Do Unto Others...Or Else

Dick Dynasty

All Over The Map

September 7, 2014 

More-than-fairly-unbalanced Sean Hannity, matchless journalist that he is, did his due diligence in addressing a major issue garnering world-wide attention of late. Hannity weighed in on the group of masked cowards (think KKK, only in black) known as ISIS/ISIL that killed its second prisoner in a barbaric, video recorded, terror event. ISIS has offended al Queda, among others with its radical call for a medieval Muslim caliphate and its murderous rampage across Iraq and Syria. ISIS is demanding that people convert to Islam or die. Anyone with even a shred of humanity sees this kind of thinking as frightful, untenable and insane at first, second and every subsequent blush.

Hannity understood right away that as a trained seal professional his best move would be to have as a guest on his show someone with broad based knowledge about the Middle East, the history of the long and troubled relationship between Christianity and Islam and a keen grasp of world political strategy, to provide his viewers with perceptive insight and level-headed strategies for dealing with a complex, dangerous and unpredictable situation. Apparently John McCain was busy.

Hannity’s choice for this delicate, nuanced job was none other than the intellectually challenged patriarch of the American institution – Duck Dynasty – Phil Robertson. The very brave hunter of man-eating ducks never bothered to serve his country in the military and thinks racism has something to do with NASCAR. Attempting to show how good-hearted he is Robertson offered, "We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus—whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?" I see what you’re saying…that apparently makes one of us. Not sure that’s good news. Robertson also opposes abortion believing it is a violation of the Declaration of Independence. Not sure that’s good news either.

His latest words of wizz-dom were aimed directly at ISIS, "In this case, you either have to convert them - which I think would be next to impossible - I'm not giving up on them, I'm just saying either convert them or kill them. One or the other." Now where have I heard that before?

Which Convert-or-Die enthusiast would you prefer to marry your daughter?

Government of The Rich Guy, For the Rich Guy, By The Dumb Guy

Upon leaving the courtroom after being found guilty on 11 of 14 counts of corruption, one-time presidential hopeful and newly convicted ex-governor/now-felon Bob McDonnell of Virginia said, “All I can say is my trust remains in the Lord.” McDonnell threw his (now-also-felon) wife under the bus and moved in with his priest during the five-week-long trial. Both now face possible jail time. Never again will McDonnell be able to force unwanted, invasive ultrasound procedures on young pregnant women. No longer can he promote tobacco-based “health” products for sugar daddies. Never again will the Lord have to cringe every time Bob McDonnell invokes his name.

Yes We Can’t

Barack Obama has once again shown his gutless side by punting on immigration reform, leaving it to Congress to sort out the situation. Congress, which has its own share of convert them or kill them aficionados, is sure to do a bang-up job.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. You can’t survive on $7.25.

Party Like It's 1974

Happy Fortieth Resignation Day

Nixonland

August 8, 2014

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. It was August 8, 1974. Forty years ago today while I was enjoying a Bonnie Raitt concert on a balmy summer’s eve, something historic and wonderful happened. Bonnie stopped the show to announce that war criminal, Jew-hater, King Lear wannabe and 37th president of the United States, Richard M. Nixon had just announced that as of the next day he would be resigning his office. Then she sang Auld Lang Syne. 

"I have never been a quitter," said Nixon. "To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body…Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office." Gerald Ford, Nixon’s hand-picked pardoner successor took the oaf of office on August 9, 1974 capping off America’s only two-day national holiday. I still remember it well, to the best of my recollection. There was great merriment, singing and dancing and all kinds of things right there on the Group W Bench, I mean the streets of America.  

Nixon, who came to prominence as a member of the House Un-American Activities Committee, where he accused State Department official Alger Hiss of being a Soviet spy, exited prominence just ahead of impeachment proceedings. The cover-up of the Nixon re-election committee’s bungled break-in at the Democratic National Committee’s headquarters in Washington, DC had indeed become a cancer on the presidency. This was Nixon’s Watergate...I mean Waterloo.

To his credit, hardly anyone believes Nixon was involved in either of the Kennedy assassinations, even though without these two murders Nixon never would have been president. And, in all fairness, to this day nobody thinks he was actually on the Grassy Knoll at Dealey Plaza in November 1963.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.

Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled anniversary celebration of finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore, Paying Attention presents this timeless American classic IN TECHNICOLOR.

Ed Venture

Managing Editor

In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages, so read it to your children and grandchildren and keep this patriotic American tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Thanks Ed, that was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for today’s holiday season…

Once more it’s that season, now Obama’s the one
New Impeachers are restless, and each has a gun.
They are angry and senseless, and each one is White

No need for good reason, they just want to fight.

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
Keep it up silly Crackers, and to all a good-night!

One more thing before we sign off - this classic from the late, great Gil Scott-Heron

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. I am not a crook.

Act Now And Get A Free Lobotomy

McCain’s Bane, America’s Lady in Hating

August 2, 2014

A number of highly visible Republican’ts have been throwing around the idea of impeaching Obama lately. And not just the ones who have been calling for his ouster since the moment he took his hand off the Bible after being sworn in for his first term. You might not have heard all of these cries since most of them can only be heard by dogs. Boehner is suing the president for…well, essentially for not being a Republican’t. But that’s just not enough for some, so it’s off to Impeachmentland they go. I wish them hell.

Here’s the latest from Our Lady of Perpetual Futility: “I absolutely passionately believe that it is possible. And first, I believe liberals want us to believe that they love hearing this talk of impeachment because they’re going to be able to turn it around for their re-election bids. It’s kind of a reverse psychology thing that they’re playing on us and some people are buying into it. And that’s why I’m going to be even more adamant about explaining why we should impeach.” In case you haven’t already guessed the who uttered this simultaneous assault on language and logic, it was none other than Sarah Palin, who can say less with 100 words than most people can say with none.

The half-term governor of Alaska just won’t STFU. Despite the demonstrable fact that every word leaching out of her lips is worthless, The Mouth That Bored is launching her very own channel on the internets. And the best part is that it’s not free; so you don’t have to worry about accidentally hearing her voice while you’re surfing the web. However, for a mere $9.95 a month you can be a self-righteous subscriber to the Sarah Palin Channel. Go ahead, I dare you. Who needs Netflix for an occasional movie or TV show, when you can watch Nutflix all day, every day…until she up and quits.

It isn’t.

Palin is peddling her “channel” – actually it’s a website – as an alternative to mainstream media, and a place where despondent conservatives can wallow in stupidity posing as fantasy. I guarantee that after watching the Sarah Palin Channel for a half hour, you’ll be wishing Obamacare really did have Death Panels.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the First Amendment. And I support every American’s right to speak their mind in public, even Ms. Palin, even though using the words mind and Palin in the same sentence may in fact be a violation of the First Amendment, or at the very least an insult to intelligent discourse. However, my real concern is the exacerbation of global climate change that will result from the excessive emissions from Palin’s mouth and the consequent spike in hot air, carbon dioxide and, I imagine, methane.

So please try to resist the urge to subscribe to Palin’s channel. I’m sure you can find other ways to relieve yourself of unwanted money and/or delight yourself with random verbiage.

Or perhaps...

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Forget about gold, invest in earplugs.