by now.

Jeb Bush, hoping Romney will lose so he can run in 2016, did give a shout-out to his idiot brother, “My brother, well, I love my brother.”  Now there’s a heartrending endorsement of the last Republican’t president.  Very warm that Bush family.  That was said right after he waxed nostalgic about his family’s selfless service to American politics, beginning with his grandfather.  What Jeb didn’t bother to mention was that his granddad, the great American, Prescott Bush, helped finance Hitler’s Third Reich.  A little thing I know, but somehow it seems like it could be important.  And I’m sure it was an oversight, due to the excrement excitement of the moment, that caused Jeb to omit his father’s long and profitable relationship with the Saudi royal family (including the Saudi prince they call Bandar Bush) as well as the bin Laden family - all very nice people I’m sure.  And, his brother, well, you know how I feel about his brother.  There’s no need to go on about The Worst “President” In American History.  That’s the past.  It has nothing to do with the present.  That was made clear every day by each and every Republican’t lying at the convention.

Choosing schools = choosing milk, buying broccoli = purchasing medical care – it’s all the same to Republican’ts.  They fight the good fight against women’s rights, against fighting poverty, against science, civil rights, education, taxes on rich people, universal health care, peace.  They promise to stop the environment.  They promise to put an end to evolution.  They know they can get Romney more than the 0% of the black vote he currently polls at.

They love their guns even though their beloved Second Amendment couldn’t keep their worst nightmare from happening – Obama in the White House.  They plan to fix that by running the guy they hate only slightly less – Willard Mitt Romney, or Rip Nomney as Paul Lyin’ Ryan called him in a recent interview.  Ryan, the only thing that might make Willard palatable to non-Mor(m)ons, also wowed the intellectually-and-factually-challenged crowd in Tampa, eliciting this glowing review: “...Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech.” - Sally Kohn, Fox News.  When pressed for explanation Romney campaign’s official pollster, Neil Newhouse told ABC news, “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.”  Like I said, you go with your strengths.

Willard, the Sybil of policy positions, whined that “President Obama began with an apology tour. America, he said, had dictated to other nations. No Mr. President, America has freed other nations from dictators.”  On this The Willard is correct; it’s just that all the dictators we ousted were the same ones we put in power earlier.

The grand finale had the newest version of the Willard Mitt Romney device teleprompting his most carefully chosen words to the live audience, paid to be there in person, and out across the public airwaves that The Willard and his fellow Republican’ts must surely despise because they didn’t build it.  Normal humans watching this soliloquy would have only heard a small fraction of the actual message, most of which populates the range of sound audible only to dogs, bats and Tea Party denizens.

One human observer noted that The Willard began to choke up during his big speech.  He’s no John Boehner, whose normal alcohol levels allow him to cry at the drop of a hate.  What was actually happening at that moment was merely Romney exhibiting very typical vulture behavior.  Vultures circle around in search of the weak, the dying and the dead.  They eat the dead - nasty business, but some one’s got to do it.  They regurgitate the partially digested blacks Hispanics gays women detritus into their craws to fend off predators with a putrid stench that would choke a skunk.  This particular vulture was keenly aware that the crowd before him was much more comfortable detesting him than accepting him as their champion so his defenses were up.  But, the fact is, there’s a Black Man in the White House and this angry mob will do whatever it takes to fix this problem.  Anyway, this is what was interpreted as The Willard ‘choking up.’  An honest mistake I’m sure.  And probably the only honest thing to occur during the entire Republican’t convention. 

Oh, and Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair for twelve minutes during prime time.  There wasn't a dry crotch in the house.

                                             They pledge allegiance to themselves

                                                  Not the United States of America
                                                  And screw the Republic for which it stands
                                                  What assholes, oh my God
                                                  Where’s liberty and justice for all?

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and Fred Thompson debating an empty chair) invited.

Oops, apparently Fred Thompson is an empty chair.

Out Of The Womb, Into The Fire

So Is Legitimate Good Or Bad?

The State of Missouri Misery

August 25, 2012

The Republican’t platform includes the yearning for a constitutional amendment outlawing abortion with no exception for life of the mother, rape or incest.  Congressman and Republican’t senate nominee in Missouri, Todd Akin (R-14^th Century) talked about his understanding that “if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”  Wow, that’s just some groundbreaking stuff.  This guy is like the Einstein of the anti-choice crowd…if Einstein instead of thinking fifty years ahead of his time and coming up with E=MC², had gotten 90% of his brain removed shortly after birth and a Nobel Prize for drooling. 

Countless Republican’ts, most of whom share Akin’s views if not his level of stupidity or candor, railed against this Tea-Party-darling for his unconscionable views.  They were beside themselves with disgust that this rube would speak what’s on all their minds in broad daylight.

Do you know this guy?  Is this a guy?



One has to wonder just how many times these Republican’ts have illegitimately raped their wives, and their girlfriends or unsuspecting strangers before that, and their sisters and cousins before that. And how many of those illegitimately raped girls and women had enough magic bodily fluids to ward off all those pregnancies?  And how many illegitimate people are walking around using up valuable oxygen as a result of non-functioning magic fluids?  And how many of these illegitimate rape babies are now holding elected office under the Republican’t banner?  Legitimately inquiring minds want to know.

In other woman-hating news Paul Ryan, had no choice but to reluctantly join in the faux chorus of outrage against Akin.  Ryan and Akin have co-sponsored anti-woman legislation which included "forcible rape" language so they must still have feelings for each other.  Ryan has since stated that rape is simply one of many forms of conception.  And in his “mind” conception means you are automatically either a U.S. citizen with a gun license, a tax shelter and all the rights afforded thereby or a U.S. citizen who should prepare to have your voting rights denied, depending on your color and/or social status.  Ryan said, “The method of conception doesn’t change the definition of life.”  Apparently Mr. Ryan has decided he is not only Ayn Rand, but also Miriam Fucking Webster.

Wait, there’s more.  Forget about Sharia Law.  But get your secular asses ready for Mormon Law, if Willard takes the helm. Nobody does proselytizing like the Mormons. They don’t even care if you’re already dead, they’ll just sign you up anyway.  They don’t care if you were a Jew killed by Nazis.  Just like the Second Amendment jihadists are scared to death that Obama will take all their guns away, us normal folks should start worrying about all the forced conversions a (GULP!) president Willard will surely be imposing.  As comfortable as he is with illegitimate rape and all that, why would he bat an eye at making us all Mormons or even Mor(m)ons?

Romney said those who "seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God" aren't acting in line with the Founders' intent.  Romney said the Founders didn't intend for "the elimination of religion from the public square. We are a nation 'Under God, 'and in God, we do indeed trust."  A regular Nostradumbass in reverse.

The separation of church and state is enshrined in the First Amendment of the Constitution and the Federalist Papers, but Congress and the courts and myriad idiots have debated the practical extent of that separation since our nation’s founding.   Most can’t be bothered by the fact that most of the Founders were Deists not Christians.  They believed in a Supreme Being but did not believe in religion.

We are into some serious stupid here folks.  Don’t take anything for granted.  Vote early and often while you still can.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible (and illegitimate) comment invited.

Romney Shrugged...

Ayn Ryan's Express

Fantasyland

August 15, 2012

In 2005 Paul Ryan, then an up-and-coming libertarian heartthrob, attended a gathering to celebrate Ayn Rand’s 100^th birthday, which she was fortunately not around to enjoy.  Ryan offered up this heartfelt homage to his beloved inspiration, “The reason I got involved in public service, by and large, if I had to credit one thinker, one person, it would be Ayn Rand...you can’t find another thinker or writer who did a better job of describing and laying out the moral case for capitalism,” adding  “It’s so important that we go back to our roots to look at Ayn Rand’s vision, her writings, to see what our girding, under-grounding [sic] principles are.”  More recently Ryan gushed, “I give out ‘Atlas Shrugged’ as Christmas presents, and I make all my interns read it.”  For anyone keeping score, Ayn Rand makes Saul Alinsky look like Ronald Reagan.

Rand railed against Social Security and Medicare throughout her life, until she needed them.  Then she did everything she could to avail herself of them, including hiding her true identity by getting her benefits under her departed husband’s name.  Some people might consider this hypocrisy.  These people clearly don’t understand Rand’s philosophy of Objectivism “a philosophy based on objective reality.”  That objective reality, of course, is the one rattling around between Ms. Rand’s impenetrable ears and is therefore unavailable to the rest of humankind.  The rest of us can only glimpse this ruse by reading her works of fiction.  Russian ex-pat Rand, (born Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum) wrote fiction and she was fiction.  Rand was a self-serving political surrealist who believed selfishness is a virtue and that man’s “highest moral purpose is the achievement of his own happiness.”  So much for social structure.  Her ideas sound quite appealing on some level, but have no practical application in the world outside her own shoes, a world where other people might have the impertinence to exist.



Ryan didn’t have to use a pseudonym or wait until he was elderly American to take advantage of Social Security.  Ryan’s father passed away when Paul was only sixteen leaving the son with Social Security payments for the next two years, which enabled him to afford college, which enabled his political aspirations, which enabled him to spout off about killing Social Security in part by co-sponsoring George W. Bush’s so-called mandate to end the greatest social safety net.  Anyone remember how that worked out for the two of them?

I understand that a sixteen year old wouldn’t have the sophistication or foresight to turn down free money from the government he would later try to dismantle.  I assume that once he got older and became a full-fledged douchebag, slathering his affections on Ayn Rand he immediately returned the dirty money.  I could be wrong about this. 

More recently, in 2009, while Rand Ryan was squawking about the evil stimulus package, he was simultaneously petitioning the Energy Secretary for millions of stimulus dollars for his district.  I guess you call that hypocrisy rational self-interest - I know Ayn Rand would.

Now that Ryan is working his way up the food chain it is becoming clear that not everyone, that is, practically no one, other than Ron Paul who named his idiot son after her, finds Ayn Rand to be an inspiration.  So Ryan has disavowed his love for Ayn Rand in public for all to see, claiming that his unbridled devotion to Rand in an urban legend.  The extensive video record claims otherwise.



Ryan, who constantly whines about the federal deficit and has created a budget plan endorsed by the entire Republican’t party including Mutt Romney, also voted in complete lockstep with George W. Bush’s deficit ballooning policies for eight years.  Some people might consider this hypocrisy.  These people clearly don’t understand Paul Ryan’s malleable philosophy of Supply Side Objectivism - do as I say, not as I do.  Maybe Mr. Ryan, after becoming the next Sarah Palin, will immigrate to Russia and write the next great Russian novel: maybe The Emptyhead or Asshole Shrugged.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (not Ayn Rand) invited.

Romney Is As Romney Does

I did not know this...

This is not a spoof.  This is for real.  Truth is stranger than satire.

Meanwhile, turning to the present day Romney, Harry Reid continues his offensive on HMS Willard's tax history.  Reid shocked the political world by announcing that he had a secret informant, referred to only as Damp Threat, who Reid says told him that Romney (the humanoid Mor(m)on, not the ship) hadn’t paid any taxes over a ten year stretch.  The Romney camp was apoplectic, demanding that Reid “put up or shut up.”  Reid, a Mormon sporting both ‘m’s and a former boxer, sensed an opening and brushed off Romney’s limp jab.  Reid refused to back down and simply suggested Romney release the appropriate tax returns if he wanted to put the issue to rest.  Advantage Reid.

Reid continues to play it cagey on his source, dishing out details little by little.  Personally, I don’t care if his source is Ann Romney or the ghost of Hunter Thompson.  It’s time the Democrats started fighting back with the tactics that keep beating them.  The tactics perfected by Karl Rove’s mentor Lee Atwater, who plied his filth in the service of Richard Nixon, and taken to new lows by Bush’s “brain” – Rove himself.  These guys knew it didn't matter if what you said was true or not, just get it out there and let it fester.  Once the truth comes out, it's usually too late to matter.

Ed Venture reporting



Texass Strikes Again

Another One Has The Dust Bitten For Him

Death Row, TX

August 9, 2012

I guess when they say, “Don’t mess with Texas” they ain’t kiddin' - even if you’re not the least bit aware that you may have in fact messed with Texas.  But, don’t forget, execution is one of Texas’ most beloved cottage industries.  It's held in higher regard than their education industry.  Texas is still the Executions Champion, executing more people each year than any other state.  Texas out-killed their nearest competitor by 2-1 in 2011 and by more than 4-1 since 1976, being responsible for nearly 3 out of every 8 executions during that time.  Yeeehaaaaw!

This incredible record of ultimate justice is due, in no small part, to their ex-governor - the previous record-holder in executions, George W. "Let-'em-hang" Bush.  Bush The Destroyer signed off on 152 executions during his self-abbreviated tenure as chief executive of Texas.  Fortunately he didn't finish his second term and wanting to show the rest of the country that he wasn't completely heartless pardoned his first and only Death Row inmate as he began his run for president.  Said Bush recently, "That's one of my few regrets really, that and maybe not clearing enough brush while I was president. I never shoulda let that guy off the hook. I only did it so's people would think I's the kind of guy they'd like to have a beer with and maybe elect as president. If I'd a known the Supreme Court was gonna up and appoint me, I would of done things differently I think."  Bush's successor, Rick Perry, who will happily execute just about anyone, has yet to match Bush's record of killings per year but has surpassed his predecessor in sheer volume with 234 as of this moment. Except that...

Texas just executed Marvin Wilson, a man with an IQ of 61, even though the Supreme Court in 2002 ruled that executing “mentally retarded” people was unconstitutional.  The Supremes gave states some discretion to decide who qualified for protection.  Discretion is not something you think of when you think of Texas.  "Despite all the signs of Mr. Wilson's intellectual disabilities and the diagnosis of the court-appointed neuropsychologist, the District Court of Jefferson County (Texas) concluded that Mr. Wilson is not mentally retarded," an ACLU posting said, with "not" italicized for emphasis.  As difficult as this may be, perhaps we shouldn't jump to any conclusions before all the facts are in, or before we make up our own facts to make us feel better, as did the District Court of Jefferson County.  It may just be that in Jefferson County, Texas an IQ of 61 is considered exceptional.  Justice Antonin Scalia handles emergency appeals from the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which oversees Texas.  Scalia was asked for a stay of execution in this case, which he denied.  Sources say that Dick Cheney asked if he could be of any assistance.

In any event, this is a sad indictment on our entire nation, unless by some incredible stroke of luck the current idiot governor of Texas has seceded without telling us.  But perhaps the saddest part of the execution, it wasn’t the war criminal George W. Bush or Texas population control expert, Rick "I Can Only Remember Two Things At A Time" Perry.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Responsible comment (and Rick Perry's IQ certificate) invited.

Resignation Eve Is Upon Us Once Again

Hi, Ed Venture here. 

Way back in 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all.  I wasn't sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I rendered them to the best of my recollection in 2006, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep this festive tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Somebody get those damn Jews out of here!

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d”  sg, 1974

Ed Venture reporting

Enjoy this great American holiday and vote responibly in November.

Cheney v. Palin

Ex-Veep Verbally Violates Perpetually-Vexed Vixen

Half-Term Governor, Full-Time Half-Wit Comes To Defense Of Self

The Alaska Poopline

August 1, 2012

Simple Sarah is back, haunted not surprisingly, by the ghosts of vice presidents past and future.  The smell of selecting a running mate for Willard “W-2” Romney is in the air, either that or BP farted again.  That’s the ghost of vice president future.  I’m pretty sure Sarah isn’t coveting that post right now, but I could be wrong; she’s a veritable piñata of brainless baubles.  I’m sure she still expects to be asked to join the Romney ticket.  I would pay to see that.

  

However, it’s the ghost of vice president past that has the Tea Party sweetheart’s panties in a bunch, this time defending herself against Dick President, Vice Cheney.  The man-with-the-stolen-heart growled that John McCain made a mistake choosing Ms. Pinhead Palin as his running mate in 2008 adding that she wasn’t capable of being president.  Cheney should know just how important this is since he was president for at least four years after his running mate was appointed to the job by the Supreme Court.  McCain didn’t take too kindly to Cheney’s backseat driveling…four years after the fact.  McCain countered that he and Cheney “had strong disagreements as to whether we should torture people or not. I don’t think we should have.” 

As you may recall, Cheney was asked by George W. Whatever to help him find a running mate for the 2000 election appointment and Cheney found George’s running mate in Cheney’s bathroom mirror.  Who knew that Cheney had a reflection?

Petulant Pageant Participant Opens Mouth, Takes Dump

The She-Gorilla From Wasilla, never one to waste an opportunity to waste an opportunity, jumped in front of the first camera she could find, coming to her own defense as only she could.  Princess Palin vigorously refudiated the unprovoked attack perpetrated by the metastatic lesion on our nation’s history that is Dick Cheney.  “Seeing as how Dick – excuse me, Vice President Cheney – never misfires, then evidently he’s quite convinced that what he had evidently read about me by the lamestream media, having been written, what I believe is a false narrative over the last four years, evidently Dick Cheney believed that stuff and that’s a shame,”*  Palin said.  Apparently Palin’s English as a Third Language lessons are, as one might have said, if one was inclined so as if, beginning to, as it could be considered to be causing some improved ability in the speaking of it.

In Cheney’s defense, he hasn’t shot anyone in the face in several years…as far as we know.  He does after all live in Wyoming, the least populated state in the Union.  Coincidence?  If Cheney shoots someone in the face in Wyoming do they make a sound?

*really and truly an actual quote

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.