Intellectual Shutdown, Whose Default Is It?

Shutdown, DC

October 11, 2013

The Tea Party's self-proclaimed uber patriots are plainly off their meds. Not that they were working very well to begin with. They are flailing about more than usual, even pissing off their principal benefactors, the Koch Brothers. But still, you can't help but wish the worst feel sorry for the poor little guys and gals. Like most small children they simply don't understand the complexities of the world and are convinced everything revolves around them. They just want to be loved, feared and worshipped like any other god-like figure - self-imagined or otherwise. After all they are the ones who know what's right. So why shouldn't they be ordained to re-create this nation in their own image? They know what they want and they know when they want it.

Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R-IN)

"We're not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this.

And I don't know what that even is." 

These soon-to-be-forgotten-folk-heroes pretend to be looking out for the little guy, except their grassroots movement for liberty and freedom is funded by people like the Koch Brothers, whose sole purpose in life is to use their inherited fortune to own America and its government. These Koch fiends are of the very ilk that inspired the Boston Tea Party - corporate robber barons. Though to be fair, our current Supreme Corporation Court has decided to bestow personhood on corporations. If corporations are people, most of them are clearly dangerous sociopaths that come from grossly dysfunctional families and should immediately seek professional help. I'm sure our tax dollars would cover the expenses…as usual.

Uncle Sam says "uncle" to Stockholm syndrome

This modern-day Symbionese Liberation Army, instead of taking some heiress hostage has taken our entire democracy to a completely disclosed location and are currently in the process of waterboarding it in plain sight. These uncanny political strategists shut down the federal government they so despise but were shocked to find that the federal government actually does quite a few things real people appreciate, such as ensuring poor single moms can feed their children, keeping national parks open for anyone to enjoy, Medicare, Social Security, veterans' benefits, stuff like that. Who knew?

These same buffoons then go and harass park rangers for keeping people out while they're in shutdown mode. It's not voter ID we need, we need some kind of testing to keep the severely mentally challenged from holding office, at least at the federal level. We cannot let the Virgil Starkwell of politics to hold a gub to our heads, and expect us to abt natural while they Take The Government and Run.

These are the climate change deniers. These are the federal government default deniers. These are the sworn enemies of reality. But they’re just so damned funny to watch. Just like those adorable gremlins in the movie:

Just don't get them wet or expose them to elected office or they become:

This latest batch must have wet themselves pretty badly by the looks of things. With patriots like these, who needs terrorists? It seems no one can stop them but themselves. Thankfully it appears they are well on their way to doing just that.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for tuning in. If I'm wrong, just tell me.

Ted Cruz, Rising Stain

Cringe-worthy Cruz Corrupts Constitution, Creeps Out Citizenry

Washington, TX

September 24, 2013

The latest loon to carry the torch-of-the-touched for the ridiculous-radical-right-wing-fringe of the Republican’t Party, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) (whose texting handle, rumor has it, is Hugh Jassoll) continues to impress the intellectually-unfunded Tea Party crowd with his latest stunning and futile gesture. Despite overwhelming opposition from all sentient beings and most Republican’ts, Cruz is flashing a big Texass middle finger to Americans’ ability to have access to affordable healthcare as he tilts at a government shutdown over funding Obamacare.

"I intend to speak in support of defunding Obamacare until I am no longer able to stand," said the factless, feckless Cruz adding, "All across this country, Americans are suffering because of Obamacare. Obamacare isn't working." Actually, he’s the one who isn’t working…or thinking. And many more Americans are suffering just from the sound of his voice, not to mention the things he actually says out loud. This Harvard/Princeton elitist, who believed himself too good to study with the losers from Penn and Brown, launched a meaningless twenty-one hour moronthon just to hear himself squawk. Cruz very likely knows his senatorial stall will achieve nothing other than being the opening movement of his Magical Misanthropy Tour (i.e., presidential campaign). If Cruz the law student was too good to be seen with anyone from Penn or Brown how must the freshman (and soon to be one-term) freak show senator really feel about all his Tea Party adorers many of whom can’t even spell Penn or Brown and certainly can’t relate to a Canadian-born-Ivy-Leaguer like Cruz?

“Oh shit, I must have left my brain in my other head.” 

The Sound of One Lip Flapping 

I wonder if he did in fact hear himself. I’m guessing he didn’t because he just kept squawking. With a squeaking speaking voice that makes Sean Hannity sound like Pavarotti, Cruz waxed moronic about…oh hell, who am I kidding, I didn’t watch more than a few secondhand clips. I did manage to see him compare everyone unwilling to defund Obamacare to Nazi appeasers in the ‘40s. Brilliant. I finally get it, providing affordable healthcare for millions of Americans is just like committing genocide. Wait. What? Why is it that these petty tyrant corporate hacks can’t get through a sentence without accusing everyone who disagrees with them of Hitlerophilia?

Cruz decided his time would be well spent verbally flinging feces in a faux filibuster. Cruz’s crazy fact-free foray into legislative limbo boasted less meaningful content than your average cat video even though the average cat video is approximately forty-five seconds and the mentally crippled Cruz blathered on for almost an entire day. George W. Bush, Rick Perry, Ted Cruz? What is in the water in Texas? Or is it the tea? Oh and did I mention that one of his few admitted supporters is Sarah Palin?

Can you find the senator?*

Green Eggs and Harm

Next, the barely hinged Hugh Jassoll read Sam I Am to his colleagues, who were probably plotting ways to enter the witless protection program rather than admit to being part of the same dysfunctional cabal as Cruz. Cruz explained that like Green Eggs and Ham, Obamacare just wasn't something anyone liked. It seems our hero has the same grasp of Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham as he does the United States Constitution - he can read and pronounce the words (he is a lawyer after all), but he clearly has no actual understanding of what the words mean. Unbeknownst to Mr. Cruz, Green Eggs and Ham were only disliked because they hadn't been tried yet. Once the nameless nudnik who would not eat them in a boat and would not eat them with a goat and would not eat them in the rain or in the dark or on a train finally tasted the unusual delicacy, he decided that YES he would eat them in a box and he would eat them with a fox and he would eat them in a house and also eat them with a mouse. It turned out in fact that he would eat them here and there – he would eat them ANYWHERE. Ted Cruz ladies and gentlemen - soon-to-be ex-senator, magnificently-failed presidential candidate, and star of Beyond The Stupid Dome.

Duck! Dick!

In a shockingly unsurprising and unfortunately unrelated turn of events, Dick Cheney suffered another firearm malfunction. Cheney, never satisfied just shooting off his mouth, or someone else's mouth cost his team a victory last week at the One Shot Antelope Hunt when his gun malfunctioned. Dick’s most recent errant discharge did not result in him shooting anyone, especially the junior senator from Texas Ted Cruz, in the face. Perhaps the most unsurprising aspect of the mishap was Cheney’s blaming of the equipment. "I don't take it personally," Cheney told the crowd at the event's awards banquet. "I'm sure there was some flaw with the manufacturer." I’m sure he’s waiting for his rifle to apologize to him. It’s just never his fault.

Macho, Macho Man

Finally, you heard it here first: like so many virulently anti-gay public figures, Vladimir Putin is a closeted homosexual. It's as plain as the nose Dick Cheney shot off Harry Whittington's face. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Vlad the Lad, sauntering down the stream

 

*This was a trick question. They are all senators, one of them happens to be Ted Cruz.

I. Mangrey reporting. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Thanks for listening. Pass it on.

Morons Of Mass Destruction

A Fabulous, Undeniably Crucial, Kindly Undertaken Peace Mission
I Hope They Stay Until The Job Is Done

Egypt, Egypt

September 14, 2013 

Members of Congress often travel to foreign countries to increase their profile, to be seen as movers and shakers. It's not uncommon for them to rush to the scene of newsworthy events, sometimes because they have an interest in the outcome, but more often because it makes them look and feel important. Sometimes the president will send one or more Senators or Congressmen in his stead to show America cares, or for fact-finding purposes. More often than not they just go because they want to or because they can, or occasionally to play golf or to cheat on their wives.

For example, it might be good to have Rep. Keith Ellison visit the Middle East since he is not Caucasian and he is a Muslim. Maybe he has a certain level of understanding of their culture that others might be missing. Or maybe John McCain, who still thinks he's the real president, will just take it upon himself to buddy up with "freedom fighters" in Libya or opposition leaders in Syria to show he da man. Then he can return home and tell the nation he knows what-up and that we'd better start a war in whatever country he just visited or else the United States is doomed. That's just the way he rolls. McCain never met a war he wouldn't start.

Just the other day a trio of Congressthings showed up in Egypt to hold a press conference. To call this ménage-a-twits Three Stooges would be insulting to stooges everywhere, especially the three we know and love. This tiresome threesome, from the land that brains forgot, spoke to what could only be perceived as an empty room, for fifteen minutes. All three clearly have IQs in the triple digits, it's just that there's a decimal point before those digits. You may not be familiar with all three, but they are well known and respected in the circles within which they move. And they do move in circles, like lobotomized hamsters unable to stop running on the wheel until their little hearts explode.

King, Bachmann, Gohmert

 

Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Steve King (R-IA) and Louie Gohmert (R-UF'ing Kidding Me) assured the Egyptian people military that they would lend their inestimable support to the blossoming dictatorship. Speak-no-real, See-no-real and Hear-no-real stated their certainty that this military takeover will lead to the type of democracy envisioned by Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson, and presumably by Thomas' English Muffins, all of whom (with the exception of the muffins) were quoted by Gohmert. He also compared the man now running Egypt, Gen. Abdel Fattah al-Sisi, to George Washington. During his time at the microphone Steve King babbled incoherently, as is his wont, and flashed a copy of the Constitution that he carries "in his pocket every day he wears a jacket" to the unseen and apparently stunned-into-absolute-silence Egyptian audience. What is in the tea these people are drinking?

King, Bachmann, Gohmert in the eyes of most Americans 

Michele Bachmann opened up the festivities, sporting her best deer-in-the-headlights look. The girl genius (IQ: .003) opened with, “My name is Michele Bachmann; I’m a member of the United States Congress from the United States of America.” Bachmann added, "We see the threat that the Muslim Brotherhood has posed around the world. We stand against this great evil, we are not for them. We remember who caused Nine-one-one in America. We know who killed three thousand brave Americans. We have not forgotten." Interesting. I remember when she thought it was Iraq, even though everyone with a whole-number IQ knew it was Saudis…and calls it Nine-eleven. Bachmann personally guaranteed her support for the Egyptian military as long as she serves in the United States Congress in the United States of America. An interesting choice of words since she has announced her immanent retirement, presumably to spend more time with her attorneys. Bachmann currently labors under a nimbus cloud of investigations and a tsunami of stupid.

King, Bachmann, Gohmert, sans make-up 

After all three had finished scaring the hell out of everyone in the Middle East and most of the Americans in the United States of America, Bachmann asked for questions from the "audience" and then responded to the continued silence by asking and answering "one question that has come forward again." I’m sure these three balloon animals airheads came across to the Egyptian people like the teacher in the Peanuts TV specials. I wish they sounded that way to me, but I can still make out the words.

The Definition of Insanity

Things don't get a heck of a lot better when you get the whole House of Representatives of the United States in the United States of America together. Two hundred and thirty Republican't members of Congress voted to repeal Obamacare this week. This is the forty-first time these yahoos have voted to kill Obamacare. Forty-one times. Failing each time. If at first you don't succeed try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try again. And expect a different result.

You just can't make this stuff up folks.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Making this stuff up invited.

 

A Dream For The Ages

Return To The Scene Of The Dream

Lincoln Memorial, Washington, DC

August 28, 2013

Thank you for tuning in for this special tag-team report on the 50th anniversary of the August 1963 march on Washington. I will start things off myself and then turn things over to I. Mangrey for his take on where we are now.

Fifty Years Ago

by Ed Venture

Fifty years ago, in our nation’s capital, at the foot of the statue memorializing Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr. told all Americans that he Had A Dream. He spoke truth to all willing to hear, in a nation full of fear and hatred, full of arrogance, violence and bigotry. In one of the great speeches of all time Dr. King courageously shared his dream of uniting this nation for the good of us all.  Two days after his game-changing speech the FBI labeled King, “the most dangerous Negro of the future in this nation from the standpoint of communism, the Negro and national security.” J. Edgar Hoover subsequently pressured Attorney General, Robert Kennedy to authorize a comprehensive wiretap on King as Hoover sought to silence Martin Luther King, Jr.

His words lit a fuse that unfortunately still burns since many, fewer than on that day, but too many still, refuse to accept the reality that we are all in this together. That we should not be judged by the color of our skin, the god we pray to or the gender of the person with whom we share a life. They continue to walk among us like the zombies they are – lifeless, soulless, thoughtless and with nothing better to do than to suck the life out of the rest of us for their own hollow survival. Their numbers are dwindling, but their voices remain loud and continue to damage our ears. And our lives. They have their own cable network, and countless radio bigmouths and most of the guns. But they will not succeed. They will wither and die as they lose their impact. I wish them Godspeed.

The March for Peace and Freedom on August 28, 1963 brought together blacks and whites, middle-class and poor to lend support for desegregation and equality. And of course, Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his, then feared and reviled, now historic, moving and hopeful plea for sanity "I Have a Dream" speech.

The March for Peace and Freedom also had ten demands:

    1. Comprehensive and effective civil rights legislation from the present Congress -  without compromise or fillibuster - to guarantee all Americans:
              Access to all public accommodations
              Decent housing
              Adequate and integrated education
              The right to vote
 2.Withholding of Federal funds from all programs in which discrimination exists.
 3. Desegregation of all school districts in 1963.
 4. Enforcement of the Fourteenth Amendment - reducing Congressional representation of states where citizens are disfranchised.
 5. A new Executive Order banning discrimination in all housing supported by federal funds.
 6. Authority for the Attorney General to institute injunctive suits when any Constitutional right is violated.
 7. A massive federal program to train and place all unemployed workers - Negro and white - on meaningful and dignified jobs at decent wages.
 8. A national minimum wage act that will give all Americans a decent standard of living. (Government surveys show that anything less than $2.00 an hour fails to do this.)
 [The minimum wage at the time of the march is $1.15/hour.]
 9. A broadened Fair Labor Standards Act to include all areas of employment which are presently excluded.
10. A federal Fair Employment Practices Act barring discrimination by federal, state, and municipal governments, and by employers, contractors, employment agencies, and trade unions.

Many of these demands were at least addressed thanks to the courage and dedication of many, including President Lyndon Johnson, who knew that this would cause great political damage to the Democratic Party, which at the time was heavily populated by horrid Southern racists. These ne'er-do-wells ultimately bolted from their party, to become the Republican Party that we see before us today. So when the modern-day Republicans try to convince us that they are the party of Lincoln, we will not be fooled. 

That Was Then, This Is Now

 by I. Mangrey

Fortunately Dr. King is not around to see the appropriation of his stirring words delivered on August 28, 1963 by people like Bill O’Reilly, one of the whitest, most ignorant fear-mongers, and Sarah Palin, who defies all description and who needs an entire new lexicon of adjectives to describe the depths of her idiocy, and Larry Ward (whoever the hell he is), Chairman of Gun Appreciation Day (January 19, 2013) who said that Gun Appreciation Day, whatever the hell that is, “honors the legacy of Dr. King. The truth is I think Dr. King would agree with me if he were alive today.” This loser wouldn't know the truth about Dr. King if it shot him in the face.

Here's a little of what happened on Gun Appreciation Day:

The Raleigh News & Observer reported that three people were shot when a loaded shotgun accidentally discharged at the Dixie Gun and Knife Show at the North Carolina State Fairgrounds.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer reported that one man was left wounded after an accidental shooting at the Medina Gun Show in Medina, Ohio.

The Indianapolis Star reported a man was injured as he was leaving the 1500 Gun & Knife Show at the Indiana State Fairgrounds when his gun accidentally discharged.

UPI reported a Dallas man was arrested when a gun discharged in his pocket while he was shopping at Walmart, injuring two other people.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer reported a six-year-old girl shot herself in the face while handling her father's gun.

The Atlanta Journal Constitution reported a 14-year-old boy accidentally shot and killed his 15-year-old brother with his mother's handgun.

A Google search yielded dozens of similar stories.

Gun enthusiasts rightfully note that these were accidents and that many people are also killed in car accidents every single day. Let that be a lesson to all you drivers out there - guns don't kill people, cars kill people.

It almost seems like every day brings an angry mob yelling and screaming for liberty or something - the Tea Party. They will not be silenced…apparently. They will march for freedom and the right to accidentally (or otherwise) shoot themselves and others in order to protect and preserve the sacred Second Amendment. The Second Amendment was designed to protect a new nation that had no army and nothing but slow-to-reload and difficult-to-aim muskets over two hundred years ago. What I want to know is, who will protect us from the Second Amendment?

So what do the O’Reillys, Palins, Pauls, Cantors, Boehners, Ryans and Limbaughs want? What ten things are they screaming for?

1. More guns with less oversight. As many mass shootings as it takes to ensure our right to bear arms. Attack Syria. Don’t attack Syria.

2. No healthcare for anyone who can’t afford it in order to maximize corporate profit. People need to just fend for themselves, the way God and Libertarians intended.

3. No minimum wage for anyone, ever in order to maximize corporate profit. If you don't like your job just go get another one.

4. Lower taxes on the rich, more taxes on the poor

5. Fewer voting rights for the poor, the elderly, students, Blacks, Latinos and more voting rights for corporations

6. Involuntary, invasive procedures on pregnant women

7. Drill baby drill. Stop renewable energy before it lowers your utility bill and saves the planet. Stop protecting the environment, the environment should be able to fend for itself like the rest of us.

8. Privatize education in order to keep it out of the hands of the poor, Blacks and Latinos. Fewer schools, more jails...privately owned jails that is, in order to maximize corporate profit.

9. Stop the gays before they multiply.

10. No taxes on corporations. You know why.

Bill O’Reilly wondered why there were no Republican’ts at this “segregated” march. He was simply livid that no Republican'ts were invited to this unholy gathering. As it turns out some of the invitees were George HW Bush, George W. Bush, Jeb Bush, Eric Cantor and John Boehner - all of whom declined for one reason or another. George HW was unwell, his son said he didn't know where the Lincoln Memorial was and was unable to leave the bathroom until he finished his latest painting entitled "George on John." Eric Cantor was busy kissing oil executive butt and the others were just too busy. The only currently-serving black senator, Tim Scott (Republican’ts-token-appointee-R-SC) also declined to attend the 50th anniversary celebration of King’s I Have a Dream speech. Just because.

Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we’re free at last. Keep on marching, keep on marching, marching to the freedom land.

Meanwhile Barack Obama is deciding whether or not to send his Nobel Peace Prize over to Syria…on the head of a missile.

Peace out.

I. Mangrey and Ed Venture

Though Not Exactly Upright, They Walk Among Us

Moron Alert

Freedonia

August 23, 2013

Things you need to know about Louisiana Republican'ts: They elected Bobby Jindall governor. They let the Army Corps of Engineers use wads of newspaper to reinforce their levees instead of a rubber material. Strangely enough the newspaper, usually known for its extraordinary capacity to line birdcages, was somehow less than suited for holding back flood waters. Who knew? They say the air is strange at exceedingly high elevations; maybe something happens at exceeding low elevations as well. Some Louisianans are clearly having difficulty engaging the neural network just beneath their hair. You know…morons.

It’s understandable that so many morons are loathe to blame one of their own. When they finally got to see someone just like them rise to the highest office in the land, they must have been as proud and happy as Rep. John Lewis (D-GA, and only surviving speaker from the August 28, 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom) when Barack Obama, America's first white president who is also half black, elected to that same office. Especially since Obama was actually elected by the voters, not the Supreme Court. In any event, these happy morons should probably be cut some slack for sticking up for the first Moron-American to hold the presidency. And hold it he did. For eight years, he held it…hostage. No half-moron this one; half-wit perhaps, but 100% pure, unadulterated Moron. Sure he wasn’t actually elected to the office, but why hold a little thing like that against such an incredible moron. And who among us would disagree that George W. Bush was perhaps the Most Incredible Moron? Now I realize that many of you reading this are not in fact morons yourselves and I will begrudgingly admit that neither am I myself a moron though many's the time I've tried to pass, so maybe it is not for us to judge who ain’t and who ain’t not a moron. And if that’s the case, I suppose maybe none of us is the best judge of who might be Bull Goose Moron. But I’m still willing to go out on a limb and put my money on GW.

The Buried Lead 

According to a Public Policy Polling survey, 29% of Louisiana Republican’ts say that Barack Obama was definitely to blame and 44% think it might be appropriate to blame Barack Obama, elected November 4, 2008 and inaugurated January 20, 2009, (for any of you morons out there) for the poor federal response and clean-up following Hurricane Katrina, which struck New Orleans on August 29, 2005. For those of you who need a little help keeping score out there, 2005 preceded 2009 by several years. Also, it may be important to know that preceded means “came before.” Only 28% of these morons think that maybe George W. Bush (president* from 2000 through 2008) was responsible for the pathetic federal response to Katrina. I can see why they wouldn’t blame President Moron for the lousy federal response, after all it wasn’t his fault that FEMA had been gutted during his presidency. Oh wait, it was in fact precisely his fault that FEMA was gutted during his presidency. My bad. And these are the people most likely to own guns and who just can't wait for a chance to stand their ground.

 But Wait, There's More(on)

While we’re on the subject of morons, the ever-opining-always-staggeringly-wrong Bill Kristol was recently asked if he thought Sarah Palin had a future in politics. Kristol, the most energetic cheerleader for the Clueless Clusterf*&#k from Alaska when most of us were blissfully ignorant of her very existence, reveled in the idea of seeing her as John McCain's running mate. Kristol was certain that this would put the Republican'ts in the White House for sure, so wonderful was his snow-brained savior. So, when asked about Palin's political future, Old Dumb Bill thought the ex-half-term governor would do well to enter the race for Senator from Seward’s Folly. This perennial pea-brain thought it would be great if Palin could, 1) enter the Republican’t primary and stay in it long enough to win, 2) stay in the governor's race long enough to beat the incumbent senator and 3) actually become a senator and maybe just maybe, serve an entire term – it is six years long after all.

Moron or Buffoon? You Make The Call

During his recent appearance on Morning Joke Scarborough's show, when asked about his recent buffoonery Bloody Bill said, “It would be fun to have her in the Senate.” Fun is not the first word that comes to mind when imagining the Twit of the Tundra in the US Senate, though the word does begin with the letter 'f.' Other things Bill Kristol thinks are fun? He couldn't get enough of George W. Bush’s illegal, miserably failed Iraq War and he's pining for a war with Iran in the near future. Bill Kristol is the Emily Litella of political punditry, except he never closes with, "Never mind."

Some of Bill Kristol's Greatest Hits Misses:

          2013 - Kristol said regarding same-sex marriage that it would be "pathetic" for the GOP to liberalize its views in order to "embrace the views of some 26-year-old who doesn't know anything." In the early 90's, he said that 1993 would be the “high water mark” of the gay rights movement, and that it would be “all downhill from there."

          October 2008 - Kristol urged the McCain campaign to run with the Obama/Bill Ayers connection. Less than a week later, Kristol was on TV scolding the GOP for running a “stupid” and “pathetic" campaign because the attacks "haven’t worked" and McCain/Palin is “doing things that don’t work and they keep doing them."

          2007 - "Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now."

          Late 2005 - Kristol made the bold prediction that Nancy Pelosi just ceded the House to the Republicans by endorsing an immediate withdrawal of troops from Iraq. He claimed that her actions would likely prevent a "Speaker Pelosi" from ever happening.

I. Mangrey regurgitating.

Thanks for listing. Removable content invited.

Happy Resignation Day Redux

Pardon Me

Nixonland

August 9, 2013

Pardon me for not forgetting. Pardon me for not letting it go after all these years. Pardon me for dragging you into my obsession. I just can’t seem to quit the man who tarnished America, no easy feat, and then quit rather than face the music. I don’t care if he’s dead, I still want to impeach Nixon. It’s never too late for justice to be done. I know it will never happen in this case, but that doesn’t make it right.

Screw Richard Nixon and all he brought upon our nation. Screw the weepy, drunk asshole who sat in our White House at 9:00 on August 8, 1974 and announced he was resigning the presidency he so callously defiled to exact the revenge he nurtured since childhood on all those who found him unfit for even acquaintance. Screw the murderous bastard who hated blacks and Jews and then became a felon. Although, to give him his due, he was only agreeing with his Jew, Henry Kissinger who said, And if they put Jews into gas chambers in the Soviet Union, it is not an American concern. Maybe a humanitarian concern.” “I know,” responded Nixon, “We can't blow up the world because of it.” On the original Resignation Day Eve, an out-of-control, drunk, Nixon slurred to Kissinger, “Henry, please don’t ever tell anyone that I cried and that I was not strong.”

On that festive fateful night in 1974, the seemingly sober soon-to-be ex-president sat before a camera and told us, “In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for the nation.” Yeah, for the good of the nation he quit, with his hand-picked pardoner waiting in the wings. Thanks Dick(head). “But the interests of the nation must always come before personal considerations.” Like getting impeached perhaps?

The idiot who wiretapped himself, leaving a slime trail even the press could follow, finally left in a shame he appeared not to recognize, giving his now iconic double victory salute as his exile from Washington, DC began. Remember, it took George W. Bush to make this guy not-the-worst-president-in-history.

Those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed. Period. And that’s the way it is. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comeuppances invited.

Holiday Greetings From Everyone at Paying Attention

One Less Dick Never Hurt Anyone 

San Clemente, CA

August 7, 2013

Hi Folks, I. Mangrey doesn't work on weekdays so it's up to me, the managing editor here at Paying Attention, to keep the tradition alive this year. As most of you are probably unaware, today is Erev Resignation Day (or Resignation Day Eve, depending on how you roll). On the evening of August 8, 1974, crook, felon, anti-Semite, Liberal-hating, secret-bomber, paranoiac, all-around uncommitted mental patient and then-president Richard M. Nixon, resigned after serving half of his second term in the People's House in order to avoid a term in the Big House. Today Nixon the Liberal-hater would be seen as much too liberal for today's Tea-stained Republican't majority. Go figure. Anyway, Resignation Day is one of my favorite American holidays. A great day for democracy and as close as we get to a great day for justice in this country. I snagged a photo of I. Mangrey sporting one of his prized t-shirts to commemorate this festive time of year. He and it are a bit wrinkled, but I think you'll get the message.

So celebrate in the best way you can and know that the NSA will be there celebrating with you…so to speak. So drink up, smoke 'em if you've got 'em and then resign yourself to life in America in the Twenty-first Century. If you're lucky you're too old to have to see how this Great American Century ends.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.

Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled yet trenchant 39th anniversary of finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore holiday season,

Ed Venture


In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" 

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d”  sg, August 9, 1974

Bakin' Bits

Is It Warm In Here Or Is It Just Hot?

Third Stone From The Sun

July 31, 2013 

Just in case you haven't noticed, the planet is slowly drowning in tar sands leaking from the Canadian wilds. That is, when it's not flowing through Arkansas neighborhoods. Right now there’s an out-of-control tar sands “well” - or whatever the hell they call those things - that's been oozing filth for over two months, and there's at least one other leak whose cause remains unknown as does a plan to make it stop, all of which the Canadian government has kept hidden as well as any government hides its Earth-killing schemes. Oh, Canada. Please let us share in the enjoyment of all this natural beauty with the Keystone XL poopline.

Sure it looks like oil, but don't worry it's not…it's much worse

 Your Weekly Oil Well Explosion Is Ready Sir…

To absolutely no one's surprise another oil well is eviscerating itself in the Gulf of Mexico. This one's owner, Walter Oil & Gas Corp., says it is still investigating the incident and won't know the cause of the blowout, or why the well continues gushing oil into the Gulf, for quite a while. Take your time boys, there's no real hurry. Good excuses and cover-ups don't grow on trees you know.

In other news of wanton Earth-wreckers and all-around scumbags, Halliburton - Dick Cheney's alma mater - is pleading guilty to destroying evidence in The-Worst-Environmental-Disaster-In-The-History-Of-The-World. Halliburton was BP’s cement contractor on the drilling rig that exploded in the Gulf of Mexico in 2010. The blowout triggered an explosion that killed 11 workers and spilled millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf. But Halliburton is no stranger to destroying things and killing Americans.

Halliburton: Destroying Your Planet Since 1919

Don't forget, Halliburton also ripped us all off for hundreds of millions of dollars during Cheney's war-to-enrich-Halliburton in Iraq, and killed a number of American troops with the shoddy contracting work that is clearly the hallmark of their existence. They are very profitable though - to the tune of $39.5 billion just from the war Cheney gave them. You may recall that between his stint as Secretary of Defense under President George Bush I and his self-promotion to Vice President under George II, Dick Cheney was CEO of Halliburton. Oh yeah, and Halliburton refused to turn over records to the government pertaining to its (giving-us-the) business in Iraq as well.

Is Our Representatives Learning?

Meanwhile, Congress has taken time out of its busy schedule. Busy that is, voting for the 40th  time to kill Obamacare, fending off any sort of commonsense gun legislation and fighting against the evil minimum wage. America's genius Republican’ts are proposing to go Cheney on the environment, shooting it in the face by slashing the Environmental Protection Agency’s budget by 34% and cutting funding for renewable energy by 72%. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible cosmos invited.

A Queen Among Men

My Queen Elizabeth

Warrenton, DC

July 25, 2013

I’m not usually one to gush over royalty, but I’m afraid I just can’t help myself. Maybe it’s all this fuss about the royal baby. I hope he’ll be able to find some strange woman lying in a pond distributing swords or pull the sword from the stone or whatever it is they do over there to elect their king. Anyway, I never paid much attention before, but I have watched several videos of the Queen since the beginning of this year. She looks much younger than I expected, but I guess it’s all that easy living and adulation keeping her so vibrant. Every time I see her I am simply in awe of her command of history and all the nuances of her particular milieu. Perhaps you have seen an exchange or two she's had with some of the commoners. If not check this out: http://act.boldprogressives.org/sign/sign_glasssteagall/?akid=14296.12160.2nRI_W&rd=1&source=e7-nonsign-don&t=2

Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)

Okay, I feel a little silly here. Apparently, this is not in fact the Queen or a queen or even a princess. This is freshman senator - now the senior senator from the great state of Massachusetts - Elizabeth Warren. She has simply taken the capitol by storm. Considering she’s a freshman senator, she takes no prisoners, no excuses and no shit from anyone. People worried she would just end up frustrated and cowed by all the pathetic losers we know as the United States Senate. Truly a more worthless governmental body has never existed. More cadaver than body if you ask me. Mostly a bunch of white guys whose brains died years ago, but whose bodies keep shuffling along the halls of Congress and Fux News.

God Save The Clean

Elizabeth Warren joined the University of Pennsylvania Law School in 1987 and became a tenured professor. She began teaching at Harvard Law School in 1992, as a visiting professor, and took a permanent position in 1995. Warren said of her history of voting as a Republican for many years, "I was a Republican because I thought that those were the people who best supported markets." In 1995 she began to vote Democratic, but she says that she has voted for both parties because she believes that neither party should dominate. Warren served as chair of the Congressional Oversight Panel created to oversee the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) in 2008. She later served as Assistant to the President and Special Advisor to the Secretary of the Treasury for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau under President Barack Obama. Then of course Obama threw her under the bus because it was too much trouble to go to bat for her when it came to crunch time.

Bankers and Wall Street thieves are scared to death of Elizabeth Warren. She knows more about what they do than they do. She’s smarter and tougher than most of them. She took their bright shining whore star - Scott Brown - and turned him into roadkill. She soundly defeated Self-Loving-Scotty after serving the partial term he won in a special election to fill the seat of Ted Kennedy - crushing him by over 7%. Brown is now a loser talking head for right wing media with almost as broad an appeal as Sarah Palin.

The economic inequality in this country is simply disgraceful. Dis. Grace. Ful. Elizabeth Warren gets it as much as anyone in the Senate. And while over the entire membership of the Senate this is an exceedingly low bar, there are a select few in that festering corpse august body that are and always have been steadfast in their support for actual Americans...you know, the 99%.

Elizabeth Warren is the real deal. She has long been determined to protect We The People from the banks and corporations that ru(i)n the government. She’s not shy and she’s not wasting any time trying to get things done. Keep an eye on Elizabeth and help her when you can. Please watch the video (linked above) and sign the petition. And tell everyone you know - they’ve got a friend in DC.

I. Mangrey and I approve this message.