Broken News

Miscarriage Abortion Of Justice

June 25, 2022

The Extreme Court has finally checked off the biggest box, band-aided over the ooziest wound that has plagued the Radical Christian Right and their Ratpublican lackeys for decades. A significant majority of Americans – of all Americans – support a woman’s right to choose whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term, especially in cases of rape and incest. The Turmp Court’s uber-conservatives have managed to fuck women in a way that will never get them pregnant, and will certainly not allow them to get an abortion if they did.

Five men and one fringe-cult-Christian woman have done what they were appointed to do – end American women’s right to control what happens with their own bodies – by ending a fifty-year long constitutional right to have an abortion. All three of the nominees put forward by Turmp/McConnell (Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Clowney Barrett) lied right to our faces during their confirmation hearings, assuring the Senators questioning them that Roe v. Wade was beyond any thought, concept or judicial consideration was settled law. The end of Roe v. Wade. One day after overturning a century of law allowing states to control what their citizens may do with concealed deadly weapons.

Nice 14^th Amendment You Got There, Be A Shame If Something Happened To It

While (In)justice Alito lied that overturning Roe would have no other far-reaching effects on other issues like contraception, his colleague Clarence “Uncle” Thomas explicitly called for the need to "reconsider" marriage equality and the right of couples to use contraception. Ho. Lee. Shit. But it’s okay for his wife to be up to her neck in helping to plot the overthrow of the government Thomas claims to serve. 

Unfortunately and ironically, Sen. Joe Biden was instrumental in enabling Clarence Thomas’s lifetime (dis)appointment to the Court. I guess the “high-tech lynching” Thomas whined about being subjected to over his sexual harassment of Anita Hill, during his confirmation hearing, permanently cut off the analog oxygen to his brain.

This whole abortion issue is a hoax. No baby has ever not been born. Why are people wasting so much time fighting against something that doesn’t exist?

No one has ever gotten an abortion. All these women and their doctors are crisis actors. This is a hoax perpetrated by either China, Hugo Chavez, Alex Jones or possibly Martians. That’s right, Martians. Crazy, you say? Go ahead and mock. Mock my words. You can’t prove anything.

There is no such thing as an embryo. I’ve never seen a fetus. Not even on the subway.

Everyone knows that babies are brought by a stork. Not the stork, as has been taught since the beginning of time. There’s no way one lone stork could deliver every single baby. That’s like believing there’s only one Tooth Fairy. There is an entire army of baby-bringing storks. And where do all these storks get all these babies? No one knows. No one can know. It just is. And no one knows exactly how many babies were never delivered, but were instead mis-carried or eaten by rogue storks.

You know what else is a hoax? The Supreme Fucking Court. And Susan Collins's brain.

Al Franken – Why the founding fathers didn't mention abortion in the Constitution

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled incredulity.

Schmuck Of The Day

Vice Precedent

June 24, 2022

“He is a great man, who loves his country almost as much as he loves himself. Of course he was upset by losing an election that, frankly, he won. What a terrible disappointment for him, after cheating so thoroughly. How could I blame him for siccing his mob on me? I let him down. I would take a noose for that man. Even though we haven’t spoken since the day he tried to have me killed, I know he still loves me.”
                  Mike Pence, June 21, 2022 (alternative quote)

After all that has taken place, including his boss declaring that maybe he deserved to be hanged by the violent mob Turmp unleashed on the Capitol and the nation, gutless, spineless, dickless Mike Pence still cannot extract his forked tongue from Donald Turmp’s ass. Pence still claims that he and his hateful, disloyal, treasonous boss parted on good terms, and that Turmp “never stopped fighting every day to deliver on the promises that we had made to the American people.” Really? Even on January 6, 2021? I guess he never promised the American people to get you hanged…it was just on his wish list.

Dramatization of actual hoped-for (by Turmp) event

Yes, Pence had a momentary lapse of treason and did the right thing after exhausting every other option. The only reason he backed out was he finally realized Turmp’s insane plan was doomed to failure. Then he sat on his lying ass for two months while his boss continued his traitorous attempt to steal America. Pence knew exactly what was going on – as did other witnesses – like Bill Barr – who have testified both privately and in the public hearings into the attempted coup of January 6^th. Pence and his fellow unravellers were accomplices, not heroes. None of those people was either heroic, courageous or patriotic. They all stood by either aiding and abetting or waiting to see if Turmp’s nefarious plot would succeed, hoping to keep their cushy, undeserved jobs on our dime. They are all scum who waited until we had reached the eleventh hour and fifty-nine seconds, and finally relented to tell the American people what happened. Gee, thanks. Fuck ‘em all. Hang ‘em all. At the very least lock them up. After a trial by a jury of our peers of course.

Dick and Dickless

Amoeba

a lifeform with more spine, balls and brains than Mike Pence

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Feh.

Fraught For The Day

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fascism

June 23, 2022

Arizona’s Ratpublican Speaker of the House Rusty Bowers, who twice voted for Turmp, then refused to break his oath in order to do Turmp’s illegal bidding, especially in the absence of any evidence whatsoever. Bowers provided essential and riveting testimony of the constant pressure applied by Rudy Giuliani and Turmp himself. This pressure morphed into a tsunami of threats by MAGAts against Bowers and his family, and his neighbors. His neighbors? 

Bowers testified that, “You are asking me to do something that is counter to my oath…and it is a tenet of my faith that the Constitution is divinely inspired.” Could have done without that last bit, since it is patently untrue (among other things), but at least he stood up to American history’s most horrendous bully when it mattered, and testified to it under oath.

Just so we’re clear about the breadth and depth of Bowers’s devotion to the divinely-inspired Constitution and his unshakeable mission to protect said Constitution against “all enemies foreign and domestic,” Bowers later told reporters, “If he is the nominee, if he was up against Biden, I'd vote for him again.” These people are fucked in the head, and because of that, we are fucked, body and soul. Just so we’re clear then, the guy who used the Constitution to wipe his ass, and tried to overthrow what Bowers sees as our divinely-inspired government, he would vote for THAT GUY again. In a heartbeat. 

Following up on yesterday’s post, recent polling found that Americans trust Ratpublicans more than Democrats on the economy. Reflecting on just how frighteningly idiotic this is and how this history-unmaking stupidity will affect the upcoming mid-term elections (not to mention climate crisis, democracy and the global IQ), I can think of only one thing to say: it has been an honor and a pleasure knowing all of you.

Freak out…

I mean, Peace Out.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught For The Day.

You're welcome.

What has you fraught for the day?

Just So We’re Clear…

Paying Attention™

June 22, 2022

“You know what I like about Trump? Everybody was afraid of him, including me.”
                        Lily-Livered Lindsey Graham, June 17, 2022

Too many Americans do not really care about the former disgraced president who was impeached twice (once for aiding and abetting Russia by blackmailing Ukraine and once for plotting to overthrow the government of, by and for the people who overwhelmingly voted to throw him out – as if he ever really wanted or performed the job in the first place) inciting and plotting a coup.

Instead of Paying Attention™ to the two most critical issues at hand – the unrelenting climate crisis and the stealing of democracy – too many Americans are focused on high prices of gas and groceries, and generally not having enough money to survive. These of course are worthy concerns, but rather than taking the time to understand who is to blame – greedy corporate “people” and power-mad Ratpublicans who would sooner see us all suffer or die than cede control – many Americans blame Joe Biden.

“The neoconservative is willing to leave those problems [economically destructive, unwarranted tax cuts for the wealthy] to be coped with by liberal interregnums. He wants to shape the future and will leave it to his opponents to tidy up afterwards”
                Irving Kristol, considered the “godfather of neoconservatism”

They will continue to vote for Ratpublicans who, when they are not plotting to end democracy by taking over the government in perpetuity, by hook and/or by crook, spend their spare time peddling fear and hate. Even though Ratpublicans do nothing for the majority of Americans, and in fact focus all their energies on taking from the poor and middle class and giving to the rich.  And protecting guns. And stopping people who don’t vote for them (mostly people of color) from voting. And forcing rape and incest victims and other women to give birth whether they want to or not. And ruining life on Earth. But it’s easier to blame Biden.

So, how exactly is that working out so far?

Ron vs. Don

The battle in the Ratpublican Party is now down to two of the most cynical sad-sacks imaginable. Two soulless autocrats who have no interest in democracy, America or you. Whichever one prevails, if given the opportunity to lead more than his party, he will take this country wherever it lets him. And it will assuredly not be to a shining city on a hill.

DuhSantis & Duh Führer in happier times (for them, not for us)

These two nincompoops, once two pea-brains in a poisoned pod, have now positioned their oversized, unjustifiable egos* to be at loggerheads. Each continues to “believe” and promulgate the Big Coup Lie. They would rather ban books than guns. Enemies of empathy, democracy, America and reality. But now, like a morally-bankrupt Mothra versus a grift-obsessed Godzilla, they are mortal enemies determined to defeat each other and, ultimately, us.

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*Though to be fair, many have conceded that Turmp is probably the greatest grifter in American history…and that’s saying something.

I. Mangrey convulsing.

 

 

Schmuck Of The Day

Springtime For Palladino

June 20, 2022

It is considered by most to be not just hyperbolic, but ugly to frivolously compare an adversary to Hitler. There are very few behaviors that warrant such a singular comparison. So, is it better or worse when someone uses The Hotsy-Totsy Nazi as a role model? And what if that person (having already gotten crushed by Andrew Cuomo – 63% to 33% – in the 2010 gubernatorial election) is now running for national office?

“I was thinking the other day about somebody had mentioned on the radio Adolf Hitler and how he aroused the crowds. And he would get up there screaming these epithets and these people were just — they were hypnotized by him. That's, I guess, I guess that's the kind of leader we need today. We need somebody inspirational. We need somebody that is a doer, has been there and done it.”
  Current Ratpublican candidate for Congress, Carl Paladino, February 13, 2021

Done what exactly, Carl? Killed six million Jews? Is that the kind of inspiration you’re looking for Carl? Couldn’t think of another powerful, influential orator? Ever hear of a guy called Abraham Lincoln? Martin Luther King?

Carl Paladino – at least he’s consistent

Should people be concerned that Elise Stefanik (R-Hell), the third most powerful Ratpublican in the House has endorsed this Hitler fanboy? Or should we brush Stefanik off due to her consistent full-throated election denial? Or should we just be scared shitless at where the Ratpublican party now resides and wants us all to move in with them…whether or not we want to?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Feh.

Broken News

Gimme Some Truth

June 19, 2022

“Almost two years after that fateful day … Donald Trump and his allies and supporters are a clear and present danger to American democracy.”
     J Michael Luttig, leading conservative thinker who worked in the Reagan  administration, appointed to federal bench by President George H. W. Bush, testifying before the January 6 committee

On his barely-functioning, soon-to-be-defunct Fake Twitter, which he calls “Truth Social” (no two words could be less applicable to Turmp) disgraced, twice-impeached, treasonous, ex-one-term-president and failed blogger Don Turmp weighed in (for a change) on what he sees as the warrantless persecution that has resulted from his terrific, outstanding, very-large-crowds presidency that made America so great again.

Turmp’s fake “Twitter” – he stole the format, just like he stole

his stupid catch-phrase, “Make America Great Again”

At least I still have my fake real Twitter account

Hey Don, I know how you can get equal time. Go and sit before the House Select Committee on Jan 6. Talk your fucking head off. I imagine they would give you all the time you want. You can talk until we’re blue in the ears. Under oath. Prime time. great ratings. Maybe an Emmy. How’s that sound?

Oh yeah, and then he went and did this...

And we are only half way through the parade of Ratpublican witnesses who did not have the guts to say anything when it really mattered.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Juneteenth festivities.

Schmuck Of The Day (Belated)

He Who Boofs Last, Boofs Best*

June 18, 2022

On the dog-doo-encrusted heels of the newly leaked draft opinion exposing the scofflaw Extreme Court’s intention to nullify the settled law of Roe v. Wade, there were a slew of articles implying that Susan Collins was "played" by Brett "Boofing Is All About Family Values" Kavanaugh when she interviewed him to help overturn Roe v. Wade as a Supreme Court Clown/Justice. Collins was not played. She was playing along. How could Collins have suspected a beer-obsessed, credibly-accused sexual assaulter like Kavanaugh of lying to her face? Fuck Susan Collins and anyone who even entertains the idea that a woman should be in control of her own body, and voted for her.

Collins willfully aided and abetted the construction of the super-stupid majority in the Court, voting to confirm nominees to the highest court who she knew full well were chosen by the Federalist Society for their obsession with killing Roe v. Wade, along with countless women who will be forced to die in order to save their unborn. And for their insistence that women (or girls) who were raped, even by family members, to carry those pregnancies to term as life-long reminders of the most horrific moments of their lives until the day they die.

I am not saying the following to be rude or mean, just accurate. Susan Collins is one dumb fuck. With bad intentions.

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* This is probably not true.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.

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Fraught For The Day

Ratpublicans Relentlessly Fighting For Duminence

June 17, 2022

Gun fetishist and cutting-edge kook Rep. Margarine Taylor Greene (R-Qanon) is very worried. Not nearly as worried as she is stupid or insane, but very. Marje is convinced that “Probably, in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore.” Well, maybe that’s what you get for forcing women to have babies whether they like it or not. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she did not do the math on her demented prediction, preferring instead to pull the numbers out of her ass (where she probably thinks babies emerge) while managing to leave her head there to continue figuring stuff out in her own special way. 

Greene (right) and soulless mate Lauren Boebert

Making the case for mandatory abortions and cancelling straight people 

It might not seem obvious to someone obsessed with Jewish Space Lasers (still haven’t gotten mine; must be a supply chain issue; either that or their perpetual non-existence), facing extraordinary rendition to a department-store-black-site under Marshall Law, or being dragged away from the dinner table by the Gazpacho Police, or scariest of all, being mistaken for a fuzzy fruit and forced to be an involuntary test subject in a lab full of Peach Tree Dishes, but most people who are not strictly or not at all heterosexual, were born of heterosexual parents. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Although, it must be said that more and more humans (as if we needed any more) are conceived in Peach Tree Dishes, despite God’s clear intention that they not be permitted to procreate. 

Most people who are not Margarine Taylor Greene either know that many heterosexuals give birth to children who identify as LGBTQ+ and simply do not give a shit. If straight people going extinct means no more Margie Taylor Greenes then it really is something to consider. Until then, she really needs to be placed in a witless protection “safe” house, with padded walls and no doors – to protect her from being mass shot, of course. 

For better or worse, we’re going to have to keep a few determined heteros around strictly for breeding purposes, even if we have to enact Marshall Law and send out the Gazpacho Police to keep these breeders, or at least their sperm and eggs sequestered in Peach Tree Dishes. 

I predict Greene will lose her next primary to an AR-15 

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught For The Day.

You're welcome.

What has you fraught for the day?

BONUS TRACK:

Procol Harum - Simple Sister

More On Guns

Life Imitates Death

June 16, 2022

“I come from a hunting state. Nobody needs an AK-47 to shoot a deer and it’s time we stop pretending that’s a sign of masculinity. It’s a sign of mental disturbance.”
                        Former Gov. Howard Dean (D-VT), June 8, 2022

So the Senate finally deigned to make the most minor concessions, lest they tread on the sacred last 14 words of the Second Amendment, by tentatively agreeing to itty bitty changes to gun regulations. And for once these changes are actually meant to impose some restrictions rather than removing them. We’ll see how long that lasts. Assuming they actually pass something.

Key & Peele – Going Back in Time to Stop the Second Amendment

Full disclosure, I am no fan of firearms but I am familiar with the Second Amendment. All of it. Not just that last bit that so many people obsess over. I don't claim to even understand the allure of guns, but if you need an AR-15 to take out "prairie dogs and other types varmints" (which was the stunningly pitiful excuse offered up by extra-large varmint Sen. John Thune (R-SD*) for why people need military-style assault weapons) you should not be allowed to have any guns. Native Americans (remember them?) used to bring down bison (remember them?) with fucking bows and arrows. Many people are saying that bison are larger than prairie dogs.

Vicious, killer Prairie Dog (left), mangey, sniveling dog Thune (center), bullshit (right)

We outlawed advertising tobacco products to children, but we still allow marketing assault weapons to children. It is scientifically proven that the brains of young people are not fully developed in many important ways. Unfortunately, it also seems to be the case that the brains of far too many adults are either similarly undeveloped or are simply lacking certain abilities like processing reality or possessing empathy.

Politics Girl

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*South Dakota? Sudden Death? Shit-eating Dog?
** I may have mixed up the last two

 

I. Mangrey reporting. Bang.