It's Not Polite To Point...And Shoot

God Kills Those That Shoot Themselves 

Where The Gun Don't Shine

December 20, 2012

Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. You may have heard this bon mot before, in fact you’ve probably heard it at least thirty-one times since the Columbine High School massacre in 1999 left 13 dead and 21 injured. Of course guns don’t kill people unless some asshole, lunatic or just your average overpaid pro athlete gets their opposable-thumbed paws wrapped around one…or two.  So what's another senseless slaughter of innocent children among friends?

Nothing Remotely Astute

Just like a drunken Dick Cheney became secret and undisclosed for eighteen hours after shooting a man in the face, the cowardly NRA weasels went into hiding after this one.  The NRA must have been drunker than Cheney because they've been incommunicado for a full week. Usually they like to show up lound-and-proud in towns right after some gun-related tragedy takes place riling up their weaker-minded-better-armed minions to make sure nobody gets uppity and tries to crack down on gun violence. Not this time. This time they went silent. They suspended their Facebook page. They sent no high-profile gun-lover to scold Sandy Hook and America about blaming guns.

However plenty of gun freaks are coming out of the woodwork…or somewhere, screaming to have more teachers carry concealed weapons.  Yeah, that’s the answer. More shootouts in schools. I can’t wait.

Armed knuckle-draggers in Tennessee, Oklahoma, Texas and St. Louis, MO are convinced the answer to the problem is heavily armed teachers and school administrators. Texas governor Rick Perry, who by all appearances has never seen the inside of a school, was applauded just days after the Sandy Hook massacre by his Tea Party audience for mentioning Harrold, Texas, where teachers and administrators who are properly permitted and trained can carry weapons on campus. And I'm sure Texas is very good about their training and permit process. Just ask Rick Perry. Another Texan with matching IQ and shoe size agrees that arming teachers is the answer and offered a teacher discount on training for concealed-carry permits - this same guy previously refused to sell guns to Muslims and Obama supporters. Hey isn’t that a violation of the second part of Second Amendment.

One of the most reliably unhinged congressreptiles Louie Gohmert (R-TX), when asked why people need military style assault weapons responded, “Well, for the reason George Washington said: a free people should be an armed people. It insures against the tyranny of the government if they know that the biggest army is the American people then you don’t have the tyranny that came from King George.” I assume he meant George III, not Bush II. Is this Cro-Magnon cretin not aware that this country has an actual army, not to mention navy, air force and marines, special ops, drones, missiles, depleted uranium weapons and…oh what’s that other thing - oh yeah atomic bombs? The kid who shot up Sandy Hook was probably more heavily armed than the entire colonial army.

My close personal friend, “president” George W. Bush and His Pet Congress allowed the federal Assault Weapon Ban, which Reagan fought so hard to see passed in 1994, expire in 2004.  When Attorney General Eric Holder told the press that Obama would move to reinstate the assault weapons ban, then chief-of-staff, Rahm Emanuel told him to shut his f@#*ing mouth about the gun issue. In 2005 Bush also saw to the passage of The Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act, commonly known as the "Gun Protection Act," which dismissed all current claims against gun manufacturers in both federal and state courts and pre-empted future claims. All this might get me to agree that guns don’t kill people…politics kill people.

Clearly we also need to change our policies on mental health care, for the fragile of mind who pick up guns and kill innocent bystanders and for the weak-of-mind Worst Responders whose only answer to every gun-related tragedy is MORE GUNS. These people need professional help, handcuffs and maybe their very own island somewhere.

I. Mangrey reporting

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

You're Entitled To My Opinion

Who Gets What You Pay For 

Inches Below The Debt Ceiling

December 8, 2012 

We're hearing a great deal of talk about entitlements these days.  W. Mitt Romney ran a campaign based on stopping people from getting stuff from the government like bombs, warships, tanks, more bombs, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc.  Stuff these people apparently think they're entitled to.  W. Mitt told a room full of greedy rich white folks that 47% of Americans were lazy moochers who simply feel entitled.  This, as it turned out, did not propel him to victory in the recent election.  What is wrong with this country?  Apparently one thing these indolent bums are willing to do is VOTE. 

Did you know that the average food stamp recipient

in New Jersey gets $5 a day for food? 

You probably know some members of the Entitlement Class to which Mr. Romney was referring, like those on Social Security and Medicare - why aren't these leeches out working?  Coming from a guy who spent whatever-part-of-his-life-wasn’t-consumed-with-badgering-people-(dead-or-alive)-to-join-his-religion finding ways to avoid paying taxes, this seems almost humorous.  Coming from a guy who made millions (most of which he of course hid from Uncle Sam's tax collectors in offshore accounts) by decimating the influx of money into Social Security's trust fund by sending as many jobs as he could get his greedy little claws on overseas, this seems almost treasonous.  Nonetheless, Romney believes - not that anyone cares anymore or ever will again - that 47% of the American people feel they are entitled to undeserved free stuff from the government.  He's not alone in this; there's a significant percentage - I believe it's approximately 1% - of Americans, a very different class of entitleds who will fight to our last breath for their entitlements. 

Did you know that the top 1% of American households

earn $380,354 or more? That together they hold

35.6% of the nation’s wealth?

Let's look a little closer to some of those special people.  There was Dan Quayle who went on Jay Leno in 2000 whining that it was his turn to get the Republican’t nomination.  Clearly, having been vice president, he was entitled to a shot at the White House.  Somehow Mr. Potatoe-head was wrong.  Dick Cheney thought he was entitled to continue reaping profits from Halliburton to whom Cheney, as vice president, gave massive no-bid contracts to manage the war he started almost exclusively in order to give massive no-bid contracts to Halliburton.  Cheney also believed he was entitled to get drunk and shoot a man in the face.  Hey, at least he accepted the guy's apology.  Although I guess he was entitled to that. 

Did you know that annual wages above $110,100

are not taxed by Social Security?  WTF 

Much of the wealthiest 1% is certain they are entitled to buy politicians whenever they want while they sponge off the other 99% and when they screw that up they're entitled to have those politicians get the government to bail them out.  For example, Lloyd Blankfein recently opined,” You are going to have to undoubtedly do something to lower people’s expectations, the entitlements, what people think they are going to get, uh because they’re not going to get it.”  He was of course talking about people living high-on-the-hog off of Social Security and Medicare and other luxurious-living programs like Food Stamps, Welfare and Medicaid, not about the meager-multi-million-dollar salaries and bonuses he and his fellow travelers insist they are entitled to.  Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sacks, whose arrogant, greedy, entitled ass was bailed out by the moocher-taxpayers he was ripping off while evaporating billions of our dollars, just doesn’t think the rest of us are entitled to all the stuff we already paid for, or maybe just desperately need to survive. 

Did you know that the Wall-Mart Walton family has

as much money as the bottom 41.5% of the American public? 

Let's not forget our newest Entitlement Queen, Ann Romney was so sure it was her entitlement destiny to be first lady that she is still shattered and according to reports frequently breaks down in tears.  I am entitled to feel sorry for her.  I will resist...somehow.  The Romneys clearly believed they were entitled to the White House, even though it currently has no car elevators whatsoever.  In a way it's a bit of a shame.  I would have loved to hear W. Mitt's Entitlement Speech.  He didn't write a Concession Speech until the fat lady Karl Rove finally sang admitted defeat. 

Meanwhile, Senate Minority Buffoon Leader Mitch McConnell introduced a bill backed by Barack Obama, based on an idea of McConnell’s to give presidents permanent power to raise the Debt Ceiling as needed.  He didn’t think the Dems would allow the vote to take place.  Harry Reid said Bring It On, whereupon McConnell oozed up and filibustered his own bill. You just can’t make this shit up.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Is there anybody out there?

Old And In The Way

The Hasbin
        or

Nowhere And Back Again*

Washington, District of Calumny

November 30, 2012 

Some of you may recall that we recently had an election during which a certain Barack Obama defeated someone called John McCain W. Mitt Romney.  A similar event transpired four years earlier when the very same Obama dispatched a nasty little man called McCain.  Even after four years Gollum McCain refuses to move on with his pathetic, completely-lacking-in-relevance life.  One is hard-pressed to decide whether McCain is more furious that he lost his last chance to become president or if his unending bitterness is the result of having lost the opportunity to force our great nation to live under the toxic cloud of stupidity that is Sarah Palin.

McCain’s latest target is Condolezza Susan Rice who is on Obama’s very short list to replace Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State.  Rice knowingly or otherwise provided erroneous information to the American public about the Libyan embassy attack.  McCain Romney made a big deal about the whole thing when it happened, before anyone had any, let alone all, the facts and continued to beat the issue right up until he got the smackdown heard round the world from Candy Crowley during the presidential debate.



To give you an example of just how unfit she is for secretary of state, Susan Rice pathetically held up a vial of white powder at the United Nations as proof that Iraq had WMD…umm actually now that I think about it that was then-Secretary of State Colin Powell…she told an extremely gullible nation that “The British Government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa”… no wait, that was then-"president" George W. Bush telling one of the biggest bald-faced, injurious lies in American history…she recently said the biggest geopolitical threat to American security is Russia - no that was presidential candidate and all-around chucklehead W. Mitt Romney…Susan Rice, on a drunken hunting escapade, shot a man right in the face and hid for most of the next day while sobering up…or was that Dick Cheney?  Yes, I'm being told that was in fact Cheney.  Oh I know, Susan Rice outed a covert CIA operative as revenge against her husband…oops, wrong again, that was Karl Rove and Dick Cheney…Rice said “we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud,”…oh crap that was then-soon-to-be Secretary of State Condi Rice.  Wait, now I remember, Susan Rice said the attack on the Libyan embassy was not a premeditated assault while claiming that was the CIA's latest intel; even if that’s not true (which appears likely), compared to countless other attempts at misdirection perpetrated by the executive branch over the years, this is more like telling your wife you’re at the library when you’re really at Barnes and Noble.

Though McCain and his girlfriend Lindsey Graham are on an Idiot's Crusade to bring down Susan Rice, they both vigorously supported the nomination of a clearly disgraced and incompetent Condolezza Rice for secretary of state during at the height of the Iraq war/debacle even though she lied to the American public to help promote an illegal invasion of Iraq, which of course morally and economically bankrupted our nation.  Though there is no glory in the tragic loss of four Americans, one might be tempted to put this in perspective after having lost over four thousand Americans in the bogus Iraq war enthusiastically supported by none other than John McCain and Lindsey Graham.  Even Joe Lieberman thinks they should back off this time.  Screw them and the whores they rode in on.

Meanwhile, Senate Minority Blowhard, Mitch McConnell, continuing his somnambular fili-bluster, threatened to make life in the Senate worse if the Democrats change the filibuster rules.  As if.  McConnell, who told America in 2009 that his first priority was to make sure Obama was a one-term president, apparently intends to spend the next four years trying to out-whine John McCain.  McConnell is now trying to flex what for him passes as his muscles in what he calls, “my God-given duty to make sure that Barack Obama is only a two-term president.”  This could likely be the single accomplished mission in McConnell's lackluster stint as the top Republican't in the Senate.  Stay tuned for further feckless follies from the freaks and fools festooning our nation's capital.

*apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

Occupy Obama

I’m A Little Occupied Right Now 

November 15, 2012 

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.  I really love to watch them roll.  Some of the wheels I'm watching are those that have come off the Tea Party bus as it turns a corner it cannot negotiate.  A new faction seems to be raising its head and voice as if emerging from a coma.  Americans With Brains turned out in impressive numbers to shut that whole Tea Party thing down.  This faction was always there, it just seemed like it had fallen and it couldn’t get up.  Then suddenly, it got up.  It seems quite possible that there is something blowing in the wind unlike anything we have seen, smelt, felt or tasted in a very long while.

It is clear to me as I reflect on the crawl-up to the election that one of the most significant catalysts in waking this sleeping giant and changing the entire dialogue was the Occupy Movement.  A significant number of people didn’t just stick their heads out the window, they went right out the front door and took their bodies out of their homes and into the streets to say, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”  They said it all across the country for months on end.  Once the Occupy Movement made their presence felt, a certain president in the process of seeking reelection decided it was at least safe if not in fact wise to attach himself to this organic expression of promoting the general welfare.

In fairness I suppose credit also goes to the Tea Party infection of 2010.  This raging infection of our political class certainly triggered an auto-immune response in the populace at large.  The Occupy Movement was that response, like a homeopathic remedy to stimulate We The People to take a stand against Wall Street, the banks and politics-as-usual.  I believe they struck a nerve.  Americans With Brains started believing in their ability to heal the Tea Party infection and leave their social-sickbed.

Pretty much every group in America other than white-male-Republican’ts did very well this election cycle.  Women, the 47%, Hispanics, progressives of all stripes, workers, potheads, the LGBT community, voters, climate change realists, Planned Parenthood and all those they serve and the 99%.  On the other hand, idiots who have trouble understanding what rape is, overly-wealthy selfish bastards and would-be king-makers who heaped hundreds of millions of dollars on W. Mitt Romney and the Boy Blunder, homophobes, the increasingly irrelevant John McCain…again, the almost completely irrelevant Grover Norquist and Karl Rove,  Donald Trump…as usual, the Bush Tax Cuts…even the NRA came up losers.

Even though nobody cares a whit what Willard Romney thinks anymore - or ever will again - he is still going on about the 47%ers (more like 51% actually) who only voted for Obama because he had been “very generous” during his first term in handing out “big gifts” to “the African American community, the Hispanic community and young people” as well as to women.  The Kenyan socialist Obama provided access to “free health care,” guaranteed contraceptive coverage, more affordable student loans, and “amnesty for children of illegals.”  All of this free stuff, which had no other purpose, as W. Mitt sees it, than getting votes, combined to give the president a decisive edge in popularity - according to the World’s Biggest Loser of 2012, while trying to explain to his biggest assholes donors why he went down in flames along with 300 million of their not-so-hard-earned dollars. 

I guess Romney’s version is better than One-Thought-Wonder and anti-tax moron guru Grover Norquist who said “the president was elected on the basis that he was not Romney and that Romney was a poopy-head.”  That’s right, the man who claims he came up with his One Big Idea while in junior high school is still talking poop.  It’s really all he’s ever done.

Romney, for his part is surely not giving anybody anything - the poor slobs who worked on his campaign, trudging home after a comically disastrous campaign and a brutal drubbing at the polls, were shocked to learn that their campaign credit cards had been cancelled the moment their Fearless Loser conceded defeat.  Thanks for all your help suckers.

Speaking of people nobody will have to care about anymore, Paul Ryan thinks Obama won because too many black people voted.  Ryan is not alone in his assessment of the American electorate.  I wish them all continued success in their fight for freedom from reality.  Don’t change a thing.  Really.

Republican’ts can rest assured that their crushing defeat in 2012 had nothing to do with the fact that their primary gave them a candidate who was nothing more than a guy with two legs who won a butt-kicking contest against a crowd of blind, one-legged, mental midgets.  Or that this guy was a congenital liar, an arrogant corporate bastard who heaped scorn on all those he knew to be beneath him and a purveyor of pathetic “ideas” that he alternately loved and abandoned every five minutes. 

Many Republican'ts, licking their self-inflicted wounds, decided they lost because of Superstorm Sandy, one Black Panther in Philadelphia, unsuccessful voter suppression, non-comatose debate moderators (both women no less) or perhaps  because it's much easier being a black man running for president in America.

Anyway, I started this piece to tip my hat to the Occupy Movement.  They may not be as visible as they once were but they're not gone and they're not going away.  Occupy is now engaged in what is called Operation Rolling Jubilee, which consists of buying personal debt from banks.  They are taking random people's debts for pennies on the dollar and simply abolishing it rather than collecting it.  There is a fund-raiser tonight, which is already sold out, to collect money with which to do as much of this as possible.  Maybe we can all chip in a little to help out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Qs9w1XlJKE

Occupy the Future.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

More Postum

November 7, 2012

From the editor:

Maybe Things Don't Go Better With Koch

Good morning campers.  This is your host Ed Venture.  I. Mangrey is taking a well-deserved and desperately needed (my words, not his) day off but he does have some breaking news, which I will get to shortly.

 



For my part, it’s simply shocking how wrong all the polls were.  The Republican’ts kept screaming that all the polls were skewed and not showing the true nature of the electorate.  They were apparently right.  They grossly overestimated W. Mitt’s numbers in almost every battleground state.  I guess those lazy, good-for-nothing 47%ers must have some friends in higher places.  In any event, by all counts Barack Obama will have another four years to attempt to work with a hateful and spiteful Congress, who have shown nothing but contempt for democracy and compromise.  I wish us all the best of luck.  But wait, there's more...

Let me now share this breaking piece filed early this morning by I. Mangrey, now recuperating in a quiet room somewhere, but insisting this be heard: I know most of you are relieved and comforted today.  Romney conceded  in honorable fashion early this morning.  He may yet have the last laugh though.  My sources inform me that W. Mitt Romney is planning to reverse course and claim victory some time later today.  "Conceding is just something you do on election night.  Today is a new day and Governor Romney has had time to sleep on his earlier position and get into some fresh underwear," said my source close to the Romney campaign, "The governor phoned a small group of us upon awaking and has called us together for a strategy session.  I think you can expect Mr. Romney to pull out the old Etch-a-Sketch and claim victory sometime around noon, Eastern Time today.  He is convinced that his ability to change position on any issue at any time is still a powerful political tool, as is the governor himself, and he intends to make the most of it.  I suppose we'll still have to wait and see just how many Americans will be willing to take this walk with us after the apparent defeat we suffered in the actual election yesterday.  But hey, we still have a ton of money to throw around so what could it hurt.  We fully expect the governor to take this bold and original step, after all his is a devout Mor(m)on and someone who means what he says...sometimes for the better part of an hour."  The source continued, "We are not going to allow the election results to be dictated by a bunch of fact checkers.  We are in this thing for the long-haul."

Although my colleague Mr. Mangrey seemed mildly incoherent as he shared this story with me, I cannot take this lightly, coming as it does from such a reliable reporter.  We'll just have to wait and see if this story actually does pan out, or if Romney is just talking more of the shit that was his entire campaign from its inception after all.

Ed Venture, editor Paying Attention

(You Call This) Living Will

A Cry Laugh For (NO) Help

My house above-ground bunker

November 5, 2012 

I. Mangrey, being of sound mind (strictly for legal purposes) and body hereby set forth my most recent will and testament on this Election Eve, November 5, 2012.  We are at a crossroads here in America – two halves of this country desperately trying to take their country back from the other half.  One half proudly ignorant of science, what rape is, who built what, if black people are really Americans, the environment, facts, compromise, consensus and the other half - the Self-Proclaimed Patriots.  The other half continually obsessed with intellectual growth, racial, gender and sexual equality, infrastructure, universal health care, a level economic playing field, forming a more perfect Union, promoting the general welfare, even providing for the common defence, as well as legitimate political discourse, and keeping the Earth from becoming just another lifeless orb among many in a vast universe - you know, The Crazy America-Haters.

There is a good chance that the Self-Proclaimed Patriots will carry the day tomorrow, though Nate Silver, pollster-extraordinaire-du-jour,  puts that chance at only 15% 13% 8%.  However, I learned from George W. Bush to never misunderestimate the American public.  The Self-Proclaimed Patriots' standard bearer, one W. Mitt Romney has almost all the money and none of the brains or compassion in the world behind his (hopefully final) candidacy.  Romney is promising change.  And if he wins, change it will be.  Change you can easily recognize in fact, because he will change things back to the Bush/Cheney era...at best.  More war, dying economy for the 99%, more stupid.  Eight years that came damn close to killing America.  Once that change is in place, unless you are already a multi-millionaire, you will be in deep doo-doo.  Oh, and the secretive mandatory Mormon baptisms...dead or alive.



Drool baby drool!

Wave good-bye Roe v. Wade, the few Wall Street regulations we now have, public schools, health care, Medicare, Social Security, climate science, roads, bridges, New York, the Jersey Shore and American jobs.  And who knows what other great plans W. Mitt has in store?  We just won't know unless he wins because he won't tell us unless he's elected, after the Tea Party tells him what he really thinks.  All we can go by for now is what we heard him say during the primary debates and on the video he didn't know was being made while he was speaking freely in private: Screw 47% of Americans, ignore the Middle East, and hide from Whoopi Goldberg.  Romney will outsource FEMA…to China.  I expect the response time might be a little longer than we just saw with Superstorm Sandy, but hey, the Chinese built our railroads.  Right?

I'm not sure my heart or my precious bodily fluids can take it if W. Mitt Romney becomes our next president.  If it appears I have fallen and I can't get up on election night please do not try to resuscitate me.  I promise not to do anything foolish, but if this is Romney's night and I am fortunate enough to miss all the fun he has in store, do not attempt to ruin this for me.  Nobody knows for sure how this election will turn out until all the votes are "counted" or however the winner is decided this time.  Don't forget, Bain has been busy with other things besides selling us up the Yangtze.  They have been buying up voting machines, which tend to come in very handy during elections, for those the Republican'ts are allowing to vote. But please, if the Mor(m)on from Michigan (where he's losing big, as he is in the other state that knows him well, Massachusetts) should end up setting foot inside the Oval Office, please, do not go to any lengths to keep me able to watch him in action.  If I am in a deep coma then maybe I will be able to tolerate it, but the moment he repeals Obamacare pull the plug.

Meanwhile, back to the other major disaster - Sandy.  Two things you should know.  Number one, W. Mitt Romney, who got very low marks for disaster response as governor of Massachusetts, compared cleaning up after one of the largest hurricanes on record to cleaning up a high school football field; and I quote, "I remember once we had uh, a football game at my high school and the football field afterwards was covered with all sorts of uh, rubbish and uh, paper goods from people who had a big uh, celebration there at the game and there was a group of us there that was assigned to clean it up. And I thought, how are we gonna clean up all this mess on this football field, there were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the effort said, just line up along the yard lines...and if everybody cleans their lane why we'll be able to get the job done. And so today we're cleaning one lane if you will."  This was at the gathering where his campaign purchased $5000 worth of canned goods for hurricane victims, which his people gave to attendees so they could give them back to Willard in front of the cameras in a desperate attempt to make him look useful and relevant.   Willard sure has nice hair.

Number  two, Michael "heckuvajob-Brownie" Brown, disastrous head of FEMA during Katrina, said that President Obama was too quick to respond to Sandy's devastation.  “The storm was still forming," offered Brown, "people were debating whether it was going to be as bad as expected, or not...the president should have let the governors and mayors deal with the storm until it got closer to hitting the coastal areas along the Washington, D.C.-New York City corridor.”  Yeah, heckuvan idea there Brownie.  Obama should have followed your lead, then maybe he too could resign in disgrace, a loser for all time.  George W. Bush, who appointed Brownie could not be reached for comment as he was in the Cayman Islands lecturing on investments.  I'm glad I can't afford to attend that lecture.

In closing, if this is to be our last time together, it has been a privilege serving as your faithful scribe.  Hopefully...We'll meet again. Don't know where. Don't know when.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and the ascendance of the 99% and the 47%) invited.

Schrodinger’s Candidate

Inside The Escher-esque Labyrinth That Is W. Mitt Romney’s Head

After The Rain, The Other Side of Sandy

October 30, 2012 

For those of you not into physics, there’s a thought experiment/paradox known as Schrodinger’s Cat.  Briefly, there’s a cat in a box such that it cannot be seen by observers of the experiment.  The cat may or may not be alive, depending on the outcome of a random event inside the box, but there's no way of knowing the condition of the cat without opening the box, an act that is not part of the experiment.  Here’s where it gets really interesting: Some interpretations hold that the cat is both dead and alive.  It’s all very interesting and mystifying. 

This, as far as anyone can tell, is the essence of W. Mitt's candidacy.  This candidate is both for and against every single issue that comes before him.  This would seem to be unthinkable in the real world, but is rather common in the world of quantum physics.  For example, depending on the experiment being done, light either appears as a wave or a particle.  This at first seemed to be an irreconcilable puzzle, but scientists ultimately decided there was no choice but to consider light as a wavicle.  But, things are not supposed to be this bizarre once you get out of the subatomic world.  However, science may have to revise everything after doing the autopsy on W. Mitt Romney's through-the-lying-looking-glass campaign.  It appears that Romney is either completely bereft of the ability to hold a position for any length of time, like a quark, or he is in fact Schrodinger’s Candidate.  Able to hold two completely incompatible positions simultaneously.  I’m starting to think I had old W. Mitt all wrong.  Romney may apparently be some kind of metaphysical marvel.  And not just his underwear.  (W. Mitt first appeared in Ed Venture's science news on this site on July 5, 2012 - The Romney Uncertainty Principle.)

W. Mitt talking out of both ends of his tube



Here's an example of Willard's multiplicity in action: He says the government shouldn’t back potential groundbreaking companies like Solyndra but it should funnel billions of taxpayer dollars to bolster a parasitical prosperous company like Exxon, which makes more money than God…every quarter.  I won’t trouble you with the 4,089 other easily-found examples of Romney’s Schrodinger-like duplicity; suffice it to say that if I did we would all be both dead and alive in a matter of seconds, but probably not in equal amounts.

Most American voters do not understand quantum physics.  Most Romney voters don’t believe in the existence of physics or science of any kind.  They feel that gravity is just a theory and therefore open to debate, and that debate will surely be won, they insist, by their well-funded team whose collective IQ would surely suffer a coronary in its attempt to reach double digits.

In any event it’s time for each candidate to find their final message to carry them across the finish line. Willard Romney is running on “Change.”  This is an altogether appropriate theme for the man who has done nothing but change...his opinions...on every issue...every six seconds.  A less polite reporter would translate Romney's Change as Lie, but that is only because this is what he does every time sound accompanies the tepid air insulting the air around him when his mouth opens.  I hope you will not find a less polite reporter than this one, so let me take a stab at it.  W. Mitt has never in fact changed a position.  He never had a position.  All he has is imposition.  How does he do it?  Volume.

Barack Obama has decided to close out this campaign with the theme of Integrity, as in which candidate do you think has even a shred of it.  On this final leg Obama has the strong support of Bruce Springsteen while Willard has enlisted the musical backing of Pot Roast, I mean Meat Load...umm Meat Laugh, er, Loaf...hey Willard the Seventies called and they want their B-level talent back.  You may know Meat as one of the pathetic losers on king-of-pathetic-losers Donald Trump's Celebrity Asshole Apprentice or perhaps his lunch-wrenching stint on Celebrity Rehab.  I guess Romney had to bring out the big over-the-hill guns to help push his Final Lies Tour.

 

 

Willard maintains a terrifyingly tenuous tether to the truth.  If only because one must know the truth in order to so consistently keep it at arm's length, or in W. Mitt's case, strapped to the roof of his car. 

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

 

 

Third Time's A Scam

All Policy Is Foreign To W. Mitt Romney
My Kingdom For A Horse And A Bayonet 

Boca Raton, FL

October 24, 2012

Sorry for the delay but it took me this long to stop spinning like a gyroscope after watching Romney’s prodigious pirouetting over the course of the last two debates, especially that third one.  I wonder if he gets dizzier than usual doing this.  I don’t know how Obama kept his eyes on old Willard without getting motion sickness.  Mr. Flip-Flop was whirling like Looney Toons’ Tazmanian Devil hopped up on Meth, minus Taz’s charm.  Nonetheless, Obama dispatched Romney like Cassius Clay manhandling Sonny Liston.  If the third Obama vs. Romney debate had been a boxing match, the magic underwear towel would have surely come flying into the ring from the Romney corner.

I do feel sorry for Mr. Bush Romney.  The theme of the debate was after all Foreign Policy and policy of any kind is clearly foreign to Willard, especially when it involves foreign.  If we had any doubts about Willard’s grasp of the world-outside-his-magic-underwear-shoes, he forcefully and permanently put them to rest on Monday night.  Willard 3.0 apparently didn’t have the time to formulate new positions so he just repeated whatever Obama said, or in some way echoed the policies already in place.  All of course completely at odds with everything he had been parroting up until that time.  Romney is in the last throes, if you will, of trying to appeal to the undecided regular folks in Medieval America, but his new Obama-lite foreign-policy-like babblings are confusing the compromise-intolerant rabble still sitting at home scratching their heads and asses simultaneously. 

Romney is admittedly not interested in foreign affairs, other than the wonderful missionary position he assumed while living in comfy digs with a chef and all the amenities, avoiding the Vietnam draft thanks to the special Mormon deferment loophole.  I say missionary position because obviously it is the job of a missionary in that position to try to fuck everyone in their path using the same worn-out posturing to con them into joining his church - dead or alive.  Willard’s other international experience includes the considerable fortune he has amassed by sending an untold number of American jobs and companies to China to pad his secretive fortune, a fortune which itself has considerable experience with international affairs as it turns out.

Bush’s Romney’s foreign policy team includes such recycled dim bulbs as Dan Senor, who previously acted as the Bilge-Meister of Baghdad while plying his only actual foreign policy duties during the Bush/Cheney years as spokesman for the moronically incompetent Coalition Provisional Authority chief Paul Bremmer during the good old days in Iraq.  The Sultan of Spin has also retained the services of War Monger extraordinaire and all-around mental midget John Bolton to help formulate Romney’s wars foreign policy.  Conversely, the President, for this occasion, apparently relied on former brilliant comedian/author Al Franken, now a U.S. senator from Minnesota, to combat the ever-elusive Willard of Wigglesworth. 

Obama tried to explain many things to Willard who mostly sat there looking like he was fighting off some serious diarrhea.  And not the kind with which we are all familiar that happens when his mouth opens.  Nobody in their right mind found Romney a credible Commander in Chief based on his performance, and I do mean performance, during the third and final debate.  After the debate Romney mewed, “I thought what the president was saying was pretty good, but I knew many Americans would think it sounded better coming from me – I’m white.”  Willard the Mirage is on the wane.  Unto this mighty Mor(m)on I say, feel free to fade completely from view until all that remains visible is your bogus Cheshire Cat grin.  Apologies to the Cheshire Cat.

All we can hope for now is that the myriad Bain-owned voting machines are not allowed to create their own vote counts in the swing states on November 6^th.  We need an army of international observers to assure a legitimate vote count.  Unlike rape, there are in fact illegitimate elections here in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.  Do the name George W. Bush ring a bell?  Even America has no way of shutting that whole thing down after being illegitimately electioneered.  I guess it’s just another method of conception election according to the likes of vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan.  Especially if someone is illegitimately "elected" and it is God's intention that they become "president" anyway.

R.I.P. George McGovern  July 19, 1922 - October 21, 2012

Keep plenty of Votegra handy.  Don’t let Electile Dysfunction ruin your Election Day.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and a legitimate election) invited.

Tableau For Two

Obama's Recovery Act

Hofstra University, NY

October 18, 2012 

I have to sympathize with Barack Obama.  It must be hard trying to look like a not-angry angry black man in America, even if you are the President of the United States.  Barack Obama may not have been the one wearing magic underwear at his second debase debate with Willard “If-It-Was-Possible-To-Lie-More-Than-I-Already-Do-I’d-Sure-Consider-It-I’m-Running-For-Office-For-Pete’s-Sake” Romney, but he somehow had his Mojo back.  He did a great job of finally calling a spade a spade.  Apparently this caused Willard’s clone son Tagg to “want to rush down to the debate stage and take a swing at him. But you know you can’t do that because, well, first there’s a lot of secret service agents between you and him…”  I wonder how Tagg felt when his dad called him a liar during the first debate.  Hey Tagg, maybe you should consider trying to get your old man to stop lying every time he opens his mouth.  Or maybe you’re afraid he’ll outsource your sorry ass to China.

Romney’s platform is simple:  

   Romney: Every American will have their own Unicorn when I am president.

   Undecided Voter: But Unicorns don’t exist.

   Romney: That’s not important right now. The important thing is that you can trust me when I say every American will have their own Unicorn under a Romney administration. I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this answer.

   Undecided Voter: But governor Unicorn...I mean Romney, there is no such thing as Romneys...I mean Unicorns. The science is quite clear on this. Nobody has ever seen a Unicorn in the known history of humankind. We have fossil evidence that there were dinosaurs, but not one shred of evidence of the existence of Unicorns. How can you stand there and tell us we’ll all have our very own Unicorns? By the way, do you believe there were dinosaurs?

   Romney: Unicorns are people my friend. I cannot tell you exactly how I will put a Unicorn in every American home until I am officially sworn in as president.

   Undecided Voter: Are you high?

   Romney: I am a Mor(m)on sir. I don’t even drink coffee and I frankly resent the implication that just because I have stood up here lying and misrepresenting everything I campaigned on up until this moment that somehow this has anything to do with my ability to lead 53% of this nation into a prosperous future. I am offended by your question sir.

   Undecided Voter: I am a woman Mr. Romney. But thank you so much for clearing that up, severely-conservative-governor Romney. Does everyone in Massachusetts now have a Unicorn?

   Romney: No they do not, just guaranteed health care...for now. I was saving this incredible Unicorn plan for my time as president.

   Undecided Voter: So you stand by your promise to give each and every American a Unicorn once you become president.

   Romney: Sir, I don’t know where you got such an outlandish idea. I never said anything about anyone getting Unicorns. Are you on drugs or just part of the 47% who thinks they’re entitled to government Unicorns?

   Undecided Voter: Hurray! We’re all getting Unicorns. USA, USA, USA!

 

 

I guess Willard was reading too much Mao before the debate. He couldn’t stop talking about his “Five Year Point Plan.” And you might not have noticed he always held up his left hand to emphasize this point.  Was Willard sending secret signals to all the communists he hopes will vote for him?  For more details on Romney’s incredible Unicorns plan to save the economy see the exchange recounted above.

During the debate we learned that before Willard had blinders on regarding women, he called for "binders full of women."  Then we learned that, strangely enough, Willard was lying about those binders full of women.  He hadn’t, as he claimed, been told where to find a buried binder of golden plates inscribed with the names of qualified women by an angel in a vision he had.  Nor had he asked for them at all; they were delivered unto him and his opponent by a group advocatiing for a more substantial number of women in Massachusetts government.  To his credit, Mr. Romney and his opponent, a woman, agreed. 

Upon being elected governor, Romney did in fact appoint many women, most of whom soon quit and were replaced by men, leaving Massachusetts with fewer women in government at the end of his term than when he started.  I’m not sure if that had anything to do with the huge fiscal deficit Romney left behind or the fact that he’s now behind Obama by close to thirty points in the presidential election.  The only good thing Romney did as governor was provide universal health care in his state, which he now hopes to destroy by repealing Obamacare. 

More recently Romney showed his respect for women by backing out of a scheduled appearance along with his wife on The View.  Willard was earlier referring to the non-conservative women on the view as "high risk" interviewers and "sharp-tongued," particularly Whoopi Goldberg.  So brave Sir Willard sent his wife in his stead.

Speaking of our undying respect for women, the Green Party's presidential candidate, Dr. Jill Stein - mother, physician and teacher of internal medicine - and her running mate Cheri Honkala were arrested outside Hofstra University, site of the second debate, and shakled to metal chairs for eight hours.  The Green Party in on the ballot for 85% of voters.  The Green Party duo was merely attempting to get a seat at this unfairly-exclusive table for two.  It should be noted that the two interlopers were brandishing an American flag.  The nerve.

Two things should make us all feel a little safer though.  At least there was no substantive discussion of gun control and most important there was not a single mention of climate change or environmental protections of any kind, even with all the talk about the continued wanton incineration of coal, petroleum and natural gas.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and more George McGoverns) invited.